11 Month Old Training/discipline & Eating

Must you wean her now? I breastfed my babies for two years. She is only 11 months! As long as she gets breastmilk, she will have all the nutrition she needs. this can be good for a picky eater. When she hits a growth spurt, her appetite will increase and she will eat more foods. AF

She is being stubborn because that's what 11 month olds do. It's good that you are consistent but please consider this: try to say the work NO as little as possible. The best way to deal with little ones is to child proof anything you can and have as little temptations as possible. When you have more YES's than No's you will be more successful.
If you can keep nursing her, then just postpone the weaning. She might not be ready to wean. My son wasn't ready until he was 22 months old. But if you have to wean, then it's ok if she doesn't have milk for a while. Keep offering it in cups and eventually she will warm up to it. And even if she doesn't, it's ok - she can get the nutrients she needs from other things in her diet.

Have you tried redirecting her when she's doing something she's not supposed to? My daughter (13 months) is very stubborn. She used to shake her head at me and throws little tantrums. I found that telling her "no" does NOT work on her. What I do is say "not for Samantha" and then redirect her to something else. If she has something in her hand, lots of times I can trade with her for something she can play with. I wouldn't do the hand squeezing thing; she's too young to understand and you're just hurting her and she doesn't know why. This is a phase every baby goes through . . . they're exploring. If you redirect her to something else, it should help.

With the food, is there a reason you want to wean her? There's no reason you have to do it at 12 months, but it's definitely your choice. And at 12 months, if she's still nursing 3-4 times daily, there's no need for any other kind of milk, especially if she's eating yogurt and cheese. You can give her some expressed breast milk in a sippy and gradually transition to cow's milk if you want. I can't give a lot of advice because my daughter is still nursing and will barely take any rice milk in a straw cup. She will drink water out of it all day long, but put milk in it and she's done.

My daughter does the thing where she'll pick out what she wants and swipe the rest on the floor. She went through a super picky phase about a month ago where she wouln't eat hardly anything, even things she used to love. She seems to be much better now and will eat all her old favorites and will try new things again. We just kept offering and didn't force her to eat the things she didn't want to eat and she started coming around on her own. One thing people have told me is that sometimes baby will eat something she sees you eat and will eat it off your plate, even if she won't eat it off hers. You might try that.

A good parent is one who disciplines - and I think she is at the stage where she will start testing you out!
Stick to your values and, while she's very young and exploring boundaries, be confident that teaching your child how to understand the word "no" is a GOOD thing. Find ways to be flexible on things that might normally get you going - but be firm about things that you feel are necessary and don't let her grumbling get the best of you.

WIth the milk - she can always skip milk and have cheese/yogurt instead... she'll eventually come around to wanting milk like the other kids she gets to know. She'll eat when she gets hungry :)

I sound tougher than I end up being ... but trying to give you confidence in what you're trying to accomplish!!!

Deep breathing :) but if you don't set some boundaries now you will have a tougher time when she's THREE - ugh.

she really doesnt need milk as long as she gets dairy (calcium) from things like yogurt and cheese, et. ovultine worked with my girls...both hot and cold.

For the stubbornness... she is just trying to be a bit more independent. Its a normal stage. The key is to keep at what you are doing, she's just trying to see how far she can get and what reaction it will bring.

As for the eating, let her be picky. She won't starve. Just keep giving her options and she'll eventually start eating more. It may not be overnight, but again, she won't starve.

As for the milk, if she is used to breastmilk, why not give her that in her cup? Is the same approach to changing over as when a bottle fed child you slowly introduce the milk into the bottle with the formula. The same concept can apply. Put some of your breastmilk into a cup so that she can see that its a taste that she is used to. Do that for about a week. Then slowly start adding some soy milk, cows milk, whatever you are going to use to the cup, eventually the non-you milk becomes the majority/only thing in there.
M.

I think it's also how you look at things. It's okay for her to assert her independence and choose different foods. That's actually your goal in life is to get your child to be well adjusted and make good choices. Imagine every day your husband giving you the food and never got to choose what you were eating- it would be tough. As long as you continue to offer healthy choices, its okay that she eats what she wants- she is still learning. Maybe try a variety of textures, like a spoon with yogurt, pineapple tidbits and little bites of chicken - that way she can try to feed herself. For the milk- the trick is start by 3/4 breast milk and 1/4 milk for a few days, then 1/2 and 1/2 , then 3/4 cow and 1/4 breast then just top it off and finally all milk only. Good for you that you don't put regular milk in a bottle- it saves a extra step for you. Also, try a cup with handles and a squishy mouthpiece so she can do it herself. And lots of praise, way to go- good job. as far as the no's have you tracked how many no's you are dong in a day? I had to do this - a little tally and counted so many I tries to cut it by half. it's hard, but it can be done- try to save the no's for big safety issues and they become more effective. hope this helps- I love this blog and get great advice! Jenn

Relax and step back a bit - think about her perspective: everything in the world is still new to her and she only understands a small amount of what you say. The key to being a great parent is listening to your child, watching your child, keying in to her reactions and adjusting yourself to her personality. This does not equal a lack of discipline, or a child run amock. It just means that having an obedient child is gained by respecting and responding your child's needs at every stage/age of development, which may mean adjusting your expectations - an 11 month old is not a 5 year old.

