So I know I won't be the first, nor second nor hundreth mother to ask this question. My daughter was saying about 8 - 9 words at 12 months old. We were preparing for a move to another country at the time and at 15 months we moved out of our house into an apartment for a 2 month stint.. Overnight my daughter stopped using her words. She does sign, point,joint attention, grunt, and have inflection in her tone - but her words simply vanished overnight. The pediatrician said not to worry - that it's probably an adjustment thing. She hasn't changed her personality and is still as social as ever - just not with words.
To make matters worse at 17 months we moved to another country ( primarily english speaking). We've been here about 6 weeks and she's only been saying mama and dropped a new word " Done" when she's finished her meals. We still sign with her although she's lost interest in that. She responds to the signs - she just refuses to sign back. We do flash cards, read books and she already knows how to operate my iPad, find her games and do her toddler games. She can successfully pick out animals by name or by audio with her toddler games too. She's taken to pointing, making little noises, babbling and pointing out letters and words with us, but still no words we can decipher. Should I be concerned yet ?
We've found a montessori daycare to put her in and will be starting her in less than 2 weeks - and I'm hoping being away from " quick to figure out your needs" parents like us will help push her along.
Or should I push to try for an early intervention?
Thanks moms!
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Just to answer you lovely mom's who answered me so far.
We haven't been pressuring her to speak as such - just trying to offer opportunities to. The daycare is by option actually. Both my husband and I work from home and we have a nanny helping us out too all day. There are grandparents around too - so there's no shortage of attention for the little one. We just want her to have more interaction with children especially since she's so social. She's always so happy when she gets to play with other kids - we think she's ready.
Gidget - it's very interesting you think we should hold off. I'd never even thought of that... We're only planning on doing the morning half day program ( 9 am - 12:00 pm ) for her.
I've made an appointment with a pediatrician here on Thursday so at least I can get advice about what speech therapy services are available here.
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After the 7th response. I really do appreciate all of your perspectives and you've given me quite a bit to chew on. Of course I've been Dr. googling and reveling in all of the conflicting advice and conflicting professional guidance out there on this topic. I sort of juggle between the ideas that 18 months olds are supposed to be very vocal and the other camps that say kids develop at their own pace and unless they are behind in more than 1 development area , 18 months may be too early to intervene. I will definitely be seeing the pediatrician in a few days to get some advice as well. I'm also kind of leaning towards going the daycare route. Montessori schools are great for helping children adjust because they are so child-focused. They offer a teacher - student ratio no higher than 1 - 7 and are currently at 1 - 4. I'm hoping between what you ladies have shared with me, all the dr. googling, hearing what the doctor has to say and talking with the principal of the school, my husband and I can come up wtih a plan that works.
Ultimately part of me is terrified that there's something wrong with my little girl - even though my gut isn't telling me so. She's such an outgoing, bubbly babbling kid..... I just sometimes feel like we're all under pressure to have our kids match the charts exactly. She's ahead on some skills, average on some and "perhaps" a bit behind on this one. I don't want to panic before it's time but I don't want to ignore it either.
I'll definitely post the response I get from the doctor and post about what we ended up doing. I appreciate you all!
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After the 10th response!
Well - I might as well mention - that we're not done moving! We're at my parents house for these 2 months and will be moving in a few weeks into a rental house. Most of our stuff is in shipping / storage although I took care to carry quite a few things that belong to my little one so she wouldn't have lost every thing in her life. Fortunately I'll be able to reconstruct her room again. This is a hard transition for us - literally 5 months and 3 moves to pull all of this off - including having to switch nannies. It sucks but everything we've read indicated that this is better done at this age than later. My parents moved us to this country when I was 13 - and it took me literally 6 years to forgive them! Now of course it doesn't bother me - but you get the idea. It really damaged our relationship. Part of my desire for daycare / kid interaction is that she's just so happy when she gets to play with kids and I feel like I'm cheating her of that. She's had playdates here and I want something more consistent for her. I definitely won't ignore your advice ladies and I won't be pushing her into anything she's not ready for.
Finally my husband I both have to travel to the US for business. We've agreed never to travel together so one of us is with our daughter, but I do fear that is causing some stress too. It sucks but it allows us to both work from home - and with no commute and flex work schedules it lets us have tons of family time that we'd never have otherwise.
