10 Month Old Biting at Daycare

I would take this time to find a new child care situation. you are absolutely right it is normal and they should be watching him. If you need childcare for an infant I have a friend so contact me for the info

Does he take a binki? He emotionally needs something to take things out on. I also loved the suggestion of a toy to bite.

best teething toy EVER:

Toddler toothbrush.

Seriously, bristles + hard +squishy (they all have that "comfortable ergonomic handle" now) means any kid physically competent enough to not fall on it while it's in their mouth now has a chose-your-own-relief tool

(I handed my baby a couple of the kids' too-old toothbrushes. WHen he was teething he carried them constantly)

So dunno if that would help, but if the daycare would let him and he won't fall on it, that might give him something else.

I wonder if he likes to hear the babies scream? not a negative thing--but just a "hey, I have an impact on a living thing, check it out!" thing. Our second used to kick our first in the head if she was laying down, just to hear her reaction, when he was very very little. : P.

Hi, K.,

I always feel I should add the caveat that I don't have kids, BUT I learned in a child psychology class in college that sometimes biting occurs b/c children your son's age are confused with "kissing"... And they don't know what they are doing.

I don't know a lot about ten month olds but thought that maybe telling you what I did know might help you figure something out.

Take care,
S

Hi there. It looks like you have a lot of great advice already, and I don't know that I can give you anything different, but wanted to give you my support. As a mother and long-time childcare provider to toddlers, I am all too familiar with this issue. It is such a tricky one, because it is developmentally typical, yet causes pain to others. At 10 months old, you are kind of at a loss. He is too young to understand that other people have feelings... he is still learning that HE has feelings! Toddlerhood is about comprehending autonomy; they are just barely beginning to understand about interpersonal relationships and positive social behavior... and your son is not even a toddler yet! I currently have a daycare in my home and once had a Mother who told me frankly during her initial tour of my home that her son had issues with biting. I agreed to care for him anyway, and have worked with her towards a solution. Not every childcare provider has this policy, but many do. If I were to disenroll a child every time a behavior issue arose, I would be standing alone in the classroom! I think it's part of their learning. Okay, I'll hop off my soapbox, now. :) I do not have a very comprehensive listing of my discipline policy online, (I have it in a brochure form,) but you can view my website for an example of another philosophy. www.myfathersgardenpreschool.com I would suggest reading the philosophies of other daycare situations and look for one who would be willing to work with you, rather than cut off the help right when you need it the most. Blessings to you and yours! :)

Hi - my little guy was doing that but was older. I went and bought a book called "Teeth are not for biting" and started reading it to him right away. He was old enough to understand what it was saying and wanted to read it every time we read books at bedtime. I would get the book even though your little guy is a bit younger and start reading it. It cant hurt anything! I would also talk to the daycare people and try to work something out with them. I would say it is not typical for them to just give him one chance and then kick him out. I hope this helps!

Ok, this is not a PC suggestion but perhaps if you child was bitten he would know that it hurts and not do it to other. My son was a small scale biter until one day he was bitten by another child in day care and a big nasty bruise developed but he has never bitten us or any one again.
I am not suggesting you should design for your child to be hurt but perhaps next time he bites you immediate! bite him back, nothing serious but enough so he knows its not nice.

Good luck.

I can't believe what I am reading. They supended a 10 MONTH OLD. You must be kidding me!

I can only agree, you should look for a new provider ASAP. Obviously the daycare you are using either has underqualified staff or not enough staff to deal with normal infant development. One has to wonder, if they can't deal with something like this, which really is completely normal, what else are they missing or where else are they lacking?

As for the biting - my 12 month old has just started testing out her new teeth - we simply say NO BITING and redirect her attention. I still nurse her as well and there the same - as soon as she nips me (it does not happen often), I tell her NO BITING and take her off the breast - usually she's done and just wants to play, sometimes she'll go back to nursing without biting again. It works pretty well.
The key is to not turn it into a big issue, don't withdraw attention or make him cry. A simple NO and moving on to a toy or something else should get you through this phase just fine.

I hope you can find a better provider for your son. Good luck!