Also, remember to be easy on yourself! TOO high of expectations for our children and for ourselves can be harmful.

Take care

...Hi there, I just want to add on to what I wrote last week to offer some tips that may help. I was really tired when I wrote before, too!

One thing I find helps with the "no" business is to make a conscious effort to keep my son out of rooms where there are lots of potential "no's". I aim to keep the power of the word "no" to the things that really matter, i.e. the things that put him in danger - the wobbly cd tower, the oven, electric outlets, etc. When he goes for those, that is the only time I may raise my voice a tiny bit and give a firm "NO". If he keeps trying I will take his hand and move him away, repeating "No" and often adding that's an "owie" or something like that. My son is 14 mths and we've been doing this for a while now and it works pretty well - so he avoids those things most of the time. When he does get curious again, he may try again and he does throw a fit sometimes when I say "no" to these things, but usually because he's tired. Also, it's clear that he throws a fit it's because he's frustrated, too! He doesn't really understand yet why one thing is different from something else that he COULD explore! When he throws a small fit, then I let him cry a little, and when he's a little calmer I calmly "explain" in short, simple phrases "that's hot" "the oven can hurt Kiran" "the shelf could fall and Kiran get hurt" that kind of stuff - he probably doesn't understand now, but one day he will understand and I won't know when, and it does seem to help him move on.

My mom and my MIL among others love to say "no no no" for any little thing that he does that they don't want him to do. I think that overusing the "no" word undermines the meaning of it, and adds unneeded frustration to the child - and I think that's why so many children, when they learn to talk, will frequently "talk back" to mom and say "NO" - because they hear it ALL THE TIME. I think by keeping the power of "no" to the stuff that really matter, I might be saving myself some sanity later when my son starts to talk (and I have heard this advice from some doctors, so I'm not just making it up!)

Also, to address other "no's" we use the word "yucky" and a sour face when he puts something in his mouth that isn't good for him. and I redirect him a lot or take away the thing that I, and I emphasize the word "I", don't WANT him to touch. I think the key thing with keeping baby from touching things she shouldn't is action on our part to keep our babies in rooms and spaces that are "safe" for them to explore freely whenever and wherever possible. Exploration is how they learn.

As far as eating is concerned, is there a reason you want to wean at 12 mths? Continuing to breastfeed past that age, if your child still wants to, can help your child find comfort and calm, and maintain trust between her and you, and lessen her frustration with ALL the things her new little mind is learning from stratch! As a result, continuing to breastfed past a year can lessen behavior challenges as she moves to be a toddler.

With the food on her plate, we can't expect babies to eat everything. She is trying things out and asserting some indepence by chosing what she eats. That is a good thing! It's a tiny place where she can start to make decisions for herself. Nonetheless, it might help to offer foods seperately on her plate/tray so that she might be more willing to eat the peas if the cheese isn't on her plate at the same time, since she likes cheese SO much - that's just an example. :) Also, we found that around 11 mths my son had a sudden interest in eating more baby food by the spoon again. He was so busy starting to try to walk, that he regressed a bit to the dependence of being spoonfed. That is perfectly normal. It only lasted less than a week.

Ultimately, your child is another person who can't read your mind and still doesn't really understand the world around her. One of the greatest things I've learned as a parent is not just how much my son has to learn (and how frustrating it can be for him when surrounded by an entirely NEW world) but it's how much I AM LEARNING! This mom thing is a PROCESS and as moms we have to be willing to adjust TO our children to meet their needs since they do not come preprogrammed.

So my advice, again, is to be flexible and open to trying new strategies, while ALWAYS respecting your child, be creative in coming up with new strategies, too. Most of all, when you're open to learning new things with your child I think we can have more fun and enjoy it all even more!

Take care, Again!
D.

