17 Yrs. Old Dating

Follow HIS heart, not hers. Those who usually do just the opposite of what thier heart desires for someone else, usually ends up regretting the decision for the rest of thier life and wondering just how life could have/would have been different for them. If this is the "right girl", she will wait and if not, what has he missed.

you're right dad is wrong.
If she does not support his decision to join the military then she does not deserve to be dating him.
They are not married she should not have a say in what he wants to do with his life. 4 weeks is a very small segment of his life. And never know who you will meet in the millitary. I met my now husband of 10 years when I was in the Army.
it is wrong for her to give him this choice. She just wants to have him around for all that time , dosen't want him to go.

At 17, I'd not be all that concerned. If it's only been 4 weeks, and she's being that way... chances are you won't have to worry about a girlfriend problem come graduation time. You've got a good chance of at least one of them changing their mind by then.

i think the girl has the right to feel that way, and she is considering her own future and what she wants..which is not a Marine. She's entitled to that.

However, your son would be VERY mistaken if he thinks that it's smart to make his future-life decisions around a girl. He needs to grow up ..and fast! VERY IMMATURE (well, I guess it's expected from a 17 year old).

Honestly, it doesn't matter whether this girl supports him or not. She should not even be a factor in this decision or a part of any consideration in regards to this matter. This decision should be made by him with his parents' counseling. Hello? They're kids....she's not even family! How can she have a say in HIS FUTURE???

Tell him,
'Tomorrow you'll be 18, then before you know it..21. Do you think your mindset will remain the same?" Let him know that a 21 year-old is a MAN compared to 17 year-old boy and you will be an entirely DIFFERENT person. You would be so changed. So don't ride on what you think you know now about yourself."

And how old is the girl? 16, 17?
If it was my son, I'd ask one question and see if he can answer it:
"Tell me what 16 year old girl can see herself with the same guy for the next 20+ years, let alone the rest of her life? She has her whole life ahead of her too, and she has many things to explore, grow, discover and learn. Do you really believe that at 16, she's ready to ultimately commit FOREVER to this ONE relationship for the rest of her life? Don't bet your life on it. No 16 year girl is going to give up that freedom to experience HER OWN FUTURE..unless she's stupid. Then when you guys finally go your own separate ways, what then? What have you given up/wasted all those time for??? If people are meant to be together, they will...but don't ever give up/plan your own future around anyone. Especially someone you've only known for 4 weeks."

UPDATE: to clarify for some who think I meant it LITERALLY when I said he needs to grow up fast. You, please get real. It's a figure of speech, meant to imply that his parents need to give him a serious education and wake-up call...(explain to him what he does not yet understand) BECAUSE he is only 17! Common sense.

First of all to anyone who says he needs to "grow up fast" needs to get real! Unfortunately he is still a kid, male bodies do not fully mature until they are 22-25 years old so why the heck should their brain be any faster. As for the military I am all for it my husband was in the Navy and I have lots of family that are in or were in the Army, friends in the Marines and Air force.

However I have a huge issue with the Military solicitation our youngest members of society. They are not old enough to know what they want to do yet and of course the recruiters make it sound glamorous and tempt them with college money (which hardly anyone gets to use until they are out because they don’t have time). The better option is to strike a deal with the recruiter they have programs that will pay for his college with the promise of enlistment once he has finished (of course it has to be in a needed field) but then they pay for it and he goes in commissioned which is always much better because the pay goes significantly higher plus once he is out he has a college degree to fall back on. Also he needs to shop his options so they can sweeten the deal. With asvab scores high enough for the Marines that means he can also go into the Navy (much safer and more jobs that relate to the civilian world) and he may even have high enough scores to go to the coveted Air force which is even better with more jobs that he can transition to the civilian world.

As for the girlfriend at least she is being honest with him and not dumping him when he is vulnerable like on the battlefield (I have seen too many divorces and break ups while they are deployed and they cannot focus on their job which unfortunately too often is just to stay alive).
So give both of these kids a break, your son because he is really too young to make a life altering (or threatening) decision and has some growing up to do. And the girlfriend because she too is still a kid.

No matter what he chooses I wish your son and family the best and commend him for even considering serving our country!