So we went to see the school and have opted to put her in. We also spoke with the pediatrician and she confirmed our decision. Her feeling is that seeing other children interacting can only benefit her. She also feels that the routine of the school will only help her feel like she has more control - and will help alleviate any anxiety. We went over her abilities and she indicated that my little one is 6 months ahead on many of her milestones and her understanding / comprehension is well advanced.
She did say that since speech is important - she wants to see how she does after a month of daycare and if there is absolutely no improvement - then we will start an early intervention. She said she was leaning towards believing that this is related to all of the moving and the inconsistency of the schedules but will address it seriously if there's no improvement in 30 days.
I think we're happy with the outcome. We took my daughter to see the school with us and she took to it like a fish in water! She was running around with the other kids, sitting in groups, playing around and smiling. She was even comfortable with taking off to play in the other rooms without us. I'm hoping that in 30 days I'll have more to report!
-------------Updates from nearly a year later ---------------
We started my daughter at Montessori - and that is going great. We did do a hearing evaluation but it was a very negative experience. She did fine for the first half but ultimately the audiologist scared the daylights out of my kid and she screamed for 20 minutes straight before I put an end to that. Despite my audiologist claiming even without any proof - my kid could be going deaf - yadda yadda - my pediatrician and I decided to wait another few months before bringing on any speech assessments etc.
Fortunately it seems we made the right choice. She's 28 months and has had her second speech explosion this year. She's now knows her alphabet from A to Z and can count to 10. She's naming animals, telling us to go away LOL, repeating what we say, responding to questions, having conversations with us and babbling away. There are some complex sentences in there as well - not as much as we'd like but they are definitely evident. Her vocab has really blossomed and she's finally embracing speech as her preferred way to communicate. I just thought I'd share.
---------Updates - My daughter is now 6 -----------
So we did get a speech evaluation at age 3. She qualified for speech services and has been in speech therapy ( 30 minutes a week ) from the age of 3 - 6. She's now a first grader and doing fine. Her grammar is still wonky and we can definitely tell that her speech needs help but interesting enough - people don't notice nearly as much any more. She's reading books and writing. We put a LOT of energy into helping her learn to speak, read and write. The things that I think made the biggest impact - putting her in daycare and school with other kids. Reading every single night. Aggressively putting her in situations where she needed to speak in order to relate ( playdates, parks, family games, guiding her in speaking to cashiers, letting her pay for things, narrating movies, talking about movies/tv shows she likes, drawing pictures about situations, etc). We also put her in occupational therapy for a bit but she was quickly released.
My big take home about all of this is - while you need a diagnosis to help you figure out what you need to do - most of the time therapy is just a focused way to teach your kid a skill they aren't that good at. So if you kid can't speak - you need to put more effort into teaching them to speak. If they can't read - same thing.
I'm sharing this for any Mom who's on this journey. My kid is a sample of one - but at least I'm sharing what transpired with my kid and what we did to help her along.
I would not worry right now. She has had a lot of changes in her life. If by two you are still concerned, you can get her evaluated.
Can you find speech therapy in your new country? If you can, I would take her for an evaluation. Whatever you decide to do, make sure that it is FUN for her. She is not yet two years old and not as much is expected before two. The thing that I am worried about is that she was talking and now has stopped. She actually does not have to talk at preschool or at home, and most probably feels a lot of stress from you (over the move and about the fact that she is not talking.) So you don't want speech therapy to be stressful either. It CAN be beneficial even if it's not a lot of "work" at this point.
I do want to tell you that there are some children who are on the autism scale who talked, and then stopped. Since there seem to be extenuating circumstances surrounding your child's speech issue, I am hoping that this isn't the reason. The other thing to look into with the speech therapist is selective mutism.
Don't be alarmed by the two things I mentioned. It's good to know what the alternatives are - differential diagnoses, in a way. If you can find a therapist to work with, I really think that you should.
Good luck,
Dawn
Wow, that is alot of change for a little one in a short period of time. Moving twice and now daycare in a couple weeks! She needs to feel some stability and security. I would just give her time to adjust and hold off on the daycare if at all possible. Just keep reading to her and talking with her in casual conversation as you are going about your day and don't worry yet about doing any "pushing".
If you think calling early intervention might help, go for it. Ask for an evaluation. After the eval, they will let you know how she's doing and maybe even give you some suggestions. There's no downside to giving them a call. The worst thing they could do (well the best, really) is tell you that there's nothing to worry about.
