2 Month Old Puppy and 11 Month Old Boy

Hi there, sorry to hear this is not going well for you. We have a puppy that was being naughty also. I ended up taking him to puppy school and it made all the difference in the world... the person we went to is named Sonya Ulrich, she lives in Oswego. She is amazing. I never thought Barkley would behave, and he does. He seems happier, we are all happier now. Her website is sonys good dog services. Hope this helps...good luck
K.

I am so sorry! Many previous posters have given good advice. It absolutely makes you selfish to not want to PT a puppy and you have EVERY right to be selfish. You want to spend time with your child and not raising a puppy as well.

One thing to consider to compromise with your husband is say the puppy has to go (because in my mind it does. That is a LOT of work that is really only fun if you're sharing in it with say a 5-yr old son who is also willing to help take care of the puppy) but perhaps compromise on getting a slightly older dog such as 1-2 yrs where they have mellowed out AND has been house trained!!! But at that younger age, they are still playful and fun.

Best of luck to you. But I see an ad in your future "free husband or puppy to good home..." :)

How frustrating! I'm so sorry! I think you've gotten some good advice here but I would not just return the puppy with out your husband's permission. That would not solve the real problems like, lack of communication and respect and understanding. I hope you two can talk this out and come to some sort of agreement or compromise. If you can't, maybe counseling wouldn't be a bad idea.

Your puppy sounds quite out of control. It sounds a lot like the first puppy my husband and I got. He would also go potty outside and then in a matter of minutes he'd be going inside while looking right at me like.. "HA!! Now you have to pay attention to me and take me out again!!!" Anyway, that puppy went to another home and months later we have gotten a different breed of puppy. What a world of difference!!! He is so gentle, naturally submissive and smart. My point in telling you this is maybe you and your husband can do a little more research and searching for the right kind of dog for your family. Maybe you can find a puppy that is easier to train and more family friendly? And make the decision TOGETHER (:

If you keep the puppy there are things you can do to make it easier. When you need a break, put him in a crate, outside, or block him off in the kitchen. If you have him out with the baby, you can have a pack n play set up near by so you can put your son in there quickly if you need to run the dog outside and clean up a mess. You can hire a neighborhood kid or a dog walking service to walk him. Try and get your husband to help as much as possible. Maybe he can take the puppy to an obedience class. I hope this helps some. Good luck!

It was very wrong for your husband to get the dog after you told him you did not want to get one until after July. He needs to realize that you both need to make decisions together. He is not living the single life anymore. But in the same breath I feel all these other posts for you to get rid of the dog to "show him" is not fair either. The dog did nothing wrong. We got a puppy when my kids were 6yrs., 3yrs., 1 yrs. and 6 mos. Grant it I was the one who really wanted the dog. Everyone thought I was crazy for taking on a puppy with the small kids. The rough time doesn't last forever. You can make it fun even with your 11 month old. If the crate is small enough they train faster not to go in the crate. If it is too big, they will go in the crate. The part that drove me insane was when the puppy would take the kids toys and chew them. (Usually those were the outside toys that the kids did not put away) Just as you "baby proof", "puppy proof" by keeping the baby's things out of reach. Counseling is not a bad idea for you and your husband.

tell your husband to find a new home for the dog. when you are ready to have one, you will let him know. He isn't the one caring for it, so it isn't his decision.

Your DH definitely crossed a line. If he is at work and you are the one home with the dog all day, he should have waited like you asked him to.

We, too, put our dog of 11 years down in December. I really want another one, but my husband has asked me to wait. I've given him the reasons I want another one. He has given me the reasons he wants to wait a year or so. His reasons make sense to me, so we're waiting. A pet isn't a decision one family member makes on their own.

I hope the puppy calms down for you soon. Is there any chance your husband could take a week or two of vacation to stay home and housebreak the dog?

Good luck!

Clearly your husband does not have a clue as to how much work chasing after an 11 month old boy can be! You are not being irrational...taking care of one more thing that makes a mess (inside and outside) is the last thing that you need right now!!! An 11 month needs undivided attention, and it's not like he can help take care of the puppy at this age. Not to mention, baby can get germs from dog feces!!! Your son is not old enough to remember that the puppy was even his, I say send the puppy back unless your husband is willing to be a "stay-at-home dad"!!!

