10 Month Old Who Refuses to Sleep or Nap

Hi S.,

Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you. Vut I am contacting you because I have the same problem with my 11 month old. I was wondering if anyone contacted you with some good advice, any would be appreciated =)0- C.

I am having the EXACT same problem as you are, if you find something that works, let me know. I am so tired.

I have a 7 month old who is fussy to put down, and because I am still breastfeeding, I have found that she wants to nurse, just to settle herself. When my husband holds her and rocks her for a bit, she settles down and stays asleep almost all night (about once or twice a week we still wake up at 2:30, but mostly at 5ish). I think babies can smell the milk and this is the age that separation anxiety comes in hard...
Good luck!

My little girl is the same way, she is 3 1/2 months old, I do the same things you do. I lay down with her now and she tocuhes my face and then she can go to sleep. Or I swaddle her in a blanket and hold her tight tight so she can't fight me and then rock and that seems to work too.

S.,
Try Lavender oil... you will be surprised of the results. You can make a lavender and chamomile sleep pillow to help him relax. Another thing you can try is 'white noise' then he will not think he is alone.

Hi S.,
Have you tried rocking him untill he's out out? I don't mean 5 or 10 min after his eyes are closed. I mean untill he's limp.
My grandaughter was the same way. If you have the time, rock him for 1/2 hr. 45 min after his eyes are closed. For naps carefully put him on the couch for now. on a soft blanket with pillows around so he doesn't fall. Have him wake up to that. Also make sure he's really tired before you try to put him down for his nap, My grandaughter played possumm for awhile.He might just be waking up because there is no noise. At night ... My grandaughter slept with my daughter untill she was 13 mos. It's a slow process. She now sleeps in her own bed and knocks on the door to let her mom know she's awake. For her naps we still put her on the couch. and sometimes we still rock her. My daughter did not breast feed so that may be alittle differant. good luck and let me know if things work out. L. S

Here is an article on Sleeping Through the Night/Middle of the Night Feeding:

Getting Baby to Sleep Through the Night: All babies will fall asleep eventually. Some just need a little more help than others.
By Barbara Solomon

Pulling Baby out of the Crib
Up to the time he was 10 months old, my son David had always been a good sleeper. Then my family moved into a new house, and all of a sudden, all bets were off. He began waking two, sometimes three times a night. I was sure he was just unsettled by the change and would return to his old ways soon. But after we tried every trick in the book only to suffer more sleepless nights, we caved in. One night when he called out, I scooped him up and brought him into our bed. We all slept soundly, and I was feeling pretty good -- until I spoke with a friend later that morning.

"Don't you know that you've opened a can of worms?" she scolded. "Now you'll never get him back into his crib!"

Picturing endless sleepless nights ahead, I panicked, and it's no wonder. Getting a baby to sleep consistently through the night can seem like the ultimate unattainable goal. But after I spent just a few nights leaving my son in his crib when he cried for me and gently encouraging him -- "You're okay, David, just go back to sleep!" -- from the hallway, he quickly resumed his old sleep habits. And experts say that with some patience and effort, most parents will be able to solve their child's sleeping problems, too.

The Impossible Dream
During the first weeks of life, you can't expect a baby to sleep through the night. In fact, there is no typical sleeping pattern for newborns; the only thing you can count on is that they sleep around the clock for varying periods, ranging from a few minutes to a few hours. So why can't they sleep consistently for long periods? Blame it all on biology. An immature brain is the primary reason.

"People have a genetic timing mechanism in their brain that controls sleep, and it takes time for that mechanism to develop," explains Marc Weissbluth, MD, professor of clinical pediatrics at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine, in Chicago, and author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Ballantine, 1999). "Think of it like eye color: Babies are born with a genetic predisposition to a certain eye color, but it takes time for that color to be expressed."

A need to feed is another factor. Many experts believe that newborn babies have to eat frequently, particularly breastfed babies: There's no way to tell how much a breastfed baby is eating at each feeding, so breastfeeding mothers may be more likely to fully awaken a stirring baby to feed.

Bottlefed babies, on the other hand, may sleep for longer periods because formula takes longer to digest and leaves baby feeling fuller longer. "But babies who have birth defects and are fed continuously by tube for the first several weeks of life show the same process of sleep maturation as other babies," notes Dr. Weissbluth. He believes that ultimately, "Sleep comes from the brain, not the stomach."

