10 Yrs Together and Going Strong with Different Interests

I'm not much help on the advice part right now but how about a weekend at Big Cedar Lodge in Springfield-- my friend and her husband are very different too and this takes care of both-- woodsy and 'manly' but has spa stuff and she says fabulous trails and things--- you can stay in the hotel part or rent a cabin with a kitchen on the property....

Hi J.,

You've had lots of great responses. I'd throw in as a suggestion the Circle S Ranch & Country Inn near Lawrence. It's a ranch/spa combination with just enough romance without being too sugary. It could be just what you're looking for!

L.

What about an Amish getaway? There might be farming activities as well as something of interest for you. Just a different idea.

Melanie in Swansea, IL

Hi J.,
Well, I'm not married, but when my boyfriend and I would go out, occassionally we didn't agree on stuff. Some weekends he'd want to go look at John Deere Tractors, and I wanted to see a movie. There were times where I wanted to go see a scary movie and he refused to go. Sometimes I'd go by myself...of course a movie isn't the same when that other person isn't there. He told me that scary movies were dumb and pointless and they just play on people's emotions. I told him that his video games were young and childish and that he should be a man and grow up. After I said that he had a fit, like a lil kid and said to him, "See, told ya, play like a child act like a child". That got him to talk to me so we could figure out what we both wanted to do, our likes and dislikes. I wasn't much of a hiking person, and he was. He wasn't much of a scary movie person, and I was. We sat down and had a long talk. After realizing what we both liked to do we made a list of things we could do spur-of-the-moment and things we could plan to do. We did a random road trip to Springfield so he could meet my friends, and he had family down there so we met them too. We have had so many fun things to do since then, and nothing is "getting old". One day I told him that i was going to take him out. He wanted to know where and I refused to tell him. I blind-folded him and took him to his most favorite restaraunt, which was pretty expensive, and then Cabella's. It was like watching a kid in a candy store. He says that was his favorite memory. Maybe, depending on how far it is to drive, you could go to Branson. Some of their stuff is resonable, and you can't get bored there. I hope this has helped.

Good luck, girl!

Hi J., I understand where your coming from. I think i am totally opposite from my husband. But some how or another it works great for us! We do some activities together and some seperate from one another. I try to do things with him even though i'm really not interested in that, and he will in turn do the same thing. I even have my husband joining me in the Race for the Cure cancer walk here in St. Louis! He hates downtown and the crowds, but because it's for a great cause and i asked him too, he's doing it with me. It's little stuff like that. Something i would suggest is a nice and cozy bed and breakfast! There is one in Hermann Missouri that we have found and completly ADORE!! I'm not sure where you are from but if this is somewhat in your area, let me know and i will give you the info. I found this bed and breakfast completly by accident. We went there for our 8 year anniversary ( about 3 or 4 years ago) and we've gone back every year since there. I can't brag to you how wonderful this place is. THe owners really make it very special and you feel like you are royality when your there.They have a ton of special treatments and i look forward to going every year. I personally prefer the winter months. I would avoid going in October only because it's "October Fest" which basically means lots of people and lots of partying. I basically go there to get away from the city and enjoy the country. It's so peaceful and relaxing. The best part....NO Phones, No clocks, No TV's. Just you and your hubby!! And with having children, it's hard to get in any spceial "alone time". Here you have no worries of anything. I will usually bring along candles for our room and a cheese/meat/and Wine basket. It's totally romantic and the price isn't too bad either. Anyway i hope this helps. Like i said if you or anyone else would like the info, please let me know. It's like our little piece of heaven that we've found!! Good luck with your special day! 10 years is a long time and you should be proud that you made it this long! Alot of other couple don't.

What attracted the two of you together to begin with? What did you do on dates before marriage, children, etc? It doesn't sound as though you two are completely different - he farms and you "farm" flowers. Have you fallen into the rut of believing that men and women are aliens? You probably have more in common with your husband than I do with you. We just get so caught up in the kids, and the routine, the job, etc. and we forget our partners. This is your anniversary, your celebration, YOUR time together. Remember why you fell in love with this man and make some time and memories together. My parents always said that it was them before the children and it would be them after the children. They made time to remember why they loved each other. Hope this helps and Happy Anniversary!