We got our puppy when my son was just over 1 year old, and even though I agreed to it, I had a really hard time with it too. It's unfortunate that your husband isn't listening to you and trying to help figure out a solution that you can both live with! I agree with the previous post that you should do what you can to keep the dog; granted your husband made the choice without you, but it wasn't the dog's fault. That being said, it's also not fair to you or the dog for it to live in the house where you're the main caretaker and really don't want him. One thing that might help is to get a dog walking service. That way you aren't chained to the house; they can come let the puppy out and give him some play time. Also, don't feel too guilty about using the crate for the puppy when your child's toys are all over the floor. You're keeping both of them safe. We kept our crate in the room where we were all playing, and gave our puppy special toys for her crate. That way she could stay with us and not chew more toys. Our dog is now a little over 1 year old, and is really wonderful. It seemed like forever (at the time) to get her housebroken and out of the chewing stage, but it DID pass. Good luck!!!

I don't know that I have any advice for you. But I do not think you are irrational or crazy for being upset. It doesn't really sound like your husband has time for a puppy, and as a Mom of a 19 month old-I know you don't. I am not a big supporter of giving up on a dog, but it is just as unfair to the puppy to be in a home that doesn't have time for him/her as it is to you to be shouldering all the responsibility. If you don't or can't give him up you should definately enroll him in a puppy class. If money isn't an issue-maybe a day or two at a doggie daycare could give you a much needed break. I feel for you. Good luck!
C. D

Hi K.,
I don't have a whole lot of advice, but I can sort of relate. Although our decision to get a puppy was an agreement, it was poor timing. We had lost our boxer a year prior to cancer (he died less than 12 hours after we got the diagnosis) and decided to get a puppy. Well, a week AFTER we got the puppy, I got pregnant (also planned) . . .but had the worst morning sickness and ended up being on bed rest for a good portion of my pregnancy.

I was VERY resentful of the puppy and I felt awful and there were times that I threw the "you're the one who picked him out" phrase at my husband. If we did it over again, we definitely would have waited until a year after the baby was born, but we didn't and we're here now.

The puppy stage is ALWAYS hard, whether you are pregnant, with a new baby, or have no other obligations.

Maybe try to make the potty training "fun" for everyone . ..make it a game for your son and keeping Butkis from pooping and peeing on your carpet. Make it a game for EVERYONE to go outside and watch him to do it and give him lots of praise. I KNOW how awful that can be (its the only time I LOVED having all hardwood or ceramic in our house).

I don't have a whole lot of advice, because I don't feel like I handled our puppy stage with a whole lot of grace. I do know that the dog will begin to feel the resentment and that won't be fun to have to retrain his negative behaviors.

Be stern with the puppy about not nipping, I am sure there will be other advice here, but I just wanted to let you know that I have been in similar shoes. Put him on a leash at all times, so he can't jump.

Our boys are 4 and 1 now and the "puppy" is now 2 . . .they really get a long well together . . .all of them. I am not the biggest fan of our dog, but I love how the boys are able to rough house with him and the relationship that they have. I will tell you though, the dog knows that I am not his biggest fan and I am working on "repairing" that relationship, and its tough. Try not to show Butkis how much disdain you have for him (I KNOW its hard).

Hugs,
B.

p.s. he ran through my flowers last week . . .

I just went through this. My husband lost HBO because of it. LOL. The best suggestion so far is a puppy day care or puppy sitter. I enrolled my dog in a day care for three days a week, and on weekends or special events I hired a "sitter" to come over and take care of her if I was going to be out too long. That way I didn't have to ruin my or my son's good time out. It was a little expensive, though with a little budgeting (my husband losing his extra monthly perks, and no losses to me or the kids...it was his fault) we were able to work it out. I also did get her trained though we splurged and invited a lovely trainer to our home to help us. Now she's over a year and while still a puppy, she and my son are best friends. He plays in her food bowl while she eats, and actually feeds her by hand. They even nap together on the dog bed. I no longer send her to day care and no longer worry about going out, because our "sitters" live near by and I can call them while Im out and they will go over to take care of whatever they need. Oh and we just got HBO back.

I have no suggestions, just was laughing when you said you need anger management, between my girlfriends and I someone is always mad at there husbands for doing something selfish.....we say that one of us is always being a rage-a-holic.

