15 Year Old with Too Much Freedom?

Yes and no. Like others have said, because her bio mother and father are ok with her 'limits' and are on the same page, you don't want to go stirring the pot. I understand you're concerned for her and what 'might' happen, but if she's a good kid with responsible friends she may just stay that way! I know I did :) Not every teen rebels and gets into drinking and drugs. Some are perfectly happy hanging out with friends, watching movies, etc. I'd get on board the trust-wagon, but keep an eye out for warning signs.

What I have learned is just like adults, not all teens are the same.

Our daughter sounds like your stepdaughter.. She has always been mature. She always could be trusted. I think one of the reasons was because we allowed her to be totally honest with us. We did not make threats we made promises. We taught her what we expected and told her consequences for the not acceptable behaviors would be.

We also told her what we expected her top priorities should be and that was her education. As long as she kept her grades up and was honest with us, we would allow her freedoms.. Mess with these 2 things and we will totally promise to mess with your life and your freedoms..

She upheld her part, so there was no need to yanking back her freedoms and our TRUST. She is now a double major in an amazing college. Always on the Deans list. We do not worry about her running wild. She knows what the expectation is.. She is actually harder on herself than we ever would have been because she has a drive and her own personal goals.

Children will make mistakes, they will falter and it is good. We want them to learn. But as long as they take responsibility for their actions and are honest about it.. I would not mess with what is working..

Where did we learn all of this, Our parents treated us this way. My mom always trusted me. I wanted to do my best and never have my mom be disappointed in me. My husbands family was also the same. They told him, "we know you know what is right and wrong." We lived up to this.
If it is working, why mess with it?

Maybe. If she has reached age 15 without giving any reason not to trust her...she's doing well. It IS possible that she does things he doesn't know about, because she's away when she does them and doesn't get caught---but it isn't fair to assume that she is and base her freedom on that.
Not all teens are out to "get away with" things.
I honestly never did anything bad or dangerous as a teen at all. I just knew better, and maybe she does too.
She sounds smart, and if she is educated about sex, driving risks, alcohol, and drugs, she should be fine. Keeping her home won't make her safer, just more resentful.
Also the fact that she ASKS, even when she has never been told no, suggests that she is a "rule follower". Many teens will either not ask because they expect a no, and they want to be sneaky, or not ask because they expect a yes, so they think asking is silly. She asks because someone else expects her to. That means something.

I don't have any experience with my own children yet. However, when I was a teenager I was allowed all the same freedoms. I always told my mom and dad where I would be and when I would be home. As I got a little older I even went midnight bowling and would be gone until about 2 am. All of my friends were older, some from school some from work and so they drove me home if I didn't have my car.
My friends did the usual drinking and some even did drugs. And while I went to parties where both alcohol and drugs (on rare occasion when I didn't know they would be there) were present I NEVER did anything I shouldn't have been doing! I didn't have my first drink until after I graduated high school and my parents were aware when I did. And although the didn't agree, I was 18 by then. I was allowed to go out with my boyfriend and we were together all the time. We even worked together. I even recall being allowed to attend my first rave with my boyfriend. And although we were there all night and slept together in a tent neither him nor I did any drugs, drank and we did not have sex or do anything other than a little making out.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I agree with your husband, if she hasn't given you reason NOT to trust her and she is using sound judgement then I wouldn't restrict her being out. Just know who she is with, when she will be home and what she is up to at all times. And I wouldn't be opposed to checking in on her unexpectedly so she knows that you are aware of what's going on. My mom used to pop in on me while I should be at the local mall and check on me every now and then and she called me at random times to check in too. On another note, keep open lines of communication make sure she never rides with someone who is drinking and make her a promise that NO MATTER what she can always call and get rescued with no questions asked until the next day when everyone has cooled down and can talk about what happened rationally.

Just my 2 cents!

