Hi Mamas!
I am soooo mad at my 14 year old daughter. She is not a good student and has had issues socially. She's ADD and was teased in middle school for being spacey and she perceived herself as being stupid. Finding friend's was difficult for her. OK so now she is in HS and is doing reallly well socially, but isn't turning in or doing her homework so her grades are bad. We took away Facebook because it was a distraction w/ chat and all that. ANyway, we also have a parental program called Net Nanny, which also has blocked facebook. The problem is that it blocks everything that has the facebook icon on it, which is pretty much everything and when she's doing research and it comes up blocked because of the icon, so either my husband or I have to unblock it. Major pain. Yesterday she's crying about what a pain it is and can we please just unblock facebook so that she can do her homework without having to have us unblock every website. We unblock it with the promise that she will not chat with anyone. I go on my computer and get a notification that my daughter had immediately changed her settings on fb, moving us to an "Adutls Group" setting it to "Secret. So now she's blocked me out of her page and I feel deceived & lied to. Am I over reacting??
As soon as she gets home, have her log in and delete her account on FB. She MIGHT be able to earn O. back if her grades improve.
I think you gave her an inch and she took a mile. It might be a pain, but to teach a lesson in a) honesty and being able to earn trust and b) responsibility I would put re-block Facebook, allow computer/internet usage for homework purposes only and sit next to her the entire time she's on the computer. You can read, talk, etc. and unblock sites as she needs them, but show her at the same time that it has to be this way because you trusted her and she went behind your back by blocking you from her Facebook page. Explain to her that this is no longer an issue of her goofing off on Facebook instead of focusing on her homework, this is an issue of you removing the blocks because she said it made it hard for her to do her homework, but the first thing she did with that freedom was to block you from her Facebook page. She now not only has to prove that she's being responsible and getting her homework done as she should be, but she has to earn your trust back since she lied.
Hello - I feel your pain. I have to taken away facebook as well as computer time. Which means if she needs a computer for homework - she has to plan ahead and use the one available at school. I've come to realize how spoiled my daughter is (I have to believe she's not the only one) - cell phone, facebook, computers. I've noticed as long as you give her what she wants and leave her alone, she happy. Ask her to do something or if something is not going her way, she's horrible. So, in an effort to "unspoil" her, I've taken away everything, and when she is good for X number of days she can earn the "privilege" to have a phone, use the computer, etc. It was really rough at first but now, she's getting better. Doing what I ask her to do (and believe me, I don't ask much of her) with out attitude. Even yesterday, she had a horrible attitude as we were getting ready for church, she brought me her phone before I could ask for it!! After church, we discussed her bad attitude and how it effects the whole family, not just her.
No, you're not over reacting. You got played, mom.
If it was my kid, there would be ZERO computer access. PERIOD.
You know, researching things on the computer is great and everything, but there is nothing wrong with children knowing the lost art of researching things the old fashioned way........in BOOKS.
She was crying because it's such a pain for you to have to unblock everything, that problem can be easily solved. No more computer. And don't let her tell you that she HAS to be able to use it for school.
My son's high school provides them with access to the computer for research purposes, writing and printing assignments, because some kids don't have outside computer access.
She basically proved to you that her concerns over computer access had nothing to do with her homework anyway....so....no computer at home.
She can only get away with what you let her and if the computer and facebook is a problem, then the solution is simple.
I'm a "mean" mom. I have dictionaries and encyclopedias and history books...my kids have library cards and I make them use them. It's not a punishment to know how to use reference materials.
If my kids tried to block me from anything on MY computer, they wouldn't even see it for so long they forgot how to turn it on.
These are just my personal opinions, one of which is that 14 year olds do not need to be on facebook. They catfight, they quibble, apparently they can block their parents. I am not convinced anything really good or productive comes from it.
Your daughter proved she is not ready to be trusted with it.
Do what you gotta do. Regardless of what a "pain" it is.
Best wishes.
I agree with Denise...make HER delete the account and she "might" just be able to get it back one of these days.......
Do this... make her log back in to her fb account and u changes her password then delete her account. Keep her off the computer at home and tell her to use the computer at the library or at school. She had enough time to create a group in order to block u out of her account. Do not let up, and whatever you do (I’m begging) do not give her the satisfaction of even getting upset with her about anything. Only when you prove to her that her disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated on any level should you attempt to ease up. In this life you teach people how to treat you her actions just taught you that she cannot be trusted therefore until she wins your trust back this is how it’s going to be I wish you all the success on this one. God Bless
My daughter is a master manipulator.
Her grades were really horrid the first few weeks of high school. We met with all of her teachers and got their opinions on what her issues where - not turning in homework, socially oriented, etc.
Our new house rules are that she cannot use her computer or cell phone at all during the week. End of story. She can have them on Saturday and Sunday during the day, but must turn them in each evening at 8pm.
Her grades have gone up tremendously.
That said, we just got played over the weekend. She wanted to spend the night with a friend on Saturday ...which I didn't like but hubby said yes. Sunday night those two got together with friends to go 'trick or treating' which turned into going to a haunted house. She was home by ten pm.
Ok, it's not like we didn't know that something would happen, but then this morning she doesn't want to go to school because she claims she had an asthma attack and told dad........she didn't. I let her know I wasn't going to call the school to excuse it. You play you pay. I got a call about 11pm saying she was going to school......yes she missed half the day. I'm sure she's figured out she's losing weekend privileges for that cell phone and computer for her shenanigans.
I think the best you can do is ride out the storm and stick to your guns.
Even if you make her delete her FB account she'll just create another one at school........I am a friend on my daughters FB account and her my space. I can look at those anytime I want.
Pick your battles. I know my daughter is always trying to figure out how to do things and get around things. I accept it. I do the best I can and I know I cannot continue to control her forever.
Nope! Looks like you will be unblocking her websites for her again. Ask her, did she think she was going to get away with doing that? I would be curious as what her response would be.
Nope. Take away her computer access entirely. Delete her Facebook page.
She can use the computers at school. I would say she can get her computer back for research only when she's been on honor roll for two quarters or more.
I agree with the other posters. Like Shane said, you got played. Delete her Facebook, get her a library card and when she needs to do research for school, she can do it at the library the old fashioned way- with books. When a parent signs a child up to get a library card at our library (which you can't get a card on your own until age 16) they put an indicator on the card whether the child is allowed internet access or not. If they have that at your library- don't allow her access there either. She needs to earn computer privileges. She doesn't have the right to block you out of anything- she's still a child.
Good luck!