Try and go out for a day by yourself and let him see how much fun it is to take care of the puppy and baby at the same time all day everyday!

Hi K.,
My first instinct is to return the puppy whether your husband likes it or not. You're the one home and you have to be the one in control of the environment. I can't even begin to tell the long list of horrible "accident" stories I've heard about puppies and toddlers. When we had our first daughter who is now 6.5, our dog (an 80lb. shepard mix) was still a very active puppy. One day while our daughter was asleep in the bassinet, our dog hurdled it! That was the last straw for me. We sent her to 1st Place Dog Training in Morango (just passed McHenry) for 3 weeks. She came back a different dog and we've never looked back. Here's the kicker though, you have to do follow-up sessions for about two months afterward. Both my husband and I took this responsibility very seriously. If your husband doesn't have the time to commit to that, it's a wate of money and effort. Our good friends and neighbors recently "gave away" a Mastiff puppy to a really great farm because she was too much to handle. If you want the name, let me know.
Good luck,
B.

I can certainly understand your feelings! However, you have a situation that needs real solutions. How about finding a puppy obedience trainer and paying them to train your puppy for you. If you give Butkis away, there will be problem w/your husband. He needs to know that having a puppy is like having two infants ~ and they are competing for your attention and it is more than you can handle at this point in your life. If he doesn't want to do that, then crate him or put him in your own yard if it's fenced ~ or doggy day care. You can't have a dog peeing and pooping on the carpet where your son crawls. Shampooing doesn't disinfect. Disinfecting doesn't even disinfect in my humble opinion ~ at least on carpets.

this may not be something that you agree with, but if a couple cannot abide by each others wishes and form compromises, then individual decisions have to be dealt with by the individuals who made them.

i would tell my husband that he made a decision against my specific input (failed to compromise) and that if he wants a puppy that HE can take care of it. i would not put the puppy out, i would not feed it, i would not play with it, and i would lay very clear rules regarding where the dog was allowed both in the house and in the yard (requiring gates to be bought to contain the dog to tile/linoleum floors and a kennel in the yard to save the plants). and then i would very specifically plan an entire day away from the house for the day following this announcement to my husband. he is the one who wanted the dog, who got it, and who should be responsible for it since it was NOT a family decision. your husband acted like a spoiled child, and now has to deal with the consequences of his actions. this is doubly true if your husband isn't even home often enough to care for a dog and the burden falls entirely on you! for goodness sake, it's not about whether or not you have the time for a dog, it's about how YOU choose to use YOUR time with your son and hadnling the household, etc, and your husband blatantly disregarding your opinions and feelings to get what he wants.

You are right to be mad. First of all, not only is it not fair to you, it's not fair to the innocent puppy either! A puppy is a huge responsibility. This should have been a joint decision since you are the one taking care of him, not your husband.

Well I am a huge animal person and activist. It's cases such as yours that leave a lot of animals unwanted in shelters. I hope that you can get through the difficult puppy stage and keep the little guy. I've potty trained MANY puppies and I know how frustrating it is. Especially the peeing on the carpet! I potty trained my now 2 year old rescue while I was also potty training my daughter and my husband was going through brain surgery. What was I thinking to get another puppy???? But I did it, and she is a good girl now and never pees in the house.

Just realize that the puppy does get older and this is just a stage. Try to enjoy your puppy, because you might not think so now, but you might miss it when the dog grows up.

If you need any advice on getting the pee smell out of the carpet, I found the perfect stuff. I have used every enzyme solution out there and it never worked. Urine Out Powder is the best. Just google and you can order it online.

Good luck! And try to enjoy the little guy!

OK, I JUST RE-READ SOME OF THESE OTHER POSTS AND I REALLY HOPE YOU DON'T LISTEN TO SOME OF THEM, ESPECIALLY THE ONE WHO SUGGESTS NOT TAKING THE DOG OUT, FEEDING HIM, OR TAKING CARE OF HIM WHATSOEVER. COME ON NOW! IT'S NOT THE PUPPY'S FAULT, AND THE ONLY ONE SUFFERING IN THAT SITUATION IS THE PUPPY!

