10-Year Old Boy "Stealing" Sweats from the Kitchen After Refusing to Eat Dinner

I am of the old addage, they will eat eventually. Seriously...I know as mom's we don't like to see our kids go hungry, but sometimes they need that. I have to do this every now and again with my six year old. I wouldn't say he's a picky eater so much as he's just stubborn at times, and pokey, and likes to make a stink about things. I set a a timer at dinner 30 min., and if he's not done, not only does he not get dessert, he can go to morning without anything else (we do a light bed time snack in our house). He also can only have water if he does this. He gets mad, but oh well. That's the deal in our house, becaus ewhen he gets in his "moods" as I like to call them, I justt refuse to coerce, argue, etc. about it. I just say "you know the deal" The other thing I do is serve the kids itty bitty portions, about half to a quarter of a normal portion, figuring they can always eat more if they are still hungry. It seems like when I do this it is less overwhelming, and then they end up eating more with less complaining this way. This also avoids the clean plate club syndrome, because I do not beleive in that either. You eat until you are full. We also make them eat their veggies if they want dessert too. My sic year old would have to eat six small broccoli tops and my two year old two. I know your son may be old for the eating as many as he is old, but he's also old enough for you to explain the importance of fiber in his doet too, and how it keeps his heart and digestive system working well, and candy does not, etc. The other thing I just thought of was this, now keep in mind my mother is an old school Italian lady here. When the three of us got to be around your sons age growing up, we did stuff like that too. Sneak to get the treats, etc. So my Mom started putting them in tins labled Dog Biscuits (if you have a dog this could work great). that way we would leave him, and it gave her control over how many cookies etc, we could have. She also would hide them in weird places that kids just don't think to look, like the veggie crisper LOL. Hope this helps

We have three kids.... 6,3,2. We have started only feeding them what we have for dinner. If they choose not to eat it - they get nothing else until breakfast. We've done this now for about 6 months (after being so frustrated with them sitting down at the dinner table & saying they didn't like anything). We are amazed at what they eat now. They realized we were not caving into late night snacks after they refused to eat their dinner. There were a few nights they went to bed hungry... oh well. This has helped their willingness to try new things & actually discover they do like things.

I agree with the other posters - you either have to get rid of it for awhile (which would not be a bad thing for everyone's eating habits) or lock it up securely. If he can continue getting away with his behavior - it sounds like he will. At 10 - I imagine kids can get quite creative. He will set the pace for your younger ones too - so it's good to get his eating under control - both at the dinner table & the snacking.

He will eventually eat something. Kids do not starve themselves. If all he has to choose from is healthy foods (or reasonably healthy) - he'll eat it.

Stay strong mama! :>)

My 16 year old has always been a picky eater and I never catered to him, or forced him to eat anything. He's eventually become better at eating a more balanced meal, but I didn't have the problem with sweets that you're having.

Honestly? Who will be missing the candy, cookies and pop tarts if they aren't there? He's your oldest and I doubt the 3 or 1/2 year old will miss them, so the people who will, must be you and your husband. If you must have that in your house, then keep them in your bedroom, don't let him know they're there, and only eat them when he isn't around. Or maybe just buy something - or make it - one item at a time so there isn't a storehouse of the items he can go to.

I buy very few sweets because as a single mom, I just don't have the money to indulge. I buy one package of cookies, one box of pop tarts, and one ice cream product every week. When it's gone, it's gone. I only shop on the weekend and the kids know this. Not that they make it last, but they know if they eat an entire package of cookies on Sunday, there won't be anymore until next week.

Hi T.. I think you should talk to him, his school counselor, your pediatrician/doctor, and possibly a psychologist and/or nutritionist. This sounds like an eating disorder known as binging. Especially since he is "hiding" his efforts to get the sweets. If he is eating an entire bag of kit kat mini's..that is a red flag.
I have a very similar problem and I'm a grown adult. But I know it started in my preteen years. My mom hid the food, counted it, etc. I always found it. I always denied I ate it. Once I got a job, I could buy it all myself. Still to this day I will buy a secret box of donuts and eat them all in one day. It is awful. I feel terrible. I'm becoming overweight and its killed my self esteem.
I really hope you address this early and do not dismiss it as childish behavior or something he will grow out of. I hope for you, he will grow out of it. But please don't dismiss this. Best of luck to you and your son.

