I don't know what to do! My oldest son, whom is 10, lies all the time. I shouldn't say he lies but he exaggerates everything. Everytimes he tells people stories he stretches the truth. He had three hundred tickets, but the girl he was talking to it was "five hundred" tickets. There was a two car accident, but he says five car accident. He told me he scored 80,000 on a game, but in the records it only had a high score of 30,000. Everyday he tells me stories, and I know he means well. How do I approach this issue. It really is getting out of hand. I don't want him to think its okay to lie about little things like that. I have approached him before, but he continues to stretch the truth. What do I do, how should I handle this situation. It is a little irratating when i "know" what he is saying is not the truth.
Make a chart ( I personally LOVE charts) call it the Whole truth chart . When you catch him telling the WHOLE truth , he gets a star . When he embellishes the truth , he loses a star. 10 stars=a reward. Sometimes kids get lost in the details as well . What seems average size to you may seem HUGE to him. Sometimes that's a matter of perspective and experience.
Just be firm about it. When he tells you something that you know is an exaggeration, call him on it. Say "I know it is not that high, or that much. Now what really happened?" If he tells you the truth, then, praise him and show great pleasure in the story (to reinforce that the truth is cool enough; he doesn't have to exaggerate). Tell him that it is not okay to lie about something just to impress people, because lying is wrong, and if he keeps doing it people will learn not to believe him or trust him. Show disapproval when he lies, but if he is telling the truth, pay extra attention and pleasure in listening to him. If it keeps up, maybe think of a consequence.
I have a brother who was the same way, and it took a while for him to get it, but eventually he did. He did it to A: impress people, and B: ensure that he would get Mom/Dad's approval and pride. Unnecessary, and he quickly learned that exaggeration and lying got disapproval instead.
I hope this helps, and I will pray that your son learns quickly!
God bless!
M.
time is short, didn't read all of the other responses. But, my son also did this...& sometimes still does.
The method we use works most of the time. I hold my hands up (like stop signs). I flip/rotate them & say, "truth? lie? expanding on the truth?". Most of the time, he just smiles & says, "okay, let me start again."
We began this method when he was unable to stop himself from the process of lying/exaggerating. He simply could not recognize that he was lying & embellishing. This visual/physical aide really helped him, & now he visualizes the process. Sounds dorky, but it helped.
Hmmm~ I sort of see this as more of an imaginative child. I would recommend you talk to him and sit down in comfort.
Do not accuse him ~ that will make it worse.
Explain to him that sometimes facts are important, but encourage the imagination with a chance to 'blog' or write in down in a journal.
I would never want to squash my son's imagination now that he is developing it. That is our natural escape from everyday stress and that is just what occurs at that age. Did you ever stretch the truth to make the story more interesting? I'm sure he's not trying to be hurtful.
Be supportive, calm and don't make a huge deal out of it. If he is not directly 'lying' to you over an event he did... then I don't see so much harm right now. But if you take the time to explain or ask why he likes to stretch the truth. It may be a self-esteem issue or confidence issue that he is going thru, especially at school or with peers. Put yourself in his shoes and look thru his eyes. Sometimes we have to get on our kids level to see why they do what they do. Sometimes, our actions and behavior are to blame. If he caught you in a white lie... guess what? He will think it is okay to do so.
Don't get me wrong~ I'm not placing blame, but many of us parents forget that our children mimic us as all times - both positive and negative behaviors.
Have faith and encourage him~ I am betting he will have some wonderful short stories to write down.
It would seem to me like bragging cause men (starting as little boys) do that, just to impress. If it gets to be more than exaggerating, but it becomes blantant lies, then deal with that appropriately.
My daughter use to exaggerate things too. I even had a teacher tell me some stories she was sharing in class that were no where near the truth. I encouraged her to write. Write a play, write a short story, write a book. When she was finished she could share her story with the family. Couple of times her and her sisters put on a play for mom and dad. Then you can talk about if it was fiction or non fiction and why. It gave our daughter a chance to show some creativity. She doesn't write any more unless it is for school but I don't have the problems with the "stories" either.