First of all I am really sorry about the passing of your Mastiff. I have 2 kids , 5 and 4 months and I also have two young dogs 3 yrs old and 1. So I can relate on some of your issues. Especially if your dog is a larger breed, I'd expect that it will be a puppy for a long time. I would look into local "doggy daycare", where the dogs go and hang out and play with other dogs and then they come home good and tired. Even if you can do it just a few days a week it would give you a break. I know Petsmart on rte 59 in Aurora has one. Good luck! - S. S.

Most reponsible breeders want the entire family present before placing a dog. They also normally have a return policy. Take Butkis back.
I know it will probably make your hubby blow his stack, but until he can respect your wishes, you may need to take drastic steps.
It seems by what you've stated that at least on this issue, he does not respect your feelings. He is not looking at the whole picture, which mainly is that you are the one at home, with this puppy, and have to center your time around your 11 month old, and the pup. (Too bad you can't take a week off & go someplace & leave him to tend to both of them on his own! LOL)
If the breeder won't take the pup back, you could always try to find another home for him, or the pound...

The big issue here isn't really the puppy. Although it seems to be the focal point.
The bigger issue is respect. Appreciation. Value.
Your husband is taking all of this for granted, and is assuming you'll do what he says.
You can keep the peace, and deal with the added stress for a while (eventually the pup will be trained & the stress will go down) or you can take a stand for yourself.
I'm not trying to make you start a fight or anything like that. Just try to keep in mind, do what's best for YOU. You've stated clearly why now is not a good time for a pup. Now you can back up those statements with action.
Good luck, no matter what you decide.

I don't think it was fair of your husband to have gotten a puppy now, you did not say no, but asked him to wait. I don't have advice on that, but my 9 yr. old DD wanted a puppy for 2 years now and we finally got one, as my mom's friend is a breeder. We now have a Yorkie, and the 9and 6 yr. olds, and 19 month old!

What has been a Godsend to me is we went to Babies R Us and got one of those huge play yards (looks like a bunch of babygates attached) and I have an area in my kitchen by my fireplace where we had rocking chairs. Well, moved them to the basement, put the play yard there, and when puppy is not in his crate, outside, or being played with under watchful eyes, he goes in there. Then we put him in the crate at night, or for short outings. He has never gone potty in his crate, he knows that is where he sleeps. I do put a potty pad in the play yard while we are gone, and although hit or miss, he tries to go there if we are gone. He is only 3 lbs. so he cannot hold it long enough for us to have him in the crate too long. So far this is working, and it keeps both my son and the puppy safe from each other without me losing my sanity. Honestly if we had not gotten it, I would have insisted we get rid of the puppy, the first few weeks we did not have it, and life was not good!

I know you had a dog before, we haven't, and I was told with the crate, only give them enough room to stand and turn around and they won't go to the bathroom in there. When we first go the puppy we put a box in the back so he did not have so much room, and he has never gone potty in there, does your dog have too much room?

I don't have a lot of advice on how unfair that is of your hubby, or that you don't want to deal with a new puppy at this point, but good luck in your decision, it is a huge responsibility as you already know.

K. I am so sorry to hear about this and I am totally empathetic and wish I had a solution. You need one now obviously. I left my husband.(I'm not suggesting you do tht, though). That was just one part of it only it was a big part. I had two sons, a baby who I was toilet training and I wasn't sure if our husky puppy was making messes or my son. I can totally relate. You do not need this at all. One thing I did learn, second marriage, another dog later, get the puppy a crate and leave it there when you go to longer outings. You might be able to keep your puppy through puppyhood and not be so angry at your husband. I was totally disgusted when my now ex-husband brought home the most precious looking dog in the same manner. Against my wishes. And the worst part was since we have our mommy radars going all the time. I heard the puppy crying and had to take care of it in the middle of the night while everyone slept. I truly thought it was very selfish of my husband to do that to us. Oh well, in my case we can add that to a big loong list. You however have hope. I decided men don't have that worry radar inside that helps keep all the puppies and kids alive in the world anyway, however you might give him a piece of his own medicine and if you can grin and bear it, leave baby, hubby and dog at home for a whole day (or okay only half, but a whole day would prove your point) and see how he likes it. There that was a bit fun wasn't it. Good luck to you. It isn't easy being a mom anyway.

