2 1/2 Year Old Daughter Plays by Herself

I had the same worries when my daughter was young. It used to make me sad that she had no one to play with and when she had the chance to play with others she still chose to be alone. She is six now. She has made some friends and she spends time with them when she wants to. So now that I know she does have some social skills I am okay.

My daughter was the same at 2 1/2, both were actually. Now they are little social butterflies! They are now 3 1/2 and 6. I wouldn't worry too much.

She is so young. If everything else is developing normally, I would not worry at all. She sounds very bright and independent and will develop friendships when she is ready. You will probably look back in a few years and wonder what you worried about.

Hi A., Maybe she is just shy and uncomfortable since she's not used to having other children around. She is still young and may grow out of it. My daughter started preschool when she was still 2 years old. She turned three shortly thereafter, but never really formed any strong friendships that first year and I remember being very concerned about her making friends. This year she has come out of her shell and is the little socialite! My daughter told me she didn't like being shy...so I told her not to be. Talk to her about things she could say or roleplay. She just might not be sure of herself. Try not to worry too much. I know it's hard though. I hope this helps. God Bless! N. Lurry

A.,

No, this is not typical development. This will red flag any two year old developmental screen. I asume that you have been told that since she has an imagination, you have nothing to worry about or you would not have mentioned it, but kids can be off in thier development and still have imaginations. Mine did.

Don't mess around, get her evaluated now, you have nothing to loose, and she may have the most important years of her life to gain (when early intervention is the key to sucess) You would not be asking us if you did not already know that you need to check this out. That little voice is telling you that something is amiss. Developmental pediatricains are the best reasource for this age group, but you can start with a screening program through your state, it is the help me grow program in Ohio.

I am not saying that this is autism, but let me say that all children should be screened for autism by age two, and many developmental issues (autsim and others) can be picked up early if you are looking for the signs. If this screen has not happened in your pediatricains office, ask for it. April is Autism awareness month, read something about it and learn the signs, the myths are many, and you may be surprised at what you don't know about autism, and that what you think you do know may be dead wrong.

ASD effects one in 150 children, it can be mild or severe, and there is no one skill that will "rule out" carring the diagnosis, including having imagination. Some talk a blue streak, but thier social interactions with their peers is impaired, you have already identifed this as a concern, early intervention can work wonders for kids with mild issues.

If nothing else, you will have someone with real evaluation to tell you to stop worrying about it and you can never wonder "is this normal?" again. Worst case scenario, you will get a leg up on helping her make the most important progress in her life, by begining early intervention.

M.

Some children who don't engage with a social group are diagnosed as autistic. Others just enjoy being by themselves. Who knows. I would suggest reading up on autism and if she doesn't display any of those traits...then take her behavior as being who she is.

I wouldn't be overly concerned about this yet. You stated she plays mostly with adults and has for most of her life so her desire to play with children her own age just isn't there. She watches what the other children are doing and how they are behaving in their play and it is beneath the level she is used to.

Eventually she will want to interact with them because of something they are doing. When that happens she will step up to the plate.

P. R

I have 3 kids 10, 7 and 2 1/2. My oldest child did the same thing as your daughter. He had cousins that were pretty close to his age but we didn't see them very often. When we did see them he wouldn't want to play with them. I am a SAHM so he was so used to me and noone else. He would want to play with me all day but didn't bother with anyone else. My second child didn't play with anyone but her brother. When they both got to kindergarten it changed. She might just miss you and doesn't want to be bothered. Some kids are just like that. My mother in law told me that my husband never played with anyone not even his brother or other family members. It all depends on her personality. My 2 1/2 yr old goes to a play room 3x's a week for me to work out and she doesn't play with anyone either. I wouldn't worry so much. Now if she gets to kindergarten and still doesn't want to interact with other kids then I would be concerned.

When my daughter started preschool, the teachers told me that 3 year old kids tend to play by themselves. As they develop into senior preschoolers (4 year olds), then they start interacting more. I wouldn't worry. Besides, I think there's a personality element in it. Some people I know prefer to be by themselves or only have one or two close friends. Maybe she'll be that way, but hasn't found her true friend, yet.

A.,

My daughter was a loner until she was about 11 years old. All of her teachers told me that they were concerned about it. Once she decided to start making friends, everything was fine. She doesn't have any residual problems from not being sociable when she was younger.

My son will be 5 in June, and he just started making friends about 6 months ago. Before that he would just simply refuse to play with anyone else.

I think that it all depends on what kind of a person the child is. We don't all develop in the same way or the same time frames. I wouldn't be concerned at this point.

R.

It sounds like things are Ok and she is happy. She is not used to socializing with peers. She will probably come around to playing with friends at dayschool in her own time. If you wanted to kind of help her along maybe you could find a local moms group and take her to the play days so you could guide her in playing with them. She is used to her own company and on the other hand it is fabulous that she is able to entertain herself.

A. she probably feels more mature than her peers. Our oldest son was the same way and we didn't really know too many kids. He was very smart and could carry on an adult conversation. He completely understood the topics. A friend pointed it out to me. He had an imaginary friend too so maybe she has one and doesn't realize she's playing alone. He did grow out of this eventually and wanted playmates but it was closer to 5 before it happened. He didn't seem to suffer.

