12 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Wear His Helmet

I have one addition to the many great responses (and I agree - no helmet, no riding, period!): my brother and his family live in Sweden. Children have been required to use bike helmets there by law since at least 1990 (when the oldest child was ready to learn to ride).

in Swedish vernacular, they are called "Brain Buckets" . . . ..

Let him paint or decorate his own helmet, maybe he'll want to wear it. Or go shopping & let him pick out his own, there must be some pretty cool designed helmets out there. A few extra bucks seems worth it for him to wear it.

Good luck!

Realy cool motorcycle dudes wear helmets too...there are many.

Jessie James
Paul Teutel
Arlen Ness

However, Indian Larry liked to be a little more free. He was known for the beautiful bikes he built and riding free. He would stand on the seat of his bikes and ride for a crowd. Eventually this didn't last. "Larry left us all too soon. He rode free with the wind in his hair and the sun on his face."

Maybe if it is possible you can have his helmet custom painted to match his bike. That would make him feel more cool in front of the guys. Or let him sticker it up like they do on the motorcycle helmets. You can buy helmet stickers online. Use the stickers as a reward and buy a few to keep on hand.

Keep that helmet on him...it is worth it.

Um, yea, it's illegal. Maybe find some articles online or websites of families who had a child who died or were seriously injured because they didn't wear a helmet. He really doesn't have a say in this since it is against the law. I've pasted the specifics below for you.
M.

Bicycle Helmets (Vehicle Code Sections 21212, 21204)
Bicycle riders under age 18 must wear a properly fitted and fastened helmet which meets specified safety standards when they ride on a street, bikeway, or public bicycle path or trail. Helmets sold in California must conform to applicable standards and be so labeled.
Bicycle operators are prohibited from carrying passengers without a separate seat. For children who are either under four years old or under 40 pounds, the seat must include a restraint system and protection from moving parts of bicycle, and a properly fitted safety helmet must be used.
Consequences: The maximum fine is $25; the case may be dismissed on a first offense. The money collected will be used for education and to assist low–income families to obtain helmets.

http://www.helmets.org/kidswear.htm

http://www.helmets.org/stats.htm

It's the law in CA, under 18, helmet mandatory. Just take him to your local police department and have them tell him what will happen when he gets a ticket for riding without a helmet. There might be a fine and there might be traffic school. My brother had to go to "bicycle" traffic school, watch a video about bike accidents, and got lectured by police officers. So stick to your guns about the no helmet, no bike rule.

I went through the same thing and my stock answer was, " that's fine, don't wear your helmet, but if you don't you will not be permitted to ride your bike." No arguing, just statement of fact. If he argues, he lost his bike riding privilges for the day. If he ignores you remove the bike pedals. Make it clear to him that he has complete control over bike riding, and that this is a non negotiable rule. Don't argue, act. Good luck.

i think you should just stick to your rule of no helmet, no biking. i also pray for you. you must face a lot of challenges being a mom of kids with adhd, and a daughter with that condition. i believe that God chose you especially to mother these children because you are the best mom for them.

If you have a friend who is a police officer, they can explain that it is illegal and he will get in trouble if he does not wear it. The officer may also have the Red Asphault videos. They are kind of gorey, but may work too.

I believe it is the law if he doesn't wear one. I agree with the moms who say bring him to the police or fire station to make an impression. I would tell him that you are going to take him to the police/fire station, and he can talk to them about not wearing a helmet because it's not your decision since you didn't make the laws.

The fire station may also enlighten him on the accidents that occur to children who do not wear helmets. My father is a doctor, and we always had to wear our seat belts (way before it was a law). He would tell us graphic stories of the head injuries that occurred to those who took the risk of not buckling in. Some were so tragic we would actually cry. Your son is at an age where he believes he is infallible. A little does of reality may help.

Hi! Not an issue - period!! My son is 10 and is sort of trying that out as well - not so much with the bike helmet as with skateboard safety - i told him that if he wants to ride or skate he wears gear - period ... i put it on me saying that i would be so sad if something happened -- there's a reason they make it --- to protect!! If more parents told their kids it wasn;t an option, we wouldn't have a problem ... good luck!!

Hi S., No advice needed, you did the right thing, no helment no bike, no argument, stick to your guns mom, he made be upset with you for a short time if any, but he's safe. My kids tried to tell me when they were young that wearing a helment wasn't cool, only sissy's wear helments, so you'll either be a sissy or you'll be on foot your choice. J. L.

