I have a 19 almost 20 month old daughter. The past month has been very hectic. It started a week or so before Christmas. A pipe in our bathroom burst and flooded our apartment, so for about a week my hubby, daughter and I bounced between my mom and his moms, and for 2 days my daughter stayed with a family friend. Then once the flood problem was addressed we stayed in our apartment for not even a week and we then moved into a bigger apartment. In that week my daughter had the flu, and he molars have also started coming in too. So for a week or so she slept in her room in her bed. But she would wake multiple times throughout the night screaming at the top of her lungs. Several sleepless nights and a few late night phone calls to my mother in law later, we decided to let her sleep downstairs on the couch. My mother in law actually suggested it and it helped a bit, but not completely. I received advice from quite a few people to give her a low dose of melatonin. We checked with her doctor and a pharmisist to make sure it was safe, and so we started giving her some every night before bed. Its helped tremendously. So after a few days of her being on melatonin and seeing it helped with her night waking, we tried putting her into her bed. I let her fall asleep on the couch and once she was out, I carried her to her bedroom and put her into bed. That didn't fly. She woke up twice screaming in a half hour. Since we haven't tried that again. So how do I get her to sleep in her bed like she does on the couch??
So I guess I'm going to let her stay where she is for a few more nights. And then start putting her to sleep in her own bed. Thank you for all the advice. The only issue is with letting her cry it out, she will literally scream at the top of her lungs for hours, or until someone tends to her.
She may still need some company to settle after all the craziness. For a while, I sat in a chair with my laptop while my son fell asleep. It worked. He had company, I had time with him as he fell asleep while doing something I wanted to do. Win/win.
One rule in my house has always been....I don't care where they sleep so long as they sleep: a cardboard box in the living room (almost refrigerator size), under the kitchen table, on a couch, whatever works and get's me the most sleep.
If she is safe on the couch, you can hear her, then just let her sleep. All of mine have returned to their beds in due time, although still occasionally find a strange place to sleep.
Right now her comfort zone is the couch, you guys went through a lot. Imagine what that was like for her. she can't verbalize it, and probably doesn't understand it. If it was me I'd give it a little more time, and then work on it again.
If it were me, I'd put her in her room and make her sleep there...even if she cries the first night. And she probably will. Alot. At 20 months, it's usually more testing limits than any actual fear.
If you wanted to ease into it, you could sleep in her room with her for the first week, but expect crying when you try to leave.
To me, the only other option from putting her in her bed and letting her cry is to just let her sleep on the couch or in your room. Depends on what you want your final goal to be and what you're comfortable with.
Good luck!
Time to bite the bullet here and require it of her. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.
Tell her that it's time for her to sleep in her own bed. Put her to bed there, not on the couch. Have a nightlight in the room, and put a chair in the middle of the room and sit in it. Don't talk to her, don't sit on her bed, don't touch her. Just sit in the chair. If she gets up out of the bed, walk her back to the bed. Get back in your chair. Nothing else. When she falls asleep, go to your bed. When she wakes in the middle of the night, go back and sit in the chair. No talking to her. No sitting on her bed. Only sit in the chair.
The first couple of nights will be the worst ones. She will wake on purpose to see if she can change your tactic. Just keep doing the exact some thing - be 100% consistent. If you aren't willing to be 100% consistent, don't bother doing it. You'll just make it worse.
After a week or two, it will be better. You must be patient and expect her to learn over again how to self-soothe. Grit your teeth and bare it!
Dawn
Ditto Dawn, she said exactly what I would have.
Why would you assume that she isn't truly afraid? Her life has been uprooted for the last several weeks straight. Then she is moved to a new apartment. She needs you to reassure her and build her comfort level. She needs to get used to her new room. Do you play with her in there during the day? Are all her familiar things in there? Have you talked with her about her fears?
In the meantime, what's the problem with her sleeping on the couch? I'd let her sleep there for awhile longer, then try again to move her back in her room. I would not move her after she's asleep, but wait until she is convinced to go to sleep in her room. I would talk with her and reassure her, and encourage her to sleep in her own room. She will, eventually.
ETA: In response to the leaving her cry if you use my method she may wake crying but if you come right in and calm her, she won't be left to cry, and you may need to do checks in the middle of the night, until she realizes she is safe and you are there and she is okay without you. But in this method you do not have to let them cry. It does take a few sleepless nights on your part and commitment, but in about a week you will be grateful for a good nights sleep. Or you could also just leave her sleep on the couch until she is a bit older. Either way good luck!!!
Well the first thing you have to do is not let her fall asleep on the couch if you wnat to her be okay and understand where she is when she wakes. If she falls asleep on the couch she expects to be there when she wakes during the night and when she isn't it is upsetting and adding to the stress. So the first thing is that she needs to fall asleep wherever she will be all night. IF you don't mind her being on the couch all night, you can certainly let her sleep there, however i am one who believes in beds and sleeping in ones own bed. I co-slept with my daughter until she was 2 and a half, then with my son until he was about 3 or 4 months old. So I am not opposed to co-sleeping and think it is fine if you can do it, but I could no longer sleep with all the baby noises. I am a super light sleeper so that could be my problem. But there is no right or wrong way to sleep. So sleeping in her bed, your bed or on the couch are all fine. Now for me I would want her in her bed. So you need to start by having her fall asleep there. Melatonin can be a great sleep aid. So continue using it if it helps. But begin by putting her in her room at night, make it a nice peaceful bedtime routine, then sit with her, read her a story and then you can try various things depending on her tolerance. you can leave and let her fall asleep on her own if she can do that, it will be great, but most can't right away. so you will need to prep her for it. give her a hug and kiss and leave saying you will be back in to check on her and then leave, and then come back in in about a minute or so, to check on her, depending on her tolerance you can go shorter or longer. Extend the amount of time for the checks so she knows you may not come right in but eventually you will. At first you will need to return quicker til she gets it. If she cries or fusses you can go in but leave again saying you will be back in a few minutes to check on her. It will be a few nights of constantly running in, but after a few nights you can extend the time longer and longer, and usually within a week or so she will be falling asleep before your first check. The first few nights will be difficult tho. but if you stick with it, she will come to realize you are always around and checking in on her, and she will not feel left alone. I did this with both kids at various times. Just recently again with my son, but only took one night of doing now as he got it more quickly but have found I need to do it when there is major upset in their lives. Before that i had not done it since he was a toddler, and he is 5 now. So it worked well for us. There are other ways of doing a similar thing of teaching them to feel safe but stay in their beds, I know some have sat in the room, but it can take longer if you start with that, and slowly move the chair out but then you need to move onto the checks anyway. But whichever method you choose you need to be consistent and stick with it. If she wakes in the night, go in and say to her she is okay and you will be back to check on her in a bit. But don't stay until she falls asleep. Like I said the first few night will be difficult but it will get better quickly after that.
I've always been of the opinion, who cares where they sleep as long as they sleep! Seriously, she isn't hurting anyone, and if she's asleep on the couch she's sleeping. Nothing's broken here, so there's really nothing that needs fixing.
Relax and give her some time. She's probably responding in part to your anxiety about where she sleeps. Try to relax and just let the couch be her bed for awhile. When she sees you relaxing and getting used to the new place and everything starts to feel normal to her, she will probably be more interested in her bed. For now, let it be and enjoy the sleep.
