1St Grader Being Bullied by Another Girl.

DEFINITELY an important issue to continue adressing. I feel bad for you that it is coming on so strong so early... but at the same time, it's a golden opportunity to help your daughter build these skills now. Very good job so far though- honestly.

OK- 1st suggestion, read! Educate yourself further on the subject. First book that comes to mind is "Odd Girl Out," it will really deepen your understanding of what goes on, how, etc. etc. which will really guide how you intervene.

2nd suggestion- Role play. Really help your daughter feel safe and secure enough to tell you exactly what this girl says, how she goes about it, etc. Then ask her how she might respond next time. Sit there for a while. Then gicve her some answers as to how. She'll have the anxiety of what might then happen, how the girl might react, and that is what you want to role play handling. Also, it will help if you teach her to use the language they used in that training they did. And, it will certainly help if the school does a follow up and plans to do interval follow ups to the subject.

Hard as it may be, try to remember that the "mean" girl is just a girl also. She's lost HER way with interpersonal skills and needs help too. If you do go the route with talking to her mom, make it as natural and informal as possible. Draw her mom out to talk about what it's like for her in trying to help her daughter with this. You'll be much more effective then to march in with a list of complaints and examples. You CAN relate to the other mom's position, you're just on different ends of the spectrum but can certainly be unified in dealing with both your daughter's issues.

And as I think you are already perceiving, it IS an issue for your daughter to learn the skills neccesary to maneuver this situation. Even if magically this mean girl disappeared or began being nice, this is for certain a pattern and a type of person that will repeat itself in your daughter's life.

Good luck!

I have 1st grader, too. A while ago, I found out that my neighbor's son was bulling to my son. One day I found a little scratch on my son's forehead which this boy made. Then I talked to bus drive to keep eye on. She explained to me that he has autism. Since then the bus driver changed their seats so it's never been a issue. I have 13 years girl and it is ugly how they relate to each other.(Be prepared) I try to stay away from it. Sometimes I see some mothers doing everything for their kids but then how can they grow? Obviously you can't protect your daughter all the time. I think it's a process. We all learn to deal with life's issue by going through it. But you can be in her background as mentor or cheer leader. you can always ask her what happened in school, just asking how school was. Try to really listen. Then if something happened in school like the girl is bulling, you can ask her what she thinks she can do to improve the situation, instead of telling her what to do. If you show your hopeless feeling to your daughter or if you believe she can't handle her situation, she will believe it, too. You are the one who should trust her and believe that she can overcome the situation. I'm more concerned about her not being able to build confidence if you're protecting her all the time.

Hi
My daughter is in 2nd grade and is dealing with a bully-type now. I am lucky that she tells me about it and is very non-chalant about it but I get as much info as possible from her. I did tell the teacher and she said she was keeping an eye out for it. I also happened to come to see the girl's mother (with the girl) in the hall at school one day and very matter-of-fact said something to the girl about an incident that happened and somewhat laughed it off but the girl turned all shades of red and when her mother asked what I was referring to, I said "Oh, she can fill you in". It ended for awhile but I think she is back tormenting other girls now. The only good thing is that now my daughter tells the girls to back off and goes back to her friends and the girl gets it and walks away. Hopefully she will get bored and move on!!
Good luck to you!

I have also went through this with one of my daughters. You have already spoken with the teacher and the teacher has done all that she can. I would now speak with the mother. As a mother I would want to know if my child was misbehaving. Approach easily and just let the mother know what is going on and that you felt that you should speak with her before speaking with the principle. I don't agree with having to go out of your way and put your daughter in different extracurricular activities. Your daughter knows the children already that are in the same ones that she is in and it's telling the little girl thats doing the bulling that she has won. I know this is first grade but like the lady that responded before children learn from their parents behavior and running away is not a good lesson.

I think that sometimes little girls act mean because they don't know any other way to express their feelings of jealousy or intimidation. It's possible that this (mean) child thinks that your daughter doesn't like her, or she is having trouble finding common ground with her.I have dealt with similar situations with my 3 girls. I recommend inviting this child to play...without any other children. A one on one play date...maybe even a trip to the zoo or a park picnic. Once the girl establishes a friendship that is non threatening to her...she'll be much nicer!
The catch to this scenario - I have found - is that the mean girl will probably become "best friends" with your daughter. You'll have to watch out for the mean child roping your daughter into unfriendly behaviors....But, as you said - they're only in 1st grade...it will all work out. They're LEARNING how to get along.

