2Yr. Old Anger issues...PLEASE HELP!!!!

I highly suggest this book by Dr. Sears. It talks a lot about creating happy children and fostering good discipline, and averting stressful situations to minimize the tantrums, and how to approach them. It really is so helpful and has helped us out a lot. It really shows how to teach the child how to control their frustrations and anger too.

The Discipline Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Better-Behaved Child : For Birth to Age Ten

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316779040/carroll...

I totally agree with Suzi. My first thought was why was she close enough to your face to dig her fingers into it? I've learned from experience that when a child is angry to put them down and if necessary keep them at a distance by holding onto their shoulders with my arms outstretched.

If she is having a tantrum and this sounds like one, then put her on the floor in a safe place and ignore her. I found that staying in the room but not paying attention worked best with my grandchildren. They are scared by their own intense emotions and became frantic when I left the room. I waited until they had stopped screaming, kicking, hitting. For me, what worked best at first was to sit across the room on the floor. When they were thru, they would crawl over to me and I'd hold them, not saying anything. Then, I would gently talk with them about what had happened. I'd sympathize with their frustrated and angry feelings. I would remind them of what had caused the anger and reinforce that this was the rule or whatever it was that started it all. Then I would get them started doing something else. I frequently took them to their room and gave them something quiet to do and they would fall asleep. The extreme anger of a tantrum is very tiring for the baby as well as the mother.

I suggest that this daughter is more strong willed than your other two. Strong willed is good but it does take a different sort of parenting.

If she has had enough rest, food, and ways to get out her energy, it might help if you can determine why she is so angry and find ways to deflect the anger before it gets so intense.

Often, at 2, the baby is working on becoming more independent. Up until now we could do almost anything and it would be OK with them. Now they want to have some control over their life. The need for this control is built into them. Because of this need they will eventually become independent adults. It's our job as parents to gradually give them as much control as they're mature enough to handle.

At 2 there are very few ways that they can be in control. We often have to think like they do, in a simple way, and create ways by giving them choices. Since you didn't give examples of when she gets angry I'll give some general ideas. Does she want to eat the banana or her cereal first? Do you want to play with these toys or shall we look for some others? Do you want to eat with your fingers or do you want this spoon? Give her a choice even when it seems like an artificial choice to you.

I suggest that if you notice when she is first getting cranky you can often avoid the anger by giving her a snack, providing some quiet peaceful time, and/or changing activities. Many bouts of anger are caused by the child being tired and/or hungry or being overly stimulated.

Also, many children need a set routine. Meals, nap time, and activities at close to the same time everyday. My granddaughter was flexible which worked well for me. But her brother was not so much so. I had to focus more on providing a routine for him.

I could take my granddaughter shopping. Shopping was a chore with my grandson. It was too much stimulation for him. He always had a meltdown. We could not take him out with us to eat if it was a restaurant that required that he stay seated. He just could not stay in one place for longer than 5-10 minutes no matter how many activities we brought with us.

In summary: 1) find ways to avoid the anger by being sure she has had enough rest, enough to eat, and ways to use up her energy. 2) Once she's started into cranky, provide what you think she might need; a snack, a nap, a change in activities, a quiet place to be before the anger escalates. 3) if she's having a temper tantrum, put her on the floor in a safe place, stay in the room but don't pay attention to her. Once she's calm, soothe her, briefly talk about what happened and get her started on a different activity or put her down for a nap if she's tired. I sometimes laid down with my grandchildren.

This to shall pass once their nervous system has matured some more and they've learned ways of dealing with their feelings.

Which reminds me of another skill. Often anger starts when they can't have a toy that they want or to do something. Early in the situation redirect their attention. Another many words describing ways to do that which I won't use now. :)

One of my boys used to attack me in anger at much older ages than that! Even drew blood sometimes. It's not you, it is just her temperament, and it can change with time.
Some kids are extraordinarily willful...and sometimes that goes along with smart. =) It's not "bad"...stubborn, willful, intense kids can grow up to be adults who know how to fearlessly make things happen, leading to success.
Work on appropriate words that she can use when she is angry, also clapping her hands together (if there is nothing like a pillow to squeeze or pound safely).
I worked with an autistic preschooler who couldn't communicate well, and we taught him to clap his hands together when he was angry.
For some kids, learning to control their own feelings is a tough lesson, but one of the most important lessons ever. It can take time.
Keep her nails trimmed short, teach her strategies, try to catch the anger before it goes to far, and learn some defense tricks to keep yourself safe.

