Hi everyone-
I think we've created a monster! ;) We waited so long for our baby that we always hold him during his naps, but he was good at sleeping at night in his crib until a few months ago, when he got sick and we let him sleep in bed with us. Now he'll initially go to sleep in his crib at around 7pm, probably because he's really tired, but when he wakes up at around 11pm, he'll fall asleep in my husband's or my lap, and then as soon as we try to put him in the crib and his little behind touches the mattress, he wakes up and starts crying. As soon as we pick him back up, he falls back asleep. This goes on for like 3 or more times until either he stays asleep in his crib or we're so tired we just take him into our bed. We've tried letting him cry a little, but he won't stop until we come get him. Obviously he's in total control here (!), so do you have any advice on what we should do to get him to sleep by himself? Thanks a lot!
Go here http://www.babywhisperer.com/smf/ and to the 'Night Wakings' board. They have great advice and can get him sleeping again. HTH. :)
Personally, I think the "cry it out" method and Ferber are downright mean. If it were an adult crying alone and unable to get up, wouldn't you go right away to comfort her/him? Babies need contact. There is actually evidence that being left alone is very stressful for them, similar to being exposed to physical pain.
For me, holding a sleeping baby in my lap is one of the great joys in life. I'm glad you allowed yourself these moments with your baby. Soon enough your baby will be a toddler and you will be looking back at that time, wondering where that sweet little baby went.
My first daughter went through a period when it took a long time to get her to sleep, and she would waken easily if we got up or moved her. It was terribly frustrating, but fortunately she grew out of it, and I suspect that this is very normal. It probably has to do with neurological development and the brain's ability to change wave patterns or something like that.
When she was born, I had never thought I would be a co-sleeper, but it just worked better for her to sleep in our bed. Eventually we set up a crib sidecar by the bed, then we got a bigger bed. Now she is 3 and has her own bed, but when we had a new baby she didn't want to sleep alone when we were all together, so she usually sleeps in the crib, while the baby sleeps between me and her dad. (If you want to check out articles on co-sleeping safety etc there are some links here:
http://naturalchild.org/articles/sleeping.html )
I understand co-sleeping doesn't work for every family. I'm not saying there's only one way. I encourage everyone to follow their instincts, and be very wary of advice that doesn't feel right to you. Just please, please, don't leave your baby crying alone. It doesn't teach the baby that you are in control, it teaches the baby that you don't care about him, which is obviously not true at all.
My advice is to let him cry it out. I know it is hard, but believe me, you will be much happier in the long run. He does have the control now and if you continue to go to him every time he cries, it will just get worse. Our youngest had sleep issues too and we had to let her cry it out too. She is now 8 and are soo glad she is able to go to bed on her own and stay in her own bed. It takes two parents being on the same page and sticking to it! Good luck!
Hi M. -
Here's my only advice and it may not be what you are looking for. With my son (who is now 7) I worried and stressed over how he would ever get in his own bed. He was like a magnet to us! Everyone (grandparents, etc.) had advice to give, and we tried everything (not cry it out - couldn't bear that). He eventually started sleeping alone when he was 2, and he's an independent, loving kid who says "good night" and goes to bed happily. Looking back, I wished I hadn't wasted so much energy on finding a solution - and rather just enjoyed those short, fleeting, precious moments with him snuggled in our arms. You won't believe how fast it goes!
Good luck with everything!
This may not be the thing to do, but it has worked for us when we have had times like those. We let my son cry it out several times. The first time he cried for nearly an hour, the next 40 minutes, etc... It just decreased until now he doesn't cry, he just goes to sleep. If he does cry, it is usually only for 2 or 3 minutes and he is out. He has slept in his crib (except when he is sick or scared) since he was 2 weeks old and has slept through the night since then. It is REALLY hard to let them cry it out, but if you have had enough... BTW, my doctor is the one who told us to try this, and I am thankful we did. Good luck.
First of all... How badly do you want your child back in a crib? I started out with our oldest daughter in a crib, but eventually we found that she slept better with us, we all got more sleep, and with our second we started out with her in our bed. Also, there are many ways to co-sleep, it doesn't have to be all or nothing (side car crib for sleeping, co-sleep part of the night, get a big bed for him with a rail and leave once he's sound asleep or when you wake up to go to the bathroom... be creative). Use what works for your family. Every family and every child are different. If independent sleep is very important, the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly (SP?) is very good. Also, one thing that has helped with both of our children is warming up the bed before we put them down. I know it will work out for your family one way or another.
I don't have any good advice but we are in the same boat with out 6 month old. She was sick also and now hates her crib. Just wanted to let you know your not alone! If you hear any good advice pass it on! C.
Hi M.,
I feel for you, I was in the same situation with my son. My advice to you is that no matter what method you and your husband decide to use, agree on it, stick to it and don't waver. Consistency is important. So think about it and remember that in the end you're giving your baby the gift of a good night's sleep, and that is one of the most important things in a baby's little life.
That said, after getting completely fed up with short naptimes, waking 4-5 times per night and having a generally grumpy baby we made the decision to sleep train him. We agreed that a few bouts of crying were worth a good night's sleep to all involved.
Here's what I did: When I was sure he was tired and needed to sleep, I gave him his pacifier and comforted him then put him in the crib. I let him cry for 10 min, then picked him up and comforted him until he stopped crying, then I put him down again. I did this, adding 2 min to the time, until he eventually fell asleep on his own. I didn't have much faith it would work, but needed to do something. He cried for 4 cycles the first time and it got subsequently less each time thereafter.
I am now happy to report that after 3 days of a bit of crying, we've had 3 happy months of long naps, waking 1-2 times per night (to feed) and a much happier baby (and mom and dad) because of it. I have been very impressed with how well it worked. It's not fun hearing your baby cry, but think about the end goal when you get the urge to rescue her.
Good luck to you!
what i did to get my son to sleep in his own bed(which wasnt until he was weaned at 20 months!) was to create a bed time routine. we say good nite to everyonelse, go brush our teeth crawl in bed(a fave toy helped) read a bedtime story kiss and lights out. it helped tremendously to give him my old pillow too, i think because it smelled like mommy so he felt i was in bed with him! at 10 months it may be safe to give him a blankie that you have slept with for a couple of nites(put it right against your skin if possible). i sure wish it had not taken me so long to find this solution and i hope it helps you!
The book that helped us is Solve your child's sleep problems by Richard Ferber.
Good Luck!
S. G
