I'd love to hear from moms with 16 year old daughters with their first boyfriend. My daughter has become this needy, shallow girl since getting her first boyfriend. She complains about him constantly and asks me for advice about what she should do. When I give her advice, (break up with him) she just ignores it! He's not a bad kid, he's frankly just not as into her as she is into him. Her grades are ok, but she doesn't seem to care about anything other than her boyfriend and sits around waiting for him to call her. If he calls, everything is ok in her world. If he doesn't she mopes around all day. She's a high school junior and a competitive soccer player with lots of friends, so it isn't like she doesn't have a life. I'm just so surprised at how weak-willed she seems. Is this normal? I didn't date in high school, and don't have any friends with high school girls. Any feedback would be appreciated.
maybe you should buy her that book "He's just not that into you" remind her that boys don't like to be chased they like the hard to get girls ALWAYS
good luck
P.S. It worked for me :o)
My neice went through this and it was a horrendous period. My sister went through the whole things of trying to break them up which, not surprisingly, backfired.
One thing I tell people is that we all make time for what is important to us. Once a person understands that, things get a whole lot easier. Start off by explaining how this relates to her life...soccer, friends, etc. Then turn it on the boyfriend. What does he consistently make time for? Does he make time for her or does he have time only when he has nothing else to do? By not attacking him, you daughter won't want to be with him just to spite you.
Hi S.,
My kids are pre-schoolers but I have been teaching high school students for ten years.
Unfortunately this is very normal for teens. At this age her friends have the most influence over her. Does she have some responsible friends who are also dating? Models for good interactions between boys and girls? Next time she complains (and you know she won’t take your advice) you might ask her what her friends think about the situation. If one of her friends is over at your house, you can ask her friend about boyfriends. Teens often love talking to adults other than their parents. Her friend might open up to you in front of your daughter. Giving her friend advice or insight is a good way to get the message across to your own daughter. Do you have any single girlfriends or sisters who could have a heart to heart with your daughter?
Now that your daughter is dating it is important to keep the lines of communication open. Teens today are much more experimental sexually than even ten years ago. If she is considering having sex or is sexually active it is important to make sure that she knows how to take care of herself.
I wish you and your daughter the best. This is a hard age but it gets better!
Many blessings,
Angela
Hi, Stacy,
it is TOTALLY normal!!! Please try to be sympathetic to her, because it would probably mean the world to her that her mom understands her. When I was her age, I had a serious boyfriend and everything about our relationship seemed like life or death. My parents did not treat it that way, so I could not confide in them. However, I had a drama teacher who absolutely took my concerns into consideration. She did not belittle me or make fun of the fact that it was so serious to me. One GREAT piece of advice you may want to share with her (and it doesn't change ever, in my opinion) is that guys are typically much more into the "chase" than the dating. So if she wants him to come after her, she should act like she is too busy for him, or is super busy with her own friends and her own life. That will make him chase after her more. If she is always available and waiting for him, then, he will lose interest and leave. I wouldn't tell her to break up with him, unless he is mistreating her or abusing her. If it is just a matter of him not calling her as often as she would like, then she should definitely give it a try to pretend to be too busy. Tell her to give it a try as an experiment in human relationships or socializing. Boys will come around when the girl is too busy. They will go away when the girl is too into them. It will happen over and over again. I have tried this in my own life and it is really true! Good luck. I know the teen years are hard for both the teenagers as well as their parents. I have two little ones right now and am quivering just thinking about the teenage years! Best of luck to you. Just know that your daughter is not needy or shallow. She IS acting normal for a teenage girl. If you can get her to believe the advice I gave you, she will be light years ahead of other girls her age!
