We have been fighting a sleep dilema with my son for about 2 mths. now and I have done EVERYTHING google, experienced moms, etc says to do. He had been sleeping through the night at 6mths old, went to a big boy bed at 14mths old and for the last 2 mths (minimum) he has been waking during the night anywhere from 2-10x a night. I finally broke down and called the Dr. Her recommendation is to let him cry it out.
However, he is in a big boy bed now and she was informed of that and I just dont think I should let him cry it out since he has full range of his room. I am afraid of him hurting himself. I did allow him to cry it out when he was in his crib but I am having a hard time doing it this time. The Dr. states to get a baby gate and let him cry. When I asked what the time limit should be, the response was every kid is different and it may take some longer and some shorter.
I absolutely love his pediatrician but this is now just a mommy thing making me feel mean.
Please help.
I'm with the pediatrician. If you can't stand leaving him in there to cry, you could go in at 30 min. intervals, give him a hug and tell him to go to sleep. But don't give in to what he wants. My daughter allowed my granddaughter to share their bed and now she's 7 yrs old and will not sleep in her own room. She still sleeps in her parents' bedroom, on the floor! Children need perimeters. And parents need their own privacy!
Cry it out doesn't have to mean just shut the door and let him scream. Put him in his bed, say goodnight, and leave. When he wakes and fusses, give him 5 minutes, then go in and settle him back down with just shushing, and leave. The next time he fusses, give him 8-10min. before you go in, and so on. The idea is to reassure him that you're there, but teach him that he's not going to get any good Mommy Time---no smiles, no rocking, no talking or cooing, no holding him, no turning the lights on, no playing with toys, no dry diaper, no drinking or eating---- no nothing but a shush and laid back down with a couple of pats on the tummy or back. He'll eventually fall asleep while he's waiting for you to come in, which is much better than collapsing at the point of exhaustion. He's still really young to enjoy the freedom of a big boy bed. Maybe he's missing the security of his crib. If you don't have rails on his toddler bed, they might help.
This is an important battle u must win!! I've seen this on "the nanny" and it is very unpleasant, you must be in charge and let him cry. I would make sure he is very tired.... take him outside in the cold and walk around, warm milk before bed, warm bath. Get that soothing routine, wear him out, and BE THE PARENT!!!
U can do it. My son is 16 and cried it out several nights, and I tell you now he never remembers it!! :-)
I had to let my daughter cry it out. I didnt feel every meen, and whent in when she was jsut to upset. truly her cryed the first night, the second night she jsut kinda fussed, and the thrind night it was all hugs and kisses and "nigh nigh mama". However with my frist child (My son) I didnt dont that he he carred on till he was almost 5, but like i said I didnt have him cry it out. Jsut with my daughter, and I abmit I was jsut a little more hands off with her at bed time. She is 2 now and bed time looks a lot like this. Bath, book, Kisses to Daddy and brother and doggie, and then mommy. Tucked into bed with her bear and a soft CD. Baby gate up and lights off. She get very upset if anything is done out of its place.
If you let him try it.....Dont feel super bad about it and you can always go in if it get to bee to much for the both of you
Blessing!!
I don't think there is a right answer to this one. However, you do need to follow your "mommy" heart and gut as to what is right. I am not a fan of cry it out and believe that kids need us even at night sometimes.... I let mine sleep with us so mabye I'm not the best to give advice here. But if I were to want them in their room, I had a friend who did this. 1 - stay with them until they go to bed , read etc then stay in HIS ROOM. After a week stay but at the doorway so he can see you but not in his bed. Then move to the hallway so he knows you are there - eventually their kids (all 3 stayed this way). When they did come out the quietly put them back and said night night - even if it was several times. That way you are there for them - not letting them cry it out alone, but you are setting the boundaries that are important for you (whatever those are) good luck!
It is not mean to be a parent and teach him how to put himself to sleep. The baby gate idea works or a lock on the door. If you don't win this battle now, you will regret it when he becomes a tween and teenager.
Take Care,
20 minutes for the max. also if he is going to go b ack to sleep his cries should get shorter and his pauses longer if not somethng else is wrong. I never did it more than 20 minutes.