Yes, I would definitely speak to the girls mother. There is only so much the teacher can do. Just make sure when you speak to the mother her child and yours are present. Also, make sure you tell your daughter you are going to speak to the mother for her sake. Your daughter needs to know you will defend her no matter what. Remember, soft spoken words break bones so make sure when you speak to the mother you speak very kindly. Chances she already knows her child is a bully. Best wishes!

As you are running into the mother in other extracurricular activites, I would discretely have a conversation. I know that if my child was acting inappropriately I would want to know. The saying it takes a village to raise a child is true. Would you let that same child stand in front of a oncoming car? NO of course not! If we are bringing our concerns in a non-acusatory way, then that is ok to make the parent aware.

I had a similar situation with my daughter who is in 6th grade. One of her friends from way back in daycare started poking her with a pencil during class and shutting her locker door. My daughter would not say anything, but didnt want to ride the bus or go to school. As I knew the parents my first step was to address the situation to them directly. I did admit that I knew they have always occassionaly had spats, but this was getting out of control for no apparent reason and if it didnt get better, then I would have to bring to the attention of the school. Our rule is this, if you ask them to stop and they continue, talk w/ the teacher or prinicipal. In most schools the No Bullying policy exists. It stopped immediately after the talk w/ the parents, the girl was upset w/ my daughter for telling, but she got over it in about a week and they do talk and associate still.

My daughter friend was going thru family issues with the parents divorcing. The point is we dont know exactly what is going on with the other child to cause them to act as they are, that still gives them no right to pick on someone else because they are feeling upset, but may have underlying causes.

You talked w/ the teacher, now talk w/ the parent, if that does not work, talk w/ the principal. Dont feel bad about taking it up the line. The teacher can only do so much and if the parent does not want to address the issue with you, let them address with the school. Its pretty sad it has come to this, but its not ok for your child to feel threatened while trying to learn.

The other ideas about her gaining confidence in herself is always great advise. Standing up for oneself can be done in a non-confrentational way and alway a good trait to have. Maybe you should invite the 'best friend' over for a sleep over or special day/outing. That may cement that relationship. She might have been feeling threatened also and not knowing how to say no to the bully.

Best of luck - You doing everything right!

This is such a shame!!! First thing, make sure your daughter does not get into the same class as the bully girl next year. That should help things.
Maybe you should have a chat with her mom? Maybe her mother is not aware of what her daughter is doing. At least let's hope this is the case!! You have to start there and work towards hopefully getting it straightened out.
I feel awful that your daughter is going through this. It sounds like you are handling it well with your daughter. Just keep reinforcing that it is NOT her fault. You don't want her to be insecure at such a young age....
Ugh...good luck

Yes, try talking to the bully's mother, maybe she'd be willing to help with the problem...

Keep talking to your daughter about standing up for herself...remind her the problem isn't going to stop until she does.

At some point maybe you will need to have a little talk with this bully yourself, but do this with the teacher, in front of the class...to shame her and all those in the class who follow her behavior.

I remember this very same thing happened to my brother. With the help of the gym teacher, (((I was also in the gum at the time on the girls side so I got to watch)))).... the bully was called to the front of the class and was introduced to my mother. She announced all the bully's sins and bullied him around right into shame.. When my mother was finished, the teacher sent him off to the principals office who called the boys mother to come and get him... this child never bothered my brother again.

Maybe your daughter should try to be-friend this mean girl, since she is in all her activities. Maybe that's all the mean girl really wants is attention. If your daughter is friendly towards her the mean girl may back down a bit. If things don't improve I would suggest another talk with the teacher and ask her to talk to the mean girls mother. This reminds me of a similar thing that happend with my daughter. We ended up not inviting her to my daughter's b-day party, we didn't invite everyone from her class because there were so many other kids- girls scouts and neighboors. The mean girls mom called me to complain and gave me such a hard time and then went on the tell the other moms that I was a horrible mom for leaving her daughter out. Needless to say, it did not look good. So my adive would be to have the teacher talk to her especially if there are other moms complaining as well, and ask if your daughter can be in a class, next year without the mean girl. Schools also offer friendship clubs, if your does look into it. Good luck. The mother of these mean girls can never see anything wrong with their kids.

Good Morning:

I am truly sorry to hear your 1st grader is being bullied. I remember when my now 11 year old faced the same problem your daughter has now. I too went to the school and spoke with the teachers and the administration and they too did a problem like you mention. Of course it did not work. Being a small private school I found myself seated next to the Mom of the boy that was bullying my son. When i relaized who she was I decided to ask her for a coffee. Over coffee we spoke about many things and then I brought up the "did you know your son is......" it worked! The bullying stoped within days and the best part of all of it is that today the my son and this ex-bully are best friends! Hope this helps.