I think what you are experiencing is normal. She is trying to exert her indepedence. Just continue to stay firm and consistent. She is at the age where she is starting to know what she wants and what she likes. Of course she complains when you say no.Wouldn't you like to complain when you are told no.She's testing her limits. Kids don't know the limits so that have to test them to see where they are at. If she has just learned no, she is probably just testing it out. I think as long as she is eating some healthy stuff let her be. My son would eat corn, then for a long time he wouldn't and the other night he started eating it again. We tried to struggle with him for awhile about eating veggies and that is exactly what it was a struggle. So, we decided to just put some of everything we have on his plate and let him eat what he likes. Don't you have things you don't like. I think as a adults we don't like to be told what to do, eat, wear etc. but we do it to our kids and expect them to take it. I know we know better than they do but we have to choose our battles. We wouldn't like someone forcing us to eat something we didn't like no matter how good it is for us. As far as the milk goes, if you are still breastfeeding her she may not take regular milk because she gets milk from you. I would hold off on it until you have completely weaned her then try again. I do not think it will hurt her not to drink milk as long as she gets other sources, cheese, yogurt etc. Be glad she drinks water, because some kids won't, they want flavor. Also, I found out from my son's doctor that milk can really fill them up so limit the milk she gets, if she starts drinking it. At first I had my son just drinking milk and he wouldn't eat because he was full on the milk. I think you are doing the right things with the discipline, and allow her to be herself and express herself within the limits of keeping her safe and healthy.

she's still very little, don't take her actions too personally. right now you can tell her "no" until you're blue in the face, but it's meaningless to her. you have to SHOW her what "no" means. so if she's not allowed to touch something, don't let her touch it. don't expect her to stop touching it when you say no, just say no (and there's no need to yell or stress about it, just a firm gentle "No" will do), move her hand away and then (and this is key) re-direct her to a positive behavior. so, she wants to play with the wall socket. you say no, pull her hand away, and grab a fun toy and shake it at her, distracting her from the wall socket. if she goes back to the wall socket, you say no, move her away and offer her a ball to play with. if she goes back to it, then you say no and take her out of the room. or whatever. you get the idea.

as for eating, again, don't take any of this personally. babies and small children are notoriously picky. she's still breast feeding, which is great, she's getting the nutrition she needs. so for now, really focus on introducing her to new foods (but don't present her with too much or too many different things at one time or you'll overwhelm her and she won't try any of it), let her play with it, eat some, mush some around, stick it up her nose, whatever... and don't worry about what she's consuming. as you transition her from breast milk to cow's milk (more about that below), you'll need to worry a bit more about the balance in her nutrition (for example, a lot of babies end up iron deficient during this time b/c breast milk has iron and cow's milk has none and most parents don't know to focus on compensating for that), but even then, think in terms of a week's food rather than a meal or even a whole day. one day she'll eat a ton and then the next she'll only eat cheerios or something, and that's ok as long as over the course of the week she's gotten a good balance. the most important thing is that you not stress about food or make it a battle, because, and hear this now: that is a battle you will lose. you cannot force a child to eat. it bears repeating: you cannot force a child to eat. if food becomes a battle, she will win. repeat as necessary to keep yourself from stressing about making her eat certain foods or in a certain way or whatever. just provide her with a good healthy balance of foods, and then relax. let your mantra be: I say what and when, she says how much and whether. which is to say, do not get into the habit of letting her dictate what she eats (that's how you end up with kids who only eat hotdogs and mac n cheese, b/c in a panic parents start giving them that b/c they'd rather that than let the kid go hungry); nor may she say when she eats (that's the kid who snacks all day, again b/c a parent is afraid that if they don't let her have the goldfish at 5 in the evening, she won't eat anything at all); but you are not in control of how much of what you give her she eats, or even if she eats any of it at all. and yes, sometimes you will fear that you are letting your child go hungry. but know this: if you're calm and resilient, your child will not go hungry. she will eat what you provide b/c she will know that there won't be snacks later and you won't go fix her something else that she'd rather eat. and if she goes hungry once, it's not the end of the world. seriously. the only caveat is if you have an underweight kid or a diabetic kid or some other health issue that you should be discussing w/ your pediatrician anyway. but if you have a normal, healthy kid, then trust me, this will work. you provide appropriate, healthy foods at appropriate times (usually 3 meals and 2 snacks for most kids), balance what you offer with an eye to what she's eaten that week, and then just let it go.

as for the milk issue, are you doing breast milk or cow's milk in the cups? don't sweeten breast milk, it's already quite sweet and there's no need to get her liking things too sweet. if it's cow's milk, you may want to re-think that: most pediatricians recommend waiting until at least a year before introducing cow's milk. I know you're almost there, but still, I'd wait. so, for now, I'd do water or breast milk in a sippy cup and see how that goes. if it's breast milk that you've been trying and she won't take that, will she take a bottle? how quickly do you want to wean her? have you discussed this with your pediatrician?

well, apparently I have as many questions as I do advice, but I hope that helps get you started....