2 Yrs and Still No Baby

Hi A.,

Was she on birth control before she began trying to get pregnant? Two years is actually common if she was on some kinds of birth control. There are a lot of things that she could try. If she would like you or she could e-mail me and I would be happy to help you with some options.

D. Rylander
A Blessed Birth Doula Services
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____@____.com

I would be happy to talk with her about this. I know several people who were having trouble and got pregnant.....one of them was told there was no way she could ever expect to be pregnant and after over 15 years of assuming that to be true, she got pregnant and is now the mother of two boys. When the body is in balance, things work as they should. My number is ###-###-####. ~C.

I will tell you of the one experience that I've personally known about. My friends could not get pregnant. The wife went to a 8 week school in southern California while her husband stayed here. They visited together once and she got pregnant.

I've read of several couples who became pregnant after they stopped trying. Several of those adopted and then became pregnant. I suspect that when a couple tries too hard, putting all of their focus on getting pregnant the body puts out a stress chemical that prevents the pregnancy. When we have more stress than the body can handle we also have too much stress to adequately care for a baby sort of thing.

If I were them I'd arrange to have fun and think as little as possible about getting pregnant. Perhaps find some counseling so that they can relax. Make plans for a week at the beach or to a favorite or exciting city. Put away any baby things they have out. Make plans as if they weren't wanting a baby. And have sex less frequently if they're trying by having frequent sex. Focus on the enjoyment and excitment of sharing their bodies.

Fyi I think the dr. prescribed clomid because it increases or decreases hormone activity. Everything can be OK but needs a tweek. I suggest that your friend could continue taking the clomid but not focus on it. She may want to ask her doctor about this.

It sounds like the only problem with her fertility it is working as nature intended instead of how she would like. The body is made to NOT get pregnant in times of high stress. This is why sooooo many women have fertility problems and then get pregnant when they give up and stop trying. I have known a few people that found out they were pregnant right after adopting.
The best thing she can do it just relax and stop being so mechanical about it and technical. It is easier said than done, but the more she wants it the less likely it is to happen.

On Saturday, A. 4th, there will be a 2-hour Fertility workshop by a trusted Naturopathic Doctor, Jennifer Curtiss. Here are the details:

NATURAL SUPPORT OF FEMALE FERTILITY
Dr. Curtiss believes preventative medicine begins with producing healthy children and raising healthy families. Learn about the causes of infertility in women and natural treatments to support fertility and produce healthy children.

When: Saturday, A. 4th, 3-5pm
Where: Loving Touch Classroom, 4133 SE Division St. PDX, 97202
Contact: Loving Touch to register, ###-###-####
Cost: $10 per family/couple

There is also another one on the following Saturday on Natural Support of Male Fertility.

Your friend might find support and guidance here!

I will give you the short version of my story. We discovered I had fertility problems, went to a specialist who treated me like dirt I conceived but miscarried. We waited of 18 months before looking for another clinic. I had 4 treatments, surgary, another treatment, then an IVF, all failures. Three years later, we started the adoption process and now have a three year old little girl. Not to make light your concern for your friend, but you CANNOT understand what she is going though. Sometimes the more you focus on getting pregnant, the less likely it is to happen. Our struggle took a REAL toll on our marrige as well as my body. The best thing you can do for your friend, is to listen but not give advice or say how sorry you are or hide what is going on with you. Your friend and her husband need to try and focus on each other and give themselves a break. She may want to try and look for a support group of just talk to other women at the clinic she is going to. Having someone who has been there can make all the differnence in the word. If she needs someone, you can forward my name to her. I will keep her in my prayers.

Hello A.,

I write you back because of the anguish you've shared regarding your friend and her family. Fertility support has come so far through the past two decades. If I had the money to consider fertility treatments to help me have at least one more child I would have jumped at the chance. Instead, I enjoyed my single child who is now a young adult.

So many reasons may bring couples into fertility clinics these days. The potential that your friend(s) are discovering no outstanding medical reason for their challenges is actually a great advantage for them as they pursue this current cycle (mense cycle although medicated).