Have you thought about teaching him to make smoothies? Whole Foods carries great nutritional value, protein, fiber, vitamins, etc... and he can experient with different fruits for sweetness. Could use honey also for extra sweetness if needed. These shakes can be very filling, nutritious and cure his sweet tooth while you are still encouraging a "real meal".

Not sure where you are located, but paleomeal is a great shake powder available at Dr. Majors/Planet Chiropractic at 135th & Weber Road. The promote a very natural diet and have harsh criteria for products they carry.

I would say you have to move the treats - all of them - to somewhere he can't get to them. I moved all mine to a childproof cabinet that I have to stand on a chair to get, because I had the same problem with my 3 and 5 year olds, but that wouldn't work with a 10 year old. Maybe put them in a file cabinet with a lock that only you and your husband have the key to? Sounds a little extreme, but my guess is that if he isn't able to get his hands on a full bag of candy bars, he will eventually be hungry enough to eat his dinner.

Hi T.-
I also have a almost 10 yr old that is a midnight snacker. Our problem is that he gets up literally at midnight and goes down when the rest of the house is asleep, so aside from booby-trapping the stairs we are oblivious to his stealth like snack attack. His weight has become an issue because of it, he is NOT a picky eater, so he eats full meals and snacks too, so we definitely had to put a stop to it. One thing that none of the other mamas posted was....how about punishment for it??!?!?! Putting him on restriction from video games, tv...whatever is important to him if he eats sweets and not his dinner. It will take a bit of effort on your part, as you will have to "count" every pop-tart or bag of kit kat minatures :) etc every night to determine what he has eaten. With my son it is usually pretty obvious because in the morning there is a pop tart foil wrapper in the garbage can, or under his bed or (I guess if he is really tired) right out on the kitchen counter. I don't know how easy it would be to catch your son....he is very clever :) and may figure out very quickly to hide the evidence under other garbage or something. But that would be my suggestion, as other moms have said he will eventually give into that rumble in his tummy if the only thing he has to eat is dinner and he has no TV,or video game until he does. I believe in teaching them good nutrition, but also that there are consequences for making bad choices. If you have told him not to eat the sweets and he still does, then he deserves to be "punished" for it. One last thing, I have a picky daughter and it does get frustrating making separate meals, but I do want her to eat too. So if he likes pizza, buy a bunch of inexpensive frozen pizza's and make one of those for him, or if he eats frozen chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, pb and j whatever it is for him, then make it :) If he is full then he will be less tempted to need the other. I know you said he is really picky, but there is something he will eat, right?!??! I know there are soooo many that disagree with this theory, but if you really need him to eat then make him what he wants, maybe he will eventually outgrow some of it. It is better for him to get to eat something different than the rest of the family, then to only eat sweets. Best of luck to you!!

Barb A. had a lot of good points. I also wonder about a couple medical possiblities. I suggest you take him to the doctor for a good blood work-up. Could he be borderline diabetic? Is there addiction in the family history? Part of the biological aspect of addiction sometimes includes a sugar craving. It would be good to address the genetic tendency with him if that is the case, and to keep yourself alert to that as well. I have a friend who's daughter was craving and sneaking treats alot at this age. A big part of it was not getting enough one on one attention from parents as there were five kids in the family. She worked on this and got her daughter into counseling, which helped.

You didn't say what his health is. Sometimes when we don't eat right sugar and things are a quick fix to make us feel better. I agree with the moms that perhaps these treats aren't available to him, hide or lock up what you and your husband need and perhaps replace those with boxes of cereal or little fruit things or something a little nutritious and don't make a big deal out of it. In fact if he is doing this on purpose for some reason I doubt that he will confront you with the information that he can't find all the sweet stuff. For some, that age the bodies are starting their changing and those developing hormones are crying for stabilization. It felt good to sit and eat sweet stuff, but then it wasn't good for the body, You know also nowadays, with a little creativity you could make something like a pizza with vegetables all over. Satisfies the whole family and is easy. Bisquick has some recipes that are good like that. It sounds like your hands are full with the little ones, too, so being creative might not be feasible, but like that other mother said, they eventually work out their eating situations. If he really has to eat the sweet stuff, put him to work first so he can have it. That usually stops that right away in our house! Seems like they didn't need it that bad after all. I know how hard this is and there are so many more challenges ahead. Good luck with your beautiful family.

