14 Year Old Went for a Misnight Walk

I used to sneak out of the house at her age as well. It wasn't that I was doing anything bad either, but I liked the peace and serenity of the night. In retrospect, it was pretty naive of me to think that nothing bad could have happened to me. I would have the same reaction that you are now having since we, as adults, know the perils of unaccompanied kids being out at night.

For this first offense I'd say 2 days grounded would be sufficient. If she thinks about doing it again, it'd be every weekend for a month.

Find out why. There has to be more to the story.
I used to sneak out ALL the time at this age. Why? My parents worked and weren't available to take me to after school activities, so it made it difficult to join clubs, teams, etc. And because they weren't home, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere or have anyone over. And they were really strict and wouldn't let me go out much in the evenings or stay out very late. So it was hard for me to make and keep friends when I couldn't do anything. So, I found a group of misfits, and we snuck out in the middle of the night and hung out. They were my only friends.
There's always a reason. Talk to her!

I used to do that as a teenager, take midnight walks. My mom was a heavy sleeper so I just went out the back door. I lived in a really small town, and was lucky not to be brought home by the police as we lived across from the police station, but I just wanted the quiet alone time.

I would ask her why she wanted to go out that late, and find out any crime statistics in your area. Do you have any child predators on the sex offender list? Most people on the list are not child predators, but there could always be one.

I would also like to add when I was 14 I was sneaking out at 2 and 3 in the morning to meet the 18 year old guy down the street who I was head over heals for....Please be sure she is not meeting up with someone.

i dont want to scare you, but at this age, i went for these kind of walks, where i met up with my boyfriend (now my husband), are you sure shes not meeting anyone?

Bars on the widow!!

If my kids did this I would be on the phone to boys and girls town in Nebraska, to see about placement. I would request materials. I would also check out local military schools, and get materials. Also get scholarship information.

Then I would collect a couple of news stories about about things that happen to girls that do this type of stupid stuff.

Armed with the material and the news stories, I would sit my daugher down and explain to her that when she does things like this, I am scared bad things will happen to her. She doesn't have the right to scare me like that. I have the right to protect myself from that fear, and I will if need be. Then I would show her the school info. Then we would schedule a visit to these places. I would pick one.

She would be grounded until after the visits. I would be very specific about what she is not allowed to do -- like leave the house at any time (day or night) without my permission. If she does she is off to school. It would break my heart, but better she be at some tough school that will take care of her, then find out she is kidnapped while out on some late night walk. Or better she is away at school then find out she was telling the truth and that she was actually out having sex.

Don't play around with stuff like this, because it could be serious. I would also try to have her evaluated by a psychologist either at school or privately.

Best of luck!

Follow up -- Yes, I was serious. I even double check with my husband, and he said yes that is what I would do.

But I think some people misunderstood -- the school info, trips, and new stories are to scare her. If she violate the rules again, then she is off to school. Furthermore, I don't go any where without telling someone in the family. It is just polite to let people know where you are going. I expect the same thing from my kids. At 14 the child isn't an adult and needs permission. Also it might vary depending on where you live. I don't like going out where I live between 10pm and 5am. I certainly don't want my kids out there.

I used to do this all the time... go for midnight walks. The world is quiet, the clouds are gorgeous... I was never meeting up with anyone, I just wanted to get out of the house.

I'm with Shane... offer to walk with her.

In our family at 14.5 you're an adult. A YOUNG adult, but an adult all the same... responsible for making their own decisions so that one can learn to do so responsibly. When you live with others, the responsible thing to do is to mention when you're going out... so a person doesn't have to worry. I can't count the number of times I would poke my head in the living room while my mum watched TV and tell her I was going for a jog, back in an hour at 11pm/ midnight. No cell phones back then, either. I'd also walk 3.5 miles home from school after theatre rehearsal (plays) between midnight & 1am. I'd phone on my way home, so that my mum knew when to expect me.

I am sorry, but I have to agree with Amanda, I think she is meeting someone.
I did the same thing and it got in soooooo much trouble.
Is great that she is back home and safe, but you need to talk seriously with her about how unsafe this is it and about losing your trust which is so hard to get back once is broken.
I think you need to check with who she is meeting and why she has to hide the mysterious Romeo.
Oh my, you just made me remind my old Romeo at that age :0)
EDIT: Do I am the only one that things that is a BIG difference between sneak during the day and sneak at midnight?
Sneaking during the day is wrong but sneaking at midnight is double wrong and stupid.
I think that what Michelle was "trying" to say is because as a parent I would have freak out of all the dangers that can happen to a 14 year old at midnight. I would rather know that she was with a boyfriend (not that I want to) then know that she is all alone, that is very dangerous.