Hi K.,

The first thing I thought of was that you could take the puppy back to the breeder or to a no-kill shelter on your own. If your husband doesn't understand/doesn't care about how much stress this is causing you, you may need to take matters into your own hands. You're absolutely right, it was a very selfish move on his part. It sounds like you've been trying to explain to him how you feel and giving it your best shot, but he's insisting on not facing the reality of the situation. Couples counseling might be a good idea, too...

Best of luck,
J.

Get rid of the dog. He didn't take your feelings seriously & got the dog anyway so you need to let him know this is not acceptable. If he wants a dog so badly then he can get his own place & live happlily ever after with it. If you are unwilling to do this then you need to get a dog trainer & have your husband take the dog to doggy day care on his way to work (at his expense). Then you need to have him pay for all new carpeting & replace anything the dog ruined.

I think your husband was being incredibly selfish getting a puppy - especially since he apparently is not home to take care of it. I don't think it would be unreasonable to find the dog a new home. Your son will only be a baby once, but there will always be puppies when you're ready to give up so much time. You have obviously been through a lot and you deserve to have quality time with your son this summer without the restrictions imposed by puppy training.

Hi K.
Wow, you have a lot of responses to your dilemma. I have trained puppies with young children. 3 things come to mind to tell you. 1. Be sure that you are "alpha dog". 2. I believe that the most effective and easiest way to housebreak a puppy is by crate training. This requires a sturdy box or cage that is large enough only for the dog to barely turn around. You will probably have to change the size of the crate as the pup grows. The concept is a simple one. A dog is a den-dwelling animal and will not soil the place where it sleeps. You might have one accident, but unless you leave Butkis in there too long, he will not have another. He will learn very quickly and gradually, you will be able to let him out for longer and longer times. This is not cruel as long as he is allowed to be out several times a day for extended periods and actually, the pups feel secure in their little crates. 3, When the baby is out and having some "floor time", keep the dog in his crate or in another room, unless you are right there with tem both so you can correct Butkis becaue he will make mistakes when he plays with your little one. I guess most of the solution is in controlling the environment. I would be happy to discuss this further with you if you wish. Good luck to you all.
Barb

Your husband's attitute toward you is the real problem. He thinks it is no big deal and that you can handle it, after you explained to him your side and you have excellent reasons for waiting. I consider this cruel to you. The puppy should go back or he should put it in doggie daycare until he gets home from work, and he should be responsible for it when he gets home from work until he takes it to doggie care in the morning. You do not have the time or resources to do it, and if it was me I would be like you and not have the desire to do it either. It will NOT turn out fun and good if the puppy is not raised properly in the beginning. It will not be a well behaved dog. No one will be happy with that, and you have a small baby that must be the #1 prority no matter what.

K. , If you live near the Algonquin-CL area then I would go to Petco on Randall Rd. There is a dog trainer there who is just wonderful. Her name is Sue and I have spoken to here several time reguarding my dogs. She can come to your home for a fee- however the two times I have spoken to her was at the store and she knows her stuff! She was been very helpful with ideas for me.

I would just kindly tell him that until he has the time to train a puppy then there can't be one in the house. You don't want to train one with what you have on your plate and you are taking the puppy back or putting an ad in the paper to sell it. Don't yell, don't fight with him, just tell him very sweetly that is the way it is.

Tell him that you have forgiven him for deciding that you could handle the chore despite you telling him you don't want to...and you hope he forgives you for not wanting to take on this chore right now in your life...but the dog is being sold or going back. And that's that. You should never have to do something like that without your consent.

If he does pitch a fit then tell him he will have to take the dog to a trainer that boards the dogs until it is trained. If he says you can't afford that, then ask him to get another job....shouldn't be a big deal...it should be fun.

Good luck!!! I feel for you.

OMG - i read your post and was burning with anger towards your husband. Seriously, you should be glad I am not your best friend or sister b/c I would be at your house screaming at him!! Then I read the other posts - some very good, rational advice & I remembered something. I didn't have pets for most of my childhood but always wanted a kitten. My mother would never allow it. (She knew she'd be the one to clean up after it - and they're HALF the work of puppies). I asked for a kitten for every birthday and Christmas. Finally, after my 10th birthday, my dad woke me up early one Saturday morning and drove me out to an animal shelter and I got a kitten! My parents never fought in front of us kids - but even at the age of 10 - I know my mom was PISSED!! The funny thing was, at the time - I thought my mom was being so mean and my dad was a hero - Now, I realize that my dad was really being a big jerk and really inconsiderate.

