My daughter showed all of the signs of potty training when we started it at 22 months. We did the "potty training in one day" method of stopping diapers cold turkey and having her run around naked from the waist down for days until she was controlling it. We did this over the summer and when she went to daycare again in the fall, she still needed to wear a pull up during nap and at night, but was otherwise OK.
However, every few days, if not every day, or even more than once a day sometimes, she still has accidents. She turned 4 in August! There is no rhyme or reason to the accidents. She will be fine for a few days, then just be playing and be wet. She'll say she forgot. We've tried reminding her frequently, taking her, even using a sticker chart where after so many days of no accidents, she got to pick out a toy from the store. That worked for about a month (2-3 accidents total that month), then the novelty wore off and she'd go a week having an accident almost daily.
Today she even went behind a chair and peed on the carpet. A "big" accident, she called it. She then proceeded to take her wet clothes off, rinse them in the sink and find a new outfit to wear before letting us know what had happened (which she did). So, clearly she seems old and mature enough to be able to handle it. We even had her urine tested recently to make sure she didn't have some illness causing it. We're not mad at her, but frustrated that we can't seem to figure out how to help her after we've been potty training for over TWO YEARS!
You may have thought this method worked but in fact perhaps her body wasn't actually ready? Children cannot potty train until their bodies are physically ready. It cannot be taught.
My DD2 is six and still has fairly regular accidents. Not biggies, but enough to make her wet and her clothes smelly. It's always during the day - she hasn't had an overnight accident in four years. We also checked for a UTI. Of course, like your DD, she'll go ahead and change and never even mention it to me - I usually find out later when I go to do laundry. We also get the "I forgot" explanation. No punishment or reward system ever worked for more than a few days. I honestly don't think she knew that she had to go until it was way too late. It's incredibly frustrating and i totally understand where you're coming from.
My doc told me that after a while of 'holding it' the bladder can't really tell our little girls that they need to go in time for them to actually get to the bathroom. She suggested that we get her on a very regular schedule of bathroom runs (first thing in the am, before she leaves where ever she is, before every meal and before bed at night). That puts her in the bathroom about every four hours. I had a chat with her teacher in private about the issue so that they could get on board with this as well. Once the body is going regularly for about a month, the bladder shrinks in size a bit and the sensitivity should come back.
Things have been better. We still have occasional accidents but not nearly as often as they were.
Best of luck to you!
We're in the same boat. My oldest just turned four. He's usually really good at pre-school, but not so proactive at home. Today I was wondering about making the bathroom easier for him to use at home. The school one is toddler-sized.
I'm hoping his brother is trained early & we can stop buying diapers!
All I have to offer is not to show any signs of frustrations and I would continue having her clean the mess. By her age she should only be having an accident once in a blue moon. It maybe the baby that has her doing this. My son's cousin was 2 when her little brother was born and regressed terribly. She went from fully potty trained to having accidents all the time. They didn't stop until her baby brother started potty training. Maybe if you start putting your little one on the potty her big sister will realize that she should be doing the same thing. I know 17 months seems young to start but I think it might be worth a try.
My boy is 4 is going through something very similar. Let me know if you hear any good advice.
I may not gain a bunch of friends or respect for giving you this advice but she sounds like she likes the attention this gets her and she is old enough to know where your buttons are. She is also old enough to clean up her own accidents, bring her wet clothes to the washer as you explained but clean up the floor also, and she can understand the consequences of her actions. If we speed we get a ticket! If she pees she gets........ and be consistent. Try ignoring it and don't spend a lot of time on the behavior, too much attention!
K.,
This too shall pass, my daughter was a nightmare to potty train, I used to send 3-4 changes of clothes to school everyday, she started full day nursery school at 3. Toileting every 2 hours and being consistant was the trick. I included the teacher and we all did the same thing, by the time she was 5 she only had occasional accidents. I believe it is a control issue and until it no longer gets a rise out of you she will keep doing it. Be calm and take big breaths, make her stop every two hours and say it is potty time, eventually she will say I do not have to go, then you can spread it out more but if she has an accident there needs to be a consequence. Because of this nightmare I was afraid of potty training my son, he was almost 3 before I started and he was trained in a week and never had issues. I think a lot of the issues come from starting too young, in addition I had our second child when she was 3, it did not help her. She is still jealous to this day of him and
our daughter is 12, but she is potty trained!!!
GOOD LUCK, stay strong
Hi K.,
I am sorry to hear of your struggles, I am still going through this with my 5 year old son. It was almost 3 years ago that I thought I had him trained for a short time and since then it has been one "accident" after the other. He refuses to wear pull ups and we have tried everything, sticker charts, m&m's, toys, prompting. I even set the timer for every 30 minutes to have him use the bathroom to avoid accidents but that got old really quick for all involved.
He just turned 5 in August and it is daily that he goes through anywhere from 1-4 pairs of underwear. I am at my wits end. I have threatened to put him back in pull ups or diapers because I feel this is some sort of control thing, he is physically capable of going but just not going to be inconvenienced to stop what he is doing. I have a 20 month old son also and this cleaning of underwear, cleaning rugs when he pees on them or doing excess laundry is taking so much time away from all of us it is ridiculous.
I started typing this note to let you know you are not alone but it ended up being a venting session, sorry!!
Good luck, better luck than I have had :)
Take care
V. D.
My oldest had similar problems. Then, one day, it just stopped.
She is still in a pull up at night. She's 5.
Her younger sister stopped diapers cold turkey at 3, and hasn't had a pull up (day or night) since then.
I think some kids just have less feeling than others. I'd talk to your doctor, but mine said that they usually don't worry or do anything until the child is 6.
Good luck!
