3 1/2 Year Old Aggressive to New Dog

Yikes! This is extremely dangerous!! Dogs can respond unexpectedly. Obviously, you don't want the dogs hurt, and the fact that she may be deliberately trying to hurt the dogs is disturbing, and will need to be dealt with...but what really concerns me is that any dog may attack her- instinctively- because of her behavior. If this is a pattern she has developed, and she does it with different dogs, imagine if she approaches a dog in the park or any dog she sees, and does this...I'm sorry to point this out, but a young child can be hurt, traumatized, mutilated, even killed by a dog, with little provocation. Large dogs, nervous dogs, mistrustful dogs, dogs with sore body parts, dogs with dominance confusion, dogs with aggression inbred...even family dogs with no history of aggression can suddenly and very quickly turn on a child and bite them in the face. (I know of two family dogs that were put down because of this.)
The fact that your 3 year old is able to "pin" your dog suggests that this is a pretty small dog you have in your home, but it's still a bad situation, and a very dangerous habit. You should discuss this with your veterinarian! And probably your pediatrician.

Hello A.: Since you have recieved so many posts that are very wise and to the point, As a mother of 5, the foster parent to many & now haveing several little ones to love. I just want to give you a few thoughts they have not mentioned to think about..
1. since this behvior has been seen in Your Child before and Not the Dog, I hope that you will be alerted to her attitude before you get any pets again. If it had been a cat it would have protected itself right off, dogs are generally kinder to children.
2. If you need to give the dog away (and I'd consider it) it really is your responsibility to see it go to a great home. If you take it back to the pound make sure they know it was your child and not the dog that was the problem. This might save the dogs life.
3. Having had foster children do this to animals I would make sure that you are aware at all times when you go anyplace that there are animals so she doesn't hurt an animal someday because that can be very expensive as well as cost you a family friend or your reputation. Because you would be held responsible for the cost of the vet.
I know that this is different in tone from the other advice you have recieved but it is important to see the full picture to make good and informed decisions.
Good Luck, Nana G

I just read an article on babycenter about dog bites and how they increase during the summer. They are also caused by the family dog or a friend/neighbors dog rather then a strangers dogs. Dogs will also bite the face or neck which will not be good at all. What I would do is not let the two be alone until your daughter can show you she will treat the dog correctly (and even then I would be careful how long they are alone). I never leave our dog alone with our daughter. If I'm in the shower, cooking dinner, doing anything where I can not check on them ever couple mintues, the dog is in the yard. I love my dog and he is great with my daughter, but the fact is...he is a dog! I would sit down with the two of them and show her how to treat the dog, pet it nicely, talk softly, teach it tricks, etc. Its also a great way to show her how to introduce herself to other dogs. To always ask the owner if the dog is friendly and if she can pet it.
How does your daughter hurt the dog? If it seems like she is being intentionally mean, I would be a little concerned. Maybe bring that up to her pediatrician. However, if she is treating it like a stuffed animal or doesn't really get that it's a living, breathing thing I would be as worried. Just work with her to teach her how to treat it right. You could also take a dog training class with her and the dog to teach her how to respect the dog.
Best of luck!
C.

Yikes, I would be concerned too, shelter dogs have history you may not know about and you can't be sure how they would react. Does she do this when you are close by? Could she be jealous of attention the dog is getting? If she's an only child she may feel the new pup is taking attention away from her and this is her way of taking it out on the dog and getting attention at the same time. You might try to give her some extra attention and always involve her when you're giving the dog attention, walking or caring for it. Not to that extent, but my son did something similar when his baby sister came. Best of luck to you, we lost our 16 year old husky last year )=, but I think we'll wait until my son is at least 5 for a new pup, 2 babies are enough right now!
K.

I would get rid of the dog until she is old enough to understand that she mustn't hurt the dog. I would be concerned that the dog might bite her, and that she might hurt the dog again. If you explain to her that you had to send the dog to a new home because she was hurting it, you would be conveying to her that hurting an animal was serious misbehavior.

Dear A.,
You're so lucky your daughter hasn't been put in her place by a dog trying to defend itself.
My sister had a really nice dog and my nephew tormented her. Personally, it was my opinion that he needed a good whack on the butt for the way he treated her. Well, one day, she'd finally had enough. She was minding her own business and eating out of her dish when he walked up, put her in a headlock, and she bit him right in the face. He had to have stitches and a couple of surgeries to repair his tear duct because she got him right across the nose and in the corner of his eye. The way he was holding her head, his face was right there and that's where he got it. It was really bad. I thought my sister should have gotten rid of the dog. After all, she couldn't get rid of her son and if the way he treated her wasn't going to be taken seriously, she needed a different home. He finally learned his lesson (so did my sister), but it took him dang near losing an eye. You do NOT want to go through that.
I think some kids that are mean or torment animals do it because they see them as play things. Not much different from a stuffed animal that they can wrestle or yank, bite or drag around. They need to understand that animals are living, breathing beings. They get hungry, tired, grouchy and most of all, they feel pain and it's NOT okay to hurt them. An animal that gets tired of it will hurt them back.
I'm not sure what you should do beyond trying to teach your daughter compassion and a healthy fear of the dog.
My grandfather had a poodle that I swear lived to be about 400 years old. He was very affectionate and never bit any of us kids. We stayed the summers with Grandpa and in the evenings when it was time to simmer down, if we got to bee-bopping around too much, that dog would bark and chase us right back onto the couch for us to be still and quit goofing off. Perhaps he was a herding dog in a previous life. We could run around like savages during the day...he didn't care. But in the evenings, after our baths, it was time to settle down. We never tested his patience. We figured he had teeth and he might not be afraid to use them.
I would make very sure that your daughter and your new dog are never alone. And if you see her getting too rough with the dog, it has to be dealt with immediately.
A shelter dog can be traumatized enough as it is without a little kid being too rough or mistreating it. That's not fair to the dog. And it's not fair to a child not to learn what is and isn't acceptible until or unless something really, really bad happens.
I hope you get some other great advice and find a way to make this work safely for all of you involved.
Best wishes.

