16 Month Old Headbutting

I agree that it is most likely a phase. I highly recommend the book "What to Expect - The Toddler Years." I remember reading about this when my daughter was that age (even though she didn't do this but a couple of times). When babies get frustrated and cannot verbalize their feelings, they headbutt, bite, hit, etc. It is a phase. Be patient and try to help him verbalize his frustration, even if at his age it is just grunting. Good luck.

Both of my boys went thru the head butting phase. It will pass. Just continue disiplining him with a stern "no's" and time out. Then walk away and ignore him. When you get him out of time out, be positive and don't focus on the bad thing he did. And, be patient.

T.,
I'm a mother of a 5 year old with another one on the way and I'm also a child behavior analyst. I remember when my 5 year old went through this at about 10 months. I was scared to death something was wrong with him. The doctor told me he'd grow out of it, but he went around with a big knot on his forehead. It didn't last long, as hard as it was I ignored him when he did this. I would put him down (and then he'd do it on the tile floor!) and I'd just walk away. He saw that I wasn't going to give him a lot of attention for acting this way and what I'd said no to, was just the way it was. He got over it quickly with this approach... but it was hard. We had to be very consistent and I even noticed sometimes making eye contact with him was enough to reinforce it. He knew if it bothered me, then to keep doing it. Good luck!

I had a "head-butter" too and it seems like it was right about the age that you are having problems with it.

The best advice I can give it to be consistent--we found that putting our son down and walking away when he did it was the best solution. He may throw a tantrum and hit his head on something else instead, (avoid major injuries by placing him near things that aren't going to harm him). I think it also helps to speak calmly to him after he has calmed down so he sees that there is a better way of communicating even when he's upset. He'll eventually figure out that the headbutting isn't really doing him any good and the behavior will stop.

Anyway...rest assured I think it is a "normal" stage. My theory is that at this age these little guys have such definite opinions about how they want things but don't necessarily have the vocabulary to match their will, therefore they are easily frustrated and this is one of the few options they have to let us know they don't like the way things are going.

Things will get better especially as your son's language skills improve--hang in there!

My goodness. Have you sought the advice of your pediatrician? My three brothers were rather rough and tumble, but they never did that nor did my two boys. From what I read he's quite determined to hurt you and that just doesn't seem right.

I think plopping him in an EMPTY play-yard is a very good idea, the baby version of time out. I would not be concerned if he gets upset when you correct him, clearly it is not upsetting him enough to make him stop, so don't beat yourself up about that.

Do you move yourself out of sight when he's in the play-yard? I would do that--don't let him see you, though if you must, go to a spot where you can see him or train a video baby monitor on it.

Good luck!

My youngest started doing the same thing around 20 months. We would firmly tell him that we don't hit people with our heads, then put him down and walk away. Once he realized that he would get zero interaction with us when he did that, he quit--it took a couple of weeks for him to stop doing it. My son never really headbutted other things, but if yours chooses to, just walk away and let him. If it hurts him badly enough he'll stop. If he tries to follow you to butt your leg or something, pick him up--facing away from you!--and stick him in the empty play-yard and walk away without a word. Go back after a minute and take him out. If he tries to headbutt you again, just put him back in the play yard. Do that until he's ready to get out and behave appropriately. He WILL get it eventually...and then he'll be on to the next challenge! :)

I have a 17 month old grandson that does the same thing. If he doesn't get his way he will headbutt us. If he can't get to us he will headbutt the wall or door or whatever is avaliable. If you get any good advice please pass this on.

I have a suggestion and I hope it helps. It's worth a try.
Get a towel and use it for his time-out whenever he acts this way. you need to call it the naughty towel. Every time he wants to butt heads; put him on this naughty towel for 1 minute. If he gets off this naughty towel, you be consistent and put him back on it. Don't give up, because it could take up to a week. Also your husband needs to be in agreement with you on this and he needs to stick with this also.

Please let me know if this suggestion works. Remember you cannot give in to your son and stick with it as a team

Good-Luck
K.

it could possibly be the stress of moving. i know people don't think children are overly afflicted by such things, but taking them out of the only place they have ever known is extremely stressful for a small child. we just went through this with my 2 1/2 year old nephew. all you can do is have patience and make sure the consequence for the action is continually the same EVERYTIME he does it. my nephew had a lot of trouble moving away from his family when his mom was sent to iraq in january. we had several behavioral issues but now they are pretty much resolved. they rear their ugly head every now and then (maybe once a week or so) but he's getting more adjusted to the situation we're in now.

