2 Year Old with a Mind of His Own....

My uncle Bob says about parenting: "You gotta be smarter than the animal you're training". It sounds like your little guy is giving you a run for your money! I have to say, I am never convinced when a parent says "nothing works" because when I hear more about how they have applied their discipline techniques, I can always see room for improvement (I have worked as a family therapist). It seems like often the key to disciple is the parent must first discipline themselves and commit to following through with a technique until it works. Of course, no kid, especially a will-full one is going to roll over right away. If the child is used to getting his/her way, s/he is going to be committed to following through with whatever techniques s/he has employed in the past to see that outcome again. That is not to say that the same techniques always work for every kid.

Nobody knows your child better than you, so I'm sure you can zero in on what is truly motivating to him. Does he love trips to the park? Then you have the power to grant or withhold a trip on any given day until you see an improvement in his behavior. A parent can always control access to something the child wants - and the child is free to make a choice to follow the rules to get it or not. Or, you might try a reward system like: for every time he listens to you he gets a star and after 10 starts he gets a trip to McDonalds or something else he likes. It is the same for us in the grown up world - nobody is going to give us a paycheck if we don't do our work. Remember, one of our most important jobs as parents is to help our children learn to have mastery over their behavior. It is not enough to say, 'oh it doesn't work' and give up... pick something to try, keep it simple and make sure your son understands what you are expecting of him and then stick with it UNTIL it works... Keep the goals simple and within the child's reach - start small and build on successes. Most children do eventually get with the program if the parent communicates that there is truly no alternative.

Reading over your post again, I'd like to mention that research shows that yelling doesn't work because kids learn to tune it out and spanking doesn't work because applying punishment is one of the least effective means for changing behavior (most kids will still do the bad behavior, just when you're not looking). If you think about it, neither of these are really 'techniques' so much as reactions. Be pro-active and anticipate that bad behavior is going to occur and develop a plan for dealing with it. The best plan is one that is simple to use, easy for the child to understand, is realistic with reachable goals and is motivating for the child. Then, the key to it's success will depend on how disciplined you are in making it work.

Good luck!

I think the key is finding one type of discipline and sticking to it so he knows what the consequence will be for his actions! After you punish him...let's say after a time out...sit down with him and ask him if he knows why he was punished and why it's wrong! This sounds crazy but I saw it on the Nanny and it has really seemed to work with my children and I am not yelling as much! Good Luck!

How are his temper tantrums and potty training coming along? And don't take this the wrong way, but is there any family history of mental illness? My 5 year old was the sweetest little being until she hit 2years old. Then all heck broke loose. She is now five. We battled with what you are going through. For the last couple years her ped. doctor told us she will grow out of it. Just give it time. Most kids will, but if you answer the questions above with a no or doubt of confidence, please keep the possibility of ADHD in the back of your mind. Not to say he is, but my daughter did "not grow" out of it and is still in pullups because she is not poopy trained. After a year of K4, she was dx'd ADHD. You will just have to weather this for a couple more years. I am sure he will be just fine. But if he hits K4 or K5 and is having problems in school, talk to your pediatrician. I would even talk to him now as he may have coping techniques to help get you through this until he outgrows it. (most kids go through this and have no disabilities like my precious Caitlyn). God bless you and I will pray for God to help you with the coping skills. Do yourself a favor and contant his pediatrician!
:)A.

Nothing worked for me either, until I remembered a mom from one of the daycares I have worked at. Her son was the same sassy type boy, and was an avid biter and used the f-word (ONLY 2 years old!) She would put a little Tabasco sauce on her finger and put it in his mouth when he was being naughty. He hated it so much, that he shaped up after about a week of diligence. The same worked on my little "monster" and all I have to do is say "Thomas, do you want hot sauce?" and he stops his misbehavior abruptly! It might seem harsh, but it's not harmful, and it works like a charm!