I would suggest finding a beautiful bed and breakfast to stay in that may be close to the auction. My husband and I did that last year and it was wonderful. We stayed in Rocheport MO, and it was so relaxing. We went to the winery (which he doesn't like wine and I do) then just walked around the small town and talked and enjoyed each other without our children around. (I hope that doesn't sound horrible!) They really don't have TV or any other distractions so it was just us two. We played board games and sat on the back lawn and had better conversations then we had been able to have in a long time! It was wonderful! Good Luck!
R.

I, too, have heard Big Cedar Lodge is great. As far as not having the same interests, I just read something the other day in a magazine that similar interests in a marriage are no indication of a happy marriage. My husband and I dated for 10 years before we finally got married this past September. I always worried that we didn't have the same interests. I absolutely LOVE watching sports in person, on TV, whatever. He'll watch the World Series on TV or go to a high school football game because he wants to be with me, but it's not his favorite thing to do. He is really into car shows and auctions, which I find boring, but I'll go with him on a pretty day and walk around for a bit and look at cars because I know he likes when I go with him. I love anything that has to do with animals. He's come to love our two dogs like they are our kids, but I don't expect him to go volunteer with me at the Humane Society. We know each other so well and accept each other's different interests and try to support each other in those interests as much as we can. But everybody is different! He is my best friend and I love talking to him and I love being with him and I also love doing my things without him that I love doing. It's all good!

My husband and I are not great examples. We both work way too much and our interests are not so much that different as the way we spend our time is. Tomorrow is our 23rd wedding anniversary and his birthday. We don't really celebrate much anymore. This week I had the lawn mowed so that he wouldn't do it over the weekend. Then yesterday I had someone come and help me get our 2nd floor apartment cleaned up. He and our 7 year old spend most of their time up there and it gets really bad. It's not a creative present I know. But he's so hard to buy for! Tomorrow we will likely buy a cake to have for his birthday and he'll take me out for Chinese for our anniversary.

Don't feel alone, my husband and I are the same way. The only mutual interests we have are our children and our faith. Every couple is different and while I believe that people can like the same things and have a happy marriage, I believe that the fact that we are differnt is what has made our marriage so successful.

It may take a little extra work on your part to accomplish what you want to do on Sunday, but it could probably work. There are individuals who could come a do a massage at a hotel or at your home. You would just have to ask around and maybe look a little harder. As far as walks in a garden... surely all gardens aren't closed on Sundays. That sounds like a perfect Sunday activity to me. Then maybe end the day with dinner and a movie.

Whatever you do, have a great time! We just celebrated our 10 year in December. We leave for our "anniversary" cruise a week from Sunday.

Your interests are more similar than you probably realize, it sounds like you both enjoy being outdoors, enjoying nature, maybe in two separate ways, but essentially the same. And, on the stuff you don't share, they say opposites attract. Anyway, while I was reading your question, one idea popped into my mind, a little bit of something for both. You could maybe go to what I call a "small town" getaway. Someplace like Branson, MO that would have shows, farming attractions, lots of tails and gardens, and I think a lot of places are open on Sunday there, especially during the tourist season. My husband and I went there before we had kids because he is a big hunter/fisher/country type person where I am more of a city/shopping/attractions type person and it worked out great for us. I had my shopping, he had the lake and of course the big fishing and hunting store there, I won't give any names or plugs to anyone. :-) Good luck and I hope this helps with your decision process.

What about one day you do something he likes and the next something you like. Maybe where the auction is there is a bed and breakfast and you could stay their and then do your activities. Just a thought. Congratulations on 10 years. Good luck and God Bless.

Have you thought about doing something that is new to both of you? Try something out of the ordinary. Try to think of something that you have always wanted to do but never been able to for some reason. I don't know maybe a hot air balloon ride or something. Try something that might take you both a little bit out of your comfort zone and will be a memory that you will share together for the rest of your life. Don't do the same old same old stuff that you always do but something out of the ordinary.