Hi A.,

How exciting to get a new dog! I can't imagine life without a pet, and it's wonderful you have opened your home to a new family member.

Two thoughts:
All dogs will bite if pushed far enough, and I'm guessing you already know that. So for safety sake, yes, you are smart to protect the dog and thus protect your daughter.

Secondly, just like I do with kids, if someone is aggressive or does something not nice, I immed. direct my attention to the one who got hurt, not the one being aggressive. I do this in my own home with my kiddos and with our dog and cat. So if one of the kids pulls a tail, for example, I rush over to the animal and talk sweetly to her. "Oh, kitten! Are you okay? Honey, I'm sorry he pulled your tail, and I know it hurt you and upset you. I'm so sorry you're upset." I fuss over the one who got hurt first and then deal with the one who did the hurting (talking, time out, whatever is needed). They often do things to get attention, and it's true that sometimes negative attention is better than no attention. And this new dog is a threat is the sense that she is now getting some of Mommy and Daddy and visitors attention.

Good luck,
R.

Hi A.... You are lucky you got such a passive dog, most would have bitten your daughter in defense already, and you indeed have a problem with your daughter's behavior, if she cannot be made to stop. She just may end up being bitten in the mouth or face area, as that's where an adult dog will bite to discipline a child or another puppy/dog. I myself learned this as a 6 year old and have the scars to prove it still at the age of 55. My advice is if you can't supervise your daughter with your dog, to put the dog somewhere away from her. Outside, the garage, or in a locked crate. I know you don't want to think of re-homing your dog, but that may be the other alternative. Good luck, CJ

We got a cat a year ago and my daughters were constantly picking her up, which bugged her. I told them that they could not pick her up at all for a day or two. However, my kids are older and they weren't hurting her. I think you need to tell your daughter that she's not allowed to touch the dog until you give her the OK. If this is too hard to police or if she seems bent on harassing the dog I'd consider returning the animal to the shelter. You could do more damage to the dog by forcing her to remain in a hostile environment. Good-luck.

Hi A.!

At 3 years old, your daughter knows the difference between right and wrong. It is your job to "follow through" with the consequences of her doing something wrong, and hurting someone.....even a dog.

Sometimes, this is a good test of what kind of a friend she will be, and you can help her and teach her how to be a good friend.

This is what "time-outs" are for, sitting on a stair, or in a chair. There needs to be a punishment for behavior like this, though, or it will only get worse.

~N. :O)

A.,

I agree with the previous posters that you have yourself in a very dangerous situation. I worked with dog trainers and taught classes for several years and most dog bites are caused by family dogs. You stated that you've had this dog home from the shelter for a week and that is not enough time to know how this dog is actually responding to this situation. Dogs coming from shelters normally take two weeks to a month for their stress levels (cortisol) to go down and their behavior can change drastically at the drop of a hat. Bites can be triggered by signals that you may not even perceive. Due to the fact that most children are bitten on the face, your daughter is at a big risk for a bite and because you don't know this dog, you don't know its bite inhibition. The dog may give a growl, a small nip, or a horrible bite. Please don't let the two of them be alone, not even for a moment to leave the room. You don't know what can happen and you don't want to put your daughter or the dog at risk. If you want some more information about training the dog and helping manage your daughter's behavior around the dog, I recommend this trainer, Jennifer Schryer http://www.dogsandstorks.com/. I have personal experience with her and she is great. If you are crate training your new dog, put him in a crate every time you leave the room, even if you just need to use the restroom and teach your daughter that she is not to go into the dogs space while he is resting in the crate. I also recommend a waist leash called the Buddy System. If you are busy around the house, the dog can stay attached to you so you can monitor your daughter and dog's interactions. The waist leash is also a great way to develop a strong bond with your new dog. Good luck to you.

-H.

your daughter needs to learn compassion and she's now old enough for that. If I were you, I would do the same behavior to her and she is doing to the dog (as long as it's not too outrageous) so she can understand how the dog feels when it's done to him/her and then she needs to be put in her room and not allowed to play/touch the dog. If she can't be nice to the dog, then she doesn't get to play with the dog. Poor puppy! Also, you want to be sure to watch her very carefully, the dog is an animal and will only be pushed so far for so long before it retaliates!