10 Month Old with a Temper

Hi A., I have an 11 month old and she is my first as well. I have worked with children of all ages for years and I believe strongly in their ability to understand more then we give them credit for. I have taught my daughter sign language (just the basics- more, please, all done, etc) so she can communicate with me even if she doesn't have all the words yet. I also don't let her whine at me (that is my biggest pet peeve) I tell her "no whining- tell me what you want. She now points and says "That." sometimes it takes us a few seconds to find what "that" is, but it helps her understand that she can communicate without whining! I also have been working hard on making sure she is balanced with her development- she spends time playing by her self, sitting with me on the couch reading books while I read mine (we are up to 30 minutes now!) playing with other children, walking the furniture/crawling around the living room with her toys and a more structured time we call "Blanket Time" This is time she spends with Mommy or Daddy playing on a blanket with a few toys and books. This is important because it teaches boundaries. She has to stay on the blanket during this time and she does! She loves it, I know that she will be able to be left alone to play and stay on the blanket at some point and that will come in handy when we are out at other's homes, in the park, etc.
I also have taught her to understand "no" and "don't touch" by telling her and if she doesn't listen she gets a tap on the hand. It doesn't happen often because she is a fast learner and we have been consistent with our approach. She is also praised for good listening- I can say "Isabella, come here please" and she comes right away- this gets a big round of applause! On the off chance that she doesn't come I tell her "You need to listen" and go get her and bring her to where I called her. This is very rare though.
As far as sleeping through the night- mine has trouble too sometimes. I know at about 9 months they sometimes go through a separation anxiety and just need reassurance that you are still there but we handled it and things are better now. In the night if she did wake up and cry I would wait a few minutes to see if she could put her self back to sleep, if not I would usually find her standing up at the end of the crib wanting to be picked up- I stopped doing it because she is never going to learn to go back to sleep on her own if I did. I would simply tell her "it is night night time and she needs to lay down and go to sleep." I help her find her Nuk and lay her down, put the blanket over her, rub her back for a second and then she falls back to sleep. Each time takes less and less time and each night it happens less and less. What she is learning is that I am still there if she needs me but she needs to go to sleep by her self. I also pay attention to her diaper- we usually have a diaper change at some point in the night or early morning and also hunger- sometimes if she doesn't eat well during the day she needs a few oz at night. But those are minimal issues.
I am sure to some this may seem too structured or high expectations but children are very intelligent and are capable of learning more then just how to whine to get what they want. They learn what we teach them- if we respond to their misbehavior by giving in then they learn that it is OK to do that. If we are consistent with our developmentally appropriate expectations then we will be amazed at how well they understand and how quickly they learn.
I hope this helps and if you want to talk more or get together some time I am right in Cranston and always looking for play dates!

Hi! I have a 2 year old (no sleep issues) but took care of another child for 9 months that had sleep troubles during nap time. If you haven't read the Ferber Method I highly recommend it. Very high success rate and it really worked for the little girl I watched! Good luck!

Hi A.,
I'm a new mom (my daughter just turned one, yikes!) and though we have been blessed with a great sleeper, around 10 months, she started exhibiting other behavior issues. I actually would call them temper tantrums. I couldn't believe it!

Around the same time, I was starting my home daycare. So I was not my normal self, either. Not short with her, but definitely preoccupied for a little while. And, around the same time, she was starting to really walk.

What I learned from a colleague is that when kids go through a growth/development phase, whether it's a physical or an emotional milestone, they become "disorganized" and the only way they can express it is through acting out in these tantrums that are not typical of their normal behavior. When this happens, they may need some additional reassurance. Not excessively, but maybe an extra snuggle or really sticking to a routine that's been comfortable, etc.

When my daughter started with her tantrums I was so upset. Did not know what to do. And I still really don't know how to curb her tantrums, she's too young still to understand "Well you can't blow bubbles until you stop flipping and flopping on the ground." But I have started with time ins with her as far as unsafe behavior. Like when she climbs onto a box I'll sit with her on my lap and count to 60 (one minute, because she's one) and then I tell her at the end of one minute do not repeat whatever the behavior was. I can't say that it's working, but it seems to temporarily deter her.

