12 Month Old Screaming in Defiance!

My daughter is stopping the screaming tantrums mostly because we simply ignore her when she does it. I tell her firmly that mommy will not talk to her until she's ready to speak in a normal voice and then I simply leave the room. The screams get louder after two minutes I remind her that mommy won't talk to her until she's ready to speak in a normal voice and then I continue what I'm doing in the other room. She eventually got it. She still screams every now and then but the tantrums are very short and usually I only have to tell her once to talk in a normal voice.

Try to keep all objects she's not suppose to have out of her reach, but if she does get a hold of something, distract her with something more interesting, a favorite toy or a few minutes of play time, when she loosens her grip, make the object disappear. She's only 12 months, she doesn't have a very long attention span.

First of all, only you and your husband are raising your child, regardless of if you are staying home to do so or work outside the home to support your family. Coming from a therapist who works with infants and preschoolers (me!), this is a normal part of development for your baby. When children are one, they have little language, but a lot of personality and opinion. The only way they know how to let their opinion known is to act out. Stick to your guns and you will reap the benefits. Distraction is a great tool. With my just turned one year old, I take away what he is not supposed to have, give a short explanation (that is not safe or that is not a toy) and immediately give him one of his toys with a short explanation (this is for you to enjoy). He might fuss a bit, but only occasionally to I get an arching the back fit. Try to reserve no for the imminent danger situations so it keeps it's potency. Hang in there and keep up the good work!

It's called manipulation. Don't give in. Be stronger, you are the parent: you decide.
good luck

did she get a bunch of vaccines for her birthday? if so, you may need to see a naturopathic doc to help treat her for the toxins injected. send me a note and i can refer you if needed. good luck!
J.

Dear Dawn,
I hope you are not too stressed with a full time job AND a baby! And Thank GOD you have a good husband!
About the screaming - It could be a tummy ache! At this site are some tips to understand your BABY's BODY LANGUAGE:
http://www.babies-and-sign-language.com/body-language.html

If it IS a tummy ache, I really found relief for the babies using homeopathic Baby Colic tablets, and Teething Tablets in the Natural remedies section of Health food stores. They melt in the mouth and are completely safe.
I hope it works out that this will be over soon!
Best,
R.
PS- WHO is watching the babywhile you work? When my kids were little I got so worried that I might get one of those abusive babysitters, that I eventually got a job working from home so I could watch the babysitter! Here's a cartoon I identified with:
http://www.gomommygo.com/gommygojokes.html
In any case, I hope she IS being treated OK, and it's just a tummy ache!
:)

Sounds like you are doing everything right. It just takes time for your little one to figure things out. She is smart and full of energy and is just learning the ropes, so just hold your ground with patients and confidence. You know what is best for her and by being consistent she will feel safe. I have three girls, the youngest is two, and boy does she give me a run for my money. I tell her things like "I know you are mad right now, or I am sorry you are sad" but I don't change the rule or dicipline. Most dicipline involves removing her from what she is doing just for a few minutes or until she can be calm. We take deep breaths and then try again. You sound like great, loving parents.
Take care, M.

Sounds like your child's intelligence is increasing faster than her ability to effectively communicate what she wants, needs or feels. In other words, she's frustrated perhaps thinking you can't understand her...even though you may just being saying "no" to something she wants. Just be consistent so she knows expectations and boundaries. They are smart little guys and will learn quickly how to push buttons. However, learn when to pick your battles and what battles are worth it...safety issues definitely, but remember that little ones explore and learn from that so if it's not a safety issue, it might be worth helping her explore with you.

Good luck and take a deep breath!

my daughter is the same age and also throws tantrums like that (but its when its bedtime). what i do is pick her up and tell her that we arent going to act like that and remove her from the situtation. if she continues to act like she is i pout her in her bed because she does get like that when shes tired.

We have a willfull 21 month old that we have been sending to the "naughty mat" since he was 12 months old. It's the ONLY thing he responds to.

This is how it works: We give him a warning...they understand at 12 months, regardless of what people tell you. (The sooner you start to parent, the easier it will be.) Then, if the behavior continues or happens again, we put him on the naughty mat. (You can't just threaten, you have to be consistent, or nothing will work.) We move hom to another room, onto the mat - he usually finishes his tantrum without us watching, but we are still listening. We give him another 10-30 seconds (depending on his age) of him being silent and then we go over, have him stand, explain briefly what he did wrong, have him give us a hug and we tell him that we love him and we really enjoy him behaving.

