22 Yr Old Daughter Dresses Too Sexy

I think a mama's husband needs a swift kick in the balls for suggesting going bra less means she wants to get raped. What a cave man to think this is the case. I think they should look up the true motivation of rapists. SMH

She's 22 so you're not going to "get through to her." Let her figure it out on her own. If she dresses inappropriately she won't get a good job, period. Also some people NEVER learn how to dress well, just go down to your local Walmart and look around.
Re the clothes you bought her? Unless she picked them out don't expect her to wear them. And let her buy her own clothes from now on. I have two kids in college and sure I buy them things from time to time but mostly if they want new clothes they either trade with friends or sell/exchange online, or use their own money.
ETA: I sure as hell hope Tadpole doesn't have any daughters, her husband is an animal and a hick for suggesting a girl is asking to get raped based on her appearance! Oh but if she has sons then I guess that's worse because the boys will just say, but gee dad, she wasn't wearing a bra so it's okay. Unbelievable :-(

my dear, do you think your daughter is stupid?
that she doesn't understand what you're saying when you harp on her?
that if you just use different words she'll 'get it'?
she gets it just fine. what YOU don't get is that she is a young adult, and making her own decisions. she gets to judge how she dresses, and if it has a negative impact on her job prospects, she'll learn from it (assuming she isn't stupid, that is.)
if your nose is out of joint because you've paid for clothes she's not wearing, stop buying them. a young adult isn't obliged to dress how her daddy wants her to just because he bought the clothes.
a young woman exploring her impact on her world (and by extension her sexual power) by dressing 'too sexy' is learning how to express herself. she'll probably make some missteps. that's okay. you did too.
stop nattering at her. your time to influence her fashion choices is long past. you don't have to approve, but you do need to accept that she's an adult.
khairete
S.

My mother stopped buying my clothes and telling me how to dress at age 16. I figured the rest out on my own. I suggest you're being "helicopterish" and to let it go.

Instead of trying to control how your daughter looks, I suggest you work on building confidence in her. Someone who dresses in an unflattering way just because "this is what everyone is wearing" has low self esteem. If you are critical of her, you are contributing to the problem. She will find out on her own what is acceptable attire for the workplace.

I wrote out my story, but felt uncomfortable telling strangers. You sound like a very caring mom, my advice is to let this issue go and channel all that care into something that will have a positive impact on your daughter.

I feel your pain! I HATE tacky, skimpy clothes. Pervy men will leer at anyone no matter what they're wearing, but there is no doubt that certain ways of dressing attract way more negative attention, and I don't know why women want that attention personally. When I was 22 I would have been WAY TOO shy to dress like that running all around unless I was on some hot date WITH A GUY.

But anyway. I say this with sympathy because I have young daughters and may want to eat my words one day...but. She's 22. It's not your call. If she dares to complain to you about the judgey looks (REALLY???!!!!!) then you can say in a FRIENDLY tone, not haughty or confrontational, "That's because you're not dressed like a classy lady, you're showing enough skin to attract negative attention. That's you're right, but it comes with certain consequences, don't come cryin' to me, you know how I hate what you wear..."

If you brush it off this way enough times she'll quit saying anything. But as for learning what to wear...it's a lesson she has to navigate for herself. Better at 22 than 15 like some of the teens I see!!

**Just read some other answers. What is this new phenomenon that pointing out braless, revealing, tight sexy clothes (I wear leggings and yoga pants too, but there are ways to balance out the skimpy-ness and still come out "decent") became "shaming people" or "implying they should get raped".

Wearing provocative clothes will always provoke. Let's don't try to take that power away from sexy clothes, because there are times and places to be sexy. Not necessarily in gas stations alone at night (I shudder to think of my local gas station) or PTA meetings or church or the grocery store (unless you like attention). It's OK to admit that. It's OK to tell her that if she wears sexy outfits, people will think she's trying to be sexy. I beg to differ that the leggings and yoga pants on young ladies are SOLEY for comfort. Big puffy sweat pants are also comfortable. I was that age once and wore comparable outfits at times to be SEXY and show my flawless perky butt. It's OK to make that choice and own it. It's not "Shaming people" to call a spade a spade.

