23 Month Old Putting Self in Time Out

When my son was about 2 he use to put himself in time out when he was upset w/ me. (He also use to put the "leash" on to take himself for walks around the house.) He has grown up to be a well adjusted boy of 13 (as well adjusted as a 13 yr old can be). He still will go to his "cave" (the closet in his bed room) when he's upset w/ some family member. He just learned at an early age that he needed some time alone to work out his feelings.

Write it in a book to remember this moment and relax. Time-outs are to remove the child from the behavior for a relaxing break for you and the child. She is taken away from the activity because she needs to focus on something else. You have to remember that it is not punishment......it is as it says a time-out from the behavior. The fact that she (the young one) recognizes it for what it is shows that you use it as a deterrant not a punishment. Way to go MOM! I envy you that you can stay home and not go crazy. They grow up fast. Enjoy.

As a teacher, currently in "extended" maternity leave--11 yrs :)--to raise my kiddos, my goal was having students who could self-moniter. We all, even we parents, make bad choices on a daily, heck sometimes hourly, basis. It's what we do following those bad choices that really show our character.

You should feel proud to have raised a child who knows that "bad" choices come with consequences. Now, in her little 23 month old world consequences for such behavior is time-out. she is too young to get the distinction between degrees of poor choices so all such choices result in time-out. Let it go, give yourself a great big pat on the back-- something we moms rarely take the time to do, and give her lots of loving for figuring out how to make good choices.

And if you're worried that she sees herself as a "bad girl" make certain that she gets lots of positive reinforcement when she does make helpful and loving choices.

Have a great day!

Maybe she just is really conscious of when she needs to take a break. Could be that she feels herself on the brink of out of control, and puts herself there on purpose. OK, so that is probably over-analyzing a 2-year-old. but, it'd be really cool if that were the case. Self-control at that age is entirely uncommon.

More likely, she just really wants to copy her older sisters. My mom told me that I was potty-trained at 13 months, day and night, because she was potty training my 2-year-old sister at the time, and I wanted to do everything that she did.

But, I wouldn't do anything about it, personally, except to make sure that when she does do something that requires time out that you still utilize it. She'll probably stop at some point. At this point, I'd say good for your daughter!

Do nothing! If it's not broken, don't fix it. When it comes time for a "real" reason for time-out, she will "get it" and will know that it's only temporary....Nice post.Thanks! A.

I don't think you really have to do anything - most adults can't take ownership of their behavior, how great is it that she's doing it already!

Some kids are just that self-aware. Don't worry about it -- just tell her that she's not in trouble with you, and that you would like to have her tell you about it. And then really listen to what she says. Thank her for being so careful and taking care of herself. I have a daughter (grown now) who is still good at accepting her responsibility in matters of judgement; even poor judgement. As a parent, it's important to help your daughter to fine tune her self-awareness. Aren't kids grand?

My son does the same thing...with his own modifications...and I think he does it to learn self-control. He will get angry with me, and he'll go off to time out. Then he'll compose himself, and he'll come and inform me that he "was mad," or "sad," or something like that.

That's really what a time-out is for me...time for them to calm down, think about what they did and make a plan to do better. And maybe your daughter is practicing the pattern out of interest--or need--and that may actually make it easier for her to follow the pattern once she's old enough.

S.,

I just had to smile at your post! My 2 1/2 year old daughter LOVES time-out. When she does something she knows she shouldn't, like throw her toys after I've told her to clean up, she'll look up at me, smile and say, "time-out? time-out?" Then she runs to a corner and tries to look contrite.

She got this from watching the older children in her home daycare. It is so hard to keep from laughing. The funny thing is that after she leaves time-out, she'll do the right thing - put her toys away, whatever.

I agree with the pp - one day, she'll get time-out for real and she won't like it at all. For now, she's just trying to act like her big sister.

I was speechless at first. Two toddlers putting themselves in time out! Now I'm thinking that someone is doing a good job of parenting. For me, time outs not only mean that the child has done something wrong but are also a way to give the child a break so that they can think about and learn right from wrong.

Yes, your daughter wants to be like big sister. But for her to know what is wrong tells me that this isn't just copying her sister. You have taught her what is rignt and wrong. \

The second thought is that she sees time out as a positive thing. I'm guessing that for the most part you put her older sister and her in time outs in a calm manner as opposed to being angry. I think all parents are angry some of the time. I feel that when we do something in anger and lecture while we're putting them in time out the time out becomes more of a punishment than a discipline.

You already have a self disciplined daughter at nearly 2. This is not to say that she will always be self disciplined. But as the others said enjoy it while it lasts.

Funny, my 2 1/2 yo goes to time out when ever his brother does, even if he is not the culpret. My advice: In our house we have a little talk after time out to discuss the offense and why we shouldn't do it. Maybe you could have a little talk with her after her self inflicted time outs to help her sort out her feelings. Anyway, it sounds like you are doing a good job, Keep up the good work!

S.,

I would smile and let her do it. This sounds like a cute thing right now, and it's not causing any harm. Smile and remember this when she's screaming "I hate you" as you put her in a real time out that she's deserved.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Hi S..I'm not sure how ,but you definatly want to nip that in the bud.My nehpew started putting himself in time out at a young age(only five now),and now when he gives his mom trouble he will not take a time out.He sais he decides when he needs a time out not her.I really feel this is because she let him have to much control,and now as far as he is conerned
she doesn't have athoity to make tha t dessision.
I would try telling her honey time outs are for mommy's to decide.I will let you know when you need to take a time out.
I don't know if that will work or not ,but I would defanatly try something ,or it will be harder for you later.
Good Luck Shelly

lol thats so funny! My 24 month old little boy does the same thing!!!!!i havent really done anything about it. i dont really see the problem. because normally he puts himself in time out when he needs it..

Hi S.,

I'm a SAHM of four, two of each, ranging in age from 5-20. My youngest mimics my older ones all the time. This is just a phase and I would just realize that, and know that it too shall pass. I would say that it doesn't warrant your energy to worry about. She's just being 2 and copying what she sees happening with the older ones. No worries. I'd just laugh it off and tell her how cute she is.

S., it's my opinion that time outs teach a child shame...that they are wrong. I think effective parenting includes inspiring a child to want to be a good "citizen," whether that is in their family, school when they are there, and society when they are older. Your 23 month old is showing you that she has learned shame and self-judgement, something that I think is a great contributor to many issues in our culture. Children who are told they are doing bad things when they are a child feel they are bad people and they will likely do things they judge as being bad when they are older.

My son did that for a while. We thought it was cute. It will pass and he will be that normal kid that fights to go to time out like the others....

D.

The true purpose of time out should be to teach children self regulation. It sounds like your 2 yo may be very good at this. I think it would be good to tell her that she's not in trouble, did nothing wrong, etc if she does this then allowing her to decide if she wants to come out.