My 11 year old daughter (middle child) has an outrageous temper with me. With her teachers, classmates, friends or strangers she is an ANGEL 100%. But with me she is really getting BAD! She has anger towards me, which I cannot figure out. I have always given her everything, Plenty or love and hugs and patience. She always tells me to "Shut Up" or that I am a loser and a bad mother. It is just the opposite, my other two children, even the 16 year old are very respectful and caring. If I tell her not to talk to me like that and give her no discipline, she continues. If I discilpine her, she goes crazy and starts pinching and hitting me. If anyone has a similar situation that has been solved, please HELP!!
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Whatever you do, don't take her comments to you personally. When I was 11, that was the darkest time of my life. I had low self esteem. And other issues. Girls this age go through a lot of emotions. This is a tough age. She may not even be able to sit down and talk about what she's going through. She may not be able to analyze herself. Hang in there.
Give her positive feedback when she answers politely. Be firm with the discipline and make it stick. Give her lots of one on one time with you.
Counselling could be a good place. She does not seem to respect you and I wonder why. She does respect her teachers and the rest. is she angry about something? Where is Dad? Can he handle this problems? She might need a stronger figure than you and Dad should set her straight on that.
It is possible she has some neutotransmitter imbalances. Most docs aren't going to be real helpful with this. I work with an alternative doctor (not local)and we do urine organic acid tests and neurosciences neurotransmitter testing. She may need serotonin or 5HTP - ard to say without testing. At her age, you also have hormones raging which could lead to this type of behavior. I hope you find some answers.
I think a professional might be able to help. Maybe she could get help by talking through things with someone.
continue to discipline and do not let up. do not let her be the "winner". you are the parent she is the child. tell her that god gave you permission to be parent; therefore, if she has a problem to take it up with him. continue to listen administer hugs/love/positive influence but when she starts her "issues" back away. administer the punishment, walk away, and if she charges you, step to the side and do not retilate; ignore her. and if she says she's calling the police on you for whatever, offer to dial the police yourself. if you have insurance or can afford to do so, take her to a shrink... and do not let your daughter manipulate you! a senior lady told me once that when children get to pre-puberty, aliens kidnap their brains and you will not "see" your child till the child is about 19-20. hahahaha
My daughter started a odd change of temperment at age 12 and it turned out to be hormonal. We had to have her start hormone therapy and go on Celexa for a year or two(anti-depressant.) There is even a name for this sudden adolescent mood/behavior change. At 22, she still battles hormone imbalances, but is a totally happy, well-adjusted, loving adult.
I have this problem too, pls answer me and tell me what she is like now?
Take comfort in the fact that she is good with others. This shows she CAN have self-control, but with you, she's choosing to lash out. You are her "safe" person that she knows will still be there no matter how awful she is. But you cannot allow her to bully you, and certainly not physically. She needs definitive boundaries drawn, with specific consequences if she chooses to cross them, and stick with the consequences every time. It will be hard and miserable for you both, but BE CONSISTENT and it will pay off in the end. Also, make sure she understands that she is CHOOSING to behave this way and therefore choosing to be disciplined. A family counselor would be of great help, too, in getting to the root of her lashing out and helping her find better ways to deal with her anger. Perhaps she resents your working, or it could be something totally unrelated to you. She just lashes out at you because you do love her, and I'm sure she loves you, too. Good luck.
I have the back talking with my 14 year old. You need to have your husband stand up for you and be firm with her. He needs to tell her that you are his wife and you will not be spoken to by anyone especially his daughter that way, and she better not hit or pinch you. You have to be consistent too, don't back down because she's going to get mad at you, not now, but later in life she'll respect you a whole lot more that you gave her the rules. Too me she's not too big that a spanking is out of the question. She might be mad but she's also testing you, she might not even know it or have it planned out, she wants to be in charge of her own life, typical teenager.
Pray hard, have patience and be consistent.
God Bless,
You mentioned you've always given her everything, and are very patient. For some kids, sometimes this is not what they need! Somewhere along the line she got the idea she didn't need to respect you. You know she is capable of correct behavior. You will need to seek professional help to help both of you - for you, to stand up to her and set clear guidelines of appropriate behavior and consequences for poor behavior, and help for your daughter. It is good to have another adult in an authoritative position, to help you lay down the law with such disrespect. Her behavior is like bullying, really. She is acting this way because she has been allowed to get away with it. Some kids just always push it....she sounds like one of them. Perhaps the counselor at her school can help as well.
She is testing your limits before the teen years. Manipulation is the only power kids have over their parents. And you can't just hand over the Bad Cop duties to the father, either.
I think you've gotten great advice. I just wanted to give you some hope. I had a friend who was having similar problems with her 10 year old. It escalated to the point that her daughter would hit her in public and the neighbors were getting concerned. One neighbor told her flat out that her daughter could be arrested for her violence against her mother. They started seeing a counselor (both parents and the child). After a few weeks of clear boundaries and consistant consequences, things improved dramatically. Hang in there, it will get better if you act now and are consistent.
