Please help me :(. Im not the only one who has encountered a hitting 2 yr old am I???? He is my 2nd born, I never had this or any other issues that I am having with him with my first.
So the hitting happens at the daycares in the gym. Of course we are then asked to leave.... It is frustrating because I need my workout, but also because all the things I have tried have not worked. I have talked to him, have had him hug the recipient, given him time outs in his room which he hates (throws things in his room and screams). Is this a phase or a more serious issue..... Please share your stories and if anything has worked for you. Thank You.
Sincerely
Frustrated
I hope it's a phase as we have the same problem with out little girl who is 23months old. Its been happening for the last 5 to 6 weeks
Hi T.,
Does this ONLY happen at the gym's daycare? Does he hit at home? Does he go to another daycare any other days of the week and do it there? If so, is it possible that another child in the daycare that is inciting this behaviour in your son? Or is something happening that makes him feel threatened?
If he hits in the daycare and then isn't punished until he gets home by going to his room for time outs, he's not going to remember why he's being punished. I would try talking to him to see WHY he is reacting with hitting at a time when he calm.
So what are his triggers?
Does he talk well?
Does he know how to express himself with words?
Does he know his feelings or the words for simple feelings ie: mad, happy, sad, tired, grumpy, etc.?
Is he allowed, to say his feelings? Boys need to learn this.
Is he tired at these times and needs a nap?
Is he hungry??? Some kids, when their blood-sugar levels are low and they are hungry, get less tolerant and they get fussy and more prone to being temperamental.
If punishments are done... but without the child 'knowing' how to communicate and cope with difficulty, then the punishments will not 'make' them, suddenly grown up, in ability.
They need to learn "coping-skills" for frustrations/feelings. As well.
It is in tandem, that they need to learn this.
teach him now, so that it is just a phase.. and not a 'habit' of behaving when he is frustrated etc.
Hitting is not an unusual reaction from a 2 year old. However, if your boy is only hitting while in the daycare at the gym, I think you need to do a bit of investigating to find out what is triggering his reaction. Is there a way you can check him into the daycare and take some of the time from your workout (watch to see how long he normally is there before the hitting begins, and plan to stop your workout about five minutes prior to that time) and watch without him, and preferably anyone else in the daycare section, knowing you are observing. Check to see if other children are doing something that makes him feel he needs to defend himself. Check to see if the daycare workers are properly supervising him and the other children. If you see something that tells you what is causing the problem, promptly point out to the staff what you have observed and work with them on a solution. Time-out after you get home is totally useless as a deterrent. Whatever is done to put a stop to his hitting MUST be done at the daycare, and by the daycare workers. I would suggest that once you have a plan in place, you still take an observation break from your workout a little before the time you expect problems to begin, just so you'll be able to see if the 'solution' you've agreed upon is being implemented, and how it works out.
In my 27 yrs of child daycare I had several toddlers who had a hitting habit. If I found a certain child starting to show this tendency I spent a lot of time on the floor playing side by side with them and other kids and waited for it to happen. As soon as they hit or raised a hand to hit another kid I grabbed their arm and held very firmly at the wrist/arm and got right in their face. I gritted my teeth and as loud as I could with a good stern voice said "NO! YOU DONT HIT, YOU DONT HIT ANYONE, NO HITTING ALLOWED!" A few times of that startled them and caught their attention. I then let go of their arm and smiled and continued playing and being happy. It only took a few times and I could see a big improvement. Had a few who actually would go tell others to "NO HIT" and hold the other kid's arm. So I know it worked, and only took a few times to get thru to them. I really believe you need to get their attention first, and being loud and gruff right away does it. Then go right back to the fun and they will see the difference and prefer the happy mommy and learn to not hit, bite, or pull hair, or take toys.
Dr. Sears has some excellent advice for this:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp
this hitting specific page is here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063900.asp#T062400
I agree w/Julia N. ....this is a phase. Very common for 2 yr olds. They are just starting to talk & still cannot verbalize their wants & needs so they resort to hitting. Talking to him will not probably help much. Redirection is probably the best way to handle him. Like another mom said, is he hungry tired etc? Make sure you take him to the the daycare when it's a good time for him & that he has snacks & drinks. Knowing how long I work out & left my kids in the gym daycare, I'd guess you're there a max of 1-2 hours? The staff should be trained & able to handle it during that short period of time. If & when he does hit, very calmy say 'no hitting' & get him doing something else. Don't get too emotional about it cuz that just gives it attention & power. But when he has been very good at daycare/home & has not hit, lavish him w/praise & reward him immediately. Good luck!
My older son went through a hitting phase when he was about the same age as your son. We dealt with it through consistent and persistent time outs. And yes, he would throw things around his room and scream his head off for the whole 2 minutes. That was awful. However, it did work.
The thing about time outs in my experience is that they are only effective as an immediate punishment. So if he is hitting at the daycare and then you take him home and put him in time out, that's not going to work so well.
I hope you get some good suggestions and good luck!
It's a phase. The best thing to do is intercept and redirect him. IMO, they should be able watch and distract him most of the time at the daycare of a gym (they are supposed to be trained in dealing with behavior of little kids). He's not really old enough to understand the talks about "don't hit while we're here" or even "we have to go because you hit" - his little brain just isn't ready for cause-and-effect yet.
I know it's frustrating, especially when you can't get your workout. Try going when he's likely to be in a good mood - not tired or hungry or overstimulated. But you may have to just wait this phase out a bit :(
My oldest, man he was a terror. Ill never forget at 2.5 I took him to get his pics taken and the girl didn't think the prop he wanted to use would luk right and he literally slapped her across the face. I wanted to die! He is 14 now, don't know how he made it! Ha ha. I didn't take him n e where. I don't have a solution but ur not alone and eventually he will grow out of it!