I would talk to the teacher again, and I would follow up with a chat to the principal...not to tattle on the teacher but to make sure all are informed of this situation. I would also set up goals or guidelines with them and know that if it continues to happen that you will request a meeting with all of them and the other childs parents. I would feel out the little girls mom...you see her everywhere so you should be able to have some sort of a clue as to how she may react...if she's a my kid can do no wrong kind of mom I wouldn't bother but if you feel that she would listen and be objective go for it...I would try to see this from the bully's point of view...she is also 7, I would consider that she is threatened or offended in someway by your daughter(not placing blame) and if you choose to approach the other mommy bring it up in a way that doesn't place blame "it seems we have a personality conflict" or "did my daughter do something to your daughter because..." I would also tell your daughter the truth...not everyone in the world is going to like her or be nice to her and it stinks but it is what it is...there's nothing you or she can do about it. I've told my kids they don't have to like everyone but they must treat everyone with respect even when they aren't being shown the same. I would also suggest that for next year you request that your daughter not be in class with this girl...most schools permit this. I'm sorry that your daughter is going through this just keep reminding her of how much you love her and that it's not her fault and keep sticking up for her...YOU are her advocate!

Hi JG:

Your daughter's story brought back some painful memories of my own, so I had to respond. Yes, it is only first grade, but this could cast the die for your daughter's experience next year, so you are absolutely right to deal with it now. Bullies are a sad fact of life, both in school and the workplace. It's impossible to avoid them completely. And yes, this is really a two-front effort, through both the school and your daughter.

Your daughter's teacher has already shown some willingness to deal with the problem. But a single workshop on friendship and inclusion isn't going to cut it. These lessons need to be reinforced throughout the school year and beyond. Ultimately the teachers are responsible for what happens at school. Please don't be afraid to demand they maintain order and a hostile-free environment.

There are other professionals in the school who can help, principals, school counselors, and social workers. They can often provide excellent advice for both you and your daughter.

There are two things I absolutely don't recommend:

* Trying to talk to the bully's parents. Usually you will get one of three reactions--Denial ("Not my kid."), Dismissive ("Kids will be kids. Your daughter needs to grow a backbone."), or Blaming ("Your daughter must have asked for it somehow."). Even if the bully's parent believes you and disciplines the bully accordingly, chances are the bully will make sure your child never "rats her out" again.

* Telling your child "ignore it and it will go away." I have seen repeatedly that ignoring bullies not only doesn't make them go away, it can in fact make it worse, because the bully tries harder to get rise out of the target.

Anyway, you should continue to work with your daughter. Keep up with teaching assertiveness, even if it doesn't seem to take at first. More importantly, continue to help your daughter discover her own talents and build her own self-worth. Bullies are less likely to target those who are confident in their own abilities.

I hope this helps. I wish you and your daughter all the best.

Peace, T. :-)

I thought behavior like this was no longer being allowed in schools. Ever since Columbine and other situations like this, I though bullying was being stopped. I don't know if talking to the mother will help. Some parents really don't care what their kids do. If it happens in your presence I would speak the girl and let her know that if this continues you will go to her mother. Talk to the teacher and let them know that this is unexceptable and that they need to put a stop to this.

JG, I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. This happens at this grade level all the time.

If this girl is at the same extra curricular activities, then you do have occasion to see her mom and I would say something to her. She probably doesn't know that her daughter does this and probably wouldn't like it if she did know.

As an elementary school employee, I can tell you that there's only so much that the teacher can do. The teachers do not accompany the children to lunch and recess, and the job of the recess monitors - where there is typically one monitor for every two classes - is to be sure that everyone is safe. They really cannot resolve non-physical "she hurt my feelings" kind of issues. I know that probably horrifies parents to know, but it's the way school is. When you have one person watching 45 kids, their every moment is taken up with making sure everyone is playing safely. The teacher is not there to witness these incidents. I would go directly to the mom. Good luck.

Yes, talk to the mean girl's mother. This has got to stop...NOW! Your poor daughter does not deserve this. And continue to talk to the teacher. This is part of her job and she needs to address it as often as needed. Discuss the problem with school administrators. Talk to the girl scout troop leader, the soccer coach etc. Whatever it takes to protect your child.

In the meantime, keep an open dialogue about this with your daughter. Let your daughter know how special she is as much a possible. Protect her self esteem at all costs. My best to you.

A.

Unfortunately children are mean and maybe not taught better than that at home.i am in disbelief of just how mean and ill mannered children are now days. I would not call that "bullying" though. I think bullying is a pretty strong word. Is your daughter being assaulted? Is your daughter being threatened in any way?

