2 Year Wedded, New Home Owners Faced with Shady Tenant/ Friend Situation:

Get him out. If your husband feels that you are nagging, fine, do it yourself. Did the friend sign anything when he moved in? I would write up a letter and let him know that he has 30 days as of X to move out or cough up the rent and be prepared to follow these rules (if you are okay with him staying, but it doesn't sound like you should offer this alternative). Then it is up to him, and in 30 days, be prepared to change the locks, call the cops, etc.

He is taking advantage of his friendship with your husband, and causing problems in your marriage.

Hi, when my husband and I first bought our house years ago we let one of his friends move in and pay us $350 all bills paid too. He did pay his rent every month but was so annoying. He would eat up all our food, wash one item in a load of laundry, etc. After about 6 months of him living here, I became very "bitchy" with him about every little thing and he just decided to move on his own. My suggestion would be to start nagging the friend and not your husband.

This bozo is affecting your marriage. Marriage and homelife are #1. If you can't live happily with the king of mooches, tell hubby he has to tell him now! You do not want to sacrifice your marriage for fear of hurting this other guy's feelings. Your resentment in the long run will fester, and your marriage will pay the price. Get this guy out, even if you have to call the police to throw him out.

Just start aggressively planning what you are going to do with the space once this guy is gone. Take measurements (walls, floor, window(s)), fabric swatches, carpet samples, paint color cards. Will you make in an exercise room, pool table room, sewing/hobby room, NURSERY? Have girlfriends come over and help you with ideas for the soon to be available space. Be excited about the possibilities! How can your husband fault you for that?

Did he sign a rent agreement? I would check with the county about eviction steps. It could be that you have to send him a certified letter telling him to get out by this date. To keep it all legal. Since he hasn't paid in 4 months, it may fall under 'squatter'. Again, I'd check with the county.

If he's home all the time, I would have friends over and hold a planning party in front of him. Pick out outrageous paint colors and fabrics that a guy would obviously not pick. We're going to be painting in the room you stay in on 5/7, so I'll need your stuff moved out by then. Thanks!

For your kitchen, label one cabinet as his. Label all the other cabinets with your name on it. Label your fridge too. Sort of like what you'd normally do with a roomate.
I agree on making his life miserable, not hubby's.
M.

I would start "helping" him move out immediately. Pick a date that you want him out by, but not more than 7 days away from the day that you start "helping" him. First, I would bring home some boxes and hand them to him and tell him that his last day is X day and you thought you would help him out by giving him some boxes for a head start. The next day I would hand him a newspaper with a few apartment ads circled and tell him "I wasn't sure if you had a chance to pick up a paper so I thought I would help you out." The third day, I would go in and measure the room when he is there. Tell him since he is going to be out in 4 days, you are making plans to convert the room to something else and get the carpet cleaned - in fact you already made an appt with the carpet cleaners for the 8th day. The 4th day, I would bring him a few more boxes and mention that there are only 3 days left before he has to move.

As you are doing all of these things, be kind but firm. I wouldn't do them in front of your husband, but I wouldn't lie about it either - surely the friend will say something to him. Just tell him that you figured that since he hasn't paid, it must mean that he is moving and you are just trying to help him out. If in the meantime the "renter" tries to pay you for April, I would tell him to keep it for the deposit on his new place. If you accept money from him at this point you will NEVER get him out.

Good luck.

Do you have kids?
If not, that would be the perfect thing to bring up.
My husband and I also had a similar situation with one of my friends breaking up with her boyfriend of many years. So she came to stay with us since she had no place to live.
And she stayed.....and stayed......
She DID pay rent though.
But she just got too comfortable, and never talked about getting her own place.
We started thinking about having kids etc, and started cluing her in on this. Still no move on her end.
We started telling all of our other friends...they'd clue her in....Still nothing.
She actually lived with us for around 3 years.
She would also bring home all these guys we did not know, at all hours.
And was quite.....how to put this nicely.....ignorant about who she brought home to have sex with. (Well yeah, let's just say it)
My husband and I would be in our room, get up to get something to drink or whatever and walk in to this perfect stranger in our living room.
And a different stranger I might add, every time.
I finally just said bluntly that "I think you should get your own place. We are starting to plan on having kids, and we will need the room. Besides I really think you could use some privacy of your own."
We stayed good friends. She was sad, but did move out.
It's not easy.
If this person is not even feeding his OWN dog though, some more drastic measures could be needed.
How about just changing the locks. He'd probably get the drift then.