I speak as an acupuncturist and chinese medicine provider. I've become specialized in fertility support. That had not been my primary goal but has become my focus. My work does incorporate consideration for the 'whole person and partner' leading individuals towards a greater state of health - not just a state of pregnancy (although that is often all that matters by the time a couple are involved w/a fertility clinic).

Your friends may have my type of resource access (finding an acupuncturist/chinese med provider) even w/in the fertility clinic they are working with. I would be happy to support their resource pursuit if they are interested, where ever they may live.

Sounds as if you have your hands full of children and lovingness! My thoughts are with you and for your friends.

M. Flynn
Seattle/Tacoma Washington area

Hi A.,
My parents tried for a baby for two years, and then they got me. Then, as my mom tells it, every time she sat on the edge of the bed she got pregnant. She had four kids in five years. That is not to make light of it, since there could be problems, just to point out that sometimes they just come when they come. She's only 28, she has time. Wish your friend luck for me.
J.

I have a friend who has been trying with her husband for 5 years and when they decided that they were going to adopt instead... SURPRISE! she was pregnant a couple months later. She just had a beautiful baby girl. It happens when you least expect it sometimes, so, your friend and her husband should go on a romantic vacation to relax and get treated at a spa with massages and such. She needs to clear her mind and collect herself and let nature take care of her.

Good luck to your friend and congratulations to you and baby#3!

acupuncture...

i have had two girlfriends who couldn't get pregnant for years and years, (and i mean years). they did all the things... and when both of them started the acupuncture they
got pregnant within a few months.

worth a shot.

here's to little babies!

c.

There are many reasons that a woman is unable to conceive. My recommendation is for your friend to seek out a Naturopathic doc that specializes in infertility. The treatment may involve adressing many issues such as detoxification, nutritional and lifestyle modification, hormonal balancing programs, and possibly acupuncture. I am a naturopathic doctor and have collegues that specialize in infertility and I have seen this treatment regimen work time and time again.

The first thing she needs to do is go to a specialist (reproductive endocrinologist) instead of her OB. They will test for other things and probably go to IUI with clomid to increase her chances. There are so many thing sthat can cause it. For me it took several years of working with my OB then with the re before they figured its a genetic problem. But once we knew we were told what to do and now have a beautiful boy!
I recommedn Dr Matteri or Dr Hesla at the Ore Reproductive Center- I think thats what it is called now. They are by Good Sam in NW Portland.
Good Luck!

Hi A.,

What I can recommend is a suppliment that supports our endrocrine system and gives nutrition to our cells. Both are related directly to the process of having children. Check the two products called AMBROTOSE and PLUS on the companies website. www.exploremannatech.com and www.allaboutmannatech.com

Been on these for 12 yrs. let me know if you or she have questions - W.

One of my closest friends had a similar issue, though it didnt last as long. They started trying and after several months, my husband and I conceived on the first try. It was very difficult for her. We had read the book how the choose the sex of your baby (we wanted to "try" for a boy). When she talked about what they were doing, it was SUCH a huge contrast to what the book said to do. The book has a ton of conception advice, not just about trying for one sex or the other. Well, I gave her the book, she read it (skipping the choice chapters as she wasnt concerned with that). After reading the book, they went away on a romantic weekend and CONCEIVED! I think that us women think we are supposed to majically know how to make it happen...sometimes we need a little help. If the doctor says everything is normal and she feels she has TRIED everything else, why not give this a try. P.S. We did give birth to a handsome little boy! Just as planned... :)God bless and good luck.

A.,

We to had a hard time getting pregnant. We tried for a year and a half before I got pregnant. It was just us wanting a baby before we were supposed to. God's timing is what matteres in it. It is so hard though I remember bawling like a baby evvery month when my period came. Just keep encouraging her and being sensitive to her, she will appreciate it. Good luck to you and your frind!!

Acupuncture and herbal medicine have been found to be helpful in promoting fertility and increasing the success rates of IVF and other fertility treatments. Also, Mayan Abdominal Massage can help promote healthy reproductive organ function. A Portland practitioner, Tami Kent, is a woman's health physical therapist, who provides care and guidance to enhance the health of a woman's pelvic bowl, which can lead to increased fertility. Her website and book- Wild Feminine- offer tools women can utilize to empower her self-care and well-being.
Those are some options I thought I would share that your friend could look into. :) M.

