My 1 year old has started biting me (mom) when I hold her and only me for the past month or so. When it started, I did the recommended "No biting, it hurts Mommy" and then put her down --- consistently. She did the expected thing of crying (I didn't give in) and eventually to just putting her head on the floor in a half-fake cry. But now, she bites me, looks at me with a smile and when I put her down, she acts like it's no big deal.
So, yesterday, I decided to stop paying her any attention at all when she did it. I have 8 good bruises on my bicept now and each time it was all I could do to bite my own tongue & hold my breath so I didn't have any expression at all when she did it.
Today, she hasn't bitten me at all -- in fact, she was going to and decided to 'kiss' my arm instead.
My question is, if by doing this, although effective for now (she's not biting me anymore) will it send the message that biting is OK. She will enter daycare soon and I dread having to be told that she bit someone's child.
Has anyone tried this method of ignoring it and did you see any positive outcome down the road?
Thanks!
------ THIRD UPDATE BELOW: ----------
This was only a short-lived phase fortunately. I remained consistent and it stopped being 'fun'. I did begin to ask her if her teeth hurt. She answered yes and I told her she should try to bite her shirt sleeve or a towel or something besides me next time.
I encouraged her and cheered a hurray when she started biting her sleeve. My bruises healed and the biting stopped - this phase was only about 2 months in total.
-------- SECOND UPDATE BELOW:-----------
Ok, I modified my approach as I said in the update below. "No biting mommy. It hurts.", put her down and leave the room. It didn't phase her. She continued on playing like it was no big deal.
I know she knows it's wrong because when she starts to put her mouth on my arm, I say, Don't bite. And SOMETIMES, she'll back off....but then she'll try it again while I'm putting her down. When she backs off and doesn't bite, I tell her "Thank you. Good girl. I love you" and then I kiss her. But this isn't very often that she backs off and leaves it at that.
Should I just continue this method and hope she'll grow out of it?
-------- FIRST UPDATE BELOW:-----------
Thanks to everyone for responding. Using a biting back method is not something that I'm comfortable doing. It is the same reason why I would never hit her back if she started hitting me.
As an update, she bit me again a few days later, although this time it was in anger (I wouldn't give her something off limits that she wanted to play with). I'm finding out that ignoring her biting is not working.
So, I am going to try to go back to the original method of telling her "No biting. It hurts Mommy", putting her down immediately but this time around I will walk away/leave the room.
In retrospect, I think just putting her down wasn't such a bad thing to her since she doesn't really like to be held anyway -- she's too squirmy and eager to be mobile.
But, she doesn't like it when I leave the room. I'm hoping that this little adjustment to the method will be effective.
I'll send an update either way.
Went thru this myself. What finally changed things?
Well she went to bite her brother and I caught her right
when she was going at him. I was so furious I just
grabbed her and immediately sat her on the couch. She
must have been my face and just my actions. I moved
quickly and sternly. I think I shocked her. Never did
b ite again. All the other times I tried the no bite way.
Did nothing. Shock value worked! Good luck.
Sometimes people say, "They don't know that it hurts." I found a super effective way to help them understand that it did hurt was to calmly simply bite back. Not in anger or retaliation. Simply, "That is what you are doing." It never took more than twice. Yes, it was very hard to do for my first child. But then it was over and none of my kids became the 'bite each child at a bday party 2 year old nightmare'. Hope this doesn't scandalize anyone!
My daughter bit me once-only once...I looked in her eyes and said firmly that hurts! Then I purposely would not let her come near me for a couple of minutes. I turned my back to her, moved her away and kept saying that hurts! She was around 1 at the time. After a couple of minutes, I looked her in the eyes and said no hurting mommy. Gave her a hug and so far, she hasn't done it since (she's 16 months now)
My son went through a biting phase also. I did they same thing as you, and it worked to some extent. I also managed to be quick a couple of times and when I saw it coming, I shoved his own hand in his mouth. One time he bit his hand really hard, and I just said, "see, biting HURTS!". This did seem to have an effect on him. Now that he is almost 2 he doesn't bite anymore, but does pull his sisters hair, HARD... I have been using a time out for this for a while and it seems to be working somewhat. Also, give her lots of praise when she uses gentle touches/kisses etc. Hope this helps!
Hi G.,
Personally, I do not agree with ignoring a child's behavior - no matter what it might be. They cannot learn consequences for their actions that way. Ignoring any behavior cannot bring about positive results because they cannot learn from it.
22 years ago, I experienced the same biting behavior from my son. I would scold him, reprimand him, take away toys -nothing discouraged him. One day, he bit his sister, so I picked up his arm and bit him - not hard, but enough to let him know it hurts. I said, "Now you know how it feels." He never bit anyone again after that because the realization of what he was doing came from a source that loved him.
Mark graduated college, married, is a LT in the army, and is good friends with his parents. It's all about parenting skills.
W.
The old tried and true method is to bite her back. I know this sounds very cruel, BUT she is young and doesnt understand that it hurts. She might see you and her daddy kissing and be confused as to what you are doing. Anyway if you bite her back just hard enough to be uncomfortable without hurting she will get the message that it isnt pleasant and she shouldnt do it. The same goes for hitting.Babies really dont understand that it hurts and they think its fun when they get a reaction. I play shot for shot with a hitter and they usually only want to play once. I dont get mad, but rather get all excited that we are going to play a game. then I hit them a tiny bit harder than they hit me, until they want to stop.
I would tell her that it is wrong and than bite her back! But obviously not too hard!
When she kisses you instead of biting, praise her for the positive behavior. Make a big deal about it...clap and show excitement.
Now, with my four kids, I bit them back. That usually stopped the behavior once they felt what they were doing to me.
I tried ignoring it and it kept on and kept on. Thankfully, it was a phase and he soon got past it...but that took MONTHS. (sorry) What worked best for us, is when we got bit, we put him down, and cried (fake, although no too hard to do because it really did hurt!)and our son realized that biting really hurts and can see a reaction of the pain. It only took a week or two for it to completely stop. Good luck.... it really is a phase. Another thing could be that she is teething...try giving her something to occupy her teeth- cold wet washcloth, or teething ring to chew on...
Ignoring her isn't working, especially if she is biting you for a reaction and not getting it, she'll keep trying til she gets one. Calmly saying, "No bite, it hurts mommy" isn't likely to have an effect. In this situation, if it was my 1 year old, when she bites I'd immediately pick her up WITHOUT making eye contact and without saying anything, take her to the "time out" chair, face her to the wall so she can't see you and leave her there for one minute - or if you have a pack and play where you could deposit her for the one minute, in another room where she cant' see you for that minute, I'd go that route. It's an immediate consequence without any emotional stuff and without your attention.
