14 Month Old Starting to Hit

Wow... this sounds like you are describing my own 14-month-old daughter. When my daughter hits us in the face, we tell her no hitting (she laughs) and then we firmly hold her hand so she can't pull it away. Once she starts to fuss about it, we let go and give her one more chance. If she hits again, we immediately put her down and playtime is over. It's taken a few weeks, but she is doing it less and less. You have to be consistent with it.

I work at a daycare center, so I have lots of experience with this kind of thing. I agree that at 14 months, they don't really understand what time out is. Perhaps around 18 months would be a good time to start.

Good luck.

Ahhh, kisses, hugs, puppy eyes... "I'm sorries"... used alone, or a combination can make Mommas weak in the knees. They just know how to wrap us around their fingers & yet, we fall for it, haha.

A disciplinary tone can help. I use a tone + a bigger eyed look w/ my son. Be patient though, she is only 14 months.

My 14 month old son started hitting in the face about a month ago. He really likes to be held so his punishment once he hit was to be put down. He did not like that! But it has helped and he doesn't hit us now. It took him about 2 days of both my husband and I doing this for him to understand that when he hit that meant he couldn't be held. He'd be upset for several seconds and then move on to the next thing.
As for giving time-outs and when to introduce it to your child...with our oldest son we started at age 1. He would be placed in his pack-n-play or crib for one minute. When the minute was up we would get down to his level and explain the reason he was in a time-out. This worked for him. As for our youngest, we have not started with time-outs yet. We are trying a few different approaches with him. He loves life and laughs all the time...even when we scold him or speak firmly. Check out the book Creative Corrections by Lisa Whelchel (http://www.lisawhelchel.com/ccreatbk.htm). I love this book and have found it to be incredibly useful! Best of luck!

Hi C.,

I think you're gut instinct is right--time outs probably won't work, and they don't really fit the crime for one this young. The thing that always worked for me was redirection, in two specific ways. One would be to say, "We don't hit Mommy, that hurts. Give Mommy high fives instead" and hold your hand up so she can hit it. After a few times this can be shortened to "uh uh, high five". It gives her a more positive way to get whatever satisfaction she gets from the hitting. The other thing that always worked for me was to take her hand when she hits and pet whatever she has hit, say your cheek, and say very sweetly, "Do nice to Mommy. Do nice."
You'll find what works for you; hopefully, these ideas might be a good start!

Hello C.,

I agree with everyone who said this is pretty normal for this age. I also agree she is likely too young for time outs but that is just based on my own experience. I think advice given should be taken with a grain of salt because all kids at one age will have so many variations on ability, understanding and personality. It is hard to know what will work for your daughter.

Consistency is the most important part of the equation. I've got a 17 month old here at home and he still hits on occasion. It doesn't matter if it's once or 100 billion times, each and every time you have to do the same thing that you have decided to do whether it's talking to her or time-out, or whatever.

Also, ask everyone taking care of your daughter to be on the same page as far as how to react to hitting (once you've chosen a course of action). I have made sure my sitter and my husband both do it similarly to what I do. It made a big difference because I had found out the sitter was just laughing and he was making a game out of it (because she didn't know what else to do!).

I have found now that he is older, when I say "Ouch! No hitting; that hurts Mommy" he actually comes over and kisses the boo-boo. I also replace his hitting behavior with a reminder on what "gentle" or "nice" is like, and then move quickly to another activity. I thought this particular child would NEVER learn to "do nice" but after a million times, lo and behold...he did. :)

They can learn! Just be consistent, and enjoy your daughter.

