12 Month Old Going Thru a "Whining" Stage?

Updated on December 11, 2008
M.T. asks from Peabody, MA
12 answers

My 12-month old son seems to be going thru a "whining" stage... and I guess I'm just worried that it could be something more than just a stage. He has been teething (his molars), so I know that can certainly make him cranky; and his nap schedule seems to be all over the place lately. He naps every day but the length of time and what time he naps has been varied. He sleeps well at night (from 8pm to 6/6:30 am) and on a good day takes a 2-hour nap. I'm just wondering if there's something I'm not doing that I should be? He just seems so unhappy, crabby, demanding... For example, if he points to something he wants and it's something unsafe for him to have - I say "no", and try to distract him with something else. Well, in an instant he is having a major whining fit about it and behaving like a brat! I don't want him to continue being this way - I don't think I'm spoiling him or anything... just not sure what's going on. If he doesn't get what he wants "RIGHT NOW" he will freak out and have a tantrum. He doesn't even seem to understand the word "no"... I say "no", I say it firmly and with a firm tone of voice and a frown face so he can make the clear distinction that whatever he wants to do is "NOT" ok. But he either has a tantrum, or is persistant at trying to do whatever it is at the moment that he wants to do. I thought of using the "time out" method, but I think he's still too young for that. So bottom line - is this just a phase or should I be more concerned? I just want my little boy to be happy!

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R.S.

answers from New London on

Whatever you do, don't give in! Actually my pediatrician told me that at 1 yr he recommends time outs. He said to use a playpen they don't use or something and put them in it for 1 minute. Not so much for punishment, though it is a bit, but also for them to have minute to relax. I have been doing it with my son and to tell you the truth he doesn't seem to mind it and it give us both a minute to cool down and redirect. Sometimes that is all it takes. I think whiney stages are totally normal though. Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Boston on

I have a 13 month old baby and she started whining at 12 months so I decided to teach her sign language and it has helped a ton. She feels like she can communicate now and she doesn't whine as much. I definitely recommend it. You could go to your local library for books and videos on sign language for babies.

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D.W.

answers from Providence on

Like everyone else said, This is very normal! He is at that age where he knows what he wants but may not be able to communicate it. If he's mad, he can't communicate it with words yet so he acts out. If he just throws himself on the floor you might ignore it, because he wants that attention, but put him in his crib or in a "time out" for a minute if he gets violent and tell him there is no hitting or hurting.

You are not alone!

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C.M.

answers from Boston on

First of all I totally understand what you are going through, unfortunately it is my daughter's personality and not a phase and it could be for you too. She was an unhappy baby from day one. You would be lucky to get her to smile and then as quickly as she could smile she would cry. She gets frustrated easily and still at almost 4 likes to put up a fight about EVERYTHING!!! As far as timeouts....I don't think he's too young.....he understands what NO means because he his getting upset when you tell him...so he can understand what time out means. I started when my daughter was about that age....she had started to get on top of the coffee table and finally the only thing that worked was time out. I would strap her in her highchair for 1 minute. Its 1 minute for every year old they are. Goodluck to you and for your sake I hope it is just a phase!!

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N.S.

answers from Providence on

It is just a stage and will probably continue on well into toddlerhood. I have a son who just turned 3 and still goes through this.
I think that part of it is that he isn't able to express himself and his "crankiness" is a result of that. Try to help him to not get so frustrated and it should help minimize the tantrums. I know that when my son was that age I was saying no all day long and when I thought about it I had to change the way I reacted to him. I don't think it's particularly good to say "No" all day long.
Personally I think that the time out is for a child that is a little older. We started that at 2.
Sometimes you just need to let them have their tantrum. Make sure they are safe and won't hurt themself and then walk out of the room for a minute or two and see if it stops. Goodluck!

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L.P.

answers from Boston on

i would not be concerned at all. Hes testing his boundries. He will evenually learn that the whinning doesnt work and he will stop. whe he has a tantrum just walk away from him and he should stop. He is to young f a real time out but if you want when he starts to whine pick him up and put him in another room and walk out of the room that worked for my son when he was 12 months old. hope that this helps you.

