16 Yo Being Bullied

It is amazing how cruel kids can be and high school is absolutely brutal. But he is sixteen and I am sorry but running to the authorities is probably going to make it worse. If he wants to go talk to them then support him but let him deal with this his way. As terrible as this experience was it needs to become a learning experience there are a lot of Jerks in the world you wont be there to save him. Let him know you support him any way he needs and that you love him then let him handle it.

I am really surprised at the do not get involved attitude here. I understand not wanting to make things worse for your son, but isn't just letting it go promoting the problem?
I agree it should not have been up to the boy to report it. The teachers should have been there, if there were kids still there it was not over. No, this is not kindergarten and the teachers should not have to monitor everything, but the truth is that teenagers sometimes need more supervision than kindergarters. Alcohol at a school function is predictable, but still not acceptable. It should be reported now! Make a call and report it. Tell them you heard about it or saw it... leave your son's name out of it if you what to, but don't ignore it.
My SIL went to Berthoud High School and EVERY year for the last five years they have had a student maimed or killed at or leaving a school function and EVERY time it was alcohol related. Remember the two wrestlers who lost their legs? They were some of Berthoud's most recent casualties.

If kids cannot feel safe at school how are they supposed to focus on learning?

I would go up to the school and request a mtg with the principal. I would tell him how much drinking that you heard went on at the movie night and how disappointed you are. Not sure how much there really is but I would make it sound like you have heard from many people that there is a lot. You don't even have to mention your son. Tell him that you expect better control at these events and suggest that you are going to talk to the police about showing up at the next one.

Oh gosh, my heart just breaks for your son. What a terrible thing to have happen to him. I think you handled it well, you did everything I would have done, now your son just needs a moment to heal from this.

Ask him what he would like you to do. He may ask you to drop it and if he does, you should. Since it was a school event, the other boy can and should be held responsible for his actions and disciplined. If your son is OK with it, contact the principal and let him/her know what happened. But again, only if your son is OK with it.

My heart absolutely breaks when I read this. How hard to have this happen, and then to know that it could get worse if he turns them in. For now, I would respect your son's wishes. Here's why:

First, it will show him you are trustworthy. If you report this against his wishes and other things continue to happen, he might not tell you because he knows you'll report those as well. Make sure when you speak to him he knows that you understand where he's coming from and you will respect his wishes to drop it. This sets up/continues a nice trust between you two.

Second, it reinforces that he has some power in the situation. My daughter is only 10, but we've been starting to deal with the 'mean girl' stuff. My hubby gets so mad and wants me to talk to the teachers and call parents. I keep reminding him that there will always be another mean girl around the corner, and my focus is to fortify my daughter- as you are with your son. Keep talking to him about why other kids bully, and give him tools to handle it in the moment. If he'll go for it, role play some situations (maybe 16 y/o boys are too cool for this, but suggest it anyway). Keep reinforcing what he should do when things happen. This does include telling him the difference between what he can handle and what he can't- help him learn how to decide when a situation is too dangerous or out of control, and how to call for help.

As for you, you should keep a record of what happens. Even though you aren't filing charges, you'll have a history. I'm not sure if you can 'file' it with anyone without them taking action, might be worth checking.

Between the two of you, hopefully your son will keep telling you what's going on, and will know if a situation is beyond his control. And you'll know as well. Hopefully there doesn't come a point that you'll have to report something against his will, but you'll be prepared.

BTW, walking away is a good choice always, but sometimes bullies need to know that you'll stick up for yourself and not be an easy target.

Unless some of the other events you mentioned were more violent or threatening, I would have to agree with the other comments about following your son's lead. Let him know he has your support in whatever he decides.
Does the school have an alert line that can be called to report the drinking without using your son's name?

I believe you are doing exactly the right thing so far and that you can keep an eye on him to make sure that he isn't being further victimized or that he is hiding any further bullying. You have given him a good sense of pride and self esteem and we do not always have to believe bullies or anyone who tries to put us down. Myself included as an adult (believe me it doesn't seem to stop just in school-there are adult bullies and especially more in this economy on job sites). Privately if you trust counselors at school and if you think it would do any good then of course report this incident or to a school police officer. But boys are definitely different than girls about this (mother of two) and do not want to be embarrassed by mom and I understood that although it was frustrating when my sons went through some of these things because I had to call it quits sometimes when I wanted to go out with my sword. The best advice for bullying is handling it like you are: keeping your lines of communication open at home-that is a treasure that lots of moms would love with their highschoolers. You are one of the lucky ones. BY THE WAY; Interesting book reading about bullying - THE REVEALERS by Doug Wilhelm is good although targeted at a bit younger age group but wonderful reading about bullying nevertheless.

If this was a school event I would report it the school authorities to handle Underage kids should not be drinking at an event period. Obviously the alcohol was talking and it did its damage. Report it. I have to say did he not go to an adult there? He should have to report the behavior. Those boys would have been asked to leave.

What we are saying is YOUR SON needs to report it IF he feels strongly about it. You can be there with him, BUT only if he wants you there.

Like I said this is the hardest part of being a parent is turning these situations over to our kids to handle. But this is the step that he is now at.
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Explain to your son this is why underage drinking is not a good idea. It makes immature people even more immature and many times, causes people to do things they will later regret.

It is good he could be honest with you. But he is now a young man and needs to handle this himself.

It is one of the hardest parts of being a parent.. Allowing our kids to handle these things on their own. He needs to know you are there for him and know he can deal with this, but you cannot solve this for him. You can make suggestions, but do not go up to school or speak with anyone about this without your sons permission. In 2 years he will be in ollege and may see a lot more of this. This is a safe place for this to have happened.

I am so sorry that this happened to your son, kids can really be so cruel. I agree with everything that you told your son and understand your son wanting you to just drop it or feel embarrassed about reporting it. I'm not surprised that the teachers didn't see it either, bullies are so good about being sneaky.

To get it to stop what you need to do is REPORT it! The teachers, school administration can't do ANYTHING about it if they don't know what's going on. Once they know they'll do an investigation and will most likely get to the bottom of it. That behavior is grounds for suspension. I'd recommend you call the school and set up an appt. w/ the principal or asst. principal to discuss what's happened recently and in the past asap, they'll advise your son to report any future bullying so they can deal w/ it. Most schools have a ZERO bullying tolerance and your son should not have to go to school and put up with this. You can also file a police report for things like being spit on! The school needs to make some changes as far as monitoring events since alcohol is involved, they need to hear from the parents! I hope you will get involved. Goodluck

If this a first offense towards your son I would probably not do anymore than you already have except point out the obvious dangers/pitfalls of alcohol. If this has been happening regularly you need to see the principal. I think you should do this on your own when no one in the school is likely to see you in the halls (so maybe after the kids leave for the day). The staff can't help if they don't know so you you need to speak up. If your son starts to withdraw from you, school activities, his social network then you need to consider more drastic steps like counseling and a new school. God bless your son for turning the other cheek and walking away...

I understand your son's feelings about not wanting it to potentially go any further, but the fact that there was underage drinking involved and they were on school property at a school-sanctioned event crosses a line - it needs to be reported and the people responsible need to be disciplined. I would agree with explaining to your son that this is what alcohol can do to people when it gets out of control, so maybe he won't take it so personally.

I am so sorry to hear that your son had to face this. I was bullied in Jr. High and I will never forget those feelings. I heard an interview on a parenting expo by Izzy Kalman and his perspective and how to handle a bully is very empowering. His advice on how to handle a bully was almost too easy, but totally took the power away from the bully and left them looking like the fool.

http://www.bullies2buddies.com/

Best of luck to you and your son!