If we only had a crystal ball that we could sit down with our chlidren and let them see what the future is going to hold for them!!! About 10 years ago, our youngest daughter was offered a full four year scholarship to a very good university to play fast pitch softball for them. We were SO proud and excited for her!! But...she had a boyfriend who was not going to be going to that same school and that meant they would be separated by hundreds of miles for 4 years. She was SO sure that this was her "soul mate" and so she turned down that wonderful scholarship!!! Within 6 months the two of them were history and she was living at home, going to a local university, wishing that she had chosen the softball scholarship instead.
Is your son in his senior year of high school so that this decision is going to be made in a relatively short period of time? If he is still in his JR. year and has another year to go, the girlfriend AND the Marines may be totally out of the picture by the time he graduates!! Young people change their minds on what they want to do with their lives and who they "love" so frequently.
I would suggest that you simply support your son in whatever path he chooses to take, Be a sounding board for him, without putting too much of your own opinion into the discussion. Help him sort his thoughts and feelings out and come to the decision that is best for him!!
God Bless

I feel your son should go with his dream of the Marines. His life will be set for him. I made the mistake of holding my dreams back to stay with a Boyfriend at 18 yrs old , who I broke up with a year later. Today I regret going to the fashion school I was accepted at. You are right your son is too young to make that kind of decision. She obviously is not the one for him if she won't stick by him to make a career for himself and follow his dreams. She is being selfish. Not a good way to start a relationship. I think your husband is wrong, He is not leaving her hanging, he is creating a good life for them if they should marry. I come from a military family. He will be set for life by joining.
A. B. , Blended family with 5 kids between us, 21 & 20 yr old stepson, 16 yr old stepdaughter,17 & 14 yr old daughters.

I would simply talk to him about how relationships where anyone gives anyone an ultimatum aren't healthy and ask him to give that some thought. Just remind him about how he felt, when he was little, if one of his friends had said, "Do XYZ or I won't be your friend anymore." and how he would tell a younger sibling to handle that situation. He's going to make his own decision no matter what and maybe he's changing his mind on his own as graduation is getting closer, but if you have a calm, rational, adult-to-adult chat, he might really give what you're saying some thought and reconsider letting a girlfriend make his decisions for him. Good luck!

Hi, My own son joined the Marines at 17. He was a great student, had a great group of friends, good part-time jobs and loving family. He had a few 'girls of interest' but no real girl friend. He had been interested in the Marines for about 3 years. He graduated HS early in Jan, 09, of his senior year. The previous Sept. 08, the Marines recruiter visited the school & pretty much sealed the deal in his mind. He was mature, decisive, & considerate..."Mom, this is what I really want to do with my life." He left for boot camp in March, 09, turned 18 in April, and is now based in Okinawa, Japan. A girlfriend of 4 weeks @ 17 is only initial hormones. If she has a future place in his heart & life, placing threats & ultimatums on their relationship today is no way to communicate. It may be indicative of a 'my way' future with her. By the way, I cried many tears over his choice. But he seems happy as a clam with his choice. Your son will truly leave as a boy and return a man. The experience will be incredible for him.

I have a little different take on this. If I were the girl, I would probably tell your son the same thing. I know it looks manipulative to you, his mother, but from her standpoint, why would she want to commit to a long-distance relationship with someone she's only been dating for four weeks? Is it better for her to pretend to be supportive and then break up with him after he enlists? At least she's being honest.

The issue isn't her; it's your son. He needs to decide if this girl is worth changing or putting on hold plans he's had for a while. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. I guess my advice for you would be to help him understand the ramifications of any decision he makes. If he doesn't join the Marines now, what will he do instead?

The other thing, for me as a mother, is that I would almost welcome this opportunity to have him postpone enlisting in the Marines. Serving in the military is undeniably a noble profession, but as a mother, I would be so worried about any child of mine serving in the military in a time of war. Especially the Marines, who are so frequently at the front lines. He can always enlist later if he decides that that is what he really wants to do. I think deciding to stay home for a girl is a far less serious commitment than joining the Marines at this point in his life.

Firstly, I agree 100% with Tonya C. about military recruitment. My son was very interested in joining the service after high school because he was in the school's ROTC program. My husband and I told him to go to college first and then go into the service as an officer once he gets his degree. That would do 2 things. Give him a college education and a higher rank if he did go into the military and give him 2-4 years to find new avenues and careers. Maybe a local community college would give him the opportunity to get some schooling at a lesser fee. If you are encouraging him to do go into the Marines for the college money, don't. The Marine's are one of the best military organizations out there but they are the first one's to go into a battle. Review your options if that is the reason he is going in that direction. The Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard, Merchant Marines are all good organizations that aren't always in the first line of action but still is the military. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friends who are Marines and I have a lot of respect for the Marines, but I have only one child and as my husband puts it, 18 year olds become cannon fodder. You do not want that for your son. I support the the military but I also support my child. 17 yr olds don't have a clue as their brains aren't developed to know what decisions to make until 25-27 yrs of age. I have a good friend who works with soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan with brain injuries, PTSD and amputees. The government is not helping these people and you do not want this for your son! Secondly, the ROTC class my son was in wasn't allowing officer candidates to huge military schools to come into their class and speak. They would constantly have military recruiters there which I didn't like. A lot of schools have eliminated these programs from their curriculums. Secondly, he shouldn't let a girl stand in his way of his future. I wouldn't bet my life on this 4 week relationship. It could be over by graduation. You need to explain that it is he needs to establish himself so if it does develope further, he can support the family....hence a good education. My son doesn't have a steady girlfriend as he doesn't feel he has found anyone that meets his values. My husband can't understand that, but I am not forcing him into a relationship with a girl because he has so much to learn and focus on. I think we do a disservice to our children, especially girls, when we tell them, verbally or otherwise, that they need a man to take care of them. We need independent women. Be open to talking with your son but not judgemental as he will not listen if you are. Don't loose the relationship to guide him. Best of luck and keep us posted.