Many of the truly angry little ones I've seen have one or both of two problems.

First, there's a very fine line between too much control and discipline and just enough. Unfortunately, that line is a little different for each child. A great deal of spirit and spunk is a wonderful gift, but also a challenging one for both child and parents, especially as she makes her first attempts to exercise her will. She's not good at it, of course. And if your rules and schedules are too tight, she may need some room to grow, and some supportive guidance of her emotional energy.

Kids are told what, when, and how to do virtually everything. Some tolerate that much control poorly, and may need to be given more choice and flexibility. If you can anticipate problem areas (they usually arise during the same situations), you can prevent them or redirect them by giving your daughter the impression she has made her own decisions. Set up situations so they look as attractive as possible. Give her plenty of warning when she'll need to stop what she's doing – most kids have trouble with transitions. Suggest two or three attractive alternatives (all of which will work for you). And keep your requests polite, if firm. Bossing, yelling, or snapping at children usually results in their trying out those strategies themselves.

Second, be sure her physical needs are met. Stressed out kids are often tired, hungry, anxious or overstimulated. And some kids are even chemically altered by food additives, perfumes or other chemicals in their environments. I'm severely chemically sensitive, and I've seen what happens to kids' emotions during group testing of various chemicals. The Jekyll and Hyde changes can be really abrupt and surprising.

Good luck, and patience!

Okay so not everyone is for spanking, but pop her little hand. Tell her "No! Mommy does not like this." Have a time-out spot and make her sit there and explain to her everytime why she is sitting there. This needs to be corrected before it gets out of hand. Good Luck!

This is an age that is hard to guess about. Guessing is what you are doing so much of the time. There could be some underlying illness or problem your child is unable to communicate with you about. But what I find is usually the problem is that they need better routines, more ways to let off steam in general, and firm discipline. Even though they might not understand or communicate at your level, they KNOW when they are doing wrong. It's up to you to decide what form of dicipline you take. But it's best not to make the mistake of thinking they don't understand. They are so much smarter than you know.

She needs something like a small moonwalk or lots of trips to the park (early in the day when she's happy and energetic), good naps, great nutrition, consistancy in discipline, and things will get better. It just takes time.

give her something to do with those hands! Teach her the universal "timeout" gesture (you know, like in football!). Teach her to place herself in timeout when she is beginning to feel the stress or pressure....& verbally coach her thru this BEFORE she blows up! Teach her to be proactive, rather than reactive, to whatever is triggering her. (Occasionally, with my daycare kids, they will put themselves in timeout....as the result of how they feel over whatever's going on!)

Often, with the younger children in the family or group setting, the adults & other children tend to forget to provide that extra measure of teaching for the young ones. It's all too easy to fall into complacency when it comes to expectations! My husband is horrible about this: he expects our 13y.o. to know what the rest of us know......& has to be reminded to instruct our teen when starting a new project. It's very easy to let this happen.

When our older son had trouble with anger issues, we taught him to imagine placing all that negative thought & energy into an imaginary box. We told him to picture himself packaging the anger with care, folding in the flaps, sealing the edges, etc......& then to imagine throwing that box as far away as possible. It helped him to release the anger...& sometimes he would laugh afterwards, because he'd pictured throwing the box against a brick wall & letting it splatter all over. In the end, it helped him turn his anger into humor. ...... I realize this does not work/apply to toddlers, but may help you find a focus for her! Peace.

This doesn't sound like anger issues to me, more like throwing tantrums and fits. As soon as she raises a hand to you, you tell her NO, very firmly, you do not hit others. I think alot of the key with toddlers is being very firm and consistent with them. I don't let my kid cry and let it out like others suggest. To me, that's just giving them permission to be a brat. Good luck and be consistent, you probably have a little determined and stubborn child. There's always one in the bunch to add a little spice to your life!! :)

I had the same problem with my youngest. I found that the first thing I needed to do was appear calm even when he hurt me. I calmly removed him from the situation and carried him kicking and screaming to his room, laid him on his bed and told him he could come out when he calmed down and wanted to apologize for his behavior. Also when he yelled at me to get he something I calmly told him I can understand you when you yell, please ask nicely. The key is to be consistant and to model the behavior you want her to have. Don't give in to her demands just to calm her down, she needs for you to be in control because feeling out of control herself can be scarey for kids.