First H., take a breath. She is home, safe and you and her can talk. Second, TALK. Find out WHY she went for a walk. Listen to her words, listen to her body language, listen to her heart. People, especially children can not lie, truly they can not, their physiology gives it away. Listen to her, really listen.

There are many reasons she may have went for a walk. Maybe she received a very upsetting text from a friend and she needed to help them and she promised she wouldn't tell anyone. Maybe she is hurt and feeling suffocated and needed to "walk it off". Maybe she is like me and enjoys the absolute stillness of the night.

Ask yourself, do you have any reason to distrust your daughter? Has she lied to you before? Do you believe her? Do you have an open line of communication? ANYTHING could have been going on...and MUCH OF IT could have been good. If you an her do not communicate then that is your first step. Communication.

You did not give a lot of info so I will assume the best. You did say that "this is not he worst thing she has done"...I wonder why there are worse things. H., she is your daughter, you are the parent, so parent. Punishment to me is about "crime", going for walk at midnight is not a crime, it may very well be a cry for help. Parenting means communicating, setting boundaries and understanding. But I will tell you, actually i can guarantee you, if you "ground" her and she has already snuck out...she may just very well sneak out again. The ONLY way to eliminate that is to understand WHY she went out and HOW you can help her.

B.
Family Success Coach

Holly cow Michelle! Over protective are we? Since I am just out of my teen rebel years (when I was a teen, I was moody but never rebelled. I did that from 19 on till 21) I can tell you that when I was troubled I went for walks. Especially at night. Something about the night air just makes everything better. I also hate heat so this was a perfect time to exercise with out getting to hot. Have you asked why she went out? Perhaps there is something bothering her and needed to clear her head.
I agree with Kate the since it's her first and so far not serious offense, she should be grounded for a week or two. Clearly tell her why you are upset, and that she shouldn't do it again. But you need to learn the line of pushing. The more my parent's pushed me not to, the more I wanted to just do it to spite them. So explain, punish, don't mention again but keep an eye out for her.

I used to sneak out alot. Mostly to meet up with friends, smoke pot, and get drunk. I only got caught once. When my dad caught my younger sister sneaking out, he nailed her window shut. Kids at this age should be out at all as I'm sure you agree. A harsh punishment should help her not try to do it again. My parents also used booby traps to catch my younger siblings.
Put an alarm on her window and door that will go off if she opens it after bedtime. If she needs out, she can use a baby monitor to let you know. It sounds silly, but she'll try to do it again, I assure you.

wow! i would be livid! shes 14 not an adult and she cant be coming and going like that as she pleases. how do you know she didnt meet anyone? if she snuck out there was a reason outside of being bored. i would ground for a month. that would also include not leaving the house to goto friends houses and coming straight home from school. also get a window alarm if she went out the window or door alarms if she when out the door. good luck! i have a 3 year old girl and she will not be a happy child if she ever did that to me.

I am a mother of five--four girls and one boy.. Girls do stuff like this. Next time, go with her! Say, "Hey, let's go on a midnight walk!" (I'm not kidding, I loved it when my mom tried to join my world a little, once we went around a graveyard and scared each other, just for fun!) After that, I just adored my mother. There was no "pulling away---regular teen-age stuff", we were just bonded and friends! Work on your own mother-daughter bonding. Don't make home life unbearable, just work for understanding and FUN between the two of you! These are hard years, and they need all the parental LOVE AND SUPPORT that they can get; and contrary to what the media and others might tell you, kids really DO want their parents support and they care what they think. Of course you worry about her safety, every parent does. But don't ground her and make her feel that she has to defy you to "have a little fun" because that is what this age wants...a chance to spread their wings and "experience life", so you as a parent need to give her those opportunities. Their are excellent youth programs in most churches --the Latter-Day Saint church has an excellent young women's program if you want to get her involved in something like this. Group sports are good, it gives girls focus and puts them together with other girls their age and gives them something good to work towards (sport skills, winning, teamwork, etc.) If you will work on positively helping her spread her wings, then you will both be a lot happier. Sometimes you will NOT be able to keep an eye on her, that is just how life is at this age. You need to TEACH her your values, then EXPECT her to follow your rules, and LOVE HER and TRUST HER. Say, I know you have many choices, I know I can trust you to make the rights ones. If she breaks that trust, start over and have a little pow-wow, but always let her know of your love. Good luck and God bless.