Regardless of studies and experts, until she is at least 6 weeks old, a newborn baby will undoubtedly wake several times during the night. Around the 6-week mark, many babies show subtle signs of organizing their sleep. They may get drowsy at 6 or 7 p.m. and may sleep at night for consecutive blocks of four hours or more.

At about 3 months, most can adhere to a sleep schedule that includes a morning nap, an afternoon nap, and two or more longer blocks of sleep at night. According to a poll of primary caregivers by the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), a nonprofit organization, by 9 months some 70 to 80 percent of babies are sleeping a straight 9 to 12 hours every night.

That's great news -- unless yours is one of the 20 to 30 percent of babies who don't sleep so well. "My son was a horrible sleeper!" recalls Lisa Henahan of Peachtree City, Georgia. "Until he was 15 months, he would sleep for an hour and a half and then wake for an hour -- all night long!"

If your nights sound similar, rest assured, these tips can help parents solve a range of stubborn sleep problems.

Sleep Tight, Baby
To exhausted parents it seems that there are as many sleep issues as there are children. But most babies fall into the following categories:

"My 2-month-old son sleeps all day and is up all night."
A common phenomenon during the early weeks of life, day-night reversals often clear up with a little time and a lot of daylight. Try exposing your baby to bright light or sunshine in the morning hours and keep the lights dim in the evening. It also helps to move your baby to a busy part of the house throughout the day, play with him during the daytime, and wake him for daytime feedings.

Then, keep your interactions with him quiet and subdued at night. As babies approach the age of 6 weeks, they begin to respond more to environmental cues, so it helps to have a bedtime routine such as a bath and a song. It may take several weeks, and a baby this young still probably won't sleep through the night, but he may consolidate his sleep into two large blocks at night.

"My 7-month-old daughter won't sleep through the night. Why?"
From around 6 months on, a baby should be able to make it through the night without a middle-of-the-night feeding and without waking his parents. But that doesn't mean he's sleeping all those hours. The term "sleeping through the night" is misleading, points out Lawrence Balter, PhD, professor of applied psychology at New York University, in New York, and editor of Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia (ABC-CLIO, 2000). "All people -- including babies -- wake and put themselves back to sleep several times a night without realizing it," he says. "That's something babies need to learn to do."

Some kids learn on their own; others need a little help. There are several ways to teach your baby to soothe himself to sleep. Most of them involve listening to some crying. So how do you stay focused amid the tears? Remember that crying isn't going to harm your baby. And the reward -- a good night's sleep for all -- is worth a few teary nights.

The Ferber Method
"My neighbor has recommended the Ferber method to help my 6-month-old sleep through the night. What is it?"
This method was developed by pediatric sleep expert Richard Ferber, MD, author of Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Simon & Schuster, 1986). He advises parents to check periodically on their baby when she awakens at night. Here's a sketch of how it works: On the first night, when you hear your baby cry, you go in, give her a reassuring pat, and then leave. If she's crying 5 minutes later, you repeat the process, but this time you wait 10 minutes before going in, increasing the time in five-minute increments. The second night, you start at 10 minutes. Dr. Ferber's system has worked for many families.

"We're trying the Ferber method for my 7-month-old, but I can't stand the crying. Is there another, less drastic way to sleep-train my baby?"
There are also ways of making gradual changes within the routine you already have, notes Jodi Mindell, PhD, associate director of the Sleep Disorders Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and author of Sleeping Through the Night (HarperCollins, 1997). If you've been putting your baby to sleep by rocking her in a chair, for example, start by just sitting in the chair together. "Then choose the next step -- putting your baby in his crib and holding his hand.

"A few days later, you can sit three feet away from your child's bed," Mindell says. Within a few weeks, you should be able to work yourself out of the bedroom.

"We've tried the Ferber method. My 6-month-old becomes enraged every time we go in to soothe him. Any suggestions?"
Some children respond better to a cold-turkey approach. If your baby cries, you don't go in her room (some parents call reassuringly from the hall). This is not for the faint of heart, and, as Balter points out, is better for younger babies. An 8-month-old may be able to sit or stand in her crib, which makes it hard for her to settle down if her calls aren't answered.