Do you remember being 22?

My SD is 21. I might comment on an outfit and ask that she put on a sweater for x family event or please wear a longer shirt with the "leggings" but she wears what she pleases. She knows by now that she has to wear a uniform for work or that exposed bra straps are not always appreciated.

If she complains to you that people look at her funny or judgey, ask her if she is venting or honestly wants advice. If she is venting, then let her vent. If she wants advice, say, "DD, even if "everyone else" is wearing x or y, you should wear what looks good on you, which may mean always wearing a bra or making sure that your leggings aren't too sheer or that you present yourself professionally for internships."

I agree, I think we all agree, that what you're describing is a bit inappropriate at best, downright icky at worst. But in the end mom, she's 22. You can't dictate what she wears anymore, and I just don't see any way for you to comment on this without sounding "judgy" yourself - and I highly doubt she'll give your advice much credence. Do you know that she's dressing this way for her work? I bet she's not. She has to go through this just as we all did. I remember wearing some pretty questionable things at that age - I was free, I was on my own, and I didn't have to answer to anyone. I think we've all been there. Hang in there mama.

ETA - for anyone who thinks that leggings are fine to wear "wherever", I beg to differ. I work in an office and I'm sorry, I see girls wearing them ALL THE TIME - and IN an office setting it is completely inappropriate. I do NOT need to see every curve of your butt outlined in skin-tight fabric(not to mention the view from the front!) I'm not thrilled to see teenagers at Walmart with their mothers dressed this way - but our culture lately seems to just accept this as normal. It's trashy. it IS showing more than is decent. Adults, wear what you please when you're out running errands or whatever - but don't be all judgy at people not agreeing with it. My rule for leggings is the shirt needs to cover the important parts. And that doesn't mean a shirt that is JUST as tight as the pants. SMH.

Last time I checked mother, Life is a far better teacher than you could ever imagine. You have already said your piece. If she asks you a question then answer her but if she is just complaining about her situation after you have already given your opinion or advice the only thing left for you to say is to perhaps ask her things like, Why do you think they were looking like you like that or do the other girls that are dressing like this have the same body type as you or do the other girls that dress like this get the same kind of attention you are getting?

Perhaps dad should talk to her. He knows men better than you and perhaps hearing a man's perspective on how a woman dresses might be helpful to her.

I helped raise my three oldest neices. They are all well endowed with the smallest being a solid D cup but only a 32 around the back. They have all the curves in all the right places. They are also in their 20's now but they dress how they want without the influence of their family or friends or contemporaries. They each tend to be the leaders in their circle of friends.

Keep your eye on her. Listen, listen, listen but let life teach her. Let her draw her own conclusions. She's an adult and it is time for you to move to a manager role in her life over her being a mom to a growing teen. She's a young adult and just needs to let life teach her. I have learned from experience that life is a great teacher.

I think it depends on your relationship. If you've hit the mom-as-mentor stage I hit with my mom, my mom was able to respectfully still guide me even once I was an adult. But only if I asked. My mom would never have crossed boundaries like that once I was an adult. At 22, I was living on my own, had a car and a job and had been buying my clothes for years. So .. not sure if you have that kind of relationship or not with your daughter. But my mom would have been able to say "So what are your plans for your work wardrobe" without it inciting an argument.

So it would depend on how mature your daughter is and if you can have conversations like that. However, she is an adult and whether she takes your advice or suggestions depends on her.

So it's hard to answer this I think. If she's ok with how she dresses and likes it, I don't think it's a good idea to meddle. Even my young teens don't like when I make comments about their clothing choices, so I don't tend to. If they were wearing something totally inappropriate I would speak up, but then again, they live at home, I buy most of their clothes, and it's my duty to protect them when they are too young to know better.

