17 Month Old and 2Nd Child Due SOON!

Ours were 22 months apart. A week or so before we had our second, I took my daughter up to the hospital to walk around, look at the babies in the nursery window, locate snack machines, have a snack in the cafeteria, etc. I let her know that was where mommy would go when the baby came.

Once he was born, we made sure she got to hold him and bring him a gift. We had the baby give her something too. It was Easter weekend, so she got Easter goodies from him. I also made sure that when she came to visit at the hospital that the baby was in the little bassinet instead of me holding him, and we let her crawl up on the bed with me for a little visit first.

As far as jealousy, my daughter never really had anything against the baby, but her behavior was more reflective of having to share mommy and daddy, and having less one-on-one time with me. We involved her as much as possible with the baby -- she'd get diapers for us, help pat his back to burp him, pick outfits, choose toys to show him, push the wheeled bassinet around the living room, etc.
You should be intentional about one-on-one time with him, but balance it with times together with the baby. There are probably some books you can get about new babies, etc.
Just remember that this is a big adjustment for him and as with anything, it will just take time. At the end of the baby's first year you'll look back and think, "man, that was a rough year!" The grace of it is that you don't realize how tough it is until you're done with it :-).

Make sure you have a good stash of appropriate DVDs and you know when his favorite shows are on TV. There really will be times that you need him to veg out and give you a break. My daughter watched more TV/videos that first year of my son's life than she has her whole 6 years combined!

Having your older son in a mother's day out or similar situation (even a weekly swap with a friend) will help tremendously. He'll get to be "big" and those MDO or swap days could very well be the only days of the week you do a load of laundry, cook a meal, or wash your hair for a while!

As far as nap schedule, you should remember that the baby's schedule won't be terribly predictible for the first 12 weeks. Just be sure you keep the older boy as close to his routine as possible, even if it means the baby has to be put on "hold" every once in a while. There were times where I had to make a decision about who to tend to in a heated moment (hungry infant and melting toddler). The fact is, the baby can wait 2 more minutes to eat (even if he's screaming), and he won't go anywhere while he waits. The toddler will continue spiraling out of control if you don't tend to him quickly.

Once the baby starts eating and sleeping at more regular intervals, you should be able to get one of his naps to match up or overlap with your toddler's afternoon nap. You will basically put them down at the same time, even if one doesn't fall asleep immediately. The goal is that they're both in their beds or rooms for about the same amount of time. Even after my daughter dropped her morning nap, we still gave her a morning "quiet time" in her room during the baby's mornig nap, and then they both napped at the same time in the afternoon, with about a half hour difference in wake-up times.

We actually did move both of ours to a "big kid" bed at 17 months. Our daughter got moved at that age because our son was on his way. Our son was moved at that age because I caught him one morning trying to get his leg over the top of the crib railing. It was an extremely easy move both times. In fact, we have several friends with kids close in age (18 mo to 2 yrs apart) who made the move at 17 or 18 months and no one had any problems. Our friends who waited until 2 yrs old had the most drama with the change :-).

Hope all this helps. Good luck!

My children are 16 months apart. My advice is to let Jaxon be involved, be a helper, "Jaxon will you get a diaper for Jimmy and one for Jaxon?" On his return with the diapers, "You are such a great helper, thank you, honey"! We bought our son a boy doll, Nelson, to "care for" while I cared for the baby. My son sould sit next to me while I nursed and bottle feed Nelson (My son never did pretend to nurse which surprised me). While my son sat next to me I would talk to him about Nelson and about his baby sister ("does Nelson need to be burped? Your baby sister does"). Like the other poster my son hated it when his sister cried and would holler at me, "ma, baby!". We gave my son his doll before I had his sister and told that soon mommy would have a baby to care for just like he did. During this time I helped my son put Nelson down for a nap, feed him, diaper him, etc. so he was familiar with what would happen when the baby arrived. While in the hospital after the baby was born, my son just looked at his new sister and didn't really engage. My parents and husband went on and on about "your new baby" to my son while I was still in the hospital. The moment we arrived home we sat down, and let my son touch, hug, and beep "his baby's nose". I never experienced any real jealousy issues.

Sanity and sleep....the first year is hard, but after that it was very easy. My children had built in playmates. Sleep any and every chance you get, everything else can slide a little. Daddy will need to be a big help with housework, cooking, and caregiving. When daddy gets home, give him an half hour or so to wind down, and then go grab a nap. Men do need time to wind down after work. I know you do too, but be a little patient and you will get your turn. Your husband will be much more engaged if he has the opportunity to "change gears", also don't demand help, ask nicely and praise your husband alot, even when he doesn't do things exactly right. The last thing you want to do is offend your "allies". Plus it will be very hard to nap if you are fuming after an argument with your husband. Keep in mind if your husband gets bombarded when he walks in the door, he may try to think up excuses to work late.

