17 Month Old up at Least 4 Times a Night Still

Have you heard of "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley? I personally don't agree with locking a babe in their crib and "break" them while they scream it out. That's just misery for everyone involved. This book is really good and has advice for people who co-sleep or not. Maybe give it a try.

Oh you have my deepest sympathies! My son is turning 2 this weekend and I only got him to sleep through the night and in his own bed in June. Here's what my sister taught me and what I eventually learned on my own out of desparation.

1) As my sister put it, this is a war that you MUST win. Sleep training is serious business and we all reach that point where it's going to break us if we don't find a solution.

2) The enemy (those cute little love muffins that they are) know exactly how far to push us until we give in and will take it to that point every time.

Knowing these 2 things, you've simply got to reach that point where you simply can't function another night without sleep and be willing to wage war. My son co-slept with me until June, and he is breast fed, even now. What I did was night wean him first. Once he didn't expect to nurse or drink anything at night I got him in to his own bed. We went through a big day of shopping where I made big fus over his big boy bed, let him pick out his sheets, a tent to go over the bed, and his own pillow. We went home and put it all thgether, put all his stuffed animals in the bed with him, and hung out there for a while. When nap time came he went down in his new bed, and then when bed time came we did the same. I ended up going down with him in his bed until he fell asleep and tip toed out. I still do this now. Only difference now is he goes down at 7 and stays asleep until sunrise.

The war came on the second day when the novelty wore off and he realized that he was permanently sleeping in his bed in his own room. That night he started getting up from about midnight on. He'd march in to my room and try to get in bed with me. It went for 4 hours bringing him bak to his bed, soothing him, rocking him, putting him down again, and each time as soon as I thought he was asleep and began to leave he was upp like a shot and after me. Finally, at 4:30 am I couldn't take any more. I put a baby gate up to his room, told him that he could do what ever he wanted to but Mama had to go to sleep. He screamed for about 1/2 hour, then when he realized that he wasn't getting any response out of me any longer, he walked over to his bed, laid down, and went to sleep. I haven't had a single argument from him since. Sometimes he will wake up at night from a dream, but he now knows the rules. He doesn't nurse until the sun comes up and therefore doesn't come in to my bed until then. If he wakes up before then I'll go in and get him back down, (most of the time I wait a few minutes and he just goes back down on his own) but I NEVER break the rules and nurse him, climb in to bed with him, or let him in bed with me. IF he cries, he cries, but the truth is, after that one night, it was done. It was simply a matter of him seeing that I wouldnt do it any more. At that point he just went to bed. It was a horrible heart breaking night, but the end result is we both sleep and I have my evenings free. He is happier for it as well since he's now better rested

I was having probs with my son (now 12 months) and his sleeping. It wasn't quite as severe as your situation. I no longer slept in the same room as him, nor did I nurse anymore. But he was still waking several times a night to feed and be rocked back to sleep. I used the Ferber method, which many people say is mean, because it involves a lot of tears, but it worked for us. It doesn't work for everybody. You put the baby in bed, awake, but drowsy. They usually start crying their eyes out. You go in every three minutes the first night and pat her on the back to let her know your still there. Go in like that until she falls asleep. The following night, it's every five until she falls asleep, and so on. It's suppose to teach the baby how to fall asleep on her own, but that you're on the other side of the door, and not abandoning her. Like I said, it's not for everyone and lots of people don't agree with it, but it worked for me and kept my husband and I from killing each other from lack of sleep. Check out his book. His name is Richard Ferber. He's a pediactric sleep doctor based out of Boston Children's Hospital. No matter what advice you get, do what's right for you and what your comfortable with. Hope this helps.

Well, though I don't have experience with breast feeding this long I did BF until a little over 6 months & my dauhter slept with me until about 1 year old.

I don't know if you'll like this, or even be ABLE to do it, but I'd put the front of the crib back on and let her scream and cry every night until she gets the point.

I moved and got involved with a man when my daughter was just around 1 year old. Until then she had slept with me. She screamed for a LOOOONG time each night for about a month, but shorter each night after a week or two. It's hard to deal with, but we managed.