I have a fifteen year old who is a great kid also but I wouldn't allow such freedom. They can't think like an adult and they don't understand the consequences of some actions. She can do something out of total innocence and suffer great consequences. If her friend's are responsible then perhaps their parents are keeping an eye on the kids. You can talk with her and see how things are going with her and be there for her, but it doesn't sound like you can do much to change the situation. Just be there for her. Maybe your involvement in her life will make all the difference in her decision making. Good luck!!

This sounds like how I was raised to a certain extent. I never had a curfew (my mom didn't see a point because she is always fast asleep at 8:00pm so it would have been a little difficult to enforce). I called and checked in frequently (and if I forgot too often she would pin a note to my shirt that said I needed to call her and say I got there safely...my friends would see it and remind me to call her :). I spent a lot of time with my friends and when I was a little older than your daughter my boyfriend. My mom always trusted me and I never wanted to betray that trust--I think I was much harder on myself than she was on me. I did very little in high school that my mom wouldn't have approved of if she was in the room with me (although she's obviously pretty easy going). I was the class valedictorian in high school, graduated second in my class in college and had my PhD before I was 30. I am tend to be really happy and am able to make choices that I feel confident about. I am also best friends with my mom! I hope to raise my sons in a similar fashion. I will say that when I went to college many of my friends/classmates went CRAZY, while I certainly had my share of fun I didn't feel the need to "go crazy" because it wasn't the first time in my life I had some freedom. Don't get me wrong--I screwed up a few times--but my mom didn't punish me, we talked about it and usually both cried and I felt awful for disappointing her and then we moved on.

That's more freedom than I would give my own kids, but unfortunately she is not yours and since the bio parents are allowing it there isnt much of anything you can do cept for letting you know you care and she can call you to come get her if she ever gets into a situation that warrants being picked up (friends have been drinking, etc).
Since the parents are not enforcing stricter policies you just have to go with the flow.... and if something does happen try not to say "I told you so" since that won't do any good after the fact.
Good grades always allowed my boys to have quite a bit of freedom, but they did have to let me know what they were doing at all times and the curfew for a 15 year old was 10:00 at my house.... that was enough time to see a movie and get home in time.

i only agree with he should know the parents of whose house they are at. other than that she is proving herself responsible, mature, and so are her friends so what is the problem? she is not in trouble with the law, skipping school, failing school, doing drugs or alcohol so why should her freedom be taken? she does her chores right if not it should be taken away till corrected. you can't suffocate them. which I understand your concern and also understand you aren't trying to suffocate her but why punish her if she is not getting in trouble. I did the same thing at that age. but I wasnt good with chores which is where my parents should have cracked down. but other than that I see no problems.

i would say no you're not over reacting, like we all did at 15..."mom and dad don't expect this from me so i'll get away with it" until she's 18 she needs boundaries

You are not over reacting. I'm more like you. I want to know the house and that the parents are not alcoholic or drug takers or verbally abusive.
But your husband has made a choice of how to handle his daughter's life outside the home and it is his right to do so.

If she has given no reason not to trust her, than trust her, but I would be sure she is well informed on things like birth control, and std prevention. She may be a good kid, but we were all 15 once, and know how it can be.

I was a good kid too, and I was given lots of freedom as well when I wasn't "mothering" my siblings or doing all of my extracurricular activites. However, I definitely was NOT always where I said I was going to be. Being in contact with friends' parents is DEFINITELY a good idea, that's how I got away with a lot of stuff. My cousin and I were 10 hours from spending a week in Chelan at 16 & 17 years old without parents. The only thing that stopped us was my grandfather had a heart attack which resulted in a surprise call from my mom when I wasn't at my cousin's house and the parents actually talked to each other. Ooops - a little grounded after that. I got straight A's and was in colleg prep courses, participated in 3 youth groups, was a cheerleader, watched my brother and sister after school, tutored, etc.... Teenagers will still be teenagers. Also, make sure she really understands about the birds and the bees. I didn't understand everything fully, like all the risks of diseases and that you can get pregnant even with birthcontrol and without necessarily having complete intercourse. She may not turn out "bad", but I think you are right to want some limits established, if for no other reason than her own safety.