No worries really:) My 3rd and 4th are 15 months apart, and honestly, my 3rd never really reacted much. I mean, I was always able to hold them both if needed, so if I was feeding the baby and he wanted to sit with me, then I let him. I liked to have a basket of books or other quiet things that were close to me when I was feeding so that if my son wanted to sit with us, we could read a book together or something. He was never really jealous of her though, I think the fact that he was so young actually helped in that area! I would say that you should allow the baby to fuss/cry sometimes if you are in the middle of something with your oldest, but my son HATED when sister cried, so he usually stopped what we were doing and ran to her to try to give her a binky etc.. Hopefully you can at least get a good nap in when your oldest naps, that should help, other wise you may feel a bit sleep deprived:) I would encourage you to get out with your oldest and do things in the morning that would wear him out..the park, swimming, mall play ground..anything to burn off the energy he needs. That is when I find things to be the hardest is when they are stir crazy and reacting with too much energy. It may sound like a daunting task, but I promise, getting out with 2 is not as hard as you might imagine. Just be prepared with a good diaper bag (including snacks and a drink for you and your son) as well as the normal stuff. You are just going to love having them so close! (Oh, one small bit of advice, which it seems clear that you are doing by not making him move into a big bed..dont make your oldest son grow up too fast just because there is a baby. He is still a baby too, and should still be treated that way to a degree. Sometimes we hold our older children to higher standards when a new baby comes around, but they are still so little!!) I am sure you will do wonderfully!! ENJOY ~A.~

My 2 boys are 19 months apart. The youngest is 4 weeks right now. For us, it has been an easier transition that I thought it would be. I was really worried about how we would handle it. There hasn't been jealousy or acting out against the baby. Our older son has been really sweet and gentle with his younger brother. I involved him with the pregnancy by letting him kiss my belly. When I was getting close to my due date, we kept telling him the baby would come out soon. We read books together about babies. When I nurse the baby, he sometimes tries to crawl in my lap, but I try to get him to play with something else or I will let him sit next to me on the couch & tell him we can cuddle after the baby gets his milk. I would recommend getting a sling or something so you can have both hands free so you can feed or change the older ones diaper. One of the biggest challenges has been when they both are fussy & need something at the same time, but we manage to work it out. Also, be sure you don't turn your back for a second if you leave the younger one in a swing, bouncy seat or within reach of the older child. Even though our older son has been gentle & hasn't tried to pick up the little one, I still don't trust him. I was also worried about not getting enough sleep, but thankfully the younger one has been a pretty good sleeper at night (so far). My older son still takes one nap in the afternoon, so I would rest at that time & in the evening the first couple weeks when I was really tired. I was really worried about how hard it was going to be, but it's been easier than I thought. We stay busy & feel like we juggle our time, but it's working. Hope everything goes well for you.

I don't have personal experience with this, but I remember reading something that you can help with jealousy issues by involving the older sibling in the care/decisions re. the new baby - like letting the older one chose which baby food, or which outfit, stuff like that. Supposed to help them feel more connected rather than left out. Good luck and congratulations!

My children are 22 months apart. (about to turn 2 and 4 this summer). Because of them being so close in age there were no jealous issues at first. My son starting showing jealous issues after my Daughter turned 1. Example, when pawpaw would come over and go to hug my daughter, my son would run in between them so pawpaw had to hug him first. The jealous stuff was always minor like that.
When baby came home, I always had big brother kiss baby Nite Nite. After a while he started kissing her on his own. It was so cute.
When its time to nurse the baby I would put a movie on the tv for big brother to watch. That always occupied him.

To be honest, it is going to be very hard. There might even be days when you cry. The best thing I did was to try my best to wake up BEFORE my children everyday to get my day started. I would have quiet time with the lord and ask for his help that day.My relationship with the Lord grew somuch during that time.
Also, don't be afraid to ask for help. Have a friend come over to visit. Just by holding the baby gives you a break.

Hope this helps.

My girls are under 14 months apart....it will be the toughest time for about 9-10 months...so buckle down...simplify simplify simplify. Lower your mommy drive to be perfect and get comfortable with a less than perfect house. Love those babies...time will fly and if you focus on everything else you will miss out on so much.

My first child did not respond in a 'jealousy' manner until the second was about 3 months old....it came out of no where and caught me off guard. If you don't already, a play room or area that is 100% child proof will save your sanity. It could be a hallway with a gate, whatever but a place where you can nurse and still be near the toddler and he can't get away from you. I also used it to keep the two separated if I could not watch them; one in the playroom, one not while I cooked or whatever. I really leaned on the playroom for my stress relief.

As for the schedule...it was hard, one napped twice a day, the other once. So the baby went down, then got up, the toddler went down, got up, the baby went back down...crazy crazy crazy. I did try to merge the times to overlap a little just for a catch me up time, but with a newborn the schedule is sporadic. Keep the toddler on his regular schedule as much as possible. I found like one hour in the morning and evening if I needed to run an errand I would plan to just go then, otherwise we stayed home...I am a BIG advocate for schedules and I rarely compromised on that until now, and I am still kind of a stickler about it.

The two milestones that will make life easier:
1. when baby can eat cheerios or something of the sort. Great staler when behind or need to tend to toddler.
2. When they nap at the same time....like winning the lottery.

Until then, keep things simple, cherish every tired moment, and accept help when it is offered. Don't be afraid to get out, just be patient with yourself and allow a lot more time.

I LOVE that they are close in age. They are now 3 & 4 and life is great. Play great together, love each other....just precious. God knew all along what was best for our family and this was more than perfect. I did not think that at first, but it is such a blessing to watch them grow up together. I did hear that research states that the ideal span in ages of our children is 17 months...so you nailed it!!!

If you need anything....feel free to contact.