My 26 month old son has been an awful sleeper his whole life. Especially when he was moved to his big boy bed. I finally gave "good mommy" a rest & put a DVD player in his room. It has helped a ton. Probably not the best thing but atleast I'm getting sleep & he is not screaming all night.
In 1985 or so, I watched a TV interview with the author of the book, THE FAMILY BED. He was in favor of allowing children to sleep with parents. He said that throughout the ages, children have always slept with parents. Things changed around the late 1940's, when ideas about family and wealth changed after WWII. Americans showed their new found middle-class wealth by having a house with a separate "nursery" just like the rich people. Only thing they forgot is - - rich people always had nannies and wet nurses sleeping in the nurseries at night. Middle-class folk just stuck their babies all alone in an empty, scary room with NO nannies, NO siblings. Dr. Spock in the 60's came along and said let them cry it out. The author said it is not a natural thing for a human being to sleep ALONE. Our skin is our biggest organ and the sense of touch sends electrical nerve impulses to all internal organs. Babies who are touched gain more weight - - and "thrive." Romanian orphans left alone to cry in cribs with ZERO-touch did not develop properly. Some suffered learning retardation and ATTACHMENT DISORDER. We ALL crave skin-to-skin contact. The thing about this TV show 25 years ago that sticks with me is this: A woman from the audience stood up and said, "Well, I do NOT believe children should be allowed in their parent's bed. When our son used to wake up in the night and cry, we would take him a glass of water and tell him that the water would wash away all the bad dreams!" The author just listened, then asked the women this question, "If you went to your husband and said, 'Honey, I just need a hug right now' and your husband said, 'Here's a glass of water,' how would you feel?" After watching that TV show, I went on to have 4 kids. All 4 slept in our room in various ways. First one in a crib next to our bed; 2nd one in co-sleeper at side of our bed until age 1, then sharing brother's big-boy bed until age 3 or so, then sharing room with 2 twin beds; 3rd child slept in crib in our room, then shared room with 2nd born, when oldest got his own room at age 5; 4th child slept in our bed until age 2, skipped crib, went right to sharing room with 3rd born. The author said that a good rule to follow when older toddlers come into your room in the middle of the night and want to crawl into bed with you - - "NEVER OFFER, NEVER REFUSE." Our older kids are in their 20's and never suffered sleep problems or had anxiety of any kind. As teenagers it was pretty smooth sailing. No drugs. No arrests. No car crashes. Right now, oldest is in 3rd year at medical school, 2nd applying to law school, 3rd working far away in Montana, 4th was placed in 9th grade math as a 7th grader. They grew up so fast and I really miss those warm, snuggly mornings when I woke up with little pudgy arms around my neck. If it weren't for photos of their angel faces sleeping next to each other - - they would not remember sharing a bed with siblings. WARNING: Never co-sleep with a child if you drink alcohol or do any sort of drug or take sleeping pills. It only works if you are a light, "Mommy-hears-everything" type of sleeper.
Have you considered putting him back in his crib? He may not be ready for a big boy bed. If he was climbing out you can get a tent that goes over the crib. My son climbed out of his crib at 16 months and I wasn't ready for the big boy bed (afraid he wouldn't sleep) so I got the tent and he stayed in his crib until almost 3. He was apprehensive about the tent at first but ended up really loving it. You can get a tent at Babies 'R Us.
You pedi is so right. he is certainly old enough to cry it out, especially since he wakes so much during the night.
He needs to learn to self-soothe, which he can't do if he isn't allowed to cry. You can still check on him, let him know you are there between shorter intervals, then spread the time you go in to a little longer between visits until he is used to it.
If you feel there are safety issues in his room, then remove them or lock them in his closet.
Unless there is a medical issue for his constant night-waking (see here for those):
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070400.asp
...then giving him plenty of cuddle time during the day and at bedtime should be okay for him.
Here is some more expert advice from Dr. Sears regarding sleep issues.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp
for safety issues we put a baby door lock on the inside of our girls rooms when they were toddlers. they can get up and play in their room but they cant get out and roam the house. also heaven forbid you have an emergency in the house, you know exactly where they are to get to them.