I used to work at a daycare and had a child that would bite others. Not only is it teething, but kids at this age have not developed the words to express themselves. Whether they are tired, bored, frustrated, etc, they might express that emotion with biting. THis is very normal behavior.
Having said that, the daycare needs to not only look out for the biter but those that have been bitten. They have to report these incidences to both sets of parents (no names given, of course.) Parents of children that were bitten were not happy especially if this occurred more than once.
At our daycare, the director and parents sat down to try to come up with a plan. They brought in a toy from home that their child would often chew on. When she would start to bite, we would remind her to bite the toy not her friends. However, even though we had low child ratios, it is impossible to keep an eye on everyone. At one point in time, we had one care giver looking out for the biter, redirecting when necessary.
Unfortunately, we couldn't afford to continue having one care giver watch over the child that was biting others.
Our director then sat down with the parents and looked at other schools. As it turned out one of our sister schools were very successful in working with kids that expressed themselves with biting.
It sounds like your school isn't being helpful at all. They might not know how to properly handle the situation because the director is gone.
I would call around to other schools and be very up front with your situation.
I am sorry I can't give you more concrete advise. Good luck!!!

I agree they should be watching him. My daughter went through the same thing around that age. Our daycare just had to watch her a little closer and when they felt like she was getting ready to bite they would say no bite and distract her. We did the same thing at home. Everything that I read said that it was normal and not to worry. We really tried not to have any reaction other than a stern no bite and distraction. From what I read they would think is was funny if you yelped or had a loud reaction.

Hang in there, she just turned one and hasn't done it recently. I don't blame you for being angry with the daycare. This is normal and not mischevious behavior.

I have heard that this is normal also, although none of my kids did this. At 10 mos, he's is not old enough to know that he is causing pain to any one. I would think that the day care could seperate him, keep him busy, distract him, give hims something that he can teeth on.
Although it's hard to watch many kids. I gave my youngest the Baby safe feeder. You can find it at Babies R Us. You can put all kinds of yummies in it. It's great for snacks and teething issues.

D.
SAHM of 3

Have you discussed the issue of the daycares obvious lack of attention to your little boy? If they know he is likely to bit the little ones, I would think they would be extra careful to keep an eye on him. Maybe addressing their possible neglegence might 'help' them to proactively find a solution to the issue. My little one bites when she is teething too, and it is in no way malicious. If I keep her occupied, and watch her when she is most likely to be triggered, it rarely happens. Good luck!

Hi Kimderly
All the other advice is good tho it takes a lot of time and effort on everyones part to train the child. If all that does not work than remember that a 10 month does not have the slightest clue that it is hurting something or someone. All they know is that it makes them feel better and they get attention, it does not really matter if it is positive or negitive it is just attention. I attempted all the ways avalable with my doughter when she started to bite. The only thing that got threw to her was when she bit she got bit and in that she learned that it hurts so she stopped biting. Remember that a 10 month old is testing the world around them and will push all the limmits just to see what will happen. They do not have the understanding and skills to do anything but absorb the world around them and attempt to figure out how they fit and get there needs met. They have no rools untill they are tought what will work and what wont and the rewards and consiquences of there actions.
Even tho we humanoids like to think we are better than animals we are still just monkies that have a lot of high teck toys. Watch how monkies or the great garilla rases there young. No natter how much we as people want to think we are seperat from nature the fact is we are all connected and a part of and dependant on nature. So we are still just smart monkies.

Hi K.:

I'm not sure I can add much more than what everyone else has said but here it goes. My son who is now 2 1/2 was the child that was being bitten on a regular basis about six months ago. While his daycare would not tell me which child was bitting him after the third time in a week I hit the roof as they say. As I had been on the board of directors for a daycare previously I was very familiar with the development levels and ratio's and knew that this might happen but I felt that the staff was not watching closely enough. I sat down with the daycare director and lead teacher for his room and told them that this was not acceptable. They either needed to move my child to the room opposite (they have 2 rooms for his age group) or somehow watch so this did not keep happening. My daycare reassigned how the teachers in the classroom were interacting with all of the children. They made each teacher responsible for five children and making sure what was going on with them. They also moved my child to the room where the children were closer to 2 instead of 3. Both of these changes have worked very well for us and there have not been anymore biting incidents in which he is the victim or (and to my knowledge he has never done this) bitten anyone. I agree that you must really talk with the provider and find out exactly what they are doing when these incidents happen so you can determine what is going on when your son decides he is going to bite. He could just be taking out frustration. Hope this helps.