You do not say if you have children? I ask because having a slue of girls coming and going is not good for them and that would give me even more reason to want this guy out. That being said, if you are not comfortable in your own home that is all the reason you need to get him out. Do you have a rental contract with him? If so you will have to follow by what it says regarding early termination of lease or notice time for eviction. If you do not have a written contract, you can throw him out tomorrow, but since he is a friend our your hubby he may want to give him a couple of weeks to find another place. Your husband may think you are nagging, but you have a right to be comfortable in your own home!!!! You and your husband need to agree on a date for the friend to be out by, and then your husband must talk to him right away, or you will have to do it.

You need to tell the guy what is going on be firm on your decision that he leaves in the next month. The friend sounds like a jerk.

Dear Nat:

My husband and I have also had a friend live with us many years ago. Our situation was similar in that it was one of his friends and I didn't know him as well. I was luckier, however, that we all got along fairly well, with some minor personality clashes.

When we did have problems, my husband and I discussed it among ourselves first, then TOGETHER talked with our tenant. That's where I think the problem is coming from, your husband needs to respect your wishes first over the friend's, then you both tell the tenant what is expected.

You need to feel comfortable in your own home. Even if your husband isn't as annoyed by his friend's behavior as you are, it doesn't matter. You come first, not the friend. Both of you give your tenant the date he is out and that's that. Let him know locks will be changed and he will find his things on the front porch if he is still there. If your husband complains about losing a friend, news flash: He's not a friend! Friends don't act like that.

L. F.

You would have to be CRAZY not to be angry with all that going on. I would have the all the locks changed when he does go out of the house and even pack some of the stuff and set it outside the front door -- If that isn't a strong enough hint then he needs a baseball bat up beside the head - he is not respecting you, your husband and your home with the way he is acting. It sounds like he is not that much of a friend, more of a mooch!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you had success with your plan , you and your husband need your alone time(just in case you want to walk around the house scantily clad)Sincerely, J

I would definately be upset and you are right no one should get a free lunch. Ask your husband if he is comfortable telling your live in to move out. If not, tell him that you will. Tell him that he must be moved out by X date and if he hasn't moved out you will have to contact the authorities - usually the police or sheriffs department. You will also want to have it in writing, with his signature. Then remember not to take another boarder.

Just FYI, I agree with the 30 days notice. I had a roommate, similar situation and I asked her to leave, but she did not. Then, I sent a registered letter asking her to leave (30 days notice). When she was gone (after the 30 days were up), I packed up all her stuff and put it in the garage and changed the locks. I was willing to open the garage when she came to get it, but she was not allowed back in the house.

My roommate also left her car in my house. The rule on the car was 45 days. After that, I had it towed away (at her expense).

Also, if I were you, I would go ahead and write up the letter and get your husband to sign it (he may be resistant). But, just tell him, you need an end to this and this letter is a gauranteed end in site).

Good luck!
L.

Dave Ramsey (financial guy) suggests that you offer him money, say $100-200, to be out by the end of the week (or a specific date) it works every time, then he doesn't have to take them to court and saves money in the long run! although it may not work in your situation because you are not trying to rent to someone else it just might save your sanity, and get him out fast! Money talks, people walk :)

we has a similar situation only it was my hubby's brother! talk about sensitive! I hear ya sister! his dad always pd the rent but the last straw came when I had to tell his Mom that he didn't come home last night and I had no idea where he was, lets just say his Dad took care of it after that!

Do you or your husband realize that this guy does not have to move out...

You gave him permission to move in and there is evidence of him living there. This guy has rights, just as you do.
If this guy wants to stay, you will have to go through an eviction and that can take some time and then you're faced with court costs and so on.
You and your husband need to get together on this problem. I'm sure husband does realize this guy is taking advantage, but you know how guys act when they have made a mistake or they really don't know what to do...
There is one way of getting this guy out of your home. Figure out when he will be going somewhere or make up a place for him to go or get something for you...you'll figure out what he likes.
While he is gone, box or bag all of his belongings up and place them outside on the sidewalk, if he has a car and leaves it, put the boxes or bags in it. Make sure nothing of his left in your home. The police will more than likely be involved at some point. You have the proof that he does not live there, you can actually show them that, nothing of his, is in your house.
Then tell them that you do not want him around your house. If he's shady enough, they may arrest him.
I've seen this done and it does work. It works best if the guy is drinking or what have you... But no matter, as long as ALL of his things are out of your house. He no longer lives there, legally. Tell the police that he moved out and now he wants back in, but you do not want him around you or your house. People like this guy can be very costly and cause damage in a marriage as well. Get him out! Hope all works out for you.