The best thing you can do is try to relax and spend quality time with her. She's been throw a lot, and more than likely she just needs stability and reassurance from Mommy and Daddy. The activities you are doing sound great. Just make sure you are having fun with them and not putting pressure on her.
Does she need to go to daycare? Is this a situation where you need childcare because both of you are working or something? (No judgement here, as my husband and I both work full-time, and our youngest is in daycare.) If not, I would hold off. Quality time with you and Daddy are going to do more for her than strangers at a daycare, and with so many changes in her world, time with Mommy and Daddy is what she really needs right now to help her feel safe again. Once you've been settled for a few months, you could revisit the situation.
Try not to put pressure on yourself (or on your daughter). Relax and keep spending time with her. That's what she will respond to the most.
Honestly, when there is ANY regression I would call that cause for concern enough to have her evaluated. I wouldn't assume that it's only anxiety and Selective Mutism, and that eventually she'll choose to speak again. It's not really that simple. This is the time when Early Intervention may be the most needed.
Around the same time frame as you, we also moved. My daughter also regressed with her speech but she was much more advanced. She was speaking in sentences and had a much larger vocabulary as well as using baby signing. But with the move, switching from a crib to a toddler bed, and having a new sibling all within a short time frame at the same age as your daughter... it triggered her Autism signs and symptoms to be much more in the forefront. Loss of language was the biggest sign, and we didn't realize it.
We did let it go, as another poster suggested and for the reasons she suggested. I wish with all my heart that we had not let it go. We would have known years sooner and been able to help her sooner.
EDIT: I'm not saying I think your daughter has Autism Spectrum Disorder... only that I don't think ignoring this is the way to go and that a speech regression MUST be investigated and evaluated. Please don't wait as we did.
It sounds like you are a thoughtful, caring mom so I am not judging or condemning your decisions, but I really think you should wait to introduce yet one more change in her little life. The Montesori preschool sounds wonderful and I am very familiar with Montessori education, but if it is not necessary because of your work situation, can you hold off a few more months? I'm sure there are some devleopmental and educational benefits given her delays right now, but the best thing you can do is offer consistency and stability first. Then slowly introduce her by having her go 2 times a week at first then increase it. Some kids do great with change and it would be no problem, but this doesn't sound like the case for your child. There is nothing wrong with that--every child is different. I would defintiely establish a pediatrician in your new country if you haven't already and then consult with her/him over a few months before making any other major changes.
Sounds like Selective Mutism and it stems from anxiety. Early intervention will help. Not sure about school or not. Maybe hold off as it's anxiety that's at the root and that will cause more anxiety. She is still really young.
Changes are difficult for young children. It is NOT uncommon for children to "regress" when such changes happen in their life - addition of a new sibling, separation of parents, military deployment of one parent, change in day care/caregiver, or in your case, moving - and you moved not only once, but TWICE within a few short months. That is quite the dramatic change and can be difficult for a little one to adjust.
To this point, her speech development seems "normal". The fact that she has regressed after your moves is definitely NORMAL.
I agree with some others on here that you should probably hold off on throwing her into a new day care environment. Let her become familiar with her new house, routine, etc. If you want to "socialize" her, ask the nanny to arrange some play dates with other children instead.
I agree with most everyone else. 18 months is so young and you have moved TWICE in a very short time period. Totally normal for her to regress after that. I would not send her off to daycare if it isn't necessary. At that age they learn language best and fastest by having mommy (or a loving primary caregiver) interacting and talking with them one on one everyday. Not by being in a group. Give her time to adjust and help her develop a secure routine at home. Then if 6 months from now there is still no speech, I would consider having her evaluated - although that may be completely fine, as well. Good luck on your decision!
I worked as a school psychologist for about 10 years before deciding to stay home with my children. I honestly think that the amount of change is what is causing the regression. Children need to feel that they have a sense of control over something in their lives, some control their food intake, for others it's toileting, some it can be behavior. I think you need to show her consistency and have some predictability in her day so she can feel secure in what comes next. I think if you like this school and you feel it's right for her socially then you should do it again keeping things predictable and consistent.
What country did you move to? We moved to London England 2.5 years ago. My daughter, who was 5 at the time was very sad about the move and cried a lot which was not a typical behaviour for her and my then 3yo son regressed with his potty training. It took about a month to settle in and school was part of their routine. Your daughter is still so young. I wouldn't be overly concerned yet but definitely monitor. Good luck!