The Bible makes it clear that men are to be the leaders of their families. Therefore, if the thought of them dating is for them to be a family, then she should support him and encourage him if she truly cares for him.

You're right, but trying to convince him of it will probably only drive him further into this girl's arms. Probably the best thing to do is leave the decision firmly in his jurisdiction: tell him to just make sure he's doing what HE wants to do in the long term (which is really difficult for any 17 yr old to do, seeing that they haven't HAD much 'term'! LOL) Anyway, leave this decision totally up to him -- and let him know that you are! (both you AND Dad)! Kids will ultimately do whatever they want to, anyway.

In the meantime, pray that he will make wise decisions based on what you've taught him up to now!

God bless!

My son is a service man Navy 8 yrs and then coast guards as a career he also left out of high school. The Marines is one of the most difficult areas as far as safety. I would let him make the final decision if he was 100% sure no girl or person will change his mind. Believe me I know from experience let him be it will resolve itself and will have nothing to do with his girlfriend of 4 weeks deep down, even if that is what he uses to back out of his decision in the end. If it is truly his dream nothing will get in his way.

You are absolutely right in your way of thinking. First - your son is looking to his future and realizes that the Marine Corps is what he may want to do. That's wonderful! He should be applauded on that. What he should not be applauded on is the fact that he is changing his mind about what he will do in the future for a girlfriend. If she was a good and loving girlfriend, she would be supportive of the choice he is making to do something with his future career and possibly with his life. Not to downplay their relationship, but it is only a high school relationship. If he starts making changes to his decisions about his future and ultimately his life because of a girl, then he is in for a LONG LONG road of heartache. The great part of the military is that he will be given training that he can take with him into the civilian sector if he decides not to make a career of the Marine Corps. Not only that, but he will qualify for educational benefits as well, if he should decide to pursue a degree later on. You are being a supportive, loving, and open minded mother who only wants whats best for her son, not only now, but in the long haul. I think you should give yourself a big pat on the back and know that you have this mom's respect!

Well she is showing she is immature and does not have the experience of a mature relationship.
They have only been dating 4 weeks. THAT says it all... this is not something to determine his life. 4 weeks is nothing... (not trying to be insensitive), but it is.

he is so young... sure old enough to join the Marines... but so young in terms of love/relationships/knowing what kind of "woman" he wants to spend his life with etc. He should not give up on his "dreams" either... but yes, being a gentleman if they break-up and it does not work out.

And, her giving him that "ultimatum" is well, just childish. It is emotional manipulation.

As a person ages, and grows up, their ideals and ideas about relationships ALSO changes... as THEY mature. Right now, after only 4 weeks... that is really not anything to really bank on.
Sure, leaving anyone hanging is hard... but in reality, that is life and sometimes there does need to be reflection upon a relationship... and not making just spontaneous decisions. A MATURE "adult" would understand that, albeit hard emotionally.

A 4 week relationship, is a shot in the dark. It has not even evolved, to where they can predict their relationship OR compatibility, wisely.

True, your son does NOT know where their relationship will be then.. and he is right. Graduation is important... as well as his aspirations. A supportive and mature and mature love relationship... will understand that. Your son, is considering very real options... for his life. And he seems to be thinking about it, clearly, maturely. BUT... he does need to ascertain the difference between a fickle love/relationship and one that has gone the distance despite hardship. THIS relationship, has not. It has only been 4 weeks.

He needs to be honest with her. Even if it is hard. Even if it breaks up.

You are not wrong. He does need to learn all he can... to be successful in life... and to be wise. This includes his learning about relationships. And, as young as he is, his ideas about relationships will most probably change. A 17 year old, and a 27 year old, and a 37 year old... does NOT have the same feelings/ideas about relationships... because they mature and learn what they want and don't want in a partner....and how to conduct a relationship and evaluate it, and what they experience in life.

He needs to think about that.

