20 Month Old Problems

Hey L.,

I wish I had advise for you, but I'm in the same boat! My 28 mo old is a very picky eater too, and has never slept through the night his entire life. Can't wait to hear what people say. At least you're not alone on this one.

M.

Our daughter had night terrors for months when she was about that age. Ask your doctor about them. We couldn't get her back to sleep, she couldn't really communicate what the problem was either. So I feel for you. And it was always about the same time every night. I had huge bags under my eyes and was getting a temper cause I was so tired!! There really is about nothing you can do with night terrors except wait them out. My little sister had them too. Mom's advice was just to wait it out. You can't wake them up, they cry and cry until they get whatever it is they need and you just lose sleep. Invest in some good caffeine!! My favorite is LiftOff by Herbalife (www.4yourbestshape.biz) I still drink it hot in the am and sip one throughout the day cold.

As for the picky eater, my doc told us that they eat what they want when they are hungry enough to eat it, and not to cater to them because you are not a caterer, you are a mommy. Our family rule is one bite of everything. You put seconds on your plate YOU EAT IT ALL. So you must be careful when you eat here!! Your son is only 20 months old so he understands a lot but not as much as we hope! Rules at the dinner table are hard for kids until they are 4. Don't let him fuss at the table about it. I fed our daughter before dinner, as I was cooking dinner and then she was a happy clam at the table and we could enjoy our adult dinner. Maybe you could do that too. Give him his two or three favorites (homemade chicken nuggets with dunking sauce and green beans with milk) and let him have at it. But don't let him train you! As for the flavored milk, nix it quick! Too much sugar and I don't know about your dental insurance, or your health insurance, but both get pretty pricey with a high sugar diet. Try the flavored Soy milks. They are better for your heart, and have less sugar in them than their milk counterparts. Chocolate is our favorite!! Hope that wasn't too much information in one bite!!

The best advice I can give for any mom dealing with sleep problems their children have, is to read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth (I bought it on half.com for a great price). My daughter had a really difficult time sleeping well from birth (would only sleep for a short time, had trouble falling to sleep etc). That being said, I must warn you that the editing of the book needs some work so sometimes its difficult to find the information you're looking for quickly. It's good info though so don't give up! (I wish they would fix that and sell an updated edition!) Some of the basic ideas from the book are that the timing of when your baby/child sleeps is key, and that the more well rested your child is, the better they will sleep. I was really at the end of my rope and researched several books, asked the pediatrician for help etc and this book is what made the difference for us. It takes a lot of effort and is sometimes inconvient to set up a good sleep pattern at first but it is sure worth it! My daughter learned to put her self to sleep and now sleeps very well. What a huge relief that is when you can count on your cild taking good naps and sleeping through the night on their own!

Usually at 20 mo. a child can be going through several things. He may be teething. That will def. wake a child at night. He may be dreaming and having nightmares. That might explain the crying and wandering around the house. Is he still sleeping when he does this? Also, at 20 mo. it is completely normal for him to be waking in the middle of the night. Once he is awake and realises that you are not there, he might be scared and decides he wants to look for you. If bringing him in your bed works, then do it. Or lay down next to him until he gets settled again. Chances are, he wants more security. If you are worried about the sleeping with you thing, he won't do it forever.

my oldest son has always been a big milk drinker. he is 4 and still has to have a cup of milk every morning and one before bed. (my second son doesn't care so much about milk, just needs to eat something.) i tried to keep the milk plain, but once he had some of daddy's strawberry, there was no going back. i just slowly lessened the amount of flavoring until it was an amount i was comfortable with, which is 1 tsp for about 6 oz. i don't let him have chocolate milk very often and never just before bed because that's the one that gets him acting crazy. he's very healthy and his teeth are fine.
as far as the sleep pattern, it sounds like nightmares to me. music helps a lot with my 2 yr old. familiar songs make him feel safe. we keep a tape player in their room, which plays longer than his musical toys, so that helps for times when he's taking longer to fall asleep again. i also keep it pretty light in their room because he's afraid of the shadows (and any suggestions of monsters from his older brother).