Obviously, that wouldn't help with your little one's bedtime issue. But, I can say, if it is due to a new milestone accomplishment, it will pass. It might take a couple weeks, but it'll fizzle out if that's what this is. Poor little guy.

Sorry to get so sidetracked. Hope this helped somewhat!

Hi my name is Mary and I am the mom of 2 boys now 6 and 8 and a special needs preschool teacher by occupation. I guess
I would stop looking it as discipline and more behavior control. You want to change he behavior from what it is to something more desirable. Easy right .....not! It sounds like you have developed patterns that he is learned and it being your first its very easy to do. Really sit down and look with your significant other or close friend or family and find out what you want it to be like be honest and realistic. Then you have to really objectivly look at how you are currently handling the situation. I never say this enough to a baby any attention is good attention even if you feel and look flustered your still paying attention to him. So Take it slow but you have to reverse what you have been doing play up all the positive times no matter how few and stay as neutral as possible during the negative times. meet his needs when he whines...check to see if hes wet, make sure he's not hurt or sick with a temp, be aware of hunger but no real connection then the minute he stops his whine and is calm and I am talking millaseconds turn it on. Oh I love my smilely baby, big kisses. The longer the undesired behavior is addressed the longer and harder the cycle is to break and don't be afraid to let him cry it out once you know he is physically fine its a matter of letting him know whos in charge. This is a skill you will frequently revist over the next 18 years I am tested everyday still. But with my background my kids never stood a chance. I have had many a family member having to leave the room in tears because I wouldn't give in and I can tell you every transition went with minimal issues with my first. Now when you have your second or 3rd then all gloves are off and its harder but does pay off in the end. You can do it. My sister has a 3 year old, her second and she is going through hell with him but she will also say she didn't have the strength to do what needed to be done earlier and she paying the price especially with the sleeping issues. So your asking early enough and you can do it. Mary C.

Hi A.,

I am a first time mom also. My daughter is 15 months old and just started to sleep through the night about 2 months ago. She would stand up also in her crib just screaming and screaming but as soon as I went in and picked her up she would with in seconds fall asleep on my shoulder. Then when I would go put her back down she would start screaming all over again. Finally, I had to just let her cry it out until she learned how to put herself back to sleep. I started to let her cry for 15 minutes before I would go in and then it turned into a half hour. I think I did more crying than she did. It broke my heart to hear her cry but after 2 weeks of this she now sleeps through the night unless something is wrong or she can't find the stupid pacifier. Well good luck and hopefully you will get sleep soon...
A.

Well, of course I would recommend talking to a pro. From what I have heard, this is the age when separation anxiety peaks. That means that they are aware that when it's time to go to bed, you (mom and/or dad) won't be with them any more. so they don't like it any more. A friend has a child who slept beautifully since day one almost through the night, and when she turned 10 months or maybe even later, she wouldn't sleep in her crib. So, cheer up, you are not alone.
My own child is much older, and he still has a hard time sleeping on his own. I am not concerned, it's more a matter of comfort and convenience.
I would suggest that you keep your hopes up - there is an end to it. And try to be consistent. If you made up your mind that he won't sleep in your bed, stick with it, but do "camp out" in his bedroom, too. Some of my friends wait until their children are asleep before they leave their room - not exactly a piece of advice you would get out of books written by PhD, but it's more practical, and less taxing on you, because you need to get some sleep after all too!
Hope this is in some way a consolation. :)

I have a son who just turned 8 months old today. He is the first baby on both sides of my and my husbands family and is very spoiled. I think they can be spoiled at these ages. They are old enough now to not have to have constant attention all of the time and they need to learn how to amuse themselves. They have small attention spans so you can't expect them to sit for hours playing with a toy but you shouldn't have to hold your baby all of the time. My son has been sleeping through the night since about 2 and a half months. You need to set a bedtime routine and stick with it each night. Babies are creatures of habit and they long for a routine. We put our son to bed wide awake every night at 7:30 and he falls asleep within 15 mins and doesn't cry at all. He knows that when he is in his crib and the lights are off that it is time to go to bed. I know this is easier said than done but with lots of patience you'll have your son sleeping through the night soon. Good luck!! Oh ya, by the way, my son seems to have a little temper also and when it seems like he is acting out we just tell him no and give him lots of smiles and hugs. They can pick up on things now and can tell if they are doing something wrong by your reaction.