18 Yr Old Son Moved Out & Hurt About It

How could he get a job if he's keeping YOUR 5 mo old and 10 year old every day while you work your long hours? Then to clean the house too - if you are a clean freak, I'm sure his cleaning was never good enough....At 18, a boy doesn't want to be tied down with responsibility of a 5 mo old and 10 year old and home cleaning house all day-- he should be out and about - working at fast-food places, etc. Hopefully now your son can be a reak 18 year old, get a simple job and put himself through college without all of YOUR responsibilities. After all, college requires a lot of studying, etc. again, with a 5 mo old and a 10 year old and the house he's responsible for, how would he manage to get everything done??

Don't beat yourself up, but I will tell you your son sounds VERY NORMAL! And your re-action is normal too! But I do think you can strengthen your relationship with your son if you learn to let go of your anger and some of your expectations.

Some kids are very responsible in the way you want your son to be. Others just aren't there yet. If it were me I would let it go a bit more. Let his room and bathroom be messy. As long as it isn't a health hazard.

Do you pay him when he babysits? I may get flack on this site, but I do think older sibs should get paid to babysit, unless Mom is just running a quick errand and the older sib is awake and at home. If your son doesn't do a good job, then I would pay someone else. I would think your 10 year old is capable of feeding himself.

His attitude is normal. If he doesn't get a job or help you then to me the consequences would be I wouldn't give him any money. I wouldn't want to come home to a disgusting house, but I'd let go of a perfectly clean house. He is 18, and he is MALE.

If he does attend college in the fall and manages to pass all his courses then I would say he is doing his job and let go of a lot. Our 19 year old didn't want to get a job this summer so we required that he take summer school to get some credits. He had a choice. Give your son a choice and make yourself be okay with what HE chooses. He is of legal age now and you can't make him do much of anything. If he doesn't work then HE pays the consequences, which is no spending money. He may be okay with that.

If you want your son to come back be careful. You can't let him walk all over you either. If you make an offer for him to return have a game plan and compromise. If that is too hard for you then being at your brothers isn't such a bad thing. He is in a safe place where someone loves him.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY. Teens are no picnic and we all struggle. Think about what your goal is for your son. Ours is getting our son through college with hopes that he will be self-sufficient.

First of All: Anger management is a great idea. The coping skills you learn in those classes are things most people don't know but would make their lives so much easier. Second, get a babysitter for your little ones that will make sure they are fed, clean, and well cared for.

18 is a good age to get a crash course in responsibility. He is an adult and needs to learn a few things he can't at home. Regardless of the terms he left on, I promise this is a good thing.

I know your family is sad and misses him, maybe you and the kiddos could sit down and make him homemade "missing you" cards which even at 18, should make him smile and feel like there are no hard feelings.
I do recommend getting in touch with your brother and making sure he understands your son needs to act like a grown up so you will not be covering any of his expenses (including cell phone or rent at his uncles).... Unless you are paying for college - keep doing that because you are investing in his future there, which is awesome.

Hard to say if you got overly angry with your son or not, since I wasn't there to experience the situation. However, it does sound like your son might be a little lazy and have a sense of entitlement (very common these days). I suspect your brother will get tired of him fairly quickly too, and your son may be knocking at your door. If so, I would ask him to sign a rental agreement spelling out amount of rent due and any other expectations you have of him. Not clear on whether he was going away to college or staying local, but if he was going away he would have left home in just a few weeks anyway, so don't sweat it!

I know you are hurt, and totally understand that, but it sounds like he just needs to find his own way. It's very normal for you to expect mature assistance from him, you really don't sound unreasonable. Try to stay in touch with him and keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully, he'll come around. Sometimes people get along better with each other when they don't live together!

I understand as I just booted my 18 year old out - he would not work, dropped out of college, stayed up all night (with stereo or game system blasting, keeping everyone else awake), slept all day, would do NOTHING to help but consumed all the food in site, left in the middle of the night leaving the house unlocked, alcohol and drug use, called his sis and I horrid names....yes, I miss the boy he could be but not the one he was....everyone I know supports that I did all I could for him and now it is time for him to do for himself.....as to the caring for siblings, if he is not contributing in any other way and agreed to care for them that is one thing, but I am on the side of paying sibs to care for the others....however payment can be that you feed him and pay for his cell.....thinking of yuo