21 Month Old Is Screaming Incessantly! What Can I Do?

Just before they really start to talk they often shreik. It will die down. Get earplugs and dum dum lollipops for the trip...

Have you tried to talk really quiet to her when she is screaming? Get down on her level. More often then not they will be quiet just because they are curious as to what you are saying. I also tell my daughter that I will not talk to her when she is not using her quiet voice. If she is frustrated because you are not understanding what she is saying, it always worked for me to tell them , "show mommy what you want". Then they would either point it out or take me to it.
Don't give in to the screaming or it will only get worse. Have fun on your vacation!

Two ideas for you! One is to avoid telling her what to stop doing, and tell her what to do instead. At her developmental stage, she is not able to sucessfully hear what you said, process it, stop doing what ever it is, process an alternative action in her head, and then do it! It is a lot of steps. Instead of "No Screaming" or "stop screaming" say "use a quite voice" It is much harder than it sounds, but if they have a direction, they can do it more easily, and success breeds success.

The second idea is to teach her some simple sign language. If you know the kinds of things that are frustrating her with communication, you may be able to pick out just a few that she can use the bridge the gap. Kids have much more receptive langauge than expressive langague at this age, and it is frustrating for them!

Speaking quietly works too (I have a friend who does that-I could never manage!)

Have fun on your vaction!
M.

Teach her how to whisper... and you all do the same.

Next, teach her the actual words for feelings. ie: happy/sad/angry/mad/hungry etc. Functional words that express how a kid feels. Then teach her to say it. Not yell about it.
Role play.
Practice.

My kids are trumpets.... that is how I taught them.

Using "no" too much... just gets them more irked.
Teach her "softer..." or "green light, red light..." "Whisper..." etc.

And, kids this age do not have fully developed impulse control. Too young for that.
So, they won't always be able to just stop at-will. Thus, discipline may not work. Because you are expecting something of the child, that is not yet age appropriate nor developed yet.

And the whole thing of "inside voice" is SO darn abstract to a kid this age. What the heck is that anyway? That is what a kid that age is thinking...meanwhile other people "inside" may be loud too... so it does not jive. It is not congruent... to what you are asking of the child. "Inside voice"... to me, is ineffectual.
And use distraction... and if she is not talking, how to use sign language. That worked real well with my kids too.

good luck,
Susan

Try putting words in your daughter's mouth. We used to do this in daycare because it is very frustrating for kids when they think you don't get it! She is trying to communicate with you and to get you to give in to what she wants. If she screams because she wants a cookie, tell her "I know that you want a cookie, you want a cookie, don't you?." She doesn't get the cookie, but at least she'll know that you understand what she is trying to communicate. The same thing if she is crying angrily because something happened to her. "I know you tripped on that toy and almost fell!" If you really aren't sure what she wants, parrot her emotions instead. "I know you're angry/I know you're upset but I can't understand you when you're screaming." Stay calm and try to give voice to her complaints. Show her that you are trying to understand her. Telling her "no" will just frustrate her if she doesn't think she can communicate with you. Unfortunately, I don't know that this will clear up before vacation, but you need to start demonstrating to her the correct way to use her words (just telling her to do it doesn't teach her anything). Good luck.

When my children were that age and didn't have the communication skills to tell me what they wanted or what they needed, if I could figure out what it is that they are upset about, I would wait until they are calm enough for us to do what I call a "do over" where we recreate the scenario (for example: Daughter A wants to play with a doll that Daughter B has) and I will give her the the words that she needs to get what she wants. I hate to say it, but this is not a instant fix-it solution. You will be having to do this a lot but eventually your children will learn to be better communicators and the fits of frustration will become less and less.

Now, when my children threw fits because they weren't getting what they wanted, that was an entirely different strategy. In that case, the minute they threw a fit, I would have them sit in the naughty corner (or chair, if you want) until they calmed down. Some moms allow their children just to cry it out during which time the mom does not talk to the child or try to reason with her because it is just giving the unwanted behavior attention and can cause a fit to last a lot longer than it would if your child doesn't have a captive audience. I think the bottom line is that you don't want to feed into the behavior by trying to be too accomodating, giving it attention or negotiating. Again, it will take a while but your child will eventually learn that throwing a fit is not very effective and the behavior will eventually fade away.

Hang in there, Momma. It takes a lot of time and effort to civilize children. Wishing you all the best.

My son is a little older, and alas, I let this go on too long. But essentially what seems to be working for me now is two prong:
"I know you're" angry/mad/disappointed, "but you may not scream. We're going to take a break until you can calm down." And then we go to the guest room, where I let him pitch his fit by himself. He usually calms down quickly, and I return, and we carry on as if all is well. (I don't change course on whatever kicked off the tantrum. I do have something to distract him.)

The other step is catching him doing good things and praising him for it. "You're doing a good job of petting the dog", "Thank you for sharing", etc. It's not directly related to the screaming fit, but it does seem to put us on a much better footing in general.

So that's what's working for me. Good luck!

I've heard those Babysign or other baby sign language DVDs can help. I bought a few of them on amazon.com, but my 9 month old gets frustrated... The first five minutes features kids eating... Then he wants to eat. Ha ha! A friend of mine had her daughter watch while eating, that may solve the problem.

Good luck!

Never scream back at her, just keep repeating you can't hear her because she's not using her inside voice (as you have). But I've taken it one step further and said that we'll have to go outside now and walked my child outside. The sound isn't quite as bad when you're outside and I think it helps them to calm down. It's just a phase and hopefully you'll get through it before your vacation! Otherwise, just calmly walk her outside of wherever you are--the restaurant, the hotel, etc. and wait for her to calm down. Good luck!

When my own kids screamed because they didn't get what they wanted I would let them but they had to do it in the dining room corner. I told them it hurt my ears! Without an audience, the screaming fits did not last long at all and I only had to send them to the dining room a few times before they learned it really did not benefit them to act that way.
Good luck!

.

Check into the "happiest toddler on the block" DVD. It seems a little silly but it really works. Just empathizing with a toddler when their emotions are flairing up really helps!

Respond in a whisper...she'll have to quiet down to hear you!