13 Month Old Biter

Could she benefit from learning some sign language? Part of what happens at this age is that feelings happen fast and the child does not have the language or impulse control to deal with it especially since she is "spicy" (love the word). Research has shown that it doesn't slow language acquisition and in fact increases it. You could probably get a book at the library to teach her some basic signs. Good luck. A.
(child development specialist)

I know this can frustrating. I went through it too. I was devastated to find out that my son had bitten children in his day care. My son started the day after he turned one! Although he was able to express himself well the pediatrician begged me to remember that he was only 1 and unable to truly control himself when he was upset. Bitting and hitting are a "normal" way for children to act out when they are frustrated. Here is a few things you can do. First always be around so that if your child is going to try to bite someone you can prevent it. If you do leave your child with someone, make sure they are aware that your child is a biter so they can help prevent others from getting hurt. If your child does bite, it's important to give attention to the person that was bitten and not to give your child the extra attention. You don't want to reinforce that hurting others is a good way to get attention. Last thing, be patient. My son is now three and although it felt like forever, he did eventually stop biting. As your daughters language matures the biting and other tantrum like behavior will end. Good luck!

I would not put her in any more activities. She may be getting too much stimulation with something going on every day which might be contributing to the biting behavior.

T. S.

You need to try and find the reason WHY she is biting. Many children bite out of frustration, hunger, or because they are teething. If you can get to the root of the biting, then you will be able to intervene before the biting occurs. For instance...my 16 month old daughter would bite when she was teething. my intervention was giving her appropriate toys to teethe on that felt good on her gums (toothbrush, plastic nubby toys, frozen/cold bagel). That helped to curb it. When she did bite, I did not use negative discipline. I tried to get her to understand the result of her actions...biting hurts mommy/you hurt mommy by biting. I would then give her someting appropriate to put in her mouth. I seldom had to "discipline" her as these tools quickly put an end to the behavior.
1. find the reson behind biting
2. use appropriate intervention BEFORE biting occurs
3. when biting occurs, put feelings to her actions and then redirect to appropriate behavior.

soudns like she is going through a developmental stage and getting new teeth, becoming frustrated because she can't yet communicate with you.

I know she's only a year old, but a little discipline wouldn't hurt. Especially if she's a "spicy' baby. I started the naughty spot with my son at a very early age. Just keep it simple. She bites, you take her and put her in her playpen. Not for very long, only a minute, with no toys. Don't pay any other attention to her. When times up tell her no biting and let her go back to her play. They are very good at putting cause and effect together. She will realize that everytime she bites someone she is being ignored for a little while. It's nothing drastic but it has to be done everytime she bites someone. My son was very aggressive at an early age and we did put a stop to biting, pinching, and head-butting. He's 3 and still very aggressive with his peers. I hate to think what he would've been like had we not started early...

Mine just started to bite a little bit and I just read in a magazine to touch their lips after they bite and say, "NO bite!" Of course she hasn't bit since I read that but she thinks it's hilarious when she bites or pinches. Not sure that will help but it's worth a shot!!

I have to agree with one of the others you must stop it try the naughty spot, try anything but it can go on to a later age if not stopped. Example my daughter who has been basically with the same kids since 3mos old has a kid that has always been a biter and just 2 wks ago (they are both 4 now) this kid bit my daughter in the belly so hard that you could see each tooth upper & lower on her belly and then she ended up pretty bruised. Now I am still a little ticked that it happened but there are parents out there they will take things further then just addressing it with the school or perhaps you. Best of luck to you!!

Hi C.,

I wrote a request about the exact same thing last month so I know where you are coming from. I was also telling my 13 month old..."No biting, biting hurts!" very firmly. It didn't work at first, then started to work for the last month. However, she bit her sister last week, so I feel like I am back at square one again. I think that you are doing the right thing by telling her no and removing her from the situation, it seems to work (or did work) for me. People keep telling me that she will eventually grow out of it and it is just a stage. Best of luck to you. If you find anything that works better, let me know so I can try it too.

I wonder what your dr. says to do about this. I've heard of some moms that actually bit the child back (not hard)just to let them know what it feels like. I don't know that I agree with that because accidents happen. Maybe wiping her mouth out with baking soda or something disgusting will help (and time-out until she can apologize).