You have the right idea, stick with it. Flat out tell him this is not an idea up for discussion.

I would ask him specifically why he doesn't want to wear it. I would calmly offer for him to chose his helmet, but do not cave. He may not like the helmet, fit or thinks that it doesn't look cool. There are second hand stores and sales. Maybe choosing the one he wants will inspire him to wear it. If he falls and hurts himself seriously it is not worth it. Good Luck.

Maybe you can find some way to scare him into wearing his helemet? My friend is a nurse and her boys religiously wear their helmets. As a nurse, she's seen too many accidents from kids who don't wear their helmets. I remember when we were learning how to drive, the driver's ed teacher showed us that movie "Red Asphalt." That really scared a lot of us into being safe drivers. Maybe there is something out there, pictures along with statistics showing the repercussions of not wearing your helmet?

When my now 20 year old son was about that age, he was riding bikes with friends and unbeknown to me none of them were wearing helmets. He was the only one that received a ticket from the police (he was leading the pack I guess). I had to miss a half day of work and pay a fine at Juvenal court. In court, he had to bring his helmet to show the judge that he did indeed have one, and he had to promise her that he would wear it. Once home, however, he refused. So that was the last time he rode his bike. He didn't like how the helmet "messed" up his hair. I told him his hair wouldn't be a problem because it would all be shaved off should he have an accident. This shouldn't have anything to do with the ADHD, my other son is also ADHD and he never had a problem with wearing a helmet. He didn't care what his hair looked like.

You got a lot of fine advice already. Common theme: No helmet, no bike. Period. He has to know you mean business about that, and be consistent. You can hear him out, about how it is uncomfortable (more on that later) or isn't cool, or how his friends will ostracise him... but don't relent. It is a precondition for him to ride that he wear one. And if he doesn't take the bike away. My own stepson always complained about wearing a helmet when riding, and even made his Mom get him a "cool" one, but she relented on taking his bike and skateboard when he failed to do so. Sure enough, he got hit by a car while riding his bike near his middle school. He was NOT wearing a helmet. Luckily, he was OK. A few months later, I found him riding his skateboard without a helmet (can you believe how stupid kids are, especially boys who think they know everything?). At that point, I realized anything I said would be ineffective, because his Mom had set the precedent that he'd only be yelled at and nothing would change. He still thought it was a game. You really have to be tougher than the child and not cave it, trust your superiour judgement, not their tenacious complaints and evasiveness.

BTW, I don't buy the ADHD "sensory" argument. We all feel helmets, and love the feeling without them. And sweat feels icky. So what! Don't buy into all that ADHD B.S. or else you'll be making a thousand excuses like my ex wife did for her son, who only rebelled further once he knew he had her wrapped around his finger.

I really hope my real world story impresses upon you that this is a touchstone issue for teen years battles to come that really can be dangerous. But sincerely, I am only trying to help.

I LOVE what some of the other responders have said. The skate helmet is a fantastic idea, btw.

As someone with ADHD...you may also be dealing with a sensory issue. Boy do I just LOVE feeling the wind in my hair. And do I ever HATE the feeling of sweat. The wind blowing the sweat out of my hair feels ungodly good...and if I've added adrenalin by moving quickly...it's akin to sex. Also there's the annoying thing...that as someone with ADHD you can FEEL the helmet 100% of the time.

So what do I do? Go riding without a helmet? Nope. Got to witness first hand when I was 10 what someone's brains look like outside of their skull. Talk about a permanent image. Ugh. That and I'd already fallen off a few times. If my leg isn't harder then the asphalt/concrete, why would my face be?

If it's a sensory issue (in addition to a "coolness" issue), you can combat that on two levels. One: Give them a visual image to stay with them the rest of their lives. Two: Work with them on finding something that feels amazing when they take their helmet off: like dipping their head in a pool, or under the sink, or pouring a cup of water over themselves. Something, that feels as good or even better then riding with their brain exposed.

Good luck

R

I told my sons that it is the law and we do not break the law! That'll work for a few more years. LOL Good luck!

My 11yr old son tries to pull the "I'm wearing my helmet, but I'm not buckling it"....

I'm lucky in the sense that I am a daughter of a retired motor officer (who has seen his share of accidents w/no helmet)& my mom's a nurse (who has ALSO seen her share of head injuries). I myself, am a former 911 operator & have taken COUNTLESS calls involving children/teens who have been struck by vehicles & they were not wearing their helmets...I say that "I'm lucky" because all I have to do is remind my son of all the horror stories that we adults have had to deal with in regards to this issue. I tell him, "I love you SO much. And I would be DEVASTATED if anything happened to you. To think that even if you SURVIVED, you might not be able to play baseball again, or talk again, or smile again, or even WALK again..."

