2 Year Son Shy Around others..should I Worry?

This sounds exactly like my son at age 2. He was so shy and reserved around everyone but close family. The same thing happened..... people ignored my son and would pay attention to my friends kids because they was not shy. This made me sad too as I love my son and don't want him to feel left out.
He started going to pre-school 9 months ago just in the afternoons and I noticed he changed so much! Now he is 3 years old and although he is still shy, he participates more with other kids and people. Sometimes he still totally ignores people but usually he warms up very quickly if he senses the environment is good and the people are friendly. He plays with kids so well now!
I love the way he is. I am glad he is not loud and attention seeking. He is so calm, loyal and sweet. I am so thankful, especially when I see other kids being a handful and screaming for attention... :o)

Don't worry! If he is happy and sociable with people he knows and plays with children he knows, then he is just showing normal stranger anxiety. I never suffered for not being sociable as a child (I don't think) but I preferred adults and did not have friends my age. I remember being very happy with that. My older son (almost 3) has NO stranger anxiety at all. He talks to strangers, tells them his name, says "hi" to everyone and everything, flirts shamelessly with waitresses, and goes up to strangers at the park thinking they will pick him up or play with him. We love that he is happy and feels safe but we also have to watch him so closely and try to teach him to be careful. It sounds like your son is doing perfectly--comfortable with family, friends, and caregivers, and reserved around strangers. You are doing a great job! :)

my son was like that at that age too. i constantly worried about him. around three or so, he started to come out of his shell. i just continued to put him in social situations with me there. i don't if that brought him out of his shyness or if was just growing up a bit. everyone told me not to worry, but i did anyway. good luck

Hi R.,
This was my daughter. I also am shy and it caused me problems in school so I understand.

At first I tried pushing her to be outgoing but that just wasn't her. Then I realized that this could be a good thing. She won't talk to strangers let alone go anywhere with them. Even now she clings to me for the first 5-10 minutes at family outings but the more she sees family/friends the more open she is becoming. I have tried my hardest not to say that she's shy in front of her and in fact have told her that mommy is like bashful (from Snow White) and that it's ok.

One thing we've tried to do is prepare her if we know we're going somewhere (party, dad's work, etc) by telling her who's going to be there (and showing her pictures if we have them) a few days before. Also for places like the dentist/doctor/etc we role play. I'll show her what the dentist is going to do and then I let her be the dentist.

Hope this helps. He'll find his niche and he'll be off before you know it.

~Kristal

Dear R.,

My 3-year-old son is extremely shy -- though, honestly, less so than he was a year ago. Here, from what I've read and what I believe, is my general take on the issue.

Most experts believe that shyness is an inborn temperament. About 20 percent of the population is just hard-wired shy. However, the majority of shy people learn effective coping strategies and do fine in life. But because shy children tend to be very sensitive and observant, your son will probably pick up very quickly on your concerns. For that reason, I think it's important to be aware of the positive aspects of shyness. For example:

Your son will probably never, ever get in a car with a stranger. I mean, phwew! That's one huge worry that you can worry a little less about.

Your son probably has the temperament to be an excellent student, especially if he's also bright and verbal, as you suggest. He's likely to actually listen to what the teacher says, instead of being loud and obnoxious with the boys in the back row.

It may be harder for your son to make friends at first, but the friendships he does form will likely be longer lasting and more meaningful.

If he's ignored because he's shy, as hard as it is, your son will probably develop innate compassion for others who are ignored and unvalued in society.

Finally, just imagine for a moment what the world would be like with no shy people in it. Think about how loud, obnoxious, and insensitive it would be. It would be a world with a lot of politicians and salespeople, but very little art, music, or scientific discovery. There's a line from a poem by Marge Piercy that I love: "But maybe shy is sort of short for shining."

Best wishes,

Mira

My children are always shy around new people, and for the first few minutes around people we know. They are now 5 and have been this way since they were born. Honestly, I think it's great. I never have to worry about them running off, talking to strangers, etc. When I'm not around they are fine with friends, relatives, overall people I WANT them to be fine around. For them to play with others I tend to leave the room after a while at family functions when I know they are safe and someone like grandma is nearby. This way they interact without clinging to me.

You are making a big deal out of it, but that's understandable, given your past. No one wants their child to be suffer what they did in their childhood. BUT - please try not to make a big deal of it in front of your child, because he will definitely sense your stress and associate social engagements with that stress. Lead by example - be welcoming, happy, carefree with others. Make sure he knows you look forward to being with people and meeting new people. He will catch on eventually. It's okay at this age if he is shy and clings to you, but make sure you don't cling to him in a protective way - you don't want him to feel that he needs to be protected.

Continue the social engagements, but don't overwhelm him - small crowds only. He'll open up eventually. : )

Developmentally, this is very normal. Lots of children go through an extended separation anxiety period- including just clamming-up around new people. Also keep in mind that this is a huge language development time for your little one. He's probably taking it all in.

I would suggest keeping him immersed in social activities whenever the opportunity arrives. Have play dates at your house where he is comfortable; go to a children's museum and let your guy explore; try a play group or a music class. Don't push, just offer the opportunity. There's nothing wrong with being reserved, as long as he can connect with his peers.

It sounds like our little boys could be best buds- we love the Wonder Pets and the first song my son actually recognized- Ace in the Hole. Lovely, I know. Went away for three days and came back to my husband and son dancing to 3rd Base.

Hi R.
My 5 1/2 year old is also shy, but he has come a long way since age 2. He rarely played with other kids or talked to them, and clung to me at playgroups, etc. I encouraged him and told him things to say, but never pushed him to interact. He is much better now, but still prefers to play by himself sometimes, and he seems happy with this. The school put him in a social skills group, and I have started one-on-one-playdates for him. Your son is only 2, I wouldn't worry about it too much; he will grow on his own with your guidance. I feel that if you push them too much, it will create more anxiety. Good luck

Sounds like you love and care a lot about your llittle guy, and that is what I think matters most. As long as he has support and caring from those closest to him I think he will be ok. I was shy as is my 2 1/2 year old son. He is starting to open up a little and I bet your son will too. If he wants to hug and kiss you when he is feeling shy or anxious, do him a favor and let him- he may do it because he needs to know he can count on your support and unconditional love. As for the clique stuff, its easy to say but harder to do, but don't worry about it right now. There is enough to deal with for now without worrying about the future. Think of all the kids who were not part of the "in" group in school and how well they turned out. He may not be a social butterfly and may be perfectly content only having one or two close friends anyway. Let him know you love and accept him for who he is and he will be a happy, healthy and well adjusted child.

He's only two. I too was shy. Only wanted to be around my mother. Eventually was alright around other children but truly didn't come out of my shell as it were until I was around 12. I enjoyed reading books and watching movies and cartoons. An introspective personality. Now I have learned to operate in both the extrovertive way and the introvertive way. I always need to be certain I make time for me to process in a quiet and alone way.

Perhaps your little one is similar. Give him more time. Give him confidence by being gentle, encouraging and supportive. My son was that way for a short time at that age but as he got older he got better. He is now 15 and everybody loves him. He loves to speak publically because he sees me speak publically. He isn't shy at all. Be encouraged.

I would not worry about this. I have older kids with different personalities. You really dont want your son to just open up to every stranger out there.