You guys sound like my Grandparents!! My Grandfather is a retired carpenter who liked to camp and fish. My Grandmother a home maker who loved to sew, shop, church and shop some more. When my mom & uncles where young my Grandma went fishing and camping with them and later when my sister and I were young (they raised us). But as we got older they would take separate vacations and swear that is one of the secrets to their long and happy marraige (56 years). Grandma says that you always need time apart to appreciate the other more. And they never resented the other for keeping them from doing what they wanted, because they would just take once a year and go do what they want. But they did do things together and mostly it would be stuff like your husband suggested, one day doing what he wants and another doing what she wants. My Grandfather has been on many window shopping trips and shows that if it were just him he'd never do. And Grandma has been on more fishing trips than she cares to remember (even her honeymoon). But no matter what they did they did have fun and enjoy the time they had together. So my advise would be to worry less about what you are actually doing. Do the tractor action and then a nice lunch/dinner the same day. On Sunday do Church and a picnic in a nice area where you can just relax and take that walk you want. Save the spa for when you can get away with a girlfriend. My sister and I do that once a year. Good luck and congrates on 10 years (my 10 year in in Febuary - I'm looking forwad to that!) S.

hi my husband and I are different also, we try to plan a trip every year to Branson, Mo and we both love it!! they have lots to do there and you may want to try if you have never been. we stay right on the table rock lake it is so beautiful and relaxing. just an idea hope this helps
congrats on 10 years!

J.,
God knows a man's mind is very different from a woman's. Yes you have different interests and a great love that has given you two children. God knows you love each other just have different activities.
My Grandparents were married for over 65 years. They had really different interests. Yet they found a few,2 interests, they enjoyed together. They enjoyed taking and putting the pictures of the family together. My Grandfather loved to take hundreds of pictures. Then my Grandmother would sort themand put they in albums for the people in the pictures. Yes scrapbooks from the 1960's until 2000. After 2000 their health stopped the taking of pictures. Then they would just look at the pictures and remember the good times.
Best of luck in finding an interest you both can love. I know with God's help you find something.

J.,

I so know what you are going thru!! My husband and I just went on a trip to CO. to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. To this day, we are so opposite. We love each other very much, but have little in common. (they say opposites attract!) Anyway, we just tried to find somewhere to go that we could both get enjoyment out of. We used to live in the Denver area and loved the mountains very much, so that is where we went. Now my husband is very much NOT the mushy type, which to this day still hurts a little bit, but it's mostly because it was not "modeled" for him growing up and he didn't have an example to go by. I truely beleive this is something they have to learn from a male role model. Anyways, there are certain things he will do, he just needs a (gentle) reminder and he will do it (like opening doors, etc.) he won't go too overboard. On the trip we did trail hikes, museums, eating at favorites spots and tried some new ones, and of course, drove up into the mountains. It was all simple stuff, but just enjoyed being alone, another thing that has not happened in a very long time!! Don't know if this helps you or not, but I hope so. My advice is to try to remember that you do love each other and that maybe just being alone together is enough. One thing we did do is to take the opportunity to recognize our differences and try to figure out what we could do in the future as retirement is coming up in the next 10-15 years. We realized that there are some things that we did together in our earlier years before kids that we will try to pick up now that kids are grown. God Bless you in your endeavor. Remember that you do love each other and try not to take everything too seriously and have fun! We did! (just got back yesterday and had a great week together.)

Hi J.,

I'm in the same boat so I feel your pain but I starting thinking about things out there that may be nice for me and my hubby. One thing you guys could try is a couples massage (try to pick a place that's not too girly) or you could even visit a winery for a wine tasting/dinner. If weather permits, you could do a walk in the woods or on a scenic trail and then have a picnic. thanks for helping me think of things and I hope this helps!

Hi J., your not alone dearheart. ;) If I am remembering right we went fishing on our 10th anniversary. Wed this week we had our 37th. My Nana taught me to enjoy the quite and peacefullness of fishing.

My hubby loves sports and I would rather nap or read a book, sew etc. Nascar races and ball games make for wonderful nap time for me.

I can definitely understand how a Tractor sale is Way not something you would enjoy. They are going on constantly, I know if you look around you can find one about every weekend during the spring and summer months ( cousin farms in OK. he is always going to one somewhere)

Are there any bed N breakfasts in your area? We went to Lindsburg, Ks. for our 30th. The Rose House is wonderful and they treat you like royalty. Wonderful time walking through this quaint little town. Not that far from Wichita.