I have a really good friend that I've experienced this with twice now. When I found out I was pregnant she had just had a misscarriage and now that my twins are 6 months she lost her baby at 23 weeks. It's been really rough for her and I feel guilty about it too because it was so easy for me to get pregnant and that I still have my babies.

I would recommend just being there for her. Ask her what she needs and just keep communication open between you two. Let her have her bad days where she may be "mad" at you. When she wants to talk, listen. I know this has worked for my friend and I.

My ex and I tried for 2 yrs, kinda gave up and got pregnant.lol
As of right now my fiance and I have been trying for 17 months with nothing at the end of the tunnel yet :( Her Dr probably put her on th clomid to help her ovulate and with harmones...sometimes they just need a boost.
If your friend would like, she is more then welcome to email me and we can chat/vent frustrations etc on the subject.
____@____.com

Good luck and sending baby dust her way :)

I would suggest your friend have sex on the days she is least interested. It could be that on her crankiest, b*tchiest days are her most fertile days. A woman I know was given this advise and became pregnant within 2 months after trying for over a year... Who knows?!!

This may not be the advice you want to hear, but I have 10 years of experience behind it. If there have been no preganacies I would encourage them to consider adoption as an option sooner than later. Even starting the process now while they still have the funds to do it. Or even foster parenting. That being said- we tried every treatment for 8+ years and never had one pregnancy. We used 100's of thousands of dollars and at the end of 10 years had no children. We then started pursing adoption and in a 7 year period have become the parents to 5 beautiful children ages 7,3 1/2,2 1/2, 2 1/2, 12 months. We got all but one child as a new born and have adopted 3 and are hoping to foster to adopt the other 2. I know not everyone will want to adopt, but I wasted so much of my life "trying" and now I am the happiest, busiet mom and I am only wishing that I had started our family this way sooner so we could have even more kids.
This is just one mom's experience but adoption is not the bad option and for some of us it is what we are ment to do.
Good luck with your friend- I will pray her. Congrats on your baby.
Blessings,
S.

I also have a friend who has been through this, finally they conceived after they had given up trying. It was a whole big issue, because they had made a lot of other plans that did not include a baby - they are happy parents now and actually conceived a second baby when she was 43 (all natural).

The thing about fertility treatments is, that they only work when you know what you are treating for. It's pretty common to prescribe Clomid if the is no clear infertility diagnosis, and most couples are so desperate that they don't question their doctors. There was just recently another study done, that showed that Clomid did not increase the rate of pregnancies in women with infertility for no obvious reason, as opposed to those who were not treated.

If I was her I would look into alternative medicine for a bit, acupuncture has been shown to improve the pregnancy rate in in-vitro fertilization, it may help with conceiving naturally as well. I would try to relax and go about it naturally for 2 more years, while saving up for in-vitro or adoption expenses.

Has this couple tried taking a vacation? My friends went to Maui and she got pregnant, no problem. She called it Maui Wowie! Anyway, it can't hurt, and they'll relax and have fun.

I'm sorry for your friend - it is a very stressful and trying time - and the ups and down - regardless every single first day of her period - either she hears someone is pregnant or has a baby. We tried for 3 years - a surgery to remove cysts, two HSGs, and charting temps for over 2 years, lots of acupunture. We were lucky and have a beautiful daughter now. Another friend of mine was told they only had a 1% chance of getting pregnant - this after trying for two years and got pregnant right away.

That being said - four other friends of mine never had luck - these four didn't proceed with adoption and just accepted their reality. Another friend had 3 miscarriages before having her baby.

Another friend adopted two children before becoming pregnant.

So there are lots of stories - lots of sadness - and lots of happiness. But really no one can fix it - just being told stop trying - doesn't work.

There are lots of website that offer support and I suggest she start there. My husband and I were at an impasse - I was willing to adopt and he wasn't - I was unwilling to go too much further with fertility help - and he was - our stubbornness was very difficult. We both had counseling separate - but never together.

Anyway - best of luck to her - I had great friends who were very supportive - and other friends who where not - those I'm no longer friends with.