She even cryed herself to sleep after that 1st month, but she stoped SREAMING and would just cry herself to sleep.

She is now 3 years old and rarely even whimpers at bed time.

R.

Hi K.,

I just went through this recently. My daughter was two in July and still waking up once, twice sometimes three times a night to nurse. I'm not sure why, but suddenly my milk production went way down one night and so I decided it was time to wean. I had a feeling that she wasn't sleeping through the night because when she awakened during the night she had breastfeeding to get her back to sleep. Weaning went better than I thought it would. She was weepy for almost a week and a half (like taking away a favorite blanket or pacifier) and even told me and my husband "ba ba (breastfeeding) doesn't work any more." I had a tricky time "drying up." But, I suggest Parsley tea from your health food store and cabbage leaves. She now sleeps through the night. I haven't had uninterrupted sleep in two years, so I feel like a new person and she seems quite content to drinking out of her cups more. By all means I'm not suggesting that you wean Grace, you should of course breastfeed as long as you both want to, but in my case I knew that she wasn't nursing for nutrition, just extra comfort. You'll know if weaning is for you. I also have to say that teething for her eye teeth and molars definitely had a lot to do with her more frequently waking during the night too. That may be the culprit also. Good luck.

My pediatrician told me to stop nursing at night. For several reasons, the first of which is she doesn't need it. He told me to stop at 6 months, and I did and have been sleeping through the night ever since. My baby is 9 months old now and I'm still nursing and pumping everyday. Second, it's bad for her teeth to drink milk at night, then sleep.
Nursing at her age is more of a comfort mechanism. If she's drinking from a cup well, try to limit your nursing to the mornings and at night, but not during the night.
And try to go back to your room. She's used to you being there all the time. Plan on having 2-3 rough nights, but after that you'll be fine.

K.,
I breastfed my two children into toddlerhood and they both got up in the night until they were about 2 1/2 and stopped napping. It sounds to me that you are doing what works for you and your daughter. If you want a book that will agree with you, get "The Fussy Baby Book" by William Sears. He promotes "attachment parenting" which is a philosophy that I used my my children and I now have two lovely, independent, well behaved children.

If you do not feel that your current arrangement is working, then you could read about a different approach. I would recommend Farber (author) and I don't remember the title of the book. Good luck to you.

K.

I hate to tell you this, but, yes it is definately your fault, and mine too. I have two boys and with both of them I fed them through the night by letting them sleep with us. It just seems so much easier, that is until they're no longer breast feeding and you want your bed back. I have a 4 year old, almost 5, who has been sleeping through the night in his own bed for a little over a year. I had to wait for him to be old enough to understand our night time conversations. My two year old wouldn't dream of sleeping through the night in his own bed. We put him into his bed asleep, but within two or three hours he's up and crying or heading for our bed or both, and we have one more on the way. This one I'm going to try to do a little differently. Hopefully you'll have better luck than I have.
K.

She is used to you being by her side.

When a child sleeps next to you for so long they become dependant on someone being by their side. You had her next to you for 12 months. Now they are alone in a room.

Try adjusting nap schedules to let them sleep early afternoon and only once a day this way they are exhausted at bedtime. Fill them up at bedtime with a cup of milk and or something that will stay in their belly, and tell them that Mommy is next door when they sleep.

If you keep accomodating the screaming and crying by laying next to them, feeding them or nursing them - you will never get past this. The child will soon catch on and their bodies will adjust to the new schedule and new rules.

I have two children who I nursed to 8 months and slept next to me however I never gave in when it came to bed time. If they woke - I let them know I was there but any other distractions that could keep them up was not introduced.

Good luck

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I don't think any of it is your fault. I have a 3 1/2 yo son who didn't sleep through the night until he was about 2 1/2 & he still wakes up on occasion. I also have a 3mos old daughter who sleeps 8-10 hours most nights. I did the same thing with both-nursed them & let them sleep in bed with me. Some babies are just good sleepers & some are not. Don't blame yourself.

Hi K.,

Here is something that you may want to print out and read. I think that some of these tips may help you. Please also remember to use family and friends as a support system in case you need a night to yourself so that you don't become too frustrated. Perhaps someone could stay with you overnight so that you are steps away but you are able to get rest while someone else attends to the baby. I hope that this article helps. All the best.