I will set a meeting with the girl's parents. This can cause depression. That is harder to deal with then a girl. Take care of it right away. I had the same problem with my daughter who just started Kingdergarden, do you believe that!

On the second day of school, she was on line with the other girls and I saw a little girl waving her hands in my daughters face. First I let her handle it, and she did fine. She turn to me and told me that the girl was yelling at her. I said just leave her alone and back away and go with the other girls.

The next day my daughter told me that the same girl blocked her way to the teachers desk that she was trying to get a tissue. The girl told her thats enough, my daughter pushed her aside and continued and got the tissue.

The next day, I waited to see the mother and I explained what I saw and what her daughter did to mine. She was very sorry and told her daughter to apologized she did not, unfortunaley. I actually tought the mother was the same way but she wasn't and when she see's me she ask how things are going I try not to say much keep the peace. My daughter tells me things but nothing she hasn't handled. I keep an eye on the little girl. She still tries to bully the other girls. But I watch my little girl very closely.

Good Luck! :)

as a first grade teacher, i know all too well about bullying. ask the teacher to be more involved and to reprimand the student when it occurs. maybe the 'bully' needs to meet with the school psychologist and talk through her 'issues'.

in order for the 'bully' to understand the effects of her behavior, have the teacher play out a scenario where that girl herself is bullied and excluded and let her see how she feels.
hope this helps.
good luck!

I have a few suggestions but keep in mind that my only child is 3, so I haven't gone through this myself yet! First you need to analyze this further. You said "my daughter is very passive when bossed by this girl". How is she with other children? Is it just this girl? If so, and she's otherwise confident and outgoing, do some role playing with your daughter to show her some acceptable come-backs to this girl's comments. You need to teach her how to address this herself. That would be a real confidence booster moving forward. But if it is not just this girl and being passive is her nature then that may not help. It might even make it worse if the girl is able to counter-act with her own snappy responses (especially if it's in front of the other girls). If this is her nature then I'd plan a playdate with this girl and her mom. Have them both over to your house so you can observe how the girls interact. This will give your daughter confidence, being on her own "turf" with you there, and give the girls some 1:1 time. Maybe if they get to know each other better they'll realize they have alot in common. You said they already share all the same activities (maybe this girl feels your daughter out-performs her in some or all of these activities and is jealous?). Maybe some unstructured time together will be good. At the very least, it will give you more knowledge of the situation and help you to better address it going forward. Plus, you will get to know the mother and understand her role in the situation. Good luck!

Oh boy as a mom of a second grader this is not a new thing, scarey but is is happening all over. I would hold out on confronting the mom. Unless you know her personally she probably wont be recpetive to your concerns, after all it is her little angel. But since we are at the end of the school year see if you can wait it out and hope fully you can ask that she noy be in your daughters class next year and go directly to the principle and and other officials like the social worker in the school alot of times your child isnt the only one affected by this bully child and they may already be aware of it, if not they will start.most of the time her teacher can only do so much, more her seat etc. As far as other activities try to seperate as much as possiable for now belive it or not one summer vacation makes a huge difference!!! And keep reasurring your daughter to ignore the girl and keep making new friends and be friends with with everone . Sounds like she is doing the right thing keep her on track!!! Good luck

Have you talked to your daughter about how she feels about it?
My two girls have both gone through similar experiences.

I feel that the most important tool you can give your child is the ability to understand and empathize with another human being. To be able to see all sides of a situation.
Even a 6 year old is remarkably capable.

What if you asked your daughter her feelings on this girl? Another question you might ask her is why she thinks that girl acts that way?
It will empower her to think a situation through on her own and find her own way of working it out.
Talking to her about the fact that maybe this particular girl does not get enough attention at home and feels the need to bully or exclude others to get it.

It is SO hard to see your children going through these things with their peers.
As hard as it is not to step in an "wring the other kids neck" just give her the tools to try to deal with it on her own. :)

I hope it works out for her!

Unfortunately bullying is starting way too young these days and way too many kids are being bullied. With that said. I would most definitely speak with the teacher again and the principal and the superintendent of the district. I have mixed feelings about speaking with the mom. If you know her well enough then I would definitely mention something to her to see if you both can find a way to resolve the issue, however, if you don't know her, then just be prepared that she might not think anything is wrong with her "perfect" child and will get very defensive about you critizing her daughter. So be prepared. I would also request that your daughter NOT be placed in the same classroom next year. As for the extracurricular activities, I would alert all the instructors about the problem between the girls so they can intervene.
My daughter is in 3rd grade and I can tell you the bullying and lying has not stopped. I am constantly reminding my daughter to stand up for herself everyday. To confront the girls, espically when she knows they are lying.
Good luck!