I know you want to celebrate this milestone together, but a compromise could be while he is at the tractor sale you could be getting a spa treatment just for you, then you meet back together in the early afternoon / evening to have a nice dinner and movie out spead the night in a nice hotel, just you two with candles, music and soft conversation.

*Laughing* we're celebrating our 37th Sat evening by going to the Warren Theater to see Indiana Jones! Having dinner in the balcony.

Congratulations on your 10th J., everyone goes through this at one time or other. I know I definitely did things he enjoyed just to be doing something together. Now he returns the favor.

Good Luck and God Bless you Both
K.

Hi J. - I have a suggestion that is a bit different. My DH and I will celebrate "our" 10 year on August 1st. We are going camping...just the two of us up in beautiful Colorado. My in-laws are keeping our kids. It sounds like you both like the outdoors/nature and what better way to spend your anniversary than right in the middle of it? You can look for wildflowers, he can hunt/fish or you could do it all together and just enjoy the beauty of your marriage and nature as well. We have a fifth wheel, so not totally "roughing it", but tents are fun and cozy and make for some great memories. Wink, wink. Congratulations on 10 years and just enjoy each other!

Congrats on the 10 years! I would recommend Chateau Avalon out by the Legends. You can pick a theme room you would both enjoy, he could visit Cabelas, and I think they might do couple massage or something at the Avalon, but I am not sure about that. I completely surprised my husband and took him there for our anniversary, and he loved it. The Legends has all kinds of things you would both enjoy-even a movie theatre. It was a nice break for us- it might work for you. Whatever you decide, celebrate, because 10 years is a HUGE accomplishment nowadays.

I don't have much to add but I wanted to let you know that my husband and I are the same way. We have been together for almost 8 years. Thanks for asking the question I enjoy reading the advice you got.

I'll raise my hand! My husband and I are kinda like you and your husband. He's a big book reader, I assume watch the movie....only if it's good. and there are things beyond that as well....Anyway, what did the two of you do when yu were dating..........why don't you try something new neither of you have done to find out if you like it together. for a getaway, you could to the normal beach scene and they are nice, but why don't you try something different. Before my husband and I got married he was on a long business trip in Arizona, he actually got a really bad cold or something after 2 weeks of being gone. I had gone out there to visit and nurse him back to health. When he was feeling better, wee drove up to Sedona AZ. absoulitly a beautiful place. there's a bunch of outdoor things you can do, the red rock mountains are gorgous (sp). The views are fantastic. They have some hotels with the spa treatmants, so while he's doing something to relax him, you can go to the spa. But there are a ton of fun things out there. There are helicopter tours, the grand canyan is not too far off from there (couple hours drive, i think). Just an idea. I am the total beach resort girl. I love couples in Jamaica (there's a thought as well), but I would love to make it back to Sedona in a heartbeat!

I have the same problem. My husband and I have completely different interest. We are about to have our 43 anniversary June 5. We live close to branson, mo so we go down there sometimes on our anniversary and spend the night shop and go to a show. If they have a good auction somewhere there close we will go as that is what he likes to do. He is not a big Branson person but he does it for me and I am not a big auction person but I do it for him. Probably didn't help you any. I really need suggestions myself.

I used to think that I had a lot in common with my husband, then I quit drinking....turns out, not so much! Ha ha. Anyway, I realized that he does a lot of things that I want to do, so now, when we go on vacation, I usually put up with doing his activity and going in with the attitude that I am going to try really hard to like it. For example, he likes drag racing. I go with the track to him about once a year to watch races and I ask a ton of questions about everything. Pretty soon, I am actually enjoying myself...but don't tell him that, because usually after that, he feels pretty guilty about dragging me to that type of thing and agrees to do whatever I want, even if that means carrying my purse in public.

Hi! My husband and I are the same way, and we really struggled with it our first years of marriage. The I realized that he was really supportive of what I wanted to do, and we like doing the family thing together, so I should just relax and enjoy his company. Since you're already there, just think of what you both enjoyed before kids. My husband and I escape to the movies or to a local bar we both like (on the rare occasions we can find a free sitter). We don't drink much, but we talk about what we DO have in common-- crazy relatives, poor economy, dreams for the future, silly neighbors... The important thing is to just be together-- you can do all of 'your' stuff with friends or kids later. I bet your female friends would appreciate a spa more than your husband! :)