Anyway - the point is - Unless your husband has a track record of being an inconsiderate jerk - I'm trying to see it from his point of view - he really thought it was a good decision & he just has no clue. I say - follow some of the advice you got here and do your best - try not to be too angry with your husband for too long - maybe just ignore him for a couple days/weeks/months :) and try not to take it out on the little puppy. I know it's hard and it's totally unfair - but maybe one day down the road, you'll screw up somehow and you'll need his forgiveness.

Lots of love and luck to you!
J.

K., it sounds like you may need to be the one who takes a different approach! Perhaps you could suggest your husband enroll the pup in training or doggy day care during the day. I would also like to add that since it was your husbands need to get the pup it should be his duty to take a serious part in the potty training,walking, and clean up as well! There has to be a medium for both of you. Having an animal is a full time job, like parenting, and it's not so easy with a young baby or toddler either!Good luck. I believe that with serious open communication you both can resolve this.I emphasize the word "both"!!!!

Hi K.,

I completely feel for you. We lost our dog in Jan of this year to cancer and getting a new puppy has been an ongoing debate. Getting a dog should have been a whole family decision and you knew best what your availability threshold was for another dog. While it was unfair to you I am sure your husband felt as mine did that there was a big hole in the family left by the loss of our pet. They remember the well trained dog that died - not the process and effort it took to get them there.

I finally convinced my husband to wait until our toddler and upcoming baby are old enough to help with the responsibility. Our son was 18 months when our dog died and that toddler stage, which you are fast approaching, gets rough with a dog not only because of the attention the toddler/puppy both need but also because toddlers and small children don't know how to interact with an animal making it a dangerous situation for both.

Since your husband got the puppy from a breeder - I would inquire with the breeder if they would be willing to take the puppy back. Many breeders will do that if the family situation doesn't work out. If you feel it is best for the family peace to keep the puppy and make it work out then I would definitely recommend getting the puppy into a training class as soon as possible. Also try to find a good doggie day care you can use a few times a week. It will give your dog great mental and physical exercise so he will be less inclined to get into trouble at home when you are too busy with other priorities. Also, invest in those toddler playards... they are great to keep your baby and dog separate while in the same space. We marked the babies toys with a drop of scope so the dog knew the difference between his toys and the babies. He could smell the scope but it didn't affect the baby. We also sprayed our hands with bitter apple to make nipping less appealing. We only had to do that a few times for our dog to get the hint. Finally - get a big bottle of Natures Miracle for those in house accidents. (Natures Miracle also works great for when your baby gets sick on your carpet too.)

Good luck

A puppy is a HUGE responsibility and yes, your husband is being insensitive., and you are not being irrational. It should have been a joint decision. However, you NOW have the choice to: (1) Work together and train the dog, (2) Get rid of the dog or (3) Live in a home where you are at each other's throats. This year, I finally agreed to get a puppy. The last time a dog was in our home was 10 years ago. My kids and husband have wanted a dog for years but, because of my allergies, I didn't want one. We bought a female Goldendoodle. (My allergies have been great, by the way.) However, I REALLY had forgotten how much work a dog can be! She entered our home on the coldest day of winter (MY happy birthday surprise to my family in January - WHAT WAS I THINKING???!!) and for the next two weeks, every 1/2 hour to an hour, I took the dog out to "go potty". She was house broken in two weeks-I don't think she liked the cold either. I also walked her every morning and night in the brutal cold. I resented this even though I agreed to it. My husband travels a lot, too, and my kids were in school! She is 7-months old and has been crate trained, at least since 3 months. She loves her crate at night and we use it for time-outs. A young neighbor girl taught me to put a dark blanket over the crate, at night, (like a bird cage) to settle the dog down. She has a bedtime routine. She's now in puppy training classes. I threatened to ship her out MANY times and my family did start pitching in but....really she is my responsibility and, well, it's nice to have something like me so much! And, she has me moving more so I have lost a little weight. I hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel soon - with whatever decision you make. Your husband really may have had good intentions and thought this puppy would be the greatest thing for your family and his surprise back-fired! I hope your life gets easier!