Okay my personal opinion....you aren't punishing your family is you don't buy sweets. The rest of the family doesn't need them either. A sweet like chocolate should be a treat and that should be once in awhile not daily....because then it isn't a treat it is a part of your diet.

If your family is eating pop tarts, small chocolates, cookies, chips and such daily...then they aren't treats at all.

So that said, and it is my opinion, I wouldn't buy that junk. That way if he didn't eat what you cooked, then he wouldn't eat. Eventually he will get hungry and eat what you cook. And you have to set the example. If he's sneaking the treats and won't eat anything else then he has a problem and maybe needs some counseling now before it becomes a serious health problem. Don't buy the junk......if the rest of the family needs a treat once in awhile, then make it a tradition to stop at the store on Friday night and have a pizza night with rootbeer floats afterwards. Pick a snack for that one night a week. Only buy it on Friday nights or whatever day you choose and then throw out the leftovers.

For my girls, they can have soda if we go out to eat. They can share a chocolate candy if they are good in the store (so that's once a month when they are with me). They get some chocolate in their stocking at Christmas time and Easter. They have to ration it and make it last. If they sneak it, it goes in the trash. They have chips if we go to a party. At home we eat healthy foods exept once a week we will have a pizza party (eat frozen pizza) and watch a kids movie together.

I would seriously consider some counseling to figure out why he goes to such extremes though.

First of all, it sound like some major diet changes are needed in your entire household. How many sweets can one family need? You shouldn't have more than you could easily grab to put away where he can't get them. Lock them in the car if you have to! It takes about 20 tries to see if a child actually likes something, so just keep trying on the good things. There are many ways to "sweeten" veggies and other food with cheese or spices that are good for you. A great cookbook is 'Deceptively Delicious'...teaches you how to sneak veggies into foods that he already eats. At 10 years old though he should be listening- this is more of a dicipline problem than anything. Also, if he doesn't have a weight problem already, it's probably quickly on the way...which affects him for his entire life. Good luck

I would get rid of all the sweets in your house. I have done this before. I even threw them out IN FRONT of my kids. I was beyond frustrated and it seemed to work. Now they ask before getting a snack or drink.

It would be a 'waste' of money BUT you will hopefully fix the problem.

And the next time you shop... make better choices with what you buy.

Good Luck!

Stop buying the sweets! Sweets are unnecessary for any child. Buy fruit, yogurt, graham crackers, rice cakes, etc, instead. No child "needs" candy, soda, cookies, or sweet treats. You wouldn't be depriving the other children, you'll be teaching them healthier eating habits for a lifetime. Right now, all you're teaching them is how to become obese when they're older.

If your son stops with the snack attacks, you can reward him with teaching him to make a special treat for him and his siblings. Have him bake it. Perhaps a cake or brownies or something. Maybe on the weekends. It's a lot more work, even if you use a mix, so it's less likely to be something he could quietly manage on his own, and it will also be teaching him valuable cooking lessons, which he will eventually need. Maybe all the praise he gets for making a fabulous desert will encourage him to follow the rules during the week so he can do it again next weekend.

I started my ten year old son out making bread in the bread machine (he loves bread), and progressed to cookies, brownies, cakes, meatloaf, lasagna, spaghetti, and teriyaki chicken. The first time he makes it, I talk him through everything, but the second time he makes it, I just observe and only step in if needed. (If an oven is involved, I supervise. He knows he is not to turn on an oven unless I am in the room, period.) He is now making full (simple) meals, with little more than me answering a question or two. He's still ten years old, and he LOVES cooking. (Mom is enjoying this too!)

PS Cooking the meals may give him an appreciation for the person who cooks his dinner, and help him understand why his refusal to eat it can hurt your feelings.