Our daughter did the exact same things at about the same age. Time-outs worked for us. We would put her in a corner and count to 60 (add 30 seconds at 18 months, another 30 at 2, etc.) If she got up, we calmly picked her up and put her back. It took a few weeks but she figured out that she had to stay and eventually did on her own. After the tine was up we had a conversation: Are hands for hitting? No, hands are not for hitting. What are hands for? Tickling, clapping, hugging, etc. Eventually, she learned to answer the questions herself. There was no yelling or berating, just training. It seems to be a natural behavior at that age. After a few months, she began to understand that what she was doing was hurtful, not funny, and she stopped. There is a book "Hands are not for hitting" that might be helpful. Read it to her at bedtime, or during the day, not as a punishment, but to incorporate it into her daily consciousness. I agree that if you wait until 2, you will have a harder time training her to understand time-outs. Good luck.

A.

C.,
My daughter went through this same stage at around the same age, it's completely normal. This is when I started with age appropriate time outs. When she hit I would gently grab her little hand and say, "we don't hit mommy, daddy, or our friends, we give hugs and kisses." If she did it again, she went straight to time out. I simply put her on a little stool, got down to her level and told her we don't hit and left her there for 30 seconds. After the minute I go to her tell her we don't hit and say all done and hug. It's very positive. I'm so glad I started time outs when I did, because now she is in the full throws of the terrible twos and she completely understands what time out is. I even give her time out in her stroller, if for instance we're at the park and she does something naughty. I feel like the later you start the more difficult it is for them and you. Hope this helps.

My son is a bit older (22 months) but what we do when he hits is:
1. Over-react to the pain of hitting "Ow! That hurts Mommy"
2. Sit quietly with him, holding his hands in his lap and slowly count his age in months interjecting "No Hitting" every 5 count or so.
3. Make him say/sign "sorry" (that took awhile, as his vocab grew. I would say "can you say sorry?" first he would just make a sad face, then he started responding with "yeah", now he signs it and occasionally says it.)
4. Hug & kiss, release.

This all takes less than a minute total but he does not like having his hands held at all. When he kicks we hold his feet. It has really helped curb his hitting and kicking. We started it when he was 18 months old and we were doing it 5-10 times a day and now it is maybe 5 times a week. We tried time outs and he did not understand what was going on. He would do the time out and get out and do the same behavior again.

Since all kids are different you just have to experiment with all advise you can find see what works for your daughter. Different methods for different children, because all personalities are different.

Good luck

Just know it's a phase that WILL end and use alot of redirection...
S. S

To reiterate what others have said, reaction is everything. You need to change your tone and facial expression dramatically. It does no good to say "No hitting" in a soft baby voice. Somethimes my daughter (16 months) hits playfully and I say, "OUCH, that HURTS mama!" We've worked a lot on gentle touches (we have a cat) so I ask her to be gentle. It she gives me a gentle touch I give a big smile and say how good it feels and how much it makes me happy. Somethimes she hits when she is mad and my reaction is slightly different. I say very firmly with a furrowed brow, "NO HITTING, I see that you are mad (make the sign for mad) but you CANNOT hit people." Then I put her down and have her hit a pillow or stomp her feet to show that she is mad. I think it's important to validate their feelings and show them a more appropriate way of expressing them.

She obviously doesn't understand what you are saying to her. I'd pop her on her bottom, you won't hurt her remember she does have a diaper on. It will startle her and she should understand she shouldn't hit.

D.

I'm 60 years old, married to the same man for 38 years and have two grown sons 34 and 31.

It's kind of cute but that's the pit fall also. I let my son do a couple things when he was about your daughter's age because I thought it wasn't a big deal but it became big deal later so I think you may want to deal with now than later. He developed two habits and one was to get on coffee table and the other one is to find something in someone's house to take home as a souvenir every time we visited someone's house. It is OK at home but you know, it's not OK at someone else's house. And you may have trouble, too. What I did was, I become very serious so when he did that, I wasn't smiling. You know small kids are smart enough to know if you are serous or not. So first step is for you to take it as issue (if you think it is) and deal as issue. I don't think time works so good but every time she slap someone, you make very serious face and tap back of her hand to let her know that she can't do it. I don't think you should deal with joking manner then she'll never take it serious. What serious for you become serious for her.

Hi C.

