My 10 1/2 year old DS is in 5th grade. He is painfully shy, relatively immature, has mild Attentive ADHD, and is VERY 'nice' - wouldn't intentionally hurt a flea. He's the 'sweet' boy, according to other mom's I know. He has always had close 'girl' friends - more so than guy friends in fact. In part due to circumstances out of his control (my husband and my best friends both have daughters his age). He still has no interest in girls other than platonically.
He has had this same female best friend for about a year now. She is in his grade at school (not the same class). They hang out at recess every day without fail, and they get along famously - she is shy too, and enjoys 'doing things' instead of 'talking about things' just like my son. She's not high-maintenance or manipulative like many girls her age, which is how I was as a kid. We like her quite a bit.
My question is at what point I need to be 'concerned' about innapropriate behavior. I know it's innevitable that kids will want to experiment from the time they hit puberty and beyond. I know her parents on an acquaintance level only - they live in the neighborhood. As far as I know they like my son, but I think if I were them, I would worry at some point about a boy hanging out with their only daughter (she has a twin brother - no other siblings). I don't see my son's and her relationship changing anytime soon - barring her family moves and/or changes schools.
I'm curious what other parents of kids around this age would be thinking if this was their son or daughter.
Thanks!
My daughter will be 10 in March. If this was her, I wouldn't be concerned at all. I would be glad she had a good friend.
I don't think there is anything to worry about. Even when he starts to become interested in girls, chances are that his friendship will not be part of that.
You may never have to worry-it sounds like they have mutual respect for each other-and your son is a gentleman-very important-and you should be very proud.
All of my daughter's friends outside of school are boys. There is actually twins boy and girl from her grade in our subdivision. She plays with the boy.
She doesn't see them as boys, just friends, they feel the same. I wouldn't worry about it. My daughter will be 11 in May.
OMG...my daughter's very best friend for many years was a boy. They just loved each other and that's all there is to it. He became just like part of the family. When my mother in law passed away, we moved so that my father in law could live with us and we moved 40 minutes away. The kids were heart sick. My husband still worked in the same town so he used to go and pick him up and bring him to our house for the weekend and take him back home. He stayed for a week at a time during the summer. There wasn't anything weird about it because they didn't "like" each other. They were more like brother and sister.
His parents went to South America as Christian missionaries and we lost touch, but we still talk about him and wonder how he's doing. Especially now that my daughter is 25 and has a child of her own.
99% of my best friends as a child were boys. At least in my case, I can promise you there was no "experimenting" going on. In fact, when I was in high school and had my first "boyfriend", I still had all my BOY friends. They were at my house more than my boyfriend. My mother still sees them from time to time and they call her Mom.
My son is 10 years younger than his sister, so he grew up having girls around all the time and he has more girl friends than guy friends. He's a junior in high school.
I personally don't see anything weird about it and obviously neither do my kids. It's very possible to have friends of the opposite sex without any hanky panky going on.
I would be thankful that your son has such a good friend. There's nothing in the world inappropriate about it just because she's a girl.
Best wishes.
I guess I just don't see the problem. Why shouldn't his best friend be a girl. They are 50% of the population after all.
What do I think?
Adorable.
They have found commonality--not based on their "equipment"--they see each other for their true selves.
How do ya mess with something perfect like that? :)
Don't make it a deal, and it's won't be O.!
My best friends have always been guys. Always. Nothing wrong with it :).
Almost all of my best friends throughout my school years were boys. In fact, most of my adult friends are men. In dozens of mixed-gender relationships over several decades, I can recall developing a (temporary) crush on only one of these guys, and only one of them ever behaved toward me (mildly) in anything but a completely platonic manner.
I understand that hormonally-based attractions can and do happen to both boys and girls. But attraction is one thing, and following through on that attraction is quite another. Shy kids, especially, are unlikely to try to act on those tempting impulses. And "acting on" those impulses may never get too far beyond hand-holding or an awkward kiss.