Make sure, the girl does not try and get pregnant, to try and keep him.
She sounds immature. I don't mean to be insulting... but is she is only 17 as well... she won't have mature judgment about it, nor him, nor their relationship.

Guide him... just be there for him.

Just some quick thoughts, and from what I"ve been through in life.

All the best,
Susan

If he asks for your opinion, give him your honest opinion and then butt out. He is a young man, he needs to make his own decisions.

Please don't talk bad about the girl. It will only cause him to feel protective about her. I don't necessarily think that she is "emotionally abusing" him. Not every woman wants to be with a man in the military. If that is a dealbreaker for her, its her good right - and she is honest with your son. Your husband has a good point! She has told him what her conditions for a relationship are, so should your son. If he intends to be in the marines, do the honorable thing and break up with her, let her move on instead of stringing her along.

They are still very young, this is the time when young adults learn to negotiate relationships and define for themselves what their priorities are. He will have to figure this one out for himself.
Good luck!

If your son was really set on joining the Marines before he met the girl, he should go ahead with his plans, Because later on he will blame her for ruining his life. And the relationship would eventually fail anyway.

I think he should go with the career he has dreamed of doing , if this relationship is meant to be then they will work it out. It's not wrong that you feel the way you do , you should try and talk to him about it , have an adult conversation and try not to treat him like a kid as this will only make him more defensive.

Good luck

it, isn't about whats right for you, saying that. just let things ride for now. the way kids are know they may be over tommorrow. he should ask her truthfully why she says she doesn't want him to go and then maybe he can come and tslk to you and his dad. she may pop out with , because i want to get married to you when we get out of school. or something like that and your son may say , i don't know if that was my plan. do you get where i am going with this. he may decide for himself he doesn't way a commitment like that right away and back off a little. on the other hand if he goes to work after scholl is out he may find that he doesn't want to work in a factory or at a store or something like that the rest of his life just to have a roof over his head. that is how i have been because i want to get married instead of getting an education. the services will still be there for the picking down the road. maybe even a couple of years growing up in the real world would be good for him. he can get a taste of the real world. once he goes in the service he will never see the world as we non service people do. my oldest son didn't join until he was 24. his life will never be the same. he even keeps a very clean house. who ever thought. he won't depend on anyone for anything know. anyway. don't make him grow up to soon. army mom and mom of 7, R.
p.s. i hope the mil. can't find out who my son is but they made all these promises about his education and then when he went in to training it wasn't like he could take classes in he vehicle in the desert 2 to 3 months at a time with sleep depravation and training. i know the training saves his life when it came time to go over seas but you can't take on-line classes with a laptop that was promised that was never offered again after signing on the dotted line.

I feel your pain. I unfortunately made life decisions based on my HS boyfriend and regret it!!!

I think your best bet will be keep reminding him that he has to do something at this point in his life that will lead to a career and you may even have to remind him that he cannot just graduate from HS and live off of you and your husband, Whether it is college (has he even considered it), military or what, he needs to be moving in a direction.

I hate your situation...you really have an up hill battle!!!! Best of luck!

I think your right!!!! It's something that he wants to do and he should! If they have been dating for about a month to me it shouldn't be that serious and if she really cared about him she would let him, she can wait if she wants and support him 100 percent or they could remain friends and she could still support him and see what happens when he gets out or home on leaves..When you care about someone you want them to go for thier dreams not what you would prefer them to do..If you don't to me you would always wonder what could have been...And sometimes that can lead to resentment, you know I could of done whatever but because of you I didn't instead I'm stuck doing whatever for the rest of my life!!

I have a relative who got married in her late teens and quickly had a child---she now has two kids and has been happily married for 10 years.
So many in the family were critical of her ( and her husband's) decisions---but everything has gone well for them.
Of course, your son should not feel "obligated" or "manipulated" to do what anyone else wants (including what you ant), but if he has the information, has given it thought and makes a free choice, no matter what it is, it is his life.

This is commonly an age of flex and change. A 17-year-old can seldom really know what he wants to do with the rest of his life. I actually know several people who have dedicated years of their youth and huge financial investment toward becoming a teacher, lawyer or doctor, only to learn that they are not well suited to those careers.

In a couple of cases, the young people knew they wanted to change course early on, but felt they would let their families down, so tried to stick it out. The results were not happy. I've also known several women who married "up" because their parents thought it would be a good idea, but then were stuck having to extricate themselves from miserable marriages.

You say that you're open to what your son wants to do with his life. But it sounds like maybe that's only if he chooses what you see as best for him?

This young woman is quite a wrench in the works. But what if she should turn out to be the greatest thing that could ever happen to your son? And even if they don't last as a couple, this complication is giving him more time to consider his options. He will still be able to join the Marines later if he so chooses.