I went through this with each of my four children to different degrees. I found that it was best to grab the child's hand and sternly say no, then immediately put the child down and walk away from him/her to do something else. The babies never wanted to be excluded, and when they realized that their slap caused them to be ignored for a period of time, they stopped doing it. You have to make sure that everyone she hits does the same thing, or this method might not work as well. Fortunately it didn't take long for my kids to get the message that they shouldn't hit other people.

Be sure that when your daughter does the right thing, like a loving pat on the face or another display of affection, you reinforce that with hugs and tell her she's a good girl. Reinforce the positive behavior and you'll see more of that.

Good luck!
R.

I tend to think as soon as she starts hitting, you should say "Bad Girl" as you remove her from the situation and do time out with her....be firm all though it as she needs to understand you aren't happy with this behavior. While in time out, explain to her that hitting hurts and she needs to stop doing this. When you feel she's ready to return into the room where everyone is...tell her to say she's sorry and ask her to hug the person she hit. She might not want to at that point but let it go as long as she doesn't hit again. At some point when she's ready, she'll find her own way into this person's lap.
Follow up on it.... When you know company is on the way...right before they arrrive, remind her "NO HITTING...when your Uncle or (who ever) arrives, give them a big hug instead." It might take time, but after awhile she'll figure it all out and will stop.

When I was a child a bit older then your daughter I took to hitting and my mother slaped my hand. I slaped her back, and she slaped my hand again. I cried and was sent to my room and I never hit anyone again. Then at some point I started pinching, Mom pinched me back and it hurt and I cried and was sent to my room and never pinched anyone again.. I don't know how you feel about this process but it worked.

Taking her hand and telling her no-no is exactly the right thing. Just be consistant, and keep saying it hurts, and don't hit, and no-no. Even if she laughs it's ok to smile back as long as you are telling her not to hit. It will take time, but she will get it. I've had to go through it with my two youngest, and they got it. They are now 30 months, and 20 months, and it's no longer a problem. Your mother in law is right, your daughter is too young to understant time outs. She needs affection when she has done something wrong, not being stuck in a chair to sit alone. I never put any of my children in time out until they were at least 5, and they completely understand the concept.

Please don't ever tell your child she is bad as someone else suggested. You can tell her that what has done is bad, but don't ever let her think that *she* is bad.

Unfortunately, time outs might not work regardless. They NEVER worked with my oldest and yet he has turned out to be my most well behaved child. I agree with your MIL that she is too young for time outs. When my oldest was about this age he would play with plugs and even getting shocked didn't get him to stop. I began to LIGHTLY flick the top of his hand. When the boys were older I would do it as a regular flick but not at your little one's age. Within a week, the behavior stopped though.

I agree to address it now but she is too young to understand what a time out is I think. The light flick becomes an association thing and is immediate.

Hugs,
L.

I am assuming (correctly I hope) that you have never hit your daughter. That being the case how does she know that hitting hurts? Not nice is a very abstract word. The next time she hits you react!! Holler ow, cry, move away from her. Let her know it HURTS..very bad. Hold your face and moan you have a booboo. Be very dramatic and then when she starts biting do the same thing. We ofte wonder why little ones do things, its because they are experimenting and looking for a reaction. All you are doing is mumbling indecipherable words at her. REact instantly..in pain.

Hi C.,

We have encountered your problem two fold: with our daughter and now our granddaughter ...yes I am a grammy. I am also a psychotherapist and a long time educator.

Children at 14 months don't really bite to be mean or hurt and they are too young to really understand or have time outs. In the early year biting is often due to teething.

The best advice I could give you is to "distract" ( the most important word in child rearing)
Tell her no that hurts but immediately lead her into a different interest. For example say..
lets go find Teddy or whatever" It works 99.9% of the time and keeps all more peaceful.

Just remember the more emphasis you place and an action you don't like the more the action will be brought into the lime light and will be a continued problem.

It worked for my daughter and now does so for my granddaughter, who even at 2&1/2 will give it a try now and then.

I wish you the very best.

J. S.