How far away does your husband work? You need to figure out how many more years of this you can expect - and what you're going to do about it. Be realistic. When we're tired, exhausted and stressed - we look for quick fixes. There isn't one. You need to change the work/drive situation.
Because the answer is to stop waking your child up in the middle of the night, in the middle of his sleep.
You could do a mix of public transportation/get drives from coworker (pay them) on days you need to share vehicle. You could buy a second affordable car just for getting to work purposes, even with insurance, it is doable. My kids are doing this very thing - saving from fast food job over summer.
If you have a relative willing to stay over those nights, do that.
Think long term, because really you shouldn't be leaving your kids (even older one) to go get hubby in night.
Once he gets on routine, he will be fine. You say your older one did ok, but all kids are different. You can't compare. None of mine were same. Irrelevant. This one needs his sleep - uninterrupted. Follow his cues. He wants a regular bedtime mom. Make it happen.
10 pm is too late for a bedtime at that age. Move it up bit by bit.
I wouldn't try to co-sleep at this point. Going back and forth is probably confusing. Just stick to a regular routine.
Naps in afternoon - important. His natural rhythm and internal clock need to be set. One of mine konked out on couch - where they sleep for naps (as long as undisturbed) is not as important as bedtime.
The important thing I found was - when I listened to their 'cues' (just actually paid attention to what they were telling me) it went so much easier. When they show signs of being tired (wayyy before the crying, the meltdowns, etc.) like when droopy eyelids, yawns, slightly grumpy, etc. that's when you tuck down for nap. Day before, make sure you give lunch well before that, so they get a full nap in. Schedule your day a bit around that ... then, there's your routine. I would have downtime too. I'd do one thing but also have a rest myself.
Bedtime, I'd start earlier - I got mine ready wayyy early so that if they honked out early, bath, teeth, food, jammies, etc. was all taken care of. We did that soon after dinner here. Then they played (low key) books, etc. and when they were ready - showing signs of being tired, up to bed they went. I didn't like to rush jammies and teeth etc. at last minute and rev them all up again. I was usually tired and crabby at that point, so I did it when I still had energy.
That way, bedtime is relaxed and fun and enjoyable. Kids pick up on that. They settle much more easily.
Good luck. Keep us posted. Hopefully you can find something that works out :)