At first, we had to put him back on the mat sometimes 3-20 times, as he would crawl or walk off - but with the consistency - it's WORKING! He finally getting much easier, knowing that he can't push us.

We bought a carpet sample for a few bucks and we can move it anywhere. We also used this for our first son, but he didn't need it until he was about 2.5 years old. We were on vacation in a hotel and he was misbehaving. I asked him if he wanted to go to the naughty mat? He replied with, "You don't have it here." I went into the bathroom, grabbed a hand towel and put in on the floor....then I asked him again. He was perfect the rest of the trip. Our 2nd son isn't so compliant....but it still works like a charm.

We aren't into negative reinforcement. We do TONS of positive, but for this age and this child...this is the only thing that works for most of his behavior modification.

PS: We taught both of sons sign language, but the first one only used "more" on a consistent basis. The first one, had 30 signs down. Different kids...like night and day.

I think you are right about discipline ... this is not a discipline issue. Rather, it is about communication and teaching her.
Great that you are both consistant, find safe things of yours (she wants YOURS ;-) ) these she can pick up, and hide those she mustn't, distract to take things away, and don't unless its important.
If she's tantrumming, cuddle and try a change of tack, especially of there is a slight pause, if none, and she is in full throttle - leave to burn out where possible in a safe space. Don't feed the fury!
When she's quieter carry on love as usual. Keep it up, she has all these stages to go through ... Hope this one isn't too long!

She's not a defiant shrew, she's a baby overwhelmed with frustration. If you're asking what you can do to control her behavior after it's got to this point, the answer is nothing. Think how you would feel if you were crying hysterically and all efforts were focused on making you shut up instead of helping you to calm down.

There's nothing wrong, nothing to tame or discipline. She's just feeling things she never felt before, part of growing up, and it'll take her awhile to learn how to cope. If you just maintain your consistent boundaries and help her to calm down when she loses it, she'll learn. Babies learning to walk fall all the time, but without any discipline they eventually get it right.

I had the same situation and really they just need to be reminded each time that it is not OK to scream! I know it sounds silly, but she will get it. Eventually she will grow out of it and then you will move on to something new. It is so much a learning process for us and them! I asked my Ped. about it and he put it this way, it makes him happy to see that the child has an opinion because it means that everything is working right! That made me feel great! When the child is actually responding to an action, ie: taking a toy away or saying no, they are getting it and letting you know that they don't like it!!

Good luck and just try to remember to stay patient, it gets hard but it is worth every minute of it!!!

Completely ignore the behavior. I know it's hard, but even negative responses is feeding into it. Wen she throws herself, walk away, don't look at her. If she gets up in your face, screaming, tell her to use her words. As soon as she stops, praise her "nice girl" behavior, "there's my beautiful girl, that's the nice face I like" then just talk to her, even if she doesn't talk back, she knows and appreciates what you're saying. When she realizes her fits get her nowhere, she'll stop.

ALSO! At that age, you can't just take something away from her and expect her to be ok. If you take something away, divert her attention or give her something more appropriate instead, or get her to hand it over willingly or by trade. Pick your battles.

My son was the same age when he all of a sudden decided to have terrible tantrums. Because he was so little if he started to have a tantrum we put him in his crib. He couldn't hurt himself, and it was a safe place he could kick and scream and he would be safe. I would try that. also remember not to stay in the room with your child you have to alsmost ignore them and let them realize they have been removed from the situation and you are no longer watching them.

I actually called my daughters pediatrician because she throws herself down on the floor and screams several times a day (she's 18 months old). Anyway, my pediatrician's advice is that when she throws a tantrum, get up and leave the room. Go into another room & close the door. When she stops crying open the door and give her attention. The idea is to completely remove yourself from the situation, don't look at her, don't say anything to her, nothing........just leave, that is the biggest punishment for your child (leaving her). He said children this age are too young for time-outs & you certainly can't reason with them or explain things yet. I have been doing this & it does work. The doc also said that when your child is being 'good' be sure to give her plenty of attention and praise. Good luck, I feel your pain! :-)

She could just miss you and want more attention from you. As your child gets older she really enjoys spending a lot of time with Mom and Dad. I understand about the full time work. However, as long as you are spending quality time with her she will be fine. Quality time is better than quantity. My mother in law used to tell my kids when they would pick up things they should not, "that's mimi's, please put it down." Or, she would take it away and say danger, that's mine. We tried doing that ourselves and had great success. Sometimes I think they hear the word No to many times that if we can be creative about what we want them to do it sometimes help. Hope this shed some light on a new approch. Take Care.