Hi A.!
I had the same problem with my three year old when he was in daycare. It was such a problem that we had a couple head start case workers come in and observe him and the determined that he was just very shy and afraid to play with the other kids. We didn't follow through with the programs they suggested but did a little work ourselves, which included taking him to the park and other play sites loaded with other children to help him interact more. We found that over time he started to come out of his shell a little more and now he enjoys the company of others. Some may call this the 'only child syndrome' and your child will eventually start to spread out with the other kids. If you would like, you can ask your doctor for some tests, because we also learned that our son had an ear problem that required tubes....and she felt that since he probably had a hard time hearing that he was afraid of the other kids. Check it out! But I wouldn't worry so much!!!

I would not worry about it at all at this age. My daughter was the same way (didn't have an interest in playing with others, wanted me to constantly play with her at home). She actually didn't take an interest in playing with other children until she was about 4 years of age. Now at 5 1/2, her friends are the most important thing in her life. She now has many friends and is very sociable. Don't worry and let her progress socially in her own comfort zone.

I wouldn't be concerned if it were me. My sister was a bit of a loner when she was growing up. We are 9 years apart in age, so we both had our share of playing by ourselves. It's just like some people are introverted. If you force her to play with others, she may resent it. Since she's around adults all the time, it may just be she used to that, so she wants to play with you...and not the other kids at daycare.

Besides that it's kinda early to determine her social development. Things could still change a lot in the years to come. If you think she's ok...then I wouldn't worry!

Hope this helps!

My son is 2 1/2 and does the same thing when there are several other children around. He plays well when it is just 1-2 others but more than that and he would rather be by himself. My mother-in-law said my husband was the same way when he was little. I would not worry at all. She just may not be as social right now but that will probably change.

I agree with Lisa. She will come around. I had the same concerns when my son started daycare a year ago. He was use to being home with his papaw (grandfather). He now plays well with other kids in and out of daycare. He has learned to share and play nice. The social skills he has learned got me to put in daycare from the start. Just give your daughter time to adjust she will come around on her own. It is wonderful that she has an imagination.

Hi A.,

No worries! Your daughter is a normal 2 1/2 year old. Children always want parental attention but as for daycare she is displaying the normal developmental stage for this age group. She will start!

Truly,
M. A., MAED

I have 4 boys, they all have very different personalities. When my 2nd oldest (now 7 years old) went to preschool, he did the same thing. Wouldn't talk or play with other kids. He's was and is just shy.
He is now in 1st grade and still doesn't talk to many other kids. That's just the way he is.
B.

She is two and this is totally age appropriate behavior. She is at the "parallel play" stage still. Two's are quite content playing side-by-side and having little to no interaction with their peers. Sometimes when interaction happens, squabbling over toys and belonging is the outcome. Parallel play is good! Don't worry...she'll start playing WITH her peers when she gets closer to turning 3.

Our preschool teacher always said and what I have read is that it is normal for children that age to play by themselves. Even if they are playing next to each other they rarely are actually playing with each other yet (it's called parallel play). I participated in a cooperative preschool and saw this all the time. Our youngest class with the 2-3 year olds didn't really play together. The next class they started playing together more and by the pre-K class you couldn't keep them from playing together. Don't worry!

I think this is very normal. I have two girls ages 8 and 5. My oldest has to have someone to keep her entertained. Kinda drives me crazy at times. She does not do well on her own. However my 5yr old...well she has always preferred playing by herself. Especially at that age. She does better at playing with others now..but is content with just herself. I do not think that it is a bad thing. She has quite the imagination and loves making things up or just playing with her babies. Hope this makes you feel better.

A.

Since you clearly state that your daughter wants you and your husband to play with her, then she knows how to play socially. Perhaps the daycare setting is overwhelming. No matter what the rest of the world tells us, kids aren't made to fit in with a group of unrelated kids. Children are created to explore their worlds. It sounds very much so like your daughter is exploring hers - as she is ready to do so. If you know she hears you fine and she is speaking to you and is able to follow basic instructions, don't worry like one of the moms mentioned. Yes, of course, you should pay attention to any red flags...but a 2 1/2 yr old in a daycare setting - please understand that can be overwhelming. Have you considered your husband or you sitting in for a day - or observing for a few hours - without your daughter noticing you? Even I became overwhelmed visiting preschool classes when structure lacked. It sounds to me like your daughter is trying to create structure during her playtime, which is actually quite healthy. I am an educator and have worked with many young children for 20 years (from the time I was a VBS teacher as a teen.) Now I'm only 35 ... so I'm not some old person telling you this. :) Trust your gut. Consider the school settings & routine. Perhaps it has too many children in a class, or too much unstructured playtime. This in no way reflects poorly on the daycare or your child. It could just be a matter of catering to your daughter's needs at this early stage in life. And it IS early for her to be in three full days of the week. You might also consider what her structure is like the other two/four days of the week. Perhaps finding a daycare that has a similar structure would be most beneficial for helping her to develop the very best as God has created her. These are just my thoughts. I am a mother of three and have experienced much throughout each of their developments ... My daughter (now 7) always preferred to play moreso one-on-one with any other child during preschool ages ... I think it kept her more grounded. She felt overwhelmed when kids fought for each other's attention & at 2-4 these children all are used to being the center of their worlds, too. :) Enjoy her preciousness and all that she is!!!

She is just doing what she is used to doing, entertaining herself. I think playdates at home help with this. You might try them one weekend a month to get her used to being with other kids and actually have an activity planned that encourages your daughter to play with the other child.