OK, I was an over 35 trying to get pregnant and we tried everything for 3 years... and eventually did get pregnant... but I wanted to warn that only after I got off of clomid (I think about a year or 18 months) was I told that for some women it works like birth control... so don't hold out to that being the magic pill. We finally went to a pretty strict regime of activity every other night. (The husband loved it.) And about the time that I had pretty much given up hope (and cried), I just figured our activities were more recreation than project... success. Relax!

Hi A., I know you have already had tons of responses, but I just wanted to share one other idea.

I was told over twenty years ago that I "would never be able to conceive". I had irregular menses, PCOS, etc.

So, this is how my pregnancies occured (I have four children): I decided that we would in time adopt and until then I would just enjoy my friends and families babies. So, when a friend from Alaska came for a homevisit with her 6 week old baby - she was tired and asked if I would take care of the baby while she slept (my husband and I met her at her parents home) and after her first night feeding we played with her and talked with her until she fell asleep. Then we had intercourse and fell asleep...and guess what...I was pregnant and for four months it never showed up on any pregancy tests - the first time was in a blood test at four months! Just crazy. Then, the second time...I was asked by a friend to come to Seattle to visit her Homeopathic physician...and within two weeks of visiting him and taking the pellets he advised (and taking all the sugar, white flour, etc. out of my diet) I was pregnant. The third time...I was having terrible problems with my cycles and the doc decided to put me on Clomid with a normal dose to see if I would ovulate - didn't happen, then she doubled the dose and still nothing - this went on for almost a year...and then I begged to not take it anymore (got pregnant the month AFTER I stopped taking it, but not while I was on it). The last time I got pregnant we had decided we were done having children, but my cycles were still a mess and all the docs advise were agreed that I should just have my uterus taken out! Well, I am a firm believer that if God gave it to me then I am going to keep it! So, I started searching again outside the medical community and ended up talking to a doctor down in Texas...who told me to get some Shaklee GLA (Gamma Linoleic Acid) and start taking it (6 per day to begin with and then gradually dropping down) and to plan on it taking at least three months to get me adjusted. It only took ONE month, and then I got pregnant! So, I kept taking the GLA even though I was pregnant because it is used by the body to keep your hormones level...after my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies I had had to have D & C's to finally stop the bleeding (went on for 6 months before the doc would do anything) and after this baby (while still taking the GLA) I stopped bleeding normally (within two weeks) and for the first time in my life my menses is on a regular schedule!! Baby #4 is now 12 and very healthy and I am still regular as clock work as long as I keep taking the GLA. Amazing stuff - and no sideaffects, except the head-aches to let you know it's time to back off another capsule. One a day is great for maintaining my cycle.

Hypnosis has been effective in cases like these. Here is a link for an inexpensive download. The worst thing that would happen is greater relaxation.

http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/health/inferti...

L. Crunick
Helping You Change Your Mind!

I would tell her to stop trying. Seriously, I have known several people who try and try and nothing. But once they stop trying they get pregnant.
Good luck to you and your friend.

R.

Hello.... I too had to take the clomid because I couldn't get pregnant. I have PCOS (Polycystic Overy Syndrom) and needed the medicine. It is a medicine to help get pregnant... her doctor is helping her even if there is no problems, he is just hurrying along the process. The side effects are horriable. But with great news! I have a wonderful beautiful healthy active 3 year old boy. After taking it for 5 months I quit taking it, not because of side effects, but because I was tired of failure month after month after month. The month I decided to quit taking it, which was the 5th month, I found out I was pregnant. So tell your friend, it is possiable, and try to calm her fears, and relax...and hopefully her precious angel will come soon.

Hi A.,

I know Maca Root not only increases your libido, but also makes you extremely fertile. (You can pick it up at most vitamin stores.) Surely there are other natural fertility supplements as well, though I'm not familiar with anything else.