I think your daughter knows better. She's just trying things out. If people do react to her differently if she goes bra-less, then so be it - she can learn to not care, or if it bothers her she can adjust her wardrobe accordingly. Ultimately, the decision is hers.

As for being taken seriously - I know lots of professional women who wear low cut tops that when they lean over, nothing is left to the imagination. Whether they realize it or they don't care - honestly, it doesn't really matter when it comes to whether they know what they are talking about. Men can wear ridiculous clothing and we don't tend to judge them near as much as we do women. I think so long as she doesn't cross the lines at work (and if she does, I'm sure her boss will let her know, or HR), what's the worry. That's how we learn.

I get you want her to promote herself the best way possible, but in my experience, the young women I know who dress like this tend to go a bit more conservative the longer they are out of college.

Good luck :)

Well, she is an adult now and we all made some bad decisions when we were that young! There really is nothing you can do. You can tell her your opinion...honey, I love you but that is not a good look for you. Or, honey, be sure you dress appropriately for your job interview. She may or may not take your advice. I did lab work many years (biology and chemistry) and where I worked people just wore jeans and tshirts. And most people did not really care how the others dressed. You could not see clothes anyway because everyone wears white lab coats for spill safety. She's young. I would not worry too much.

Well, when I was in college (way back in the 80s) - it was sweat pants and flannel shirts (I went to college in Buffalo, NY - you needed to keep warm) for classes.
I had one professor who once showed up in a 3 piece suit and tie (he was going to a consulting job after class) and apologized to us for coming to class inappropriately dressed (he had a fantastic sense of humor!).
At school, I can really believe they dress for comfort.

That being said - there are heaps of kids/young adults graduating with degrees and going on interviews or working for the first time - and they have NO IDEA how to dress appropriately for an office environment.

I mean, yeah, dressing in a revealing way doesn't/shouldn't mean you're a slut.
BUT how you represent yourself has everything to do with how people view you and if you dress like a street walker then that's what people will think.

She's going to learn this at some time or another.
There's not much you can do about it.
It's a process of maturing and she hasn't reached that point yet.

Oh, and being big chested and not wearing a good supporting bra makes for saggy breasts eventually.
She may not care now, but she sure will when she's 40!

if she thinks that people are judging her shes right. and men are undressing her with their eyes.
i would wait till she complains about the judgy looks again and tell her thay if she dressed better the judgy looks would stop. and as for not wearing a bra... (don't be offended by this) my dh would ask if she wants to be raped. the easier the clothing is to get off the easier it is to do and rapists look for easy in easy out women.

My daughter and I worked in a call center for a short time, no customers at all, it was all on the phone.

She got sent home one time for being inappropriately dressed...seriously, she got sent home when the customers can't even see her.

She had on a dress that was nice, really nice and some cute shoes.

But the dress was a couple of sizes too small and the V neck was so stretched out that it was like a deep V down below the bra under her girls.

I think that your daughter can dress how she wants. Life stinks but she really has this time while she's a student to go to class in jammie pants and a tank top with her girls swinging free and flip flops or bunnie slippers.

So let her go and wear what she wants.

She will quickly find, when she starts applying for jobs, that she has to step up and dress for her job.

All college kids slide some and some more than other. They don't all still dress like that.

Is all this something new, or has she always dressed more risque than you'd prefer? She's 22 years old. I don't think there is anything you can do about how she dresses other than talk to her. And hopefully you've been doing that all along, not just now so that it comes across as an effort to control her.

I agree that she won't be taken seriously by anyone dressed that way. And people do and will continue to judge her. That's the way it is. She can accept it and ignore it, or she can figure out how to dress in a manner more consistent with the opportunities she'd like to have in her life. She's making an impression on people who she will want to use as references when she attempts to get a job soon. What sort of image does she think will help her best achieve that goal of landing a job in her field? The rebellious, nobody can tell me how to dress look? Or the "I would rather be known by my ability than my body" look?

The problem is, you can't force her to change. No matter what clothes you've bought her.