The thing is, S., I whole heartedly MEAN that when I tell my boy those things. I can't even stop from tearing up...That usually will make him feel at least a bit guilty & wear his helmet PROPERLY (if only for MY sake!) lol.

Maybe you could google "pictures of head injuries" on the
computer or take him to a hospital for a look at what can happen to him if he chooses not to wear his helmet..?

It may sound over the top or morbid, but when it comes to your child's SAFTEY & a possible LIFE OR DEATH situation, I believe it is our duty as parents to do ANYTHING to get our point across. Teens (and pre-teens) really don't think that anything bad can happen to them, ya know? You need to make sure that he knows that it CAN happen...he's certainly old enough to handle it. Good luck to you, mama!

It's a boy/guy thing. He wants to look cool,not like a Dork. ( Trust me this is what's going through his mind as a pre-teen) He needs to see some really cool riders on T.V. or go to a bike show where he will see the coolest famous guys,.... but wait..... they are all wearing helmets!! Perhaps let him know (In a nice way) that helmets are cool if you match them with your bike, It looks like you paid a lot for the set. guys like to look cool and like to look like they have money, too. For some it's just a phase of rebellion and they grow out of it sooner than you can say; "For the love of Pete, will you please put on your helmet!

Tartis there a law that requires this ad there is for motercyclest there shud be your rule nohelmet onbyke is a good start this the age where they think they no it all tell him there are many rules in life that doesnt make sence to him you just must follow ruls. Raised 4 who are now with children of of their own mother in no. Hills

Hi S.,

My advice to you is NO Helmet NO Bike!!! its that simple... I would tell your son that if you catch him without his helmet again his bike gets taken away for a week to start (then if it happens again it will be for 2 weeks. and so on.

Hope this helps have a great day and good luck.

I agree with the moms that say stick to your guns... no helmet, no bike... but you might want to also show examples of ~cool~ guys that do wear helmets?
Lance Armstrong comes to mind... and maybe Tony Hawk (although he is known for skateboarding). All the bmx bikers wear them too.

I realize that we all grew up without helmets, but we never gave the kids a choice. They wore the helmet or they didn't ride. Period. If we saw them in the neighborhood without the helmet after they left home with it, we would have no problem calling them home in front of their friends, and letting them know, "That's it for today."

It helps if the child has a say in choosing WHICH helmet. It might help to take your son shopping and help him pick one out.

Hi S.,

I saw your message about the son and the helmet but what caught my eye is the 'about me' saying all of your children have adhd. To go off topic here I have so much information and success stories to share if you are wanting to 'hear' them.

Both of my children were on the 'spectrum' with ADD, ADHD along with several other issues. Diet has helped so much it is amazing. Removing all dyes, preservatives, gluten, casein and finding out what foods might be allergans or causing inflammation was huge for my daughter as she no longer has asthma problems.

Another thing to look at is vaccinations as they contain ingredients that can cause the immune system to attack when it enters the body and this is especially dangerous when a child is experencing 'leaky gut' where the food is not being absorbed in the gut but leaks into the blood stream. With your daughter having epilepsy, she should not have another vaccination, in my humble opinion.

Please, make sure YOU do the research on vaccinations for YOUR child. The AAP recommended schedule of shots for children is too many, too soon. Here are sites and books that I always recommend for people to start their research:

#1. Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders, by Dr. Kenneth Bock

www.909shot.com
www.tacanow.org
www.generationrescue.com

The Vaccine Book, by Dr. Robert Sears
What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Childhood Vaccinations, by Dr. Stephanie Cave
Evidence of Harm, by David Kirby

Just a mom who has been through a lot with medical things.

Sounds like you're on the right track. No helmet, no bike. Now just follow through on it ans he'll wear it when the urge to ride the bike becomes more important than the urge not to wear the helmet.

Remind him that it's ultimately his choice. He can choose to wear a helmet and ride...or choose not to ride.

Let your son know that some things are non-negotiable and this is one of them. When he wants to ride his bike, he'll put the helmet on. And if you catch him stashing the helmet under the nearest bush when he finally puts it on just to get you to say yes, well, the consequences should be severe.