I have yet to figure out the food problem but I had the same problem with my child wanting to come into my bed. We were able to keep her out of my bed by sleeping in her bed. When she would wake up and want to sleep with me I would come to her bed and lay down by her until she fell asleep. Prior to this my bed was a place of comfort. When I came to her bed it became the new place of comfort. This solved the problem pretty quickly because she got the comfort she wanted and at the same time got used to staying in her own bed. After a while I didn't have to lay down with her anymore.

For the sleeping-- this is probably a phase and may have to do with him developing in other ways. Children often regress in one way when they're mastering a new skill or growing in another way. If you keep his bedtime routine simple and relaxing (a certain number of books and some songs, for instance) that will help maintain normalcy during this.

If you want him to stay in the habit of sleeping in his bed then quietly get up and walk him back into his own bed and sit with him while he falls back asleep. It's harder short term but the easiest long term because it will reinforce the habit you want (plus show him that you are there for him when he's sad and scared). If you have room, you could certainly just let him sleep with you when he comes in too. You can change the routine later when he's not having such a rough time.

For the eating-- young kids are notoriously picky and he sounds pretty normal. That said, I would cut out the flavored milk before it becomes an even bigger problem. What I do with my kids is I set out a "monkey platter" (I saw this online and they love the name) in between meals. It's a party tray with sections for various foods. Ours has foods like organic cheerios, raisins, sunflower seeds, frozen peas, grapes, cheese cubes, low sugar organic bunny cookies, etc. Many of those are choking hazards for a 20 month old so you'd need to put out suitable foods, of course. But the kids get to choose what they want to snack on during the day and if you only have healthy foods out there (whole grains, fruits, veggies, low-fat protein) then that's what he'll eventually eat when he's hungry. Right now he's filling up on flavored milk, but if you give him water between meals then he should get into some healthier habits pretty quickly.

Good luck. :)

My son wouldnt sleep through the night until he was almost 18 months. I ended up giving him a small flashlight to take with him to bed and I put a baby gate up in his doorway. He didnt like that gate the first few nights, but now he knows it isn't going anywhere he doesnt have a problem with it. In fact he's never even tried to climb over it (yet lol)! If he cries in the middle of the night, I'm finding that he's usually doing it in his sleep and if I dont go in there, he just stops. If I go in there, he wakes up and then wants to come with me:-)
As far as eating, he was a really picky eater until he turned 2. He still doesnt eat very much. I find it I cut things up in shapes or give him a fork/spoon, he's more interested in it.
I hope you find some relief soon! I know how it can be:-)

I don't know what your routine is but..
If you child isn't sleeping through the night you should try to tire him out during the day. I don't know if you are a stay at home mom but what I would do is get the kids up early(by 6:30 or 7:00), give your son a nap after lunch, wake him up by 2pm or 3pm and then take him to the park or do something with him where he can run around and tire himself out for a few hours. And I mean really wear him out! And then put the kids to bed by 8pm. Have dad rough house with the kids before bed, wrestling and playing will also wear him out.
Maybe you could get cookie cutters and cut the grilled cheese into little shapes like animals or stars? You could do that with any sandwich. As for spagetti, you could try to find kid shapes pasta. Make the meals fun, like have a little picnic (in the yard or living room). Do you eat along with him? Kids also like to dip things, carrot sticks and ranch, my little nephew loves any food that you dip into something. Just a thought on the milk thing. Maybe dilute the flavored milk with regular milk and slowly take away the flavored? Good luck...

Try a baby gate to keep him in his room. But ya gotta try really hard to keep him out of your bed- it's a bad habit and a hard one to break! I promise I was one who thought it was no big deal, and it has really become a big deal.
As for the food- my son is not a normal "kid food" eater. He just doesn't care for the stuff most kids like. Mac n cheese, grilled cheese, spaghetti, fish sticks, frozen pizza. french fries. I just don't cook those things very often- he likes chicken, and burgers and chops and steak. We struggle with veggies, but he is finally coming around. You have to pick your battles, and meal time is just one I choose not to fight.