My daughter will be 10 in 2 weeks. The other day, I opened her door to find her on her tummy and looking "caught in the headlights". I could tell that she had probbably (but not definately) been "exploring" herself. I used to do this as a young child, as I'm sure most do, and I didn't say anything, just acted normal and told her that it was time for dinner. I try to remember to knock on her door now, but I forgot the other day and found her the same way. I'm NOT concerned about this part of it at all. I'm a christian lady and I still know that exploring your body is not a sin and just a normal part of growing up. I have decided to give her her privacy to do so, but my issue is how to bring it up to my hubby?? He is not wanting to know about any of these things. Please don't hate on him! He's a great daddy, he just doesn't want to know about this kind of stuff. So, how do I let him know that he needs to knock first without letting him in on anything "gross" or making her feel weird about it? Also, I have NOT had this talk with her. Should I? My mom never did with me. And she was clothed. This was over the clothing. (if it was anything!).
Oh, sorry. Just to clarify, I have had the sex talk with her, just not the masturbation talk.
Thanks ladies! Sometimes you just need to be reminded of the simple things, lol. Seems like common sense would have knocked on my head to just keep it simple. Lol.
I'd just mention that they'd both be embarrassed if she was changing her clothes. And leave it at that.
She needs privacy for lots of other reasons too (writing the name of her crush in big loopy letters isn't something she wants to do in front of her parents).
Kudos to you for realizing that her behavior is normal and wanting to give her some space.
Time to talk!
As for Dad, if he doesn't want to hear it, he doesn't have to. Just tell him he should knock first and if he asks...ask him how much he wants to know. He should get the idea. If you start explaining and he gets uncomfortable, respect him and taper the conversation to an end.
Get her a please knock sign for her bedroom door and just explain to your husband that she's becoming a woman and needs that respect. As for talking to her, yes! I think it is important for girls to know it is ok to figure things out about ourselves and not feel ashamed about it. It might also open up dialog about other things she might be curious about. I'm sure there are books out there on this subject, but it's late and I don't know what they are off the top of my head.
Good luck!
The American Girl book series is good. Amazon has it.
It is for girls this age and for reading with Mom.
"The Care and Keeping of You" for example, is good.
Also, yah, talk with her. Why not? She is a Tween. Tweens are from ages 9-12.
And, sometimes, privacy between Mom and Daughter is good... no need 'rushing' to tell Dad. I know as a young girl, I did NOT want my Mom telling my Dad all about my periods etc., or other hygiene private things. And she respected that. But sure, my Dad was not dense, he knew and figured it out... but still, he knew it was private 'girl stuff' between my Mom and I. And IF I wanted to talk to HIM about it... he let me know, he is always there for me.... with ANY subject.
Anyhow, that is how it was, per my growing up.
good luck!
She is 10 and her body is beginning to develop. Just tell your husband that she has reached the age where knocking before entering is mandatory.
As for your daughter have a make a small sign that says please knock before entering to place on her door so everyone will remember the new situation.
As for the talk there are so many good books out there that you can find that give instruction about the developing woman's body you could read it together.
Well, she's on her way to puberty if she isn't already there yet, so I'd use that as a privacy reason. She'll be developing and much more modest about it, and dad should be respectful of that, so a knock first policy for those reasons is totally reasonable - and it's a TRUE reason as well :)
This is the age that girls want more privacy. My granddaughter has always openly explored herself and this is not the reason for her posting a "please knock" sign on her door. So, just tell your husband that it's time to begin giving her more privacy because she is getting older and more aware of privacy and therefore he should knock before entering her room. It's good manners to do so any time a door is closed. You expect her to knock before entering your room when the door is closed.
Dad doesn't need to know the reasons, just that she's getting to the age where we knock now. It's simple enough, and inevitable.
In our home, if the door is closed each person knocks.. Even if my husband has our bedroom door closed I give a small tap, so I do not startle him..
Just time for all of you to start giving each other a heads up if your doors are closed.. Remind your daughter of the same, especially at other peoples homes..
I would simply tell him that she's at an age where she needs privacy, for changing clothes etc.
And yes, I'd start having the "talks" with her.
First of all there is no "talk", you should have been communicating all along. That is done in the years she was a baby and growing up through open communication. When there is open communication, it is much easier to have conversations about drugs, sex, alcohol, etc.
What she is doing is normal and there is NO reason you should go tell dad. It is not his business. Don't make her feel weird by it and get taboo or perceive that it is "dirty" which would damage her long term.
From now own, KNOCK on the door. You would expect her to knock on your door..........give her the same respect.
I think that you don't need to tell dad "why" there is a privacy issue. Just say, "Hoeny, Sarah is getting older now, we need to make sure that we knock on her door before we go into her room." If he asks why, maybe remind him of when HE was 10...then leave it at that! lol
I think you just mention to your husband that when doors are closed he should remember to knock before entering. That you think that your daughter is becoming more sensitive to her privacy and that she deserves it. If he asks "why" then he's opened himself up for more information.
Yeah, and it's time to discuss it with her also. You don't want her to feel uncomfortable with her body so you need to bring it up. Plus, it will only get more uncomfortable to talk about as she gets older so time to start talking now. I assume they have had some discussions at school?
You should definitely be talking about sex and sexuality with your 10 year old. In this day and age they see and hear so much that they need to have some true, factual explanations fairly early on -and in the case of masturbation -need to know that it's normal, not weird and just part of growing up. You don't have to sit down and automatically launch into masturbation! Just start talking to her about sex, what it is, what it entails, what can happen, etc. and work it into the conversation.
As far as Daddy -well -he will have to realize at some point that his daughter is getting older! Just tell him she's reached the age where he always needs to knock before entering her room. I doubt at 10 she wants to parade around naked in front of him if she's starting to be "aware" of her body, so he owes her enough privacy to always knock. I remember becoming very aware at age 10 and not wanting my Dad to see me naked anymore.
Why would you tell him? My oldest just turned 10 I just make a point to stop and knock. I try to talk to her as I am walking to the door.
EDIT I agree with the other posters. My daughter made a please knock before entering sign.
I think you need to talk to hear about it so she knows it's normal. Also when talking to your husband just tell him that she is getting to an age where she wants privacy and that it is normal for every kid to want this. Tell him that it's not that she's doing something inappropriate but just a way to show respect to her and let her know that she is growing up. I have a six year old and I knock if his door is closed only just to let him to know I'm coming in. I do the same if he's in the bathroom and taking a long time.
Whenever a bedroom door is closed one should always knock before entering. you dont necessarily wait for the kid to say "come in" but you do the gratuitous knock right before tuning the knob.
Just put a little sign on her door that says "xxxx'x room please knock".. hubby will just think it's because she's getting older and wants a teeny bit of respect. Chances are he probably wouldnt even "notice" what she was doing anyway.
You should have a talk with her about it tho... so she knows to be more discreet just in case Dad did walk in.
All Dad needs to know is that he now has a budding young lady on his hands and it's time that her privacy is respected by knocking on the door first before entering. Simple as pie. Surely he can understand that. It's common courtesy.
You don't have to assume anything, and you don't have to tell hubby anything other than she's getting older and just like you want her to knock before she enters your room, she's to the age where you need to knock before entering hers. She's getting to the age where she'll start developing breasts and having a period as well as pubic hair, so I don't think you have to tell hubby anything more than she's developing and it's time for privacy.