My son did this too! I didn't think he would ever grow out of that stage. He turned 2 in January and he no longer does this. I think the reason they do this is because they have something to say and they don't have a way to verbally tell you yet (I think that is when it will stop, when they learn to talk clearly). So when they get frustrated this is the way it comes out. The best thing I did during this time was to ignore it. He wacked his head into many walls, toys and of course me. His biggest punishment or lesson from this was the pain he felt from whacking his head. When he would head butt me, no matter how much it hurt, I would just set him down and walk away. Don't let him see you get upset. And don't offer him pity when he does it to other objects. I know that sounds bad, but obviously if he does it hard enough to really hurt himself you need to take care of him, but it doesn't usually come to that. HTH

Hi T.. I too have a 16 month old boy and he DID the same thing! I tried everything as I'm sure you have too. The only thing that worked for me was to completely ignore him. I didn't even look at him when he would headbutt the table or floor or even me. It seemed to me that he wanted any kind of attention. Whether it was me yelling at him or comforting him when he would do it too hard and actually hurt himself. He just wanted attention. So when I stopped paying him attention during those headbutting tantrums he eventually became uninterested. I hope this works for you. Good luck! Boys will be boys!!

Make sure he's not tired, hungry, wet/dirty, ill, or simply frustrated. My oldest grandson used to bang his head when any of these were 'bugging' him. I have prominent front teeth, and if my kids would try to throw themselves back in my face (sitting on my lap facing away from me), I'd make sure they hit my teeth with their head. They didn't do it very many times! The more attention kids get for ANY behavior, the more they do it. Let him face his own consequences if he throws himself around, but don't let him hurt YOU. Nature is a quick teacher with gravity, hard objects, pain, etc! (I'm not cruel, either. Just realistic. Life isn't going to give your child a 'cushy' ride through a rose garden, so best -- for his/her sake, AND for your sanity -- that they find out 'the hard way' that out early on that there are consequences to almost everything, good or bad).

Hi T.. Sounds like you son is startng the terrible 2's early. He's smart; he's learned how to control you. The best solution I can think of is what my aunt did with my nephew, when he had temper tantrums in her floor. She poured a pail of water on him. He stopped screaming and kicking immediately and followed my aunt's directions. Even if you don't use the water, you need to do something that he won't like, that will remind him that butting his head is not acceptable. If you don't stop him now, he increases his chances of injury; if not while you are present, with someone else. Hope he stops soon. D. G

There really isn't much you can do right now, it's a faze that most boys go through. I would put mine in the playyard too when he acted this way. I had a kid at a daycare center who would headbutt the walls and even knocked himself unconcious one day!! His parents bought a plagiocephaly helmet for babies with positional plagiocephaly (flattening of the head) and that worked well because it kept him from hurting himself when he banged his head on the wall; and it worked!! He stopped banging his head on everything withing 2 months. I also had the problem with one of my own boys. Nothing worked until i started really fussing at him, almost yelling, "no no, that really hurts mommy!" Make a really big deal out of it and make him see that you are hurt by him doing this, and keep putting him in time-out every time he headbutts anything, the wall, you, your spouse... anything. He might realize one day that the headbutting is not giving him what he wants and he may stop. I would also recommend speaking to your pediatrician about the helmet, that might work too. At least it will keep him from hurting himself and causing irreversible damage to his brain! Good luck!!

Keep on ignoring him and he will eventually stop.

Hi T.,
My son did the same thing when he was 1 - 2 1/2. I tried everything, even asking his peditrician for advise, and he said - it's a phase, he will outgrow it.

When I tried to stop the tantrums, it got worse. Finally, I decided to ignore my son, and when he saw he wasn't getting my attention, he stopped.

Thankfully, no damage was done, except for a few bruises. My son will be 25 yrs old in April, and a wonderful person he has turned out to be.

Best of luck !
P.

My 5yr. old did the same thing and it started arouond 16mos. too. At 20mos. we relocated to NC from New England too and it was hard to be around new people while dealing with this behavior. We had plenty of people back home who had opinions and suggestions but having to explain it all over again was really hard. The other responses are right on about the lack of language/frustration connection. The thing that's really frustrating for us parents is that it's not mentioned much if at all, in the parenting books that everyone has so I went to the bookstore and looked for something to help. We found the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" very insightful and have referred to it over and over when needed. I would of course talk to your pediatrician about it too. We found the best course of action was truly to ignore the tantrums that usually went hand in hand with the head-butting. We would put him down somewhere safe and walk away. This gave him absoulutely no attention to reinforce the behavior and saved us from injuries! Good luck and hang in there.

Hi T.,
Everyone has great suggestions which I won't repeat. I just wanted to recommend a book that I think would be helpful - The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson.
Hang in there!!

