11 Year Old Attitude

I don't have any first hand experience dealing with Asperger's, but if he is doing well in school other than the moodiness and attitude stuff, maybe you could consider a karate class for him.

My son's karate school (and all of them that I have heard about really) really stress and spend a pretty good amount of time on 'respect'. Both self respect and respect for others. They strive to work on self-control, both physically and emotionally (attitude is EVERYTHING in karate). It also is not a team sport, and all progress is really associated with your own personal improvements, not what everybody else is doing. I have seen the instructors at my son and daughter's school work really well with kids who have disciplinary issues and troubles caused by attitude at school.

I'm sure other moms here will be able to point you in the right direction as far as medical/neurological therapy interventions, but I wanted to put the 'karate' thing out there, too. He might really enjoy it, and the instructors and ALL the staff, really, at my kids' school are superb role models. I LOVE that my son has such an array of personalities and ages modeling good self control and respect for others. Some of the instructors are late teens, some are grand parents. Most are in their early 20's and really can relate to the kids in a way that moms can't. They are mostly guys, too. :)

Are you able to look into an Aspie's support group? I bet that parents of other Aspies would be able to help with the "is this normal for Aspies or just normal 11yo boy attitude?"

However, it does sound like more than just 11yo boy attitude. Have you talked to his counselor about him shutting down, or with the idea of a more intensive "team" idea? Also, have you talked to the school counselor?

Sorry I can't be more help, but am sending good thoughts your way.

Tae Kwon Do helped my son with Asperger's. It is non-competitive, and teaches concentration and self-discipline. With Asperger's social skills that come naturally to most people have to be taught. We got him into a pramatic social skills group through our local speech clinic. Also, sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right match for a counsellor. We found one that gave homework and was practical in his suggestions was the most effective. Prior to that, his sessions were just gripe and vent sessions with no constructive solutions to help him change his behaviors that contributed to the problems. Good luck!

Perhaps some alone time will work. Schedule it into your day - make it a priority.

No TV - no computers - no cell phones - just you and your son, talking about each other, having a genuine interest in his life and activities, cuddle while you're talking - show him lots of affection. Read together - hug and kiss - just having you all to himself will be a big change and improve his overall attitude.

11 is a tough time, like you said, right on the brink of adolescence.

I think the alone time will help tremendously.

Also check out the book "The Vital Touch" by Sharon Heller. Grab it from your local library or off of Amazon.com.

Best wishes.

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Ditto Victoria's advise below about enrolling your son in a Karate or Tae Kwon Do or any martial arts school And NO QUITTING allowed. Period. But I think you'll need to attend the class and sit on the sidelines as his cheerleader and be encouraging and show lots of interest. And if you're going to be there investing that much time, perhaps you can take the class together eventually.

Now, what is wrong with the current counselor? I would recommend that you not change counselors frequently or abruptly when things start getting rough. This is when the break throughs will come. Unless you feel and know for certain the sessions aren't going anywhere. Is the counselor on board with your son's defiance and sabotaging the therapy visits?

And are you both in family counseling, together, same appointment? Or is he going alone?

My s 11 yr. old son has his typical pre-pubescent ups and downs and instantly changing moods, but he is not disrespectful towards his teachers. I always think normal means they don't act like that very often. How often is your son causing such distress? Obviously enough that you are concerned and bothered by the chronic stress of it. I would recommend you have daily heart to heart talks with him about his choices, why it is upsetting to you, why it is not appropriate.

From here, he seems angry. And he'll probably want and need more time with his Dad pretty soon.

Our Nephew has Asperger's and also one of my daughters best friends is an Aspie..

For our Nephew they are very strict about his behaviors. They stay on top of him constantly. I think it sounds really aggressive. They use extremely strong voices and tell him to do things. He no longer questions them and just does it. I know he has been in therapy since he was 3, so I assume this is what they have learned works for him.

He is in a private school in very small classes. He has had a few "melt downs over the years where he refused to do what the teacher instructed or one of his parents wanted and it turned a bit violent (hitting and yelling), followed by a shut down. My SIL is all over him all of the time..

Our daughters best friend is a whole different ball of wax.. If she thinks she is right, no matter how wrong or rude she is, she will not back down.. ever.. I remember she stormed out of a High School Spanish class and refused to ever return, because the teacher tried to correct this girls test and then pronunciations.. They had to just have her drop the class.

She is now in college and they are going to have to work with her all summer on her "tact" because she does not have any.. This is a child that wants to be a teacher! Yikes..

I suggest therapy for your son, this will include you so that he can learn techniques on how to deal and you will learn how to assit him..