C., There is nothing wrong with a spicy baby! Being an independent thinker is a good thing. Biting is a phase that some children go through and grow out of. Of course it is embarassing at times, but so is a lot of things we go through as parents. Obviously don't ignore the problem, but just work through it each time it happens. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by reinforcing a consistent message about not biting. I have a daughter who is almost 4 years. She was a biter. She was (and still is) a very social child. She is (and has always been) a challenge because she wants to do everything herself. She has good days and bad days (and then of course so do I), but I would not have it any other way. Knowing my daughter is independent, social and on her way to having good self esteem makes me feel that the challenging days are worth it. Continue your social interactions with other children, just well supervised (but do not helicopter). Some kids bite, some kids hit, some kids kick. No kid is perfect and all actions are part of learning. Now if you think the only reason she bites is to get a reaction from you where she otherwise wouldn't get attention, then this is something different to think about entirely. Good Luck!

I feel your pain. I have a 22 month old who has hopefully outgrown his biting problem -- he was a very big problem biter @ his daycare. So bad that a parent called DCFS on the daycare because she was tired of her child being bitten. My son wasn't the only child biting in the room, but was definitely the worst offender. I did much reading on the subject and worked closely with the daycare to help them with the problem, but I think it is truly a phase they go thru. What we did start doing was 'positive reinforcement' -- because I felt sure my son knew he was behaving inappropiately I suggested they discipline him by making him go to the director's office when it happened, but DCFS will not allow a child to be disciplined in any way until they are 2 years of age (not even with my permission.) So, I suggested they have someone 'shadow' him thru out the day and hopefully catch him before it can happen. That's how I kept it from happening in my presence -- and then both daycare and myself communicated to him that biting is not nice, we don't bite our friends and he was told he would get a treat if he didn't bite all day. The director @ daycare would go visit him half-way thru the day and if he hadn't bitten he was given a treat (smarties, i think.) Now when he hasn't bitten if she has forgotten to see him with a treat he walks me to her office when I pick him up at the end of the day. I have also let him know that he will get a special treat or we will do something special if he is a good boy. Please be sure not to beat yourself up about any of it because I do think it's a stage they go thru -- I wish someone could have helped me to understand it because I cried about it almost everyday for weeks! I think it was about 2 months of daily biting and then I feared my child being kicked out of daycare for it! Please feel free to contact me if you have any additional questions.

I have no idea why people have such an aversion to it, but the only way I got my daughters past that phase after the first incident...and my mom with my brother, and my aunt with her son was to bite them back.

Not enough to break the skin, but enough to get a wide=eyed response. Then keep telling them that it hurts and you don't bite. My oldest didn't do it again after the first time. My second did it twice and the second time I bit her and gave her a spanking (because she bit the little girl I watch and left very nasty red marks on her pudgey little fingers). That was the end of that.

Every now and then I can see my second child acting like she wants to bite, but she won't. Even I have a strong urge to bite sometimes and I always have. If I put my sons pacifier (the soothie kind in my mouth) I have an incredible urge to bite down hard. My mom stopped me by biting me. It ended there.

Your daughter won't be traumitized. She won't have nightmares or anything like that, but she will learn that it hurts and she will think before she does it again if she knows there will be serious consequences if she does it again.

I didn't think my mother hated me because she bit me. My brothers didn't either. As a matter of fact, we love our mother dearly to this day. My cousin bit my brother on his back so hard it drew blood. My aunt had tried everything him and was very embarrassed because he did that. My mom told her to bite him back. She did and he never bit anyone ever again. A problem she had for months (actually was going to get him kicked out of daycare) she ended in 30 seconds.

So I'm sure there will be a total uproar because I suggested it, but it works and it doesn't hurt your child permanently in any way. Not sure why the old ways of raising out children became so bad. Especially since children raised the old way were so much better all the way around. They worked harder, they behaved better, they loved harder, they were just better kids all around.

So take it or leave it. Hope you are able to solve the problem quickly. Good luck!!

Biting is a normal developmental stage for some children. My grandson was a biting toddler, and even though his parents tried *everything*, and I do mean EVERYTHING from punishment of many kinds to rewards for not biting in preschool, nothing really totally stopped the behavior until he turned 3 years old. Then it just magically stopped! So of course, be consistent with trying the techniques suggested below, but don't despair if it doesn't work. Some children just need to outgrow this stage, and their parents just need to be VERY diligent watching them, to intervene before they bite another child.