OW!! I know that hurts! My son did this for a while-he's now 6- and yes, it is a phase. He is learning that he can assert his authority and that it gets a reaction. The only thing that worked for my son, was that my husband and I did it back a few times. It really hurt too. And it hurt him as well, but only for a few minutes. After he figured out that Daddy and Momma were "bigger" he didn't do that very much any more. It really only took a few times. This was one of those times that it hurt us more than it hurt him. One of the necessary evils of parent hood! You can't let him hurt you. Remember you're the parent, he's the kid-a baby at that-and allowing him to assert his authority over your's is not okay. This is a boundary issue. Stick to your guns, whatever you decide to do. This is a battle won through consistency. God Bless!

My son is now 21 months. At 14 months he also did the head butting thing. He would head butt the coffee table, wall, whatever when I asked him not to do things. He tried head butting me alot also. Around 18 months he got over it. He still does it once in a blue moon. The only thing I found that worked was time out. If he head butted me he went right to time out. This is also the time I started using time out. He would sit and head butt the wall in time out. Once he realized I didnt care and it was hurting him he stopped.

Hi T.,

I'm a first-time mom of a 14 month old girl and she also likes to headbutt but she does it in play instead of because she's mad. She has hit my nose pretty hard a few times and I usually pull her away and tell her to be gentle and then divert her attention to something else like playing with a different toy. I'm certainly no expert, but I read that to encourage a child of this age to stop a negative behavior, give lots of praise and attention over the things they do right and a simple correction without getting too upset when they do something you don't want them to do. If you give too much attention to the bad behavior, they will most likely continue it because it's usually the attention that the child is seeking. Hope this helps.

J. R

Have you read THE HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK by Harvey Karp? It could help you...

At this age, you may not be able to reason with your child, like our 15-month-old: she began gagging herself when she was bored or unhappy. Soon, she learned to make herself throw up!

We did the Harvey Karp method of growling at her! It really upset her at first, but she stopped the gagging. Anytime we saw her try the gagging we would growl angrily at her like a wild animal.

As your child's brain develops and he does begin to reason, you may want to look into POSITIVE DISCIPLINE. It really works.

There might be a problem. I would check with his doctor about his mental capabilities. Maybe there is an embalance. It would not hurt to find out. Has he seen these thing done on TV? I am just siggesting.

Talk to your pediatrician. He will know what is common for your son's age, and look at other behaviors and development. If he feels that you need to be referred to a pediatric developmental specialist or neurologist, then he can give you a referral. My son, who was born prematurely, had a brain bleed after birth, and does not have normal brain activity in the left hemisphere of his brain, used to do this too. He would bang his head more on the cabinets or the floor. He rarely head banged us; however, he kept a bruise on head for a long time. He did stop, but it was a long phase. They rarely bang their head hard enough to hurt themselves. It's been a long time since we went through this, but I think that I would get a blanket and swaddle him in a blanket, and rock him to settle him down. He was also (and still is) a thumb-sucker, so he could easily settle himself down as well. If your son takes a pacifier, teething ring, or is a thumb sucker, try these things too.

My son also done this, though he had for Sagittal syntosis (excuse the spelling). I thought it had something to do with this. He has grew out of it. He is now two years old. I would say to try and protect your self from it and continue putting him in his play yard and keep telling him that he has hurt you and that it was not nice. I even acted like that I was crying. It seemed to help some. Good Luck.

unfortunatly my husband taught my now 11 month old. but he's been doing it for a while. I think that with the normal discipline to teach him not to he will grow out of it...

J.

My 2 yr old who is everyday testing my parenting skills does this. Our dr said its a lack of ability to communicate her frustration. He also said that as long as they arent getting bruises let it go. The more you battle it the worse it will get because its getting the desired effect which is attention. My daughter hits walla more then people, our dr said that s hell never hit harder then her head can tolerate but she does en up with bruises. So what we do is sit her in a chair or on the couch and tell her to stay there til she calms down. Then we walk away. About 30 seconds later she calms down and is off the couch. we also make faces at her and associate it with words. So she can say angry or sad. Its actually starting to work. With my oldest we used baby signs. And it was a huge help. My 2 yr old wont use them tho. Try and teach him how to communicate what he wants and the tantrums will slow down. But while doing they stay f irm, dont give them any attention. Good luck!!

I went through a similar time with my son when he was that age, only his thing was biting. We tried everything - spanking, biting him back, time outs, etc. Nothing seemed to work. We finally just made sure we were consistent with telling him it was wrong and letting him out grow it. I honestly think it was because he was at an age where he couldn't really express his feelings well and used the biting to do that.

My daughter has started doing the same thing. I just tell her no and put her down. She will hit her head on the floor but I ignore it since she doesn't hit it really hard. It doesn't take long for her to figure out that it hurts and she will stop.