14 Year Old Daughter and BOYS!

Keep the dialog open and DON'T call names and accuse. My mom assumed the worst not knowing what to do, and it caused us to alienate for YEARS, and it caused me to choose options I would not have otherwise, since she thought it was true anyway.

There's no single magic solution for the problems that arise when parents and teenagers disagree on what the teen should do. It depends on the nature of your relationship with your daughter and on her personality. More often than not, telling a teen that you disapprove of her boyfriend will only add to his allure. Adolescence is the time when a dependant child grows into an independent adult. Becoming independent of parental authority often involves rejecting that authority. Some parents respond by going to greater lengths to assert their authority, and this can really backfire. At worst the relationship becomes so oppositional that the teen makes choices based purely on doing the opposite of what their parents want, and this can lead to some pretty poor choices.

You need to avoid falling into that oppositional trap. If you badmouth the boyfriend and forbid your daughter to see him, there's a good chance she'll see him secretly, and you'll lose any chance to influence the nature of their relationship. If your daughter can confide in you without fearing that you will be angry or judgemental, you'll be able to offer advice. If your daughter can invite the boy over without fearing that you'll read him the riot act, you'll be able to keep a discreet eye on them. Maybe you'll discover that he's a decent kid who respect and cares for your daughter. And if not, your daughter is less likely to be hurt or make bad choices if you know where she is, and she knows she can always talk to you.

At 16 I was dating a 20 yr old and my mom hated him. She forbid me to see him.....which made me want to see him more. Teen years are hard for girls and I felt that whatever my mom said to do I should just do the opposite. I snuck around behind her back and defied her anyway that I could. Granted I never got in trouble....no drugs or arrests. (this makes me sound bad..I went to catholic high school and came from a well to do family...just so you know) My mom tried for years to keep us apart. Now I am married to him..have been for almost 8 years, we have 2 children, he takes very good care of our family, and actually has an awesome career that allows me to be a stay at home mom....and my mom loves him. It may be that your daughter is a good judge of character and you just feel like he is too old. My husband definetly would have sent any mom into a panic. My mom said his legs were too hairy for a girl my age....haha. Anyway, I'm not saying to just let her do whatever, but I thought that a story from her point of view would help. Good Luck, you are going into some very tough years. And just so you know, if I had been the mom I would have done the exact same thing as my mom did. You are protective bt nature, you don't want anything bad to happen to your daughter.

I am always amazed at these posts that are made about teen daughters. Your daughter is 14- you are the parent here. Set rules and enforce rules. Of course you could go on letting her see him or just throw your hands up- just be sure to put her on the pill and tell her that without condoms she is susceptible to STDs.

the only thing i can say is dont be negative about who she is seening shes in rebel stage in her life and if you say dont see him or i dont appove it will probly only make it worse.I speak only from issues in my life oh and if you think she is messing around then she is,I had my daughter at age 15.
I suggest beening very open with her and tell her you are always there to talk to her if needed and dont freak out if she tells you something personal, also make a point to know her friends and their parents. hope this helps
C.

C. it all boils down to what you feel in your heart there is alot of shouldas and wouldas. I wish my mother would have sat me down or took me to the doctor and had them explain to me what the wrong choice can and very well may lead to i had a child at the age of 16 prego at 15. My mother stuck her head in the sand when it came to me.
I ask aloth of questions of my now 12 yearold and try to keep all lines of comunication open with her. But you still have to do what is right in your heart.
I think the best thing you can do right now is invite both boys over to the house and ask her witch is it going to be. and than sit that young man down and explain that if he choses to begian a relation ship with your daughter that, A. he will pay for birth controll {Hopes it is not nesssasary) and that he will have to have a round of std testing frist. Do this with your daughter right with you so she will know that he has to be a responsible man and respect her as well.
Good luck and best wishes

Well, this is not easy, I have been there. What I found out is children will do what you do not want them to. I had a similar situation and I began inviting the individual over for dinner, cookouts, anything I could to get him to come over. My daughter would deliberately see someone I did not care for but when I changed my attitude about him she didn't think it was fun anymore and ditched him. It is hard but atleast they would be in your house under your roof where you can watch them.

Don't allow her to sneak! I'm not saying that you need to turn into Drill Seargant Mommy, but if you forbid her from seeing him, it's only going to make her want to see him more. Take into account how mature/immature she is for her age before you make any decisions.

Set boundries, tell her, "Ok, I know that you're going to go behind my back if I forbid you from seeing him. If you insist on seeing him, it will be here, in our home, with open doors." Or something like that. Is it just his age that you don't approve of? Or his personality in general. Take a bit of time and try to get to know him.

If they want to go out on a date, well, tell her that it will have to be chaperoned by you, hubby, or someone else you trust. She's only 14, the hormones are raging, and chances are, this guy won't be the first one.

I know that a 3 year age difference now is a HUGE gap, but when she's 20, he'll be 23, and somehow it doesn't seem to be that big of a difference then. If this guys is truly a creep, look into the "age of consent laws" in your area, especially if you're pretty sure that they are having sex.

It all boils down to this: YOU'RE THE PARENT! Whether or not she likes any decisions made by you and DH, she has to deal with it until she's 18. You do what you think is best for her, no matter if it makes her think you're evil or not.