I suggest to them to try a Naturopath doctor too. Not even necessarily to get different results, but a different perspective or a different idea might be the key for them. (They're better doctors anyway.) ;o)

You're a wonderful friend. I wish you the best of luck with your 3rd child and I wish her luck with getting pregnant! :o)

oh man this is such a hard thing on both sides. It also took us a long time to get pregnant and although I have no answers I will share with you that it was when we stopped doing all the things and tracking my cycle and everything that we were finally able to get pregnant. I think that emotion and stress are much more powerful than we give them credit for. Also if you believe in prayer, pray for your friend. Sounds like she needs it and ultimately only God can create a life. I will keep her in my prayers as well as i know what a heartbreaking, emotional rollercoaster trying to conceive can be.

As much as I'd like to tell you that your friend should just "relax" or keep trying, there are people out there who just cannot get pg on their own....for no known reason. I'm an example of a person who, after much testing, is one of the less than 2% who have undiagnosed infertility and I also have recurrent miscarriages.

Your friend needs to find a Reproductive Endocrinologist. These Drs specialize in infertility and can get to the absolute bottom of what may be happening. Unfortunately, the infertility community has been hit with negative publicity by the Octo-Mom. After 6 years of infertility treatments, I have ONE healthy son....not multiple children.

If she is not seeing a doctor who specializes in fertility issues I would suggest she do that. I have friends who are going to their own ob for fertility issues and they just put them on clomid without doing any tests. When the fertility specialist put me on clomid for an iui, it turned out that the clomid acutally made the lining of my uterus thinner and so there was no way an embryo could implant. Had I been going to an ob I would have been on who knows how many rounds of clomid instead of the 1 dose I took. I also received acpuncture from an acupuncturist whose speciality is fertility issues while I was trying to get pregnant. She had me take chinese herbs along with the acupuncture. I really believe this helped.

I have a friend who tried for 4 or 5 years to have a baby. She finally got pregnant and had a miscarriage about a week before my 4th was born. She was devastated and I didn't know what to say. I felt bad about having another baby with no complications while my dear friend was struggling and in so much pain.

I let her take the lead when we talked about things. She was happy for me and was thrilled to hold my daughter, but she was also heartbroken. When she brought up babies, we talked about babies. When she didn't we talked about other things. I offered my sincere regrets to her. She knew I meant it, so even if I didn't say it perfectly, it was ok.

About a year later, she got pregnant again and this time had a beautiful little girl.

I don't know if this information is relevant, but my friend used depo provera for birth control before she tried to get pregnant. I'm sure this was the reason it took her so long.

We tried for three years and never did get pregnant on our own. I wish my doctor had prescribed Clomid, but she insisted it wasn't right for me and we ended up doing IVF. My sister was on clomid and got pregnant on her third cycle. Sometimes people say its takes between four and five cycles to get pregnant. They probably gave her clomid because this just increases your chances of getting pregnant as you release more than one egg. This is really the first step in the whole fertility process. If she doesn't get pregnant, I'm sure her doctor will prescribe something else or try another method. Or, if her doctor isn't a fertility specialist, she might consider going to see one as soon as possible. We tested normal for every test, too, which is frustrating, so I totally understand what your friend is going through. Anyway, it sounds like she's on the right track, so unfortunately she has to be patient and keep trying the methods her doctors give her - because if they can't find anything to treat, then they just have to keep giving her options. There are some natural methods she might want to try - fertility yoga and acupuncture for example. Anyway, good luck to her!

This was me a few years ago. Clomid increases the number of eggs you release, so in effect increases your chances of getting pregnant each month. It didn't work for me either and we ended up doing Invitro. They never did find out what was wrong but sometimes you'll just never know. IVF is expensive, but so worth it if it helps you get your baby. Just be there for her but don't talk about it all the time unless she brings it up. It's a very painful thing. I wish her the best!

I would go to see Dr. Ashleigh haywood, she's a natural fertility specialist & has helped many of women without using drugs. I'm absolutley sure she can help, she's also very supportive & upbeat. She will figure out what is really the issue & not just give her meds. Please pass her number on. Her number is: ###-###-#### Good luck!

Hi A. - you've received a lot of good responses, but here is my experience...
1) I went on Clomid to regulate my cycle while trying to conceive, since I had a really long cycle - it worked right away - my cycles shortened and became predictable.
2) Ask your friend if her progesterone levels were tested - mine were only tested at the suggestion of my naturopath, not my OB or fertility doctor, and it turned out that my level was low. The cycle I got pg (my 3rd clomid cycle), I went on progesterone right after ovulation
3) I completely agree with everyone who said that stress can impact your fertility. I got so depressed when I was ttc that some days I couldn't go to work because I couldn't stop crying. The cycle when I finally got pg I had started seeing a hypnotherapist which helped me feel better from the very first visit. Definitely worth the money.