My son was on the other end of the teeth and came home numerous times with bite marks that turned into bruises. It is so hard as a mom to see your child with bruises that he got because another child is going through a phase. I felt helpless. I did discuss it with his daycare provider but I was also at the point of pulling him out of her care and sending him elsewhere. I agonized over it, cried over it, it was horrible.

I have also worked in daycare in the past. Most providers will work with children to a point but when the reality comes of losing 3 children who are being bitten to losing 1 who is biting they chose the 1 to keep the majority happy. Infant ratios in daycare are 4-1. That mean that 1 person can't keep an eye on everyone. It might be better to pull him out and put him with an in home provider where there will be only 1 or 2 other older children.

Hi K.! That is a sticky situation. I don't know what I would do. It is hard to know how bad it is when you aren't there witnessing it. But he is only 10 mo. old, and he will grow out of it. Does he have a toy he can carry around to bite/chew on? Maybe he prefers something soft...verses usual teething toys...they are kinda hard. Also...this may sound wierd, since I am a stranger, to you...but I have been looking for someone to watch, and had a little girl lined up this Fall, and then it fell through. Anyway, if the daycare suspends your son, and you are in need of a babysitter, I would love to meet with you and your son, and see if I would be a good fit. I have two little girls (2&4) and live in Vancouver. I would be cheaper than daycare as well! Message me if you are interested.

Hi K.,
My daughter is in a daycare setting as well. She never bit until she became the victim. She never bit in the infant room but once she went into the 1 year old room and was bit 5 times in one week, she then became the biter. It is not acceptable at home and I was just at witts end on what to do. I let the daycare know that I am working with her at home and wanted to know what they do at daycare so that we are all on the same page. A lot of it comes together with consistancy. When a child bits, they put the child into time out and attend to the child that got bit. They then take the child over to the child that is in time out and show them the bit and tell them that their teeth are for eating and not to be used on our friends. We did us the all natural teething tablets that you can get at Walgreens and those seemed to help. Our daughter is now 27 months and biting is not an issues. It was something that she went through for about a month and we worked with the daycare to make sure that we were on the same page. We would also reward her at night with a sticker to put on the chart is she had a "good" day. That really worked because we made a big to do about a good day. It is all in the approach and make sure that everyone is on the same page. Encourage him to use his words and when he does bit let him know that you know that is upset or frustrated-acknowledge what he is doing and why he is bitting. I hope this helps...good luck and have patience.

I was a toddler preschool teacher for many years, and I have dealt with many, many biters. And yes, you should be upset with the daycare for threatening to remove him when he is only a baby and not in control of his actions. They should be setting up a plan to help him deal with this. If it is truly teething, then orajel, some toy to bite on, ice packs, or something else is needed to ease his pain and need to teeth. Generally, there are volunteers, college students, assistants or someone else around the school (in addition to the normal teaching staff) that can watch him one on one and help him through this phase. If this daycare is not willing to help, then call around and find one that is. Just be honest about the situation - believe me, there are many schools out there that are willing and able to help. Best wishes to you and your little one.

I have to add: if you decide to go with tylenol/motrin for the pain, then ask your day care about their medication policy. They should be able to give him a dose or two during the day with a doctor's note, or you could always stop by on your lunch break to do it yourself.

I agree with you that the day-care is behaving in a way that makes me furious. It's a problem in a 10 month old baby?????

GET A GRIP. ( sorry to scream) The reason the adult- to -child ratio for infants ( which he IS) is so low - is that babies this age must be supervised and cared for and not just watched but raised. That takes 1-1 relationship and not WATCHING but BEING with- holding, playing, reading to-singing with - . Sorry, I'll get off my soap box now.

Regarding your treasure - find another spot as soon as you can- what geographic area are you, K.? I'm so sorry this misery drops on you at a bad time. Also, try finding toys he likes to chew on- and encourage the care providers to kindly, lovingly offer him those ( can you drop in unannounced and watch how they interact with him?

Let us know how we can support you

J.

