2 Year Old Out of Control

First I would cut out the juice. I have noticed that my son's attitude is worse when he was to much sugar.

Ahhhh, the willful child - I have one of those. Mine is now 6 and the stubborness has changed (she just spent and entire saturday in her room and didn't get new shoes because she refused to clean it).

The only way to handle this is to be equally as stubborn. One thing about children like this is they crave attention - don't reinforce negative behavior with attention. If it is safe to do so, walk away from her. Especially when she is throwing her toys around her room. Get far enough away that she feels you are gone, but close enough to ensure her safety.

BTW - if she throws her toys around the living room, she is no longer allowed to bring her toys into the living room. If she defies you and takes them into the living room, say "oh this must be my toy" and put it up for a week or as a desperate measure throw it away/give it away. I used to say "it's gone".

Timeout: I used to get a timer out and sit on the couch with my daughter in my arms and say "time to think about why you are here for 2 minutes; the time starts when you are quiet". Then I held her without speaking/answering any of her tantrums. It is important you not speak because she is seeking attention and any attention will reinforce bad behavior at this point. Remember to hold her in such a way as to keep her mouth away from your body so she cannot bite. It takes a little practice and you might expect to repeat this many times a day. Just keep it up! The trick is to perservere, you have to be more willful than your 2 year old. Once established, a bad pattern can take months to break but it can be done if you are determined.

The good news my strong willed daughter is now turning into a very independent happy child. Of course we have the occasional tantrum, but she now is sent to her room.
Good Luck

P.S. I might add that juice (or anything sweet) became a treat in our house. Milk or water was offered, but if the milk was not drank - no juice. NO amount of screaming would change my mind, but talking nice and trying the milk might sway me. It kinda becomes an attitude thing at some point - hey if she can have one, so can you - LOL.

It sounds like you have tried all kinds of things, but no one thing long enough to work. Don't be afraid of her and don't let her bully you. You have to be more stubborn than she is. If you put her in timeout, make her stay until she calms down and does the time. If it takes all day long to get that done, then so be it. She has to learn that your in charge not her. After she has done her time then take the next five things she wants and tell her "NO" because she didn't do as you asked. If she asks for juice, give her water, because she didn't do as you asked. If she wants to play with a certain toy, tell her no and explain again that she didn't do as you asked. It is so hard to tell them no and listen to the fit and sometimes when your tired you just feel like you don't have the energy, but they don't get smaller and it only gets tougher. Stick to your guns! Out stubborn her!!

Oh I remember those days... I never thought that I would survive! But I did, it got better! I read a few books that really really helped us survive those times. Kids, Parents and Powerstruggles, Raising your Spirited Child, both by Mary Sheedy Karcinka. The Happiest Toddler on the Block was another good one and the Parenting with Love and Logic was a good program. It really helped me to understand what was going on and what I could do differently to really make the situation go in a different direction other that to a tantrum.

This sounds like my 2 yr old to a T. We call her a hurricane. I refuse to modify my day around her behavior so we tend to have some embarrassing melt downs in public. (I just smile and laugh to keep my sanity sometimes.) But I have found that if I keep her busy and outside as much as humanely possible she is much much happier and better behaved. My first was an angel so I have a lot of trouble understanding her behavior many times. Its amazing to me how two kids can be so different!!

Awwwwww. I really miss those days. It was so EASY then (We're currently revisiting our "terrible 3's" with our 8 year old who is doing an independence phase. Deep sigh. Well, I guess 5 fantastic years need a comeuppance.) At 2-3 it was : Misbehave, and scooped up in the crib on timeout. That easy. Each and every single time. Can't come off of timeout until he was completely calm AND be able to say (with prompting) WHY he was on timeout AND at least 2 options as to what would be better to do next time.

Seriously. I miss when he was small enough just to scoop and and put on timeout. These lengthy discussions as to _______ , and all the other things that go along with increased cognition are reeeeally trying my patience.

Ditto Suzette H 100% btw.

It's so hard, but you have to be tough. That is, set limits and rules for your household and then STICK TO THEM. I find that I will often give in to whining because I want the whining to stop and will do anything to make it stop - but what I'm doing only teaches my children that whining is effective. If I make myself get tough for a while (and sometimes a few days or a week is all it takes) then they learn that asking in a nice voice gets better results.

Be tough, stick to your rules. Try to set a routine, too.

And the biggest thing you might do is help her get more sleep. She sounds like she's sleep deprived and more sleep might help her to calm her behavior. Look into "Sleepless In America" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (and be sure to check out "Raising your Spirited Child" as well.)