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R.T.

answers from Boston on

That's normal behavior! I've discovered that the terrible twos start in the second year, not at age too! Boy was I surprised :) So it's just a phase, but it might be a loooong phase.
I've had the best luck with ignoring the whining, and doing things at a normal pace, not rushing to give in to the whining. It's hard not to let it get to you sometimes. But if you've said no, and he's safe and just throwing a fit, turn your back, walk away. Don't give him extra attention for throwing a tantrum.
I also recommend making an extra effort to remove things that you don't want him to have from his reach to begin with. Also, things that are annoying to you, but not hurting him or any thing else, just let it go. I have found that the more you have to say "no" the less effective it gets.
Good luck :)

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D.H.

answers from Lewiston on

No! He is NOT to young to begin time outs! My friend recommended it and my pedi agreed when my daughter was about 10 months old. We pick her up and put her in a no-fun area against the wall and count. (One minute per year old). Then we "talk" about why she had a timeout and hug. Now that she is bigger, she doesn't stay put and sometimes we have to hold her there or put her in her highchair and have her face the wall. It has done wonders and normally breaks the behavior by just mentioning a timeout. Give it a try!! (It'll take some time for him to understand, but it is worth it.)

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M.W.

answers from Boston on

my guess is that he is frustrated because he cannot communicate with you as well as he would like - so the whining may be in place of words...i would rey and encourage him to point/talk/communicate anyway he can and almost ignore the whining when possible (i know that this is not an option all the time)

also in place of saying NO when he wants something unsafe - tell him "it is not a toy" and "please do not touch" - just adding more and more words to his vocabulary (which although he cannot say all of the words he is learning and remembering - i also say "no thank you" instead of just NO so it sounds a little more positive to my ears....

hope some of this may help - and i am SURE it is just a phase!!!

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M.H.

answers from Boston on

My 14 month old is the same. She'll point to something and grunt and whinge. So I started telling her "say mom mom help". So now she points and says "mom mom" (she's not able to say 'help' and she already calls me mom mom) and I go and help her. At least it's stopped the grunting and whinging.

I also try to give her an alternative when she wants something she can't have. I say firmly "no" and tell her why (it's dangerous, hot, etc) then offer her something else. She still has a meltdown, but it only lasts for a few moments until she plays with the other thing I offered her.

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L.S.

answers from New London on

Whining is a stage, but for some it can be a long long stage or phaze. You are doing a great job. Kids will have tantrums but you have to ignore it. You are the boss and he will figure it out eventually. Just keep it up. Say a firm no and that's it. That is all you can do. You can then distract him with something else. If he is pointing at something and whining don't give it to him, you say, ask nicely, mommy please. Say mommy please. And he should try to at least say mommy or sign please and change his whiney tone to something more pleasant and then you can give him what he wants (unless of course it isn't something you want to give him). This is a learning time for him. You teach him how to behave. He doesn't know how yet, so just keep up the good work. It should lesson too, once he becomes more verbal. He is frustrated and teethy. Have you tried a little tylenol or get a teething net and give him some fruit juice pops to suck on? That helps with teething. good luck!! My son is 19 months old and throws temper tantrums every now and then.

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T.H.

answers from Boston on

I agree with the other moms who suggested that he's having a hard time expressing himself. Have you thought about doing sign language with your baby? We did it with our daughter, and it eliminated many of the "terrible twos" simply because she could tell us what she wanted. My little 10 month old son just started signing back to us yesterday! So far he can sign "milk", "more" and "all done" - before signing he would point and whine or yell...so it's already cutting down on the noise! There are a lot of books on the subject, and it's amazing when your little non-verbal one can communicate to you!

We didn't use timeouts with our daughter - I didn't feel like it worked for her - she would just get more and more upset and end up shrieking and kicking. Instead, we said "no" in a firm voice, and then offered a distraction. Take him to a different room, offer a great toy in a singsongy voice, etc.

Good luck!

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