Hi,
I am sorry to hear that happend at day care.. Hopefully with a firm "no bite that hurts" and maybe if he sees the other child is crying he will quit. Or maybe call your sons doctor and ask for sugestion on what to do.. I have been on the other end of the situation and I am a pretty understanding calm person. chronic biting can be serious. My child was bit at the gym daycare when she was 11 months old on the cheek and had deep teeth/puncture wounds. she is almost 3 now and we are very luck it did not scar. The parent of the biter had to sign an incident report. If the biter bit again any child he would be out of the child care for 1 month. Luckliy the day care worker told me she told him a firm no and showed the toddler the other baby was hurt and crying and he never bit again(I think he was a few months older than your child). Hang in there and hopefully this will be a one time deal like it was for us. I know the day care workers are responsible for watching the children but a bite only takes a quick second and nobody has eyes in the back of their head.. and if it keeps happening over and over again that would make me nervous if my child was in that class.
Best of luck,
lenc

As a teacher, and as a parent of a child in a daycare I think another important issue, in addition to developmental issues with your child, you have been presented with is that of COMMUNICATION. You need to take the time to go back into the handbook that you should have received from the provider and look for any information about these types of incidents. You MUST be proactive and communicate your frustration to the day care folks. Holding it in and venting it other ways is probably not good for your relationship with the people who are taking care of him while you can't.

There was a biter at my daughter's day care and he went after her incessantly. Literally, every day I would pick her up and there would be a story about how this little guy had been targeting the younger (immobile) two babies and biting them. He got my kid a couple of times on the toes or fingers. It was usually not a serious bite mark--but nonetheless it alarmed me enough that I told them they were NOT allowed to be in the same room together UNLESS my daughter was "in arms" and away from him. I had to take that step, make that communication because I did not want to blame this little guy--and I know the providers were genuinely doing their best to prevent the incidents. One time when he actually did get my girl good (no puncture thank goodness) was during a group "circle time" activity. She was sitting on the lap of one of the women and he jumped up and lurched right for her calf. Of course they pulled him off right away--but it still left a mark that then became a bruise.

His parents were livid, my provider and her staff were livid, I was livid. The discussion of suspending him did happen with the provider and his parents. Here everyone was really trying to make things work--yet this happened. The parents were at a loss, but did manage to make an agreement with the provider that if more than two incidents happened in a week--he'd take time off. It wasn't until my child started walking (thankfully only two months later) that he stopped targeting her--the last weeks leading up to it, they were always able to prevent it. There was only one younger than her, and she also started walking and was spared the biting. He did occasionally bite kids until he was about 2. He's now older and seems to have grown out of the biting phase.

I think if I would have held in my concerns and not talked to the providers about it, things would have gotten worse. I might have started to resent this child who was obviously going through a phase. I might have started to regret my daughter's placement at her day care--which would have been awful because I truly LOVE the provider and her staff. The parents of the boy even talked with me one day about how they are so sad that he was targeting my girl and that they didn't know what to do. They did actually go to their pediatrician who gave them some advice and they wanted me to know that.

It sounds like the staff are just trying to be as cautious as possible. They're not "blaming him" they are "blaming" his behavior. If they are experienced providers, they know the difference between the two. Think about their situation, they probably don't want a worst case scenario without their director there. Find out if there is a way YOU can contact the director via email while she/he is out of the country. Ask for specifics about the biting, what triggers it, who is he targeting, when is it happening, etc.

I hope this is a short phase for you. It sounds like it's a very frustrating thing for parents to go through.

My husband and I went through this with our son when he was 15 months old. One week he bit 3 times, twice in one day. The daycare he goes to has a strict biting policy, if a child continuously bites a certain amount of times in a week/day then they consider him to be under a certain amount of stress and will "suspend" him & send him home. They took steps to help the situation, remove him from the situation, console the bitten child, and then go back to the biter and talk to him about what happened and say "No biting, biting hurts" Then they will take the biter to the bitten child and have him say his "I'm sorry's" in whatever way they can communicate it. The daycare told us that week if he bit one more time he would have to go home, we were livid. It's a totally normal thing that many children go through, but daycares have a fabulous ability to make you feel like there is something wrong with your child. The daycare our son goes to has a privacy policy and in order to protect both children from any discrimination, they don't release the names of the children to anyone, even the parents of the biter/bitee.

