i wrote about my 18 year old and dont know where the post went.but i need advice from people who have or had an 18 year old . thats still in school she grad.s this year. she had a friend come over and brought liqior when she came this 15 year girl also smokes. im having a hard time with letting go letting her grow up. but i think as long as she is in my home in school she should still have curfew 12am ,has cell phone which i took when this happen .she should have to ask me if she can go and do things ,let me know where she is at besides its my car im paying insurence on and its not cheap. my 18 year daughter admitted to drinking and driving we have taken that right away from her.she admitted to smokeing we took the cig.s that she had cut a whole in purse my couch purse i was wondering why all these purses ending up with a side whole in them ,it was her hiding place,she wanted to leave home and by law we cant stop her,and when she told me it was with this girl who came here and her mom and dad dont care what this 15 year old does .i blowed a fuse. i called the mother told her i knew she has a dui with her kids and that family child service was on her. and she lives in a bard i do mean in a barn and has a five year old son. i told her if i seen her on the road id report her and id have famil childern service knocking every week if i had too of her. if she took my daughter in. i was tolsd by some people that know the woma her and her husband are not together she has three other men she running back and forth too,the dad let her do whatever she she will come see him. so this woman has moved in a few other girls and applied for food stamps guess she gonna get something out of it .i cant get gov. assistance i was so mad. but i dont think this woman gonna take my daughter in now ,but there will be others that will .i just want her to grad. and go to collage .she hasnt been a problem ever for us. i dont know if i been too strick i dont think i have because she was working part time and i was gonna make her quit but she come and told me since she was quitting cause thats where most the people she was meeting and boys at work they flirt .i told her she she has to keep it on a friendly level next job . not let boys men cross that line and if they do for her to handle it .what should i do i told all details about our life id be here all day. but i do understand i can make her stay here i just told her she could leave move out with who ever but if she dropped out school and i find ut anything on the people im gonna report everything . i told her she was being selfish and didnt care just wants to go wild . i told her just wait the 5 months and then she has a whole life a head of her. im looking for a cheap truck for her,i took the car i bought her . because of the drinking and letting other people drive it. she had my 15 year old drive her home two nights she had been drinking ,she has agreed to stay home for now but this is second time i need to learn to handle this better .
Tough love...discontinue all finanicial support (money)...be supportive...have a tough heart...sometimes it works....sometimes it doesn't.
How about this idea: Let her drive drunk and call 911.
That ought to land her right into an alcohol rehab, where clearly she needs to be.
Unless her drinking is addressed, nothing is going to change.
Stop planning on reporting other people and start reporting her UNDERAGE DRINKING!!!
Good luck!
Momma, she is an adult and is still living at home because she wants to, not by any means "has" to. She can come and go as she pleases and there is NOTHING you can do but kick her out. What is that going to teach her???
I would rather say to you that you both need to sit down and let her know that you recognize she is an adult and that she can smoke all she wants but that you refuse to allow it inside your property lines, if she wants to smoke she will have to go to the street to do it.
As for the rest, she is in high school, she is supposed to be finding her way in a safe stable environment. So why not give her some free reign and allow her to make these mistakes somewhere she will have support and unconditional love. She will respect that a lot more than ultimatums.
Let her help set her curfew and other things. She is an adult and can even stay overnight at a boyfriends house if she wants and if she is kicked out we all know where she will move then.
Just love her, she is an adult and must be treated as a fledgling one. One that needs guidance and not limits that are not suitable for her.
Hmm. Car, phone, and anything else that is not food or shelter is a privilege. As long as she's attending school, making good grades, and working her own job, provide a roof over her head and feed her. Let her pay the rest of her way and make her contribute to household chores if she's not already.
If she takes your car without permission, then you call the police and report it stolen. If she drives after drinking, you call the police and report her for drunk driving, stealing your car, and underage drinking.
Your daughter needs clear and defined boundaries. If she can't follow them or respect them then let her move out when she makes the threat.
As for that other woman, that's just drama. Leave it alone unless you know she's putting children, including your own, in danger. If you suspect she's committing welfare fraud you can always report her anonymously. If you know she's providing alcohol to minors, that's a criminal offense so you call the police and report her for child endangerment. If her daughter is driving underage then she's doing it without a license, so you report her.
I dont even know where to start. She has no idea of reality. She has never had any real responsibility or been held accountable for her actions. It's time to ease her into that now, rather than throw her to the wolves with no life skills. She is 18, she can move out. But that's not going to help her grow into a productive member of society. My goal would be to keep her at home and focused on graduation and career planning. I would definately not let her drive anymore unless she wants to get a job, buy her own car, and pay her own insurance. She's 18 and thinks she's all grown up? Well, that's what gorwnups do. They pay thier own way. Don't go to other girls mom with threats. You have to parent your child at home. It' not the boys at works fault that she's boy crazy. It's not the 15 yd old or her moms fault your daughter wants to run wild and they can't be the ones to stop her. She needs a reality check, like pronto. Start working on being clear and consistant with your expectations and with the consequences for not meeting them. Praise her good qualities when possible. Try to motivate with positive reinforcement. She has to show that she is ready to drive and her recent behavior does not show that at all. I would require good school attendance and grades for her to earn free time to go hang with friends - under curfew.
IMO You need to put your foot down and tell her she will either go by the rules and make sure she understands that the rules did not change with her 18th birthday. Now YOU have choices - you can choose to let her stay (if she follows the rules) or YOU can choose to throw her out. The choices are not hers now, they're yours! This is what kids don't understand; they think once they turn 18, all the decisions are theirs. WRONG! The decisions are still yours - most importantly the decision of whether or not to allow your child to live with you. You are no longer bound by law to let her live with you or to support her in any other way. If she wants to be an "adult" and make all these decisions, she can move out and make decisions and choices all she wants. BUT you must make her live with the decisions/choices she makes, at least for a while until she learns that perhaps she's not so smart and she could benefit from mom's guidance. Also, I would certainly not be trying to purchase a vehicle for her. She has already made the decision to drink; conversely you have made the decision not to purchase vehicle for her because you can't trust her not to drink and drive. Also, I would not purchase a vehicle for her unless she has the funds to maintain and insure it. Doesn't sound like she does. So, the next time she breaks the rules or comes at you with this "I'm an adult" attitude, go to her room and quietly start packing for her. When she asks you what you're doing, tell her you're helping her to be an independent adult and she now has 2 hours to get her things together and move out of your house. Then, at the end of that two hours, put her stuff in the car, and ask her where she would like you to take her. If she doesn't get in the car, take her stuff and drop it off - on a street corner if you have to. All in all, you need to let her know she is not holding ANY of the cards right now and that you have them all!
My DD is 15 and she has some issues that are mental health in nature. But we are very strict. We've already told her that once she becomes of legal age she can do anything she wants - but as long as we provide financial support of any kind we get to impose our values in her life. We are the parents. There are random audits of her cell phone, facebook, and all other servics. She knows that she has to dress modestly - she doesn't even bother to bring home clothing that we wouldn't let her wear - she knows that if she wants to attend a party or go tosomeone's house we are going to call ahead of time to find out about the house rules. We have said no to some parties, and we've wished we had regarding others. When she does act irresponsibiliy - since she *is* a teenager and still learning - she loses some or all of those paid-for priviledges.
She knows that age 8 is only a made up number for legal purposes and she is certainly entitled to do whatever she wants - but we won't subsidize or support any part of her existence if she doesn't follow house rules. We are not giving up on her - we've told both kdis we will outlast them... if it's the last thing we do.