I've been watching the media, which is steeped in sexual titillation, and the "real world" of my friends and acquaintances for a few decades now, and honestly, the media picture is much more lascivious than real life.
My own experience growing up was that I knew, by the time I was 12 or so, what my personal limits were. And they held until I was married. Early, honest discussion of values is helpful to kids. Parents sharing their own mistakes and regrets can be helpful. Understanding WHY we should WANT to do the right thing as a matter of self-respect is immensely helpful – more so than just hammering out a list of rules and punishments for disobedience.
There's a wonderful book that has given me a new slant on children forming, understanding, and nurturing their own internal guidelines: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. (There's also a teen version, which I will read as my 6yo grandson grows up.) There are also numerous books about helping children to establish sound values, coming from many different directions. You can find lists of these books on Amazon.com, along with many useful customer reviews describing exactly why they like or dislike any of these books. Very helpful for finding those who seem most akin to your own parenting style.
My best friend on highschool was a boy. He actually had a girlfriend in another school. We were always together and we were very good friends.
Haven't see him in years but he wrote me the other day, he married his girlfriend (they stared dating since middleschool!!!) and now the have a cute baby boy.
I know a girl and a boy can be friends, good friends and nothing else, but if they were to date, so what. Rules would be the same with this girl then with another girl, and you already like her, so don't worry.
I think it's awesome he has such a good friend. I wouln't allow play behind closed doors ...with friends of any gender. We have an open-door policy at our home. Treat her as you would any other friend of his.
Hi Ddh,
I wouldn't worry about it AT ALL! My best friend growing up was also a boy. We started our friendship in Kindergarten and stayed bestest friends through high school. We never considered doing ANYTHING (eww..gross!) until about 10th grade. Then, we kissed and we looked at each other and burst out laughing. It was like kissing my brother! We agreed it was a mistake and that we weren't meant for each other in THAT way. I still consider him one of my best friends in the world. It will be fine. :)
Best,
B.
Hi,
I don't see anything wrong with it either....But i still be supervising like no play behind closed door.Even if it did develop into dating or a relationship later on ,much later on....you already like her and seems she could be complementing your son very well.....so i still don't see the problem...
Just my thoughts .Hope this helps.
N.
My best friend was a boy. We were glued to each other. We became friends in first grade and stayed best friends throughout high school. He even moved to another town about 30 mins away in high school and we still spent every weekend together hanging out. We never experimented. Never ever thought about it. I had boyfriends and he had girl friends, but we were still super close! I am now married with two kids and he is still my bestfriend (aside from my husband). We hang out and it is still like it always has been! We are totally comfortable around each other and can talk about anything! My DH knows how long we have been friends and feels NO jealousy!
You'll know if they relationship changes.
My son has always had girls as friends. He is even still friends with all the girls he has dated after they have broken up.
I wouldn't assume that they're going to become sexually active with one another simply because they're opposite sexes. People of opposite sexes can be friends and never consider each other as possible sex partners.
I think it's great that your shy son has a very good friend! Many shy kids become loners and it can affect their self-esteem. I think it's especially hard for shy boys to make friends b/c many boys act on impulse and don't think about what others think of them.
Your son and his best friend have found a commonality in one another and their friendship will help both of them establish friendships with others b/c they know how to be a good friend to each other.
I wouldn't discourage their friendship in any way, just keep an eye on them as they get older. Being opposite genders doesn't mean they'll experiment any sooner.
I was extremely shy until about 3rd grade and I really found refuge in the few friends I had until I broke out of my shell!
Well I have three kids. two boys 12 yrs and almost 8 yrs my daughter is 5 1/2yrs. My children play with the neighbor kids boys and girls. Outside and inside. However I keep an eye on them. None of that is going on but. For instance they have no business playing behind closed doors. Use your common sense. Take care,
I think you just have to teach him to respect their gender differences just as you would if he hung out with boys. It doesn't matter who he hangs out with. I think as long as he continues to be a respectable young man, her parents won't mind. I have always tried to teach my older daughter, "We don't sleep with our friends".