C.

Infant Sleep Guide
Between the ages of three and six months, your infant will be able to sleep for longer stretches at night. Which means you'll get a little more sleep than before. Congratulations! Now your baby is beginning to under-stand the difference between night and day, which makes it a perfect time to establish a sleep time routine.

How much sleep?
Your infant will sleep between 13 to 15 hours each day. Its important to realize though, that every baby is different and some will more sleep, while others need less. Your baby will also need to nap from two to four times a day.

Create a loving night time routine
To help ensure that your baby is getting the sleep he or she needs, build a consistent sleep routine from a series of calming events that clearly says, "It's time to settle down and go to sleep." Your routine may include feeding, massaging, bathing, story telling and singing lullabies. You may also begin to establish a set bedtime, a set wake time, and set naptimes.

Put your infant to bed drowsy but awake
The most important aspect of getting your baby to sleep through the night is to have your baby learn to soothe herself to sleep. Put your baby down to sleep when he or she is drowsy but awake. Babies need to be able to fall asleep independently, so that they can do the same when they wake in the middle of the night.

Habits to avoid
Make sure your baby's nightime routine is not too long or too impractical to stick to. Try to avoid rocking or nursing your baby to sleep, because you may end up doing the same when your baby naturally wakes up during the night. Consider this: is this a habit you want to be catering to six months from now, or two years from now? Take turns with your partner with putting your baby to bed to help avoid developing such habits.

Bath time and massage say “it’s time for sleep”
You can also help your baby relax before bed by including bathing into her nighttime routine. Warm water and a lullaby can help soothe your baby into the land of nod. Be sure to use a gentle cleanser suited for your baby.

Enjoy your baby's bedtime routine. When you include massage and a bath, it becomes a wonderful time to unwind together and to bond.

Try massage to help relax your baby
Massage is a great way to relax your baby, especially now that he or she is using more muscles to move around, It's also a wonderful way to bond with your baby.

To begin, use an allergy-tested lotion, cream or oil that's mild and made especially forte babies. Start with your infant lying on his or her stomach. Make sure your hands are warm, then gently rub them back and forth six times on each of the following areas for about one minute in each area:

From the top of your infant's head to his neck
From his neck across his shoulders From his upper back to his waist
From his thigh to the foot and back to his thigh, on each leg
From his shoulder to his hand and back to his shoulder, on each arm

Now turn your infant over so that he is facing you. Move each arm gently, flexing it and then straightening it. Exercise each arm and each leg in this way, and then both legs, as if he were pedaling a tiny bicycle, for a total of five minutes. To finish, turn your baby back on his stomach and repeat the first sequence.

Hi K.,

I also have a 17 month old and I too also breastfed him. I read a great book before I had my son called, "On Becoming Babywise" by Michael Ezzo. In the book he explains the difference between Parent Directed feeding and Baby Demand feeding. He gives helpful suggestions about making a schedule for your child to help them sleep through the night. My son was sleeping through the night by 9 weeks and I know it was due to the information I read in the book.

I think you have a choice to make with your daughter. Are you going to allow her to demand when she is fed or are you going to direct it? Right now you are letting your daughter demand when she will be breastfed and it seems like she is in charge and "Ruling the Roost".

First, I would move back into your own bedroom, and then schedule your daughter's feeding time yourself. You direct the times she eats. Breastfeed your daughter right before bedtime and then tell her that it's time for bed and do whatever else you do for a bedtime routine. (Brushing teeth, prayers, reading a book). Get in the habit of telling her that you will see her in the morning, so this will help establish the routine/schedule and to reassure her and let her know who is in charge.

There is no need for her to have a cup of milk at the end of her bed during the night. She should be able to sleep a good 8-10 hours a night without getting up.

It will take a little time and patience, but you can direct your daughter's schedule so she will be sleeping through the night and you will too. The first couple of times of her crying will take patience, but hang in there, she will stop the crying eventually and fall asleep and then you both will be able to get some sleep. So be strong during this time, and don't go in and coddle her. If you go in and out of the room, it is confusing to your daughter and she will think if she cries louder and longer, maybe you'll come in again and feed her, hold her etc. Patience with Love is the Key and it will work.