More Sleep Issues
"My 9-month-old insists on a 3 a.m. feeding. How can I get her to give it up?"
For many parents, a final obstacle to an uninterrupted night is that middle-of-the-night feeding. If your baby no longer needs to be fed at night (check with your pediatrician to be sure), simply stop giving him the bottle or breast when he calls for it. Alternatively, you can use a sequence of progressive steps, which might include offering him diluted formula or breast milk for a few nights and then gradually replacing it with water. He may not find it as appealing as milk, and, subsequently, won't cry for it.

"My 10-month-old son used to sleep through the night, but lately he's been waking up all the time."
Chances are, there's been some change, however subtle, in your child's routine. Everything from a vacation to an illness to an overnight guest can disrupt a young child's sleep schedule and cause her to awaken and need comforting. Some parents report that developmental milestones, such as learning to walk or use the potty, can also upset sleep patterns.

"When a child takes a developmental leap forward, neurons are firing and there are probably connections being made in the brain," says Mindell. "It's no wonder their sleep is disrupted." Most babies are also keen on practicing their new skills; when they wake in the night, sleep takes second place to getting up on all fours or babbling.

At times like this, you may need to repeat old steps, such as sitting in your baby's room for a few nights and gradually working your way back out. But don't despair; experts say children with established good sleep patterns will return to them pretty quickly.

"How can I get my 8-month-old to go to sleep at the same time every night?"
If your baby isn't sleepy at the same time every night, her daytime sleep routine may need tweaking. "Make sure to wake her at the same time each morning, keep naptimes consistent, and avoid letting baby nap after 4 p.m. A reasonable bedtime for a baby this age is around 7 or 7:30 p.m. If she wakes from a nap at 5:30, she's not going to be sleepy enough to go to bed then," says Mindell.

One strategy to avoid, however, is shortening her naps in the hope that this will make her sleepier at night. The fact is, overtired children have a hard time falling asleep. And evidence shows that babies aren't getting enough sleep as it is. Many experts recommend that infants ages 3 to 11 months get 14 to 15 hours of sleep daily, but according to the NSF poll, most babies get fewer than 13 hours.

Even if you've succeeded in creating a great sleeper, remember that every child occasionally has wakeful periods. When this happens, reassure yourself that you're not going to be sleepless forever. Says Peggy Nona, a Rochester, Minnesota, mother with two school-age girls, "I used to worry about getting them to bed at night; now I worry about getting them out in the morning!"

Barbara Solomon is a mother of three and a writer in Scarsdale, New York.

Originally published in American Baby magazine, July 2004.

In addition to that....

A local parenting coach wrote this:

I know that Dr. Ferber is less strict than he used to be about getting kids to sleep. However, his techniques are still very useful for kids that have actually taught themselves to stay up and/or to demand/expect a parent to be with them until they actually fall asleep. Also watch one of the Nanny TV shows for examples of being firm yet loving with setting limits.

Briefly, the basic idea is that you (1) stop paying any attention to your child after their bedtime--no hugs, kisses, stories and no yelling either. Just make believe they are little critters that you are putting back where they belong. and then, if necessary (2) let them cry themselves to sleep. Also, and actually first, develop a bedtime routine and STICK TO IT! Letting them cry is very hard, and against some people's principles. What we did when my daughter was little (she is now 21) was put her to bed with the musical mobile playing. If she was still crying when the music stopped (less than 5 minutes) we would go in to her. This happened very rarely. I felt that a short period of crying was not a trauma and having her go to sleep on her own was a learned response. It worked and we had very few bedtime hassles.

Good luck,

Marion
Coach and parent
Marion C. Bloch, Psy. D.
____@____.com
www.mayaresources.com

i had same problem with my baby 2 mo.ago she was 10 mo old then.i try'd everything like you and then i changed sheet's on her bed and put flanel sheet's and i guess when you are trying to put the baby down, the sheets are kind of cold and loud soi did that flanel worked wonders since then no problem.oo and i did give her a bath with lavander and camomile baby wash right before she is ready for sleep at night.daytime she still do not sleep a lot but i dont care she sleeps the whole night.10 hrs at night is enough i asked doctor he told me that is enough sleep.you can also try cammomile tee .insted of brestfeeding and then puting to bed .put the baby in bed and then give botle .i am wondering if you are still feeding the baby at night.if you are stop.that help'd me.and yse your shirt that you wore to cover him i guess the smell from t-shirt calms the baby he will thin you are sleeping right next to him.my friend told me that .i hope you find a solution soon.
A. and baby Iman

Hello S., my name is M. and when my daughter was around that age, I had to put her in her crib and allow her to cry and scream a bit, with a nightlight on and the door closed. It was very difficult on me emotionally, but doing that a few times can work wonders. I also believe doing this helps to teach them they won't always get their way as they get older.
p.s. My daughter is now 11 yrs old and we are very close.