Good luck.

a couple ideas popped into my head, stop by a local police station see if they can scare him into the helmet. Or drive by a school for mentally disabled kids, or your local children's hospital? How about Chistopher reeve? I notice so many kids w/o helmets riding bikes to school in the morning. I wonder if the parents know or care.

A field trip to the police station or fire department might help. They see what happens when kids don't wear a helmet and can impart that knowledge. Plus it's against the law to not wear a helmet and he can get cited. I hate seeing the kids who put the helmet on and don't snap the strap! What's the point?! You're right on for if he doesn't wear it, he can't ride. I do the same with my three. You worked hard getting him into this world and raising him, you don't want a stupid thing to get him hurt.

I believe there is a helmet law here in California. End of discussion?

I would tell him that I would sell his bike and helmet if he does not ride with a helmet...no exceptions. Any time you make a rule and he does not follow it...you have to stick with it. Head injuries are common and it is your job to protect him. Best of luck to you.

Dear stacey: Im a grandma of a 12y and a 2mo. and no helmet no bike. my first experience in byke safety was when I was five yrs of age. I was standing on the curve in front of my house playing with my doll. Across there was a grocery store. A young man came riding his bycicle at a high speed and failed to use his brakes properly. He crashed, fell and his head hit the sidewalk, it cracked open. My mother, who was watching me, snatched me promptly from the scene. too late.That picture is with me for life. there a mother lost a son.Ask your son if he was to go the same way and if he has a heart to allow you to loose a son. Also tell him to love himself and best care for himself Bbecause there are no spare parts for us humans, and providing there are, what is the need to suffer?
About 20 yrs later, now as mom, I watched in horror how a car hit and ran my oldest daughter while riding her bike. I thank the lord she was wearing helmet, knee & elbow pads, for when she fell, she slid scratching her clothes and skin. I can not bear to think what would have happenned if she had not been wearing a helmet. As an idea have your son to read this, maybe it will be of help. Dont leave to luck what you can prevent from happening. Have my blessings!

Hi S.:
Your request,really hit home here.My youngest son,like many boys, took up cycling at an early age,however he took it more serious than I thought he would.He went professional,and raced all over Europe for seven years.He raced here at home as well.I don't think you need to go as far as showing him the blood and guts. My son learned by attending A local (Road bike race)He witnessed,first hand even the coolest, pros.wear helmets.Kids think of themselves as being untouchable,and indestructible. "That's not going to happen to me "I'm good" In one of my sons local races,there was a crash at the finish,as the racers sprinted for the finish line. Another cyclist ran into my sons wheel,and he went down,hitting the curb with his head. He survived the fall,and was racing the following weekend,however,we had to purchase a new helmet,as the one he wore in that race had Cracked Right in Two! A Very frightening thought,that had he not been wearing that helmet,it would have been his skull. If I were you,I'd take him to a local road bike race. You can find them on the internet under S.C. road racing.Have him watch the pros. They are extremely fast,and every single one of them wear a helmet.Then I'd take him and let him buy a helmet,that he found cool.My son,no longer races professionally,but he does ride on weekends,and races some Saturdays.He doesn't ride anywhere without his helmet.His choice. I wish you and your active son the best. J. M

Sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing. I actually do injury prevention for children for my job and my 11 y/o son has recently been trying here and there to not wear his helmet. He KNOWS the implications since I work at a major children's hospital and talk about some issues at home regarding these. He has also helped with several events, filming, etc. and still...This age is a tricky one! Stay consistent and once he figures out you mean business, he'll probably make the right choice. If you have to take the bike away for a period of time, that's the way it goes. These guys are really tricky sometimes :)

HI S.,
How about searching your local paper for articles that involve accidents with bicyclists not wearing helmets, and then showing your son? That just might work.

If I'm not mistaken, it's a legal issue. Personally, I would call the police station & see if it's required & then ask if there are safety classes
Good luck

Hi S.,

Contact your local police or sherrif's dept. They often host bicycle safety days and provide info. It would be great if you could have him meet with them and see photos or meet people who had they worn a helmit would be better for it today. They might have some suggestions for you as well. I'm with you on no bike until he concedes. However, if it's causing mysery on both sides, try cutting a deal of some sort......by the by....this as you know isn't about the helmet as much as peer pressure and "looking dumb"....Perhaps an honest convo about the downfalls of giving in to that pressure now and in the future when the pressures involve other dangers such as drugs, drunk driving, sex, etc. This is just the first of many of these types of issues. I've been there darlin'...I had 2 teen boys who challenged everything. Blessings to you and your family....A.