I was looking for an answer also. My grandchild is like this & I watch her everyday while my daughter is working. I've raised 2 children that didn't act anywhere close to this & am very frustrated too. I always try to be a step ahead & threaten that she can't do something she wants to do or take away something she wants. So at least you know your not alone out there.

Have you ever heard of Love and Logic? It is a really great tool for parents that helps the child learn natural consequences to bad behaviors without the parent being 'the bad guy'. Look into it, it might be a really good fit for you and your family. :-)

From what I have read.. you have given your 2 year too much control over your life. If she throws a fit, let her and walk away. She is getting your attention by her bad behavior once she figures out that her behavior is not going to get her what she wants she will stop. As far as the hitting, biting issue, remove her from the situation all together and put her in her bedroom and say when you can stop pulling hair etc you may come out of your room and aplogize. Stop letting her run your life, be a little more strict. Climbing on the table is not an option so put her back in her high chair saying you must be not big enough to sit at the table. Take charge women!!! You are mom and what mom says goes..be more assertive and don't let her antics get to you, ignore them. Don't change your routine or outing because she doesn't want to.. you are giving her more power.

change your reactions. is this the only attention shes getting when you are fighting with her?

also, whos in control here? it sounds like the child is in control. the thing about getting mad is when we parents get mad, it lets the kids know we have lost control, and then whos controlling the situation? kids get scared. so naturally, she freaks out to get your attention, and then you get upset, and arent in control, and she gets scared and it makes it worse.

the key is to try to take a deep breath, then another, and regain control of your emotions and your feelings. shes NOT doing this TO you - this is normal child behavior for her age. thats the thing we dont realize; kids act this way normally. its age appropriate. its the way that age group is. if you dont get control now, how are you going to deal with her in a year, 5 years or 10 years?

you really need to chill out. dont sweat the small stuff. when shes throwing a fit, if you just simply walk away (of course making sure she wont get hurt) and ignore her tantrum, its amazing how quickly they dissolve. if shes trying to tell you something and shes talking inappropriatly, you tell her you dont understand that kind of talk, and walk away. when shes ready, she will talk to you nicely.

anyway, shes probably liking the fact that you react in such a way when she acts that way. play her game. sometimes, what will it hurt to chase her to change her diaper? what will it hurt to play peek a boo behind the clean diaper to get her attention to change her?

one more interesting thing to try : when shes throwing a tantrum throw a tantrum back: "mama i want a cookie!!! NOW!!!!" you could say back in the same loud voice in the same tone that shes using "you want a cookie? ? ? really? you want a cookie? right now?? i want a cookie right now!!!!" hopefully she calms down and has her attention on you, then you can tell her "i want a cookie too, but i have to wait until after supper" - or whatever. by that time you can calm down a little (once you have her attention)
good luck'
the happiest toddler on the block book is a good one

I have a "spirited" two year old as well and the one thing that jumped out at me about your description was the lack of a daily routine. I notice that my daughter is much more badly behaved when she has not been to daycare in more than two days. She really craves the stimulation and structure and is a much happier child when she comes home (and she has a happier, more patient mom since I get a break, even if it is to work).

If you can't put her in a daycare, even part-time, start signing up for free/cheap classes. Look into ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) classes in your city, call the YMCA or YWCA to see if you can get a membership (they have free childcare - you could drop her off a few times a week and get some quiet time to yourself), most cities also have great Parks and Rec programs that have low-cost classes - maybe a gymnastics class or a swimming class you could take with her.

I suspect that she is harder to raise than your last child, but that she is also really bored and probably needs more exercise. Tired, stimulated kids are well-behaved kids. Look into the various classes and try to set up more of a routine to your week so she knows what to expect on each day. You can't discipline your way out of this with a two year old. It will just lead to two extremely frustrated people.

Good luck!

B.

The first toddler had your complete attention, this one has to fight for it. She is acting out because it gets your attention. Watch some episodes of SuperNanny for some ideas but what you need to do is put her in time out, sit a timer for 2 minutes and tell her she can't get up until that goes off. Reset it when she gets up before it is done and then ignore her crying fit throwing and whatever while she is in it. You may have to sit her back many times. Sometimes a rug works better then a chair for time out. You have to be consisitant and you need to catch her being good more then bad. Attention for good behavior will make her want that good attention. You might also give her the words for her feelings. "You are mad but we don't hit" I always told my granddaughter "Grandma doesn't like being hit, she rather have hugs and kisses" then I would turn my back to her and ignore her a couple minutes. She learned really fast that she likes the hugs and kisses more then losing grandma's attention too.