Hi S.,

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? I haven't used it personally, but I have heard lots of my friends say it works well. Maybe pick up a copy at the library and see if you like it?

Hi my name is M. and I am a mother of 2. I definitly would try a calming bath. That always seemed to work for me. Good luck with everything

I have read that some babies need to fuss to sleep. The crying wears them out and they drift off to sleep. Other children, the crying gives them energy and does not put them to sleep but wakes them up. Sounds like your little one is one of them.

I am not sure what the answer is. I have a 3 month old who sleeps with me, in my arms or in my bed because he cannot be put down. Sometimes he will sleep in his swing. Have you tried other places that he might sleep.

Sorry you are so exhasuted.

Best of luck!

First off,S.,have you talked to the Dr. of this dilema?His ears might be bothering him or he might just have seperation anxiety.I use to keep my tot up till both he and I couldn't stay awake.Then we both crashed together.Also is he or could he be hungry.My son never was able to get enough breast milk.I had to give him baby cereal every night mixed with fruit.He loved it.And it kept him asleep longer.Remember a way to a mans heart is through his belly,same applies to babies!!
Congratulations and best wishes on you upcoming Wedding!!
A. W.

white noise! Turn in a fan and leave it on all the time, or take an old radio and tune it to a static station and keep it sound enough to hear through the monitor (you will stil hear him) I promise you this will work, the noise is likened to the noise he heard in the womb. Also a pacifier is nice if you are willing to let him have one, some babies just get comfort from sucking.

Hi S., I had the same problem with my son but he was a little younger when I addressed it. I actually rented a video from the library called getting your child to sleep through the night. Basically it's method was to have a same routine every night. After dinner give baby bath to relax them, then feed them their last feeding and then read some stories. We would read one of those lullabye books where you press the button and sing to the music. Then we would lay him in his crib say goodnight it's time for sleep and walk out for 2 minutes, after that go in but do not pick him up say goodnight again and walk out wait for 4 minutes repeat at 8 min then 16. If at 16 minutes he's still crying continue this process at 16 minutes. The next night do 4, 8, 16 and 32. I know it is so hard. I remember my husband and I playing monopoly to take our mind of it. He stopped crying the first night at the first 16 minutes. The next night he was asleep at 8 minutes. This will probably take longer because you baby is older and wiser. Basically what the video said was the baby needs to learn how to put themselves to sleep. If you are feeding or rocking him and you put him down and he wakes up he can't fall back asleep unless you do this again. I would work on tryng this at night first then naps. The doctors in the video assure the baby will be alright, (make sure you don't do this if they are teething, sick, ect.) They also said they won't be mad at you and I assure you my son was so smiley the next morning, as usual. It said the first night is the worst and usually within a week as long as you stick to the routine it will work. I was working at the time (I'm now a stay at home mom) and I worked at 5:00am so we really needed to get him down to sleep, he was in bed by 7:15 every night giving my hubbie and I some much needed alone time as well. If you decide this route, make a pact with your fiance and help eachother get through the first night. Good Luck, let me know how it goes if you want. Take care, J.

Hi S.!
I have an 11 month old girl who had the same problem. I found that a routine worked best. Babies strive on consistency. Try giving your son a bath, maybe with the lavender soap, followed by a bottle, and read him a story or sing him a lullaby while rocking him until he seems drowsy. Give him kisses and say something like "mommy loves you" and put him in his crib. Hopefully he'll get used to this and only cry for a few minutes. The Fisher-Price Aquarium seems to work wonders too! Hopefully you'll get some much need sleep soon!
Congratulations on your engagement and good luck with the wedding plans!

I have been going thru something similar with my 9 month old daughter. I think it is separation anxiety. She doesn't want to be away from me for very long and she knows naps and bedtime take her away from me. I have been laying with her in my bed and then once shes asleep for a little while putting her in her crib. Before this she would sleep easily but now its really h*** o* her and me. I hate the crying and am getting less sleep than I need.
Hope this may shed a little light on it. My Dr said to give her extra hugs and comfort and it will eventually pass.
Good Luck