Updated

I am a mother of five--four girls and one boy.. Girls do stuff like this. Next time, go with her! Say, "Hey, let's go on a midnight walk!" (I'm not kidding, I loved it when my mom tried to join my world a little, once we went around a graveyard and scared each other, just for fun!) After that, I just adored my mother. There was no "pulling away---regular teen-age stuff", we were just bonded and friends! Work on your own mother-daughter bonding. Don't make home life unbearable, just work for understanding and FUN between the two of you! These are hard years, and they need all the parental LOVE AND SUPPORT that they can get; and contrary to what the media and others might tell you, kids really DO want their parents support and they care what they think. Of course you worry about her safety, every parent does. But don't ground her and make her feel that she has to defy you to "have a little fun" because that is what this age wants...a chance to spread their wings and "experience life", so you as a parent need to give her those opportunities. Their are excellent youth programs in most churches --the Latter-Day Saint church has an excellent young women's program if you want to get her involved in something like this. Group sports are good, it gives girls focus and puts them together with other girls their age and gives them something good to work towards (sport skills, winning, teamwork, etc.) If you will work on positively helping her spread her wings, then you will both be a lot happier. Sometimes you will NOT be able to keep an eye on her, that is just how life is at this age. You need to TEACH her your values, then EXPECT her to follow your rules, and LOVE HER and TRUST HER. Say, I know you have many choices, I know I can trust you to make the rights ones. If she breaks that trust, start over and have a little pow-wow, but always let her know of your love. Good luck and God bless.

My kids knew that if they messed up, they'd be on their way to military school before they could utter a sentence. I have a friend who threatened and followed through with that. It was the BEST decision she made.
I'd tell your daughter that if she wants to walk at midnight that you will walk with her, but that she is NOT to go alone.
If she wants to be alone - she can be alone in her room, the bathroom, the basement... whatever... but she will NOT be wandering the streets at midnight.
LBC

I dont think she met no one. Kids seem to be doing this at this age these days. I found the same thing happen. alarm the house.

Wow... Michelle...I'm not even sure what to say. Are you serous?

I understand...I've raised 3 daughters with one more to go. My girls are pretty tame compared to what I've seen and feared for.. and so far one has had suicidal behaviors for awhile and seemingly got better, one got a dui and made it through all of that without a repeat incident in the last 4 years, one has gotten pregnant and my 9 year old is gearing up towards making me crazy LOL.

Even with ALL of that.... My girls are very sane and stable compared to what I've seen in some families. They hold good jobs, have entered management positions, my young mommy takes good care of her son, 2 are in college earning good grades, one has her first associates degree and is heading to ASU next month, and none of them have gone through any goth stages and none of them have multiple piercings and big gawdy tatoos. None of them have been in rehab or need it yet LOL.

I have been called a paranoid freak and some people have tried to tell me that my girls have had "issues" because they were too sheltered growing up. That's garbage. I haven't done any of the stuff that Michelle has written here LOL!

There is a time for being strict and there is going overboard...

I like the idea of visiting some teen homes and maybe a police station after something a little more serious than taking a midnight walk.

My daugter did this a couple of times. Luckily we caught her every time. Not very sneaky thank goodness! when we tried to explain things that could happen...we'd get the typical teenage response "Oh mom nothing's gonna happen". My best friend made a good point she said "that's not what she'll be thinking when she is duct tapped in the back seat of a car". For some reason this statement struck me as really scary. The next time we discussed it I used the same statement. I don't know why but for some reason it scared her too. We didn't have anymore problems. Good Luck! Do what you gotta do.

H., how do you know she only went a block over and she didn't meet anyone? I'm not sure what advice to give you about this, but I would seriously doubt that she merely took a midnight stroll. Also, how do you know she was only gone 30 minutes? Of course, I could be wrong. I did this when I was a teenager to meet my boyfriend, who is now my husband. I got caught. I told my parents I wanted to go for a walk to think because I was under a lot of stress. I only walked about a block away, and wasn't gone that long. I told them I didn't want to wake them up to worry them, but that I just needed to think. All lies. I'm ashamed to admit it. But, I was the "good girl" and they believed me.

Your daughter is no longer a baby she is a teenager let her grow up she should tell you when she goes out insist on that but help her grow inteligently good luck luck raised 4 andnow have 7grandchilcren A. no hills