Best of luck to you and your friend.

My husband and I had a similar experience. we tried for a few years and did not get pregnant...as far as the doctors could tell, nothing was wrong. My doctor eventually put me on Clomid to increase our odds, since it wasn't working on our own. I was given a 6 month prescription and after 5 months got pregnant. I now have a beautiful 17 month old little boy. Clomid is a very mild (in comparison to other medications), commonly prescribed medication. It can increase the chances that you have twins, but most likely not more then that! If this doesn't work, there are other options. I have a friend that took Clomid to get pregnant with her first son...it worked. After trying unsuccessfully on her own to get pregnant again, the doctor prescribed Clomid. This time it did not work. Before trying other, more risky and cost prohibitive medications, procedures, she tried acupuncture. There are people who specialize in fertility acupuncture. She was pregnant after 3 treatments. Good luck to your friend. If she needs support or would like to talk with someone who has been there, let me know...I know that this can be a hard time. Congrats on your little one on the way. And, having been there, I know that she is truly happy for you.

I was married for a little over 3 years before I got pregnant with my son. I know it's easier said than done but I believe the best advice I was given was just to relax and let nature take its course. After I did that I got pregnant with my son (who is now 4 years old). He is very healthy - he is almost 3'9" and is just over 51 lbs.

I was very stressed because I too wanted a baby and relaxing helped out a lot!!!

My husband and I were married for 11 years once we got pregnant. I was only on birth control for 1 1/2 of the years (I was in a study to help my period problems). He was in the army 6+ of those years so we weren't always together. So, when we had actively tried to get pregnant and it wasn't happening, my doctor took it seriously. He was tested, I was tested, I charted religiously and still, nothing. I went on Clomid, it didn't work so my doctor doubled the dose. Then I panicked and went off of it (after lots of research). Still not pregnant.

Meanwhile my friend was also having fertility issues and already saw a specialist due to previous problems. She was talking to her doctor about me and her doctor asked if I took a lot of Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, etc). I did - it's my pain killer of choice. I had had two major knee surgeries the year prior and had to take extra to control inflammation. Also, my periods have always bee a nightmare and to help, I have to take a lot of Ibuprofen before and during my periods. Well, there was a little known study that showed that Ibuprofen was causing infertility problems. Women would still ovulate like normal (hence the reason that my tests were okay) but it would put a barrier around the egg. Well, 4 cycles after stopping Ibuprofen (Tylenol only) I got pregnant! I actually had just been referred to a specialist and it felt great to call and cancel that appointment!!

So, one thing I always recommend is to stop taken Ibuprofen while trying to conceive (it can't hurt). Also, I highly recommend the book "Taking charge of your fertility". It teaches you and your partner how to prepare your bodies naturally. It takes 3 months to clean out your body and the 4th cycle you'll be ready to go (notice that's EXACTLY how long it took me with the Advil).

Lastly, she should be seeing a specialist by now. I don't know what tests they have run, but one that has helped women (including one I know) is the one that they check your fallopian tubes. I'm told it's painful because they inject dye in your tubes to check for blockage. Many times, just performing this test clears everything out and makes it possible for women to finally conceive. The one woman I know had it done while on Clomid and now has twins that are nearing their 1st birthday. So, let her know she might want to get off of Clomid if having the test run.

Also, have her do research on Clomid. Unfortunately, it's counter-productive. The side-effects actually make it HARDER for you to conceive (even though it ramps up your egg production). It's been used to YEARS without much change to it. My mom took it over 35 years ago and never had any luck (I'm adopted). It's a bit scary (in my opinion). I'm glad to see that she won't be taking it long term - it's really not good to. She might even want to take a month break between pills.

Lastly, they need to relax. Take a breath and try not to worry. I wish her the best. At least there are still options of adding a child to their lives in case they never can conceive. They'll love a child no matter how that child came into their lives. :-D