When our son would bite us at home (for fun) we would follow the same discipline method and give him a time out alone in his room. It didn't take many time outs (like two!) for him to figure out what he shouldn't do!

As you probably know there are many reasons for biting. Unfortunately a 10 month old is a little young to really understand the cause and effect of things. I would keep him on teethers and maybe attach one to him so he always has it on hand. Time outs worked really well for us. & they were mini time outs too, the poor little guys figure things out pretty quick.

I felt really bad when I had to put my son in one of first time outs. I put him down for his nap and he wouldn't go to sleep so I layed in his bed with him to help him relax. He must have been 13-14 months. Well the poor guy was in no way going to go to sleep and started hitting me! I grabbed his little hand and firmly said "NO! Hitting hurts!" And he would laugh! My husband and I were working hard because we didn't want him to think it was okay to hit and start doing it at daycare. I got so mad this time that I told him he was in big trouble with me and if he was going to be mean and not listen to his mommy then he could just stay in his room all by himself. He looked at me blankly, and I got up and said "And Dont you even THINK about getting out of this bed! You stay right there!" and walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. Oh lord you would have thought the whole world just came down on him! He whailed for about 3 minutes later I finally heard him climb out of his bed and open the door.
I took one look at the poor child and it just about broke my heart to see him so upset. Poor guy wouldn't budge from his bedroom door. Tears & snot were just streaming down his patchy red face,. He had worked himself so hard that he was actually doing the "crying gasp cry snort",.. we all know what that one sounds like!! Poor little guy,..
I knew this was a perfect time for a lesson to be learned to I reminded myself to be strong and knelt down infront of him grabbed his little shoulders and said calm but firm "Look at me. Stop crying." The little man stood right there with his tear stained face and looked me right in the eye. "Hitting is bad, hitting hurts. When I tell you to not do something you listen. Do you understand?" He was still looking me right in the eye and then NODDED HIS HEAD! I just about had a heartattack, here I was thinking I'm wasting my breath because he doesn't get a thing I'm saying and he did! I absolutely melted! "Do you wanna tell me your sorry?" He nodded. I dropped my hands from his arms and he leaped throwing his little bitty arms around me. I melted again. "Alright now, you stay right here." He stayed. I went to the bathroom got a washcloth, I could still hear him trying to calm himself down.
Came back and he stuck his little face out for me and let me clean him up. "Now I want to to go get into your bed and lay down like a good boy and take your nap, can you do that for mommy?" He nodded, I melted. He turned around, climbed in bed and layed down! I thought I was going to die! What a sweet little angel he was!

Anyways, the moral of the story is, they understand more then we will ever know at very very young ages! So maybe your mini time outs will be all you need!

Kim~
As a mom of a baby girl who was on the recieving end of a bitter it was a very difficult time. Our daughter was bit 2-3 a week for about 6 months... there were a couple of children that were asked to leave the daycare because it subside.
You are right about it is the daycare's job to watch the children and I'm sure the babies parents who have been bit by your child feel the same way. Just think how you would feel if it was your newborn infant being bit at daycare?

We all know that it is a developmental issue but we cant have children bitting. My suggestion would be to do the oral gel as well as maybe some teething tablets in order to curb the need to bite. Have you talked to the teachers in the class... ask them to please contact you if your child is showing signs of attmepting to bite. I'm sure that there are times when she trys to bite but doesnt suceed and they just tell them no.
The reason I know this is because my daughter that was bit for so long has now decided that she is going maybe start bitting. I asked the teachers yesterday how she was doing and one said fine and then the other told me later that they had caught her 2 times trying to bite a child... if I wouldnt have asked I wouldn't have known until it was too late.
So just try to be positive and explain to the daycare that you are working and you open to any suggestions and that you are being pro-active in the matter.
Just an FYI... What I experienced with one mother... I was picking up my daughter from daycare and they gave me the slip and were telling me that she was bit yet again... I was standing there another mother came to pick up her child and was told that he had bit a child again (My Child) her response was oh hunny your still bitting; I guess you can't help yourself all these kids are so scrumbsious. Now that is not a pro-active mother and I was appalled at her reaction. So just know that there are those types of people out there that doesnt take it seriously.. So just make it known to the Daycare that you are really addressing the issue and taking any suggestions that you can.

Hope this helps and good Luck
Cori