I would also put the crib back together for a little while til she gets used to the new schedule, otherwise she will be getting up out of her bed to try to get you up during the night. My son is still in his crib with the mattress at the lowest level. Within the next 6 months we'll make the transition to a toddler's bed, but right now it is helpful for him to have the safety of the crib.

I hope this information is helpful.

Hi K.,

I am 42 yrs old with a 16 mo little girl. We started to get our daughter Tayler to begin sleeping more often at night by letting daddy go in with a bottle when she woke up. After a week or so she started to disassociate mommy and feeding at night. She now maybe wakes up one time and I can go in with a milk bottle, she drinks and falls right back to sleep without taking her from the crib. She is starting to sleep all the way through the night and has done so 3 out 5 times this week. You need to break the breastfeeding bond. She will eventually grow out of it and you just need to be patient. I feel that it is more important to meet their needs at this age than not. Hope this is helpful.
Y.

She is manipulating you to put it bluntly. Ween her. She doesn't physically need to nurse and should not be. Leaving a cup in the bed is also not needed; leads to tooth decay. I have 4 kids and the last one was to hardest to get to sleep through the night. He wanted a bottle at night until 10 months. I realized that this was more my fault b/c I allowed it (him being my baby). I choose a long weekend that if I had to be awake all night b/c of his crying, I didn't have to work for a few days. The first night wasn't too bad and the second was even better. Now he is one of my best sleepers. Let her cry, it may be hard, but in a few nights, she will be fine and you will be more rested and happier. She will probably be a happier child with more rest herself.

I think it is good to let your child know you are there for them but it sounds like your child is doing a good job of controling you. It is important to let her know who is in charge and still let her know you love her... sleeping next to her at night instead of in your own bed isn't going to help her or you in the long run.

me too! my first son kept me going 24/7 with the breast feeding! But breast feeding is not the problem - you should do that as long as you feel comfortable - what a gift. Unfortuneately, Grace is using you as a security item - it is not your fault, we just need to find something else she can use to sooth herself back to sleep. i am going to recommend a book i used, and that you start this during a long weekend or vacation - your husband will be a big part of the plan. This book address all kinds of sleeping arrangements and does not condemn co-sleeping - it does give you helpful instructions on how to remedy the situation using your daughter's personality in mind. there are "quicker" ways and slower ways - you choose. in summary your husband will have to take over night feedings and be very commited to not speaking to her, no singing, no shh shhh etc. this will help eliminate "curtain calls" for your attention. even yelling is a reaction she will look for - you have to be stone faced. Milk can be breast or whatever you choose in a cup/bottle/sippy whatever. This suggestion was not in the book but it worked well for me also (leaving a drink).this program gives you alternatives to the "let them cry" method - i think works just fine. After doing this program with both sons they each sleep between 12-14 hours a night and my 2.9yr old still takes a 2+ hr nap in addition!

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child by marc weissbluth, md

I am 38yrs old, married, 6.5 and 2.9 yr old sons. Good luck!

I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Wiessbluth. It was a true lifesaver for me! It really helps you to understand what's happening and how to fix it. It also helps you know how much sleep your child needs at what age. Soooo helpful. Good Luck!

K.,

It sounds like you are perpetuating the problem by not teaching your 17 month old to sleep alone. I would talk to your pediatrician and read some books about how to get your toddler to sleep through the night. "What to expect the Toddler years," has some helpful information on sleep issues.

I'm not being judgemental, I slept with my son for the first several months of his life and had to teach him how to sleep in his crib. I also nursed him until he was 13 months old. It takes gradual changes and a lot of patience to change behavior at this late stage. I am a 36 year old with an 18 month old son and learn the hard way! :)

You can also use parenting center resources. Almost every township has one who have very helpful staff with experience to help answer your questions. There is also a group called the Ambler Area Nursing Mother's Group who have awesome counselors to assist with these kinds of questions too. All